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OTD in 2016—Alvin Tinamou’s nest reported missing

June 16, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Tinamou nestDEVELOPING STORY

Park Police have been called in to search for the nest of Alvin Tinamou.

The publisher of The Avian Messenger and organizer of May’s annual Month Without Metaphor reported the nest missing early this afternoon.

“He said he walked off for a few minutes and when he returned, the nest and its eggs were gone,” said a spokesAnimal for the police.

Tinamou positioned the nest close to the offices of The Avian Messenger, a friend told The Mammalian Daily. The three blue eggs inside belonged to his last mate, Adela, who left about a week ago. Park Police said they intend to question her but she is not a suspect at the moment.

According to his friend, Tinamou is “distraught” and blames himself.

“This was the last thing he ever thought would happen. He’s questioning himself and his abilities as a mate. And he doesn’t know if Adela will ever speak to him again,” the friend said.

According to the police report, the nest went missing at approximately one o’clock this afternoon. Any Animal who was in the vicinity or who saw anything suspicious should call police immediately.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Alvin Tinamou, missing nest, nest

OTD in 2015—Noreen’s commencement address: five phrases and one word for you to grow forward with

June 15, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

UWT COAT“Students, families, President, Governors: Thank you. If ever there was one word that could hold a lifetime of advice, it is this: Yield.”

I stand here today humbled. Humbled by the invitation to speak to you, the graduating class of 2015. Humbled as a Canine who never attended the University of West Terrier or, indeed, any institution of higher learning. Humbled as a Canine who has, in many ways, lived by her wits and, by doing so, has found a home here among your esteemed educators.

When I first received the invitation from your President and Governors, I was overwhelmed. It seemed like the most daunting of tasks, thinking of something of substance to tell the young as they embark on adult life. While as an advice columnist and researcher, I was used to telling you what I’d observed and experienced in my lifetime, I couldn’t imagine what I could tell you about what you may observe and experience in your lifetime.

Then, after much deliberation, I realized that some of the best advice I could offer was, in fact, no advice at all. Instead, I’ve chosen to give you the gift of “food for thought” and to allow you, yourselves, to ponder your own future.

What I’m going to say to you today may seem simple, even trite, perhaps obvious, or even irrelevant. But as you move through life, I can almost guarantee, you will gain an increasing understanding of its relevance. So, my only piece of advice is this: keep this short list handy and refer to it from time to time. You will be amazed at how these few phrases impart even more wisdom as you age.

What I have to offer you today can be summed up in five phrases—and one word. These are phrases that I have culled from—gasp—the Human world. That is, after all, my area of study.

During my travels and, particularly, during my recent book tour, I had the good fortune to observe the many pieces of advice that Humans post openly in their world. I’ve discovered that Humans are quite clever in the way they plaster their highways and byways with wise sayings. I have selected a few of these to offer you today and I will demonstrate their relevance to your own life.

