The Mammalian Daily

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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

Tickets for Hayberry mystery series gala opening on sale today: Burrow Theatre

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Ticket for Gala

Tickets for the gala opening of the new Gianfranco Colocolo mystery series will go on sale this afternoon at one o’clock at the box office of The Burrow Theatre.

The series of mystery dramas by the award-winning author of Murder at the Fishbowl will begin on April 8 with Godwit. The names of the next two plays in the series have yet to be announced.  All three will be directed by Jean-Luc Briard and star renowned actress Millicent Hayberry in the rôle of the “chirpy” detective.

The series has been in the works for several years, according to an interview given by Colocolo in Misterio magazine.

“This is my first foray into stage drama, but I’ve been thinking about doing it for some time,” he said.

He also admitted that he wrote the detective rôle with Millicent Hayberry in mind.

“I hoped that presenting her with a fait accompli would help get her on board with the project and I like to think that it did.”

For her part, Hayberry, who is best known for her portrayal of the late author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, has said that she embraced the rôle because it was out of her comfort zone and she thought it was time to retire her Mixed Nuts image.

“It’s a problem with a huge success like that,” Colocolo said in the magazine interview. “You become identified with one character and the audience refuses to accept you as any other. The same thing happened to me with Fishbowl. I think both Millicent and I have come together at the right time.”

After its gala opening, Godwit will run until the first week of May.

Look what’s coming up this Spring!

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Put this on your calendarSpring may not be busting out all over yet, but there’s plenty to look forward to in The Park. Put these events on your calendar:

March 29: The Park’s semi-annual “Shakeoff”
“If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”
Formerly the “Shake for Charity,” this semi-annual event aids those who have no coat. The Shakeoff also offers free grooming and refreshments to participants.

March 30: Tulip season
Yes, it’s that time of year already. But if you’re not yet prepared, stay tuned to The Mammalian Daily for some helpful tips in locating your favourite Springtime bulbs.

April 8-10: The Broop ‘n Miaow’s annual “Broopee Days”
Are you a Broopee? We’re all Broopees during the Broop ‘n Miaow’s annual Broopee Days! Try the super-specials in April and don’t forget the instant win contests!

April 15: Footpad Heaven Clearance Sale
Don’t be a slave to style! Even though it may be last year’s stock, FH’s Toepads, Footpads and other clearance accoutrement are brand new. Indulge yourself at half the price!

May 1: Toe-Hair Contest
We’ve been waiting all Winter and now we finally get to see who grew the longest and thickest toe-hairs. Have fun, argue about the outcome, and get inspired for next year!

May 5: Annual Park Mating Dance
The most important mating event in The Park. This year, organizers have partnered with gewper, the only scented social networking site. That should make finding the right mate simpler and quicker!

May 20: Anixi Agrarian Jubilee
Come celebrate Spring in The Park, as well as the cultivators, planters, growers, and farmers who will produce the Summer and Autumn bounty!

May 30: Otter Mud Slide Opens
Slip and slide your way to fun in The Park. There’s no doubt: you “otter” do it!

May 31: The Fowl Ball
The most important event in The Park’s Spring social season, this charity gala raises funds to aid The Park’s Avian Community. It’s also a great opportunity for Park Animals to show off their new coats and Spring finery!

PMoCA announces 2016 live art installation, “Anatomy of a Bath”

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Anatomy of a BathThe Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) has revealed the details of its fourth annual art installation.

At a press conference held this afternoon, Aulikki Norsu, president of the museum’s board of directors and head curator Aamuun Maroodiga announced the museum will unveil its latest installation at the beginning of May.

Entitled, “Anatomy of a Bath,” the installation is the second live art installation the museum has hosted. The first was the wildly successful, “How Much Was That Doggie in the Window?” which was presented in 2013 by then PMoCA curator Dorika Pumi.

As Pumi did with “Doggie,” Maroodiga recruited Animals from The Park’s refugee communities, as well as from charities, including CatsCare, LynxLink, and EQUALSS, to staff the twenty-four hour exhibit. The Animals will be presented in groups of six and each individual will be showcased for ten minutes every hour during a shift of six hours. So far, Maroodiga has recruited four full-time groups and one back-up group and, she says, interviews are ongoing.

“We have to be prepared, once we open,” she says. “Once they see what we’re doing, more Animals will want to join in and others will tire of the work. I expect we’ll be hiring throughout the life of the exhibit.”

