Wednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 03 March 2010
Park Police say they blame personality conflicts among laboratory staff members at the University of West Terrier’s Faculty of Dentistry for the recent spate of violence that resulted in the deaths yesterday afternoon of eleven laboratory volunteers. The dead include six Onions, four Carrots, and a Radish.
Investigators believe the victims were resting comfortably in their chambers following the completion of an experiment in the Faculty’s laboratory when they were fatally attacked. Laboratory volunteers are required to rest for a period of at least one hour before leaving the University’s campus.
Although the Police have not named any suspects, they confirmed that they are, at present, investigating laboratory staff.
“There is no doubt in our minds that the victims knew their attackers,” Chief Inspector Martin of the Murder Investigations Unit said at a press conference held yesterday.
All eleven victims were members of a group that volunteers its services to UWT researchers. The group, which calls itself Produce for Progress, issued a short statement late last night:
“We are deeply saddened by the events that took place at the University of West Terrier and we mourn for the victims and their families. While we have confidence in the Police and look forward to the results of their investigation, we feel it necessary to advise our members to cease their voluntary activities until such time as the perpetrator or perpetrators of this crime are apprehended.”
This morning, UWT’s Faculty of Dentistry issued a press release condemning the violent attack and assuring the University community, as well as Park citizens, that they will cooperate fully in the investigation. In the meantime, according to the press release, the Faculty has halted the experiment in which the victims were involved.

MAMMALIAN DAILY EXCLUSIVE
Newly-selected Chief Archon, Klarissa Kuttu, is reportedly “very involved” in the planning of this year’s Groundhog Day celebration.
The Park Museum of Contemporary Art’s first exhibition in honour of zoocracy’s thirty-fifth anniversary opened to record crowds yesterday.
Pop-up betting booths aimed at encouraging Park Animals and Humans to cash in on the Groundhog Day prognostication of 2017 POPS Ditmar Bosmarmot have been shut down, Park Police announced today.
CHIEF ARCHON RAYMOND MINK: THE EXIT INTERVIEW
It’s an idea whose time has come, say The Park’s restaurateurs. And that time is tomorrow night.