  1. Always secure your own [oxygen] mask first before assisting others
    I confess, I was confused by this sign before I was able to glean its true meaning. It is not, as it appears, a call to abandon altruism. Rather, it is a warning to all living beings to make sure that they are in a position to follow through on any help they offer others. Make sure your own foundation is strong before you make promises and if it is not, strengthen it first. Don’t abandon a job halfway because you run out of resources. Plan ahead.
  2.  No Parking
    Stagnation is the enemy of all living beings. You must keep moving, physically, mentally, emotionally. Don’t settle for comfort. Yes, enjoy the fruits of your labour and of your luck. But don’t stop there. There is always much work to be done in the world and never enough time for any one generation to do it.
  3.  No Diving Allowed
    This may seem almost the opposite of what I’ve just said, but it is not. And, I admit, the Human fear of failure is evident here. But after a bit more thought, I realized that this was only a warning against precipitous action. Make sure you’ve done your research, have a backup plan and a support system. Make sure the water is deep enough before you dive in.
  4. Yield
    If ever there was one word that could hold a lifetime of advice, it is this: Yield. Particularly in The Park, where the lives of so many different species converge, there is no better piece of advice that one could give than to yield. Step aside. Let others pass. Make sure your fellow citizens get what they need. You will never regret it.
  5. This bag is not a toy
    As I’m sure you can see, this phrase can have a variety of meanings, but none is a warning against play. And while the true meaning of this phrase seemed elusive to me for some time, I have come to understand it more fully in the last year. Play is good—and necessary—but make sure you understand the boundaries of its arena. Some things, though not all, warrant seriousness, even gravity. Be sure you can distinguish one from the other.
  6. The objects in the mirror are closer than they appear
    And now, perhaps the most important of all. Humans have a phrase, “History repeats itself.” The sad fact is that it does. It is incumbent upon us to understand that whatever gains we make—as individuals, as species, or as any large group—may be undone in an instant if we are not vigilant. Look in the rearview mirror often. Understand the past. Understand where you and your ancestors came from and what their lives were like. And never forget it. History is not fiction. The horrors of the past can easily creep back up on us to become the horrors of the present. Be attuned: those footsteps are never very far behind.

And, so, I conclude here, leaving you with a few things to think about as you move forward in your lives.

To you, the class of 2015, I wish everything good: health, happiness, the chance to pursue your goals, and to live as long a life as your species allows. Congratulations!”

This address was delivered by Noreen at the University of West Terrier commencement ceremonies on June 1, 2015.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Noreen, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: commencement address, Noreen

OTD in 2012—Seahorse nixes retraction, plunges headlong into controversy

June 14, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Retired Archon, Wyndham Seahorse, plunged headlong into renewed controversy yesterday, when he refused to retract a statement he made two weeks ago about “The Promise of The Park.”

Speaking at the 2012 commencement ceremony at the University of West Terrier, Seahorse called the concept “a sham” and told the graduating class, “You’ve been had.”

Asked point blank by a Park Aquatic Animal Television (PAATV) reporter whether he regretted his comments, Seahorse replied, “Not at all,” and began to elaborate further on his theme.

“I think it’s important for our young to know that they’re not headed in the direction they’ve been led to believe,” he said.

Seahorse continued in that vein for approximately a minute and a half before the reporter cut him off. Visibly frustrated, the 2008 Archon continued to talk, saying later that he believed he had a very important point to make, whether Animals wanted to hear it or not.

“I served as an Archon for one year and I saw what was going on in The Park and in the wider world. I would think the value of that would be recognized, but I see that, sadly, it is not,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, On This Day

OTD in 2015—Chitter Radio Literary Awards: Woodruff Dalmatio’s “Fine Lines and Wrinkles”

June 13, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Woodruff DalmatioSPOTLIGHT ON…

Fine Lines and Wrinkles: Standing up for Comedy in the Modern Park
by Woodruff Dalmatio
275 pp Kynikos Press

On the list of contenders for this year’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards is Woodruff Dalmatio’s insightful and hilarious memoir-cum-rant, Fine Lines and Wrinkles: Standing up for Comedy in the Modern Park. 

The Park comic, whose book is entered in both the memoir and humour categories, was last heard calling for a “Month Without Media” in response to The Park’s annual “Month Without Metaphor.” He is otherwise known for his outrageous standup comedy which found him running “afowl” of certain species last year.

While Dalmatio was censured for some inappropriate comments and he lost a few gigs, he’s made up for it in this book, not by taking the high road per se, but by delineating for his audience and readers the road that comics travel.

“There’s a fine line between humour and offence and comedians try to walk it every day,” he says in the book’s introduction. “Unfortunately, they stumble quite often.”

And about those wrinkles? Dalmatio contends they’re never anticipated and always a surprise. But here’s another wrinkle: he says they’re never unwelcome.

“The minute you step off the stage, the chatter begins and you never know where it will lead. You think you’ve had a smooth set, and then you find there’s a wrinkle in it. And, sometimes, that wrinkle grows huge and you have to do something to iron things out again. But without those wrinkles, your career would be stagnant,” he writes.