Details of the gala opening are expected to be released within a week.

New director brings big changes to annual Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic

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K.N. Polar Bear

Kumaglak Nanuq Polar Bear: “We must not be afraid of change.”

First, it was haiku. Now, it’s rap.

“The Picnic has to change. How else can it grow?” says its chief organizer, Kumaglak Nanuq Polar Bear.

Nanuq, who took over this year from Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear, has a long-term plan for the Picnic. And rap is just the beginning.

“I reached out to Jargonhead first. I said we need you to come on board this year. And he didn’t hesitate. But not only did he not hesitate, he stepped up and brought us Will.o.be., GCH…even the Tweeters. He was amazing.”

A very grateful Nanuq gave them free rein, so he has no idea what they will perform.

“The only thing I told them…I said I love your music, but this is still a poetry festival, so maybe tone it down a bit,” he says.

But rap isn’t the only change attendees will see this Sunday.

“Not everything is different, but most of it is,” Nanuq says. “We’ve kept the best of our traditions but we’ve thrown out everything else.”

Still, there’s one thing Nanuq admits he has no control over: the weather. According to the forecast, Sunday’s event will be a pretty chilly one.

“There is the risk of frozen nose syndrome, but we hope there’ll be plenty to keep you warm enough to avoid it,” he says.

The Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic, which is in its 21st year, will begin at 10:00 a.m. Park time on Sunday, March 20.

TMD policy could harm Park media’s Month Without Metaphor: Tinamou

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MonthWMThe Mammalian Daily’s longstanding policy of not revealing the names and species of its reporters could jeopardize the success of Park media’s third annual Month Without Metaphor, says Alvin Tinamou.[pullquote]We are living in an age of incredible transparency, yet Haas runs her newspaper from the darkness of a cave. It’s high time The Mammalian Daily let its readers judge its quality and its authority by themselves.—Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger[/pullquote]

In a front page piece that appeared in his newspaper today, Tinamou—the publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the organizers of the May event—called on TMD managing editor Orphea Haas to “modernize” and to “get out ahead of your colleagues’ criticism.”

“We are living in an age of incredible transparency, yet Haas runs her newspaper from the darkness of a cave. Those old ways of wielding authority in that manner have given way. It’s high time The Mammalian Daily let its readers know who is reporting their news so they can judge its quality and its authority by themselves,” he wrote.

Tinamou also accused The Mammalian Daily of being hypocritical by participating in Month Without Metaphor (MWM), saying the annual media event was meant to strip news reporting of its “fiction, obfuscation, and obscurity” and replace it with simplicity and clarity.

“How can this event be taken seriously by other media and grow in to the movement it was meant to be when one of its major participants refuses to stop pulling the wool over its readers’ eyes?” he asks.

Yannis Tavros threatens to reveal names of Mammalian Daily reporters

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YannisTavros BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has its lawyers poised to file a cease and desist order if Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros makes good on his promise to reveal the names of all of the newspaper’s journalists.

In a tweet this morning, Tavros said he planned to reveal the name of one journalist per day until he has named them all:

Tavros tweet

In an earlier tweet, the talk show host asked his followers if they agreed that it was time for the newspaper to reveal the names and species of its reporters. Tavros also claimed last week on his radio show that ninety per cent of Park Animals think it’s time for the paper to make the move toward transparency. He claimed the figure of ninety per cent came from a poll that he commissioned in February, just after Groundhog Day.

“The Animals of this Park have spoken and The Mammalian Daily should listen,” Tavros said in closing his show last Thursday.

In a statement issued an hour after the tweet was posted, TMD Managing Editor Orphea Haas said she would not be bullied into changing the paper’s longstanding policy of anonymous reporting.

“The Mammalian Daily will not bow to pressure from outsiders, particularly those who demonstrate a profound lack of journalistic integrity. When and if our editorial team decides to change our longstanding policy of anonymous reporting, it will be as a result of deep thought, full discussion, and conviction, It will not be the result of bullying,” the statement said.

Tavros has thus far not responded to Haas’s statement, nor has he indicated when he intends to begin naming the reporters.

Police, DWBS confirm Humans took photos of Park Animals in hibernation

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Hibernating Animal

The Mammalian Daily publishes this photo with the permission of Park Police

BREAKING NEWS

Park Police and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) confirmed today that a group of Humans was responsible for taking and distributing photos showing Park Animals in various stages of hibernation.

At a joint press briefing this morning, Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations and Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crime Unit (SHCU) revealed the findings of their investigation.

“We are here to confirm that through extensive investigation we have determined that a group of Humans was responsible for the cache of photos in question that was distributed via the internet in January,” Addax said.

The photos, which Police confirmed were taken by cameras installed secretly in hibernators’ burrows, were posted serially, at the rate of approximately one every half-hour, on January 23. They appeared simultaneously on an internet site run by Humans and on The Park’s gossip web site, headsNtales.

Police also confirmed that they had questioned the gossip site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo. They did not say what they learned from Guacamayo, nor whether she and her co-founder would be charged for posting the photos. The name of the Humans’ web site has not been revealed.

Although police took no questions at the briefing, Kakapo was able to confirm rumours that the Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS) had been deployed during the investigation.

Balls columnist lends private collection to Park Museum’s new Flyball exhibition

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Bailey Balls Columnist

Bailey: balls columnist and co-curator of Park Museum exhibition

The Mammalian Daily’s balls columnist has lent his private collection of balls to The Park Museum’s latest exhibition.

In a statement released today, the Board of Governors of The Park Museum and curator Dorika Pumi thanked Bailey for his “trust and generosity” in making the temporary donation and said the museum had benefitted immensely from his “vast knowledge of balls.”

Entitled, “Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals,” the exhibition is the museum’s first sports-related event. According to the pre-opening information, it will not only highlight the sport of flyball, but will also serve as “a tribute to the enduring relationship between Animals and balls.”

Last July, Bailey announced that he was taking a leave of absence from his column at the newspaper to co-curate the exhibition along with the museum’s head curator Dorika Pumi. His private collection of balls includes over twenty different types, most of which he or his ancestors have used in play. Some, which were bought at auction, date from pre-zoocratic times.

The opening date for the exhibition has not yet been announced, but a spokesAnimal for the museum says public viewing will follow a gala opening, “in the early Spring.”

Time Marches on: here’s what happened in The Park in February

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WatchDog groups warns of impending newspaper warFocus On: Archons’ Address

Groundhog Day recap: great weather, massive turnout, POPS sees shadow

Directors’ Guild ousted me as prez due to my politics: Douglas Cheetah

Politics, violence mar celebration of the birth of The Park’s first leader

Gunnar Rotte, Douglas Cheetah to debate tomorrow on Yannis Tavros show

Wilkommen, Bienvenue: A guide to welcoming back our hibernating friends

No-biting rule suspended for police at Saturday’s Return of the Nut: gossip site

Rapper Will.o.be. under fire for criticism of zoocracy after Return of the Nut

Mating Dance organizers announce partnership with gewper for 2016 event

Rehearsals to resume in March on Millicent Hayberry mystery series

Hair and skin colouring, stripe removal hurt Park, says Artifice Destiny author

Hair and skin colouring, stripe removal hurt Park, says Artifice Destiny author

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Look! No stripes on this Zebra.

The author of a controversial new book published by Prionailurus Press says that the growing popularity of aesthetic changes such as stripe removal and artificial hair and skin colouring will have devastating long-term effects on The Park and its citizens.

In an interview this week, Artifice Destiny author Marika Kaméleon told The Mammalian Daily that such alterations to our natural selves will not only change the way we see ourselves and each other, but they will also have a detrimental effect on Park politics, government, and our collective commitment to zoocracy.

“The basis of our life here is a commitment to viewing each other equally, regardless of species, size, or colour and this kind of artifice makes a mockery of that,” she said.

Kaméleon, who is also a therapist at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic, said she has already seen a number of younger patients who see procedures such as stripe removal as “adaptive” ways to avoid the extinction of their species.

“They come here talking about the hatred they’ve experienced and the threat to their lives and the future of their species, but they don’t see that caving in to hatred and prejudice is not an adaptation so much as a surrender. Some say it’s their version of ‘fight or flight’ but I say no to that. Moving in the direction of homogeneity is not the answer,” she said.

Kaméleon’s book became a bestseller almost as soon as it was released last week, but it has garnered its share of controversy, particularly from The Park’s business community and its grooming houses, some of which still offer stripe removal services.

“I have always been against the procedure, personally, but I don’t feel as if I have the right to deny it to Animals who seek it,” said Tallulah of Talulah’s Toilettage. “I don’t think it’s fair of Kaméleon, as a therapist, to advise her patients against doing something that might help them feel better.”

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