The Chitter Radio Literary Awards take place June 15.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: canine comedy, fine lines and wrinkles, standup comedy

OTD in 2012—NIML wow crowd at Park’s first pop-up music event

June 12, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

NIML (Not In My Lifetime) was in fine form on Monday as they wowed the crowd that quickly gathered at The Park’s first pop-up music event.

It was an ordinary, hazy Monday afternoon, spectators said, when lead singer, Beau Ballentyne, grabbed a microphone from inside his shopping bag and began to belt out the group’s signature tune, MYPod or Yours?

The other two members of the group quickly joined him for what turned out to be a half-hour impromptu concert at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond.

“There’s never been anything quite like this,” said onlooker Zaffi Newt. “They made quite a splash. It was a nice break in the day.”

Not everyone was pleased, though. The end of the concert was marred for some by a few vocal members of the group, “Keep Your Paws Out of Our Ponds.” Holding waterproof placards, they marched in a circle around the pond for a few minutes but, with no response from the crowd, they soon left.

“I don’t think they had many supporters there,” Newt said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

OTD in 2016—Tab to take on Tavros with launch of “Liberation Libation” at literary awards

June 11, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Tab TricoloreNever one to back down from a fight, celebrity chef and award-winning author Tab Tricolore has announced that he plans to use Wednesday’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards to take down his latest enemy, Yannis Tavros.

Tavros, who last month accused Tricolore of discriminating against the non-striped at his pub, The Tabby Club, launched his #BullintheTabbyClub campaign in earnest last week when he encouraged his listeners and Twitter followers to boycott Tricolore’s restaurants. Instead, he told them to follow him to Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station.

Tricolore did not respond immediately to the challenge. But today he announced that he would be serving his newest creation, the #LiberationLibation, to all attendees at Wednesday’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards.

“It’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month. Come and see what real freedom tastes like—not the kind that Tavros is serving up on the radio,” Tricolore posted in an online open invitation.

The popular chef, who won two Chitter Radio Literary Awards in 2013 for his cookbook, The Feral Roots of Our Festive Cuisine, is reportedly “incensed” that Tavros accused him of discrimination.

“Tab was born to a feral mother and experienced the kind of discrimination that Yannis Tavros can’t even imagine,” says Tricolore’s former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla. “It wasn’t even his idea for The Tabby Club to be an all-striped pub. It was the original owner’s— who, by the way, was The Park’s first leader.”

Burmilla describes Tab as a “tough but fair” boss who “absolutely believes” in the equality of all species.

“About that, he’s never had a second thought,” says Burmilla.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: #BullintheTabbyClub, #LiberationLibation, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, Tavros vs Tricolore

OTD in 2014—Feline Fiction Fest to honour Nestor

June 10, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Nestor B&WDomestic Canine poetry may be all the rage these days, but the Feline Fiction Fest intends to honour one of its own this year: the late, great Park poet and renowned scientist, Nestor P. Cat.

In a statement released today, principal organizer Corazón Oncilla confirmed that the festival has planned an elaborate tribute to the much-beloved Park citizen.

The tribute, which will take place the evening of June 17th, will include a dinner, a reading of some of Nestor’s poetic works, a short film about his life, and the introduction of a poetry prize in his name to be awarded annually, starting with next year’s festival.

“Nestor was a very important Cat, not just in the world of poetry and science, but as a citizen of The Park. We are privileged to have the opportunity to honour him in this way,” Oncilla said.

Tickets for the tribute may be purchased at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre until June 17th.

The 16th annual Feline Fiction Fest will take place June 16-18.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

OTD in 2017—Holstein Fashion plans June launch of scent to support EDAM, EQUALSS

June 9, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

grazecroppedHolstein Fashion, the parent company of Designs by Holstein, will continue its charitable work this year by launching a new scent, GRAZE, that will benefit enforced domestication awareness (EDAM) as well as the company’s own charity, EQUALSS.

A statement released this morning by company president and CEO Balbina Ko included an invitation to all Park residents to the June 15 launch party at the Reek-O-Rama.

“Please join us to celebrate the strides we’ve made in enforced domestication awareness and in achieving equality among the species, especially the striped and spotted,” the invitation reads.

In the statement, Ko describes the scent as having “notes of grass, fresh rain, and clotted earth, combined in such a way as to be reminiscent of peaceful Summer days away from the hustle and bustle of daily life.”

While the scent will be the star of the launch party, the celebration of equality and Animal self-rule will be the theme, Ko told The Mammalian Daily. All attendees will receive a sample of the scent and all proceeds from its sale in June and July will go to enforced domestication awareness. After that, the proceeds will be split between EDAM and Holstein Fashion’s own charity, EQUALSS, which supports equality for the striped and spotted.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), On This Day, Park Life Tagged With: animal self-rule, charity, EDAM, equality, holstein fashion, Reek 'O Rama, striped and spotted

OTD in 2015—By invitation: Feral Four to perform newest song at Feline Fiction Fest

June 8, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

FelineFictionFest croppedFor the first time in its history, the Feline Fiction Fest will add a musical component to its literary celebration. And the music will be supplied by The Feral Four.

The addition to the programme was announced this morning in this joint statement released by the literary festival’s organizers and by Colony Records, the group’s label:

“The Feline Fiction Fest is pleased to announce that The Feral Four has accepted our invitation to perform at our 2015 festival, which takes place June 16-18. The group has generously offered to perform six concerts in total: afternoon and evening concerts on each of the three days of the festival. They will also be introducing their newest song, TNR, in honour of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.”

The Park’s Social media sites lit up as soon as the statement was released, in part due to the fact that the group hasn’t performed alone in almost four years.

“The Feral Four performing SIX count ’em concerts at FFF! We’ll be there! #fictionneversoundedsogood” wrote the group’s fan club on gaggle.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: feline fiction fest, fiction, park music makers, the feral four

OTD in 2016—Members of Park’s endangered species feel stigmatized: study

June 6, 2024 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Extinction AnxietyA new study out of the University of West Terrier says that Extinction Anxiety (EA) is not the only mental health issue faced by members of The Park’s endangered species.

In a paper scheduled for publication in the August issue of the prestigious Journal of Experimental and Reactive Psychology (JERP), researchers report that Animals who are formally classified as members of endangered species feel the identification stigmatizes them. This makes them loath to admit to their status publicly and to take advantage of the related benefits to which they are entitled.

“We were surprised at first by the findings,” the study’s lead researcher, psychology professor Dr. Luule Aednik, said in an exclusive interview with The Mammalian Daily.

“Our natural reaction is to think they would welcome the empathy or sympathy of their fellow Park citizens. But when we dug deeper into the endangered experience, we realized these Animals were dealing with something much more insidious and almost as dangerous. And that is the unsympathetic attitude they experience from other species,” Aednik said.

Aednik explained that since survival itself remains the fundamental and overarching ethos of The Park, those who are marked as non-survivors—even generations hence—can experience unfair treatment and may even feel ostracized by members of other species.

“In a Park in which survival is a key component of self-esteem, members of endangered species feel the stigma profoundly, even without the attendant problems of low income, low employment levels, and a lack of support from other communities,” she said.

Referring to the background of the study, Aednik said she was moved to investigate when she read about the low levels of participation in the Department of Well-Being and Safety’s Endangered Species Benefit Programme (ESBP).

“In a way, that defied logic. I sensed there was a problem here that was worth investigation,” she said.

Aednik said she and her fellow researchers will continue to study citizens’ reactions to endangered species and she hopes the information will spark conversation among members of non-endangered species.

Filed Under: Breaking News, On This Day Tagged With: endangered species, stigma, survival

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