Satirical fiction in newspaper form
The Park Post Office has unveiled its new set of historical stamps. The stamps will go on sale on November 1 and will be available at the Post Office building as well as at selected retailers throughout The Park. The new stamps commemorate the following:
The Discovery of the Cave Paintings
The Park Interspecial Film Festival
Higher Education in The Park
The Feline Fiction Fest
The Park Broadcasting Corporation
The Archons of Zoocracy
Jor, The Park’s first leader
Park Finance Officer Milton Struts was mobbed last night, according to witnesses, as he attempted to enter the Park Cinema for the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) awards presentation.
Several attendees, some of whom were producers whose films were up for awards, said that four of the Guard Dogs stationed at the entrance had to intervene when a group representing the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) started to bite Struts as he passed by.
One witness said that some of the Animals pulled at Struts’s feathers, while another confirmed that “more than one” sent spitballs his way.
“They were hopping mad [about the budget] and they weren’t going to let him pass without letting him know,” said one source who wished to remain anonymous.
Other Animals claimed that Stan the Spit Man, whose signature slogan is “Spitballs from Heaven!” instigated the attack on Struts as a publicity stunt to promote his business.
“There was sort of a pop-up spit shop right behind the Park Cinema. I saw it,” said witness Konrad Eule.
Calls to Stan the Spit Man have not been answered directly, but through a spokesAnimal, Stan denied any involvement in the campaign against Struts.
“Stan the Spit Man does not involve himself in politics,” the spokesAnimal said. “Nor does he endorse the use of spitballs for political purposes.”
Struts, who was ushered into the Cinema for the awards presentation, was not seen exiting at the end of the evening. He is believed to have stayed at the Cinema until it was safe for him to be escorted home by Park Police.
Beleaguered Rodent Commoner journalist Gunnar Rotte has taken a leave of absence from his job as a counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic (EAC).
Rotte made the announcement on Twitter today, calling the leave “totally voluntary” and stating that it will last until the end of his trial this month. Rotte faces charges of disturbing the peace and inciting violence at a Stereotype Sunday event in August. His trial is scheduled for October 17.
In a statement released this afternoon, EAC head Dr. Berthilidis Strix called Rotte, who has worked there since January, “a valued member of our staff.”
“Gunnar Rotte is a reliable, knowledgeable, and empathetic member of our team and a valued member of our staff. He has proven to be a great asset to the clinic and we look forward to welcoming him back when he is ready to resume his duties,” the statement said.
DETAILS
Director
George Angus Doo
Actors
Eamon Colm
Gerlinde Taube
Natalia Paloma
Agostinho Pombo
Cynthia Offam (Human)
Derek Columbo (Human)
Winston Blackman (Human)
Screenings
October 1, 8:00 pm, Park Cinema
October 4, 5:00 pm, Park Cinema
Runtime
85 minutes
THREE minutes into George Angus Doo’s latest film, Shoot the Messenger, the screen goes dark. In the silence, the viewer is left to ponder what has just occurred: a shot fired into the brightly lit sky, the loud thumping noise that follows, the sound of boots running across grass and fallen leaves in the swamp-like environment.
When light and action return to the screen, we face six Humans at trial, recalling those elements from the witness stand. To his credit, Doo reveals little about the location of the court and the crime; the alleged perpetrators, plaintiff, judge and jury stand as EveryHuman or AnyHuman. But the trial is not an indictment of that species; rather, it is an examination of the complicated relationship between Doo’s own species — the Pigeon — and Humans. In many ways, as Doo said earlier this year, that relationship is “one of mutual respect and dependence.” But this film is less celebratory of that aspect than it is revelatory of the conflict, fed by ignorance, that is an integral part of the interactions between Pigeons and Humans.
The sportsmen at trial know very little, if anything, about the species they shoot at for sport. They have read no history and, therefore, feel no moral obligation to a species that has saved countless Human lives. As a result, they are puzzled by their obligation to appear in court and angered by the charges of wrongdoing.
“What kind of world is this now?” one of the accused asks aloud. It is not a rhetorical question. The world in which he grew up, he tells the court, was one in which shooting and hunting were respected activities.
“Now, what is it that we’re supposed to do?” he asks earnestly.
The film does not answer this question or any others; instead, it presents the accused and the viewer with even more questions as it explores not only the fraught relationship between the two species but that among Humans, themselves.
In this 2013 Winkie Award-winning film, Doo does a remarkable job of preserving the dignity of the characters while indicting and convicting the real perpetrator of the crime: ignorance.
The Park’s hibernators are seeing red after Yannis Tavros took to Twitter yesterday to denigrate hibernators and estivators.
Once again, the Toro Talk Radio host expressed his view that hibernators and estivators are not as intelligent as other Animals:
The tweet set off a firestorm, with individuals and groups weighing in immediately. Some called for an apology, while others made it clear that apologies would not longer suffice.
“This has gone beyond the stage where apologies are meaningful. Toro Talk Radio has to take control of Yannis Tavros or silence him once and for all,” said Malinda L. Hamster, president of The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), on Mammalian Daily Radio yesterday. She also confirmed that the SAHC, which annually elects the Keeper of the Nut, intends to apply to the courts for a cease and desist order and, as well, will launch a class action suit against Tavros and his radio station for defamation.
“This has happened once too often. Other Animals are going to start to believe what he is saying, and then where do we go from there?” she asked.
As Hamster said, this is not the first time that Tavros has said less than flattering things about hibernating Animals. In a famous 2013 on-air tirade, Tavros called Hieronymous Hedgehog, “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.” The reference was to Hedgehog’s uncle Hamlin, who served as Archon in 2000 and died of premature awakening from hibernation in 2008. The remarks led to Tavros’s suspension and an on-air meeting with Hieronymous during which the two made peace.
PIFF organizers appeared jubilant last night, as they gathered outside The Park Cinema following the screening of the festival’s opening film, Naked, Toothless, and Blind. Alongside them, celebrities and reporters stood, dodging flashbulbs and waving to the adoring crowd.
“It’s been an uphill battle all year,” said PIFF Communications President, Leola Ocelot, referring not just to funding problems but to the fact that several films that were scheduled to debut here were still in the shooting stage when the 2011 list was announced.
“In the end, though, everything worked out perfectly and it looks as though this is going to be our most successful festival yet,” she concluded.
On the red carpet, flashing freshly-whitened teeth and swishing tails adorned with carefully-placed rhinestones , NT and B‘s twin stars Anders and Frederikke Egern answered reporters’ questions in between chatting with their film’s producers, Etienne Escurel and Mabbina Marmot.
The 7th Annual Park Interspecial Film Festival continues until October 5. A total of thirty films will be screened at venues across The Park.
September 1-15
Cackling Goose Tavern to host fundraiser for Jerzy Szop on Friday
UWT Art Gallery, Park Museum vie for art of endangered species
Beasts of Burden to hold second pre-festival open mic at The Draft
Park innovators to watch: Bulb Beacon
Retired novelists’s film to open PIFF 2015
Charities want say in distribution of funds from Beats of Burden music fest
Stinktier drops bombshell: “I’ve always known in my heart that I was a Zebra.”
Zorro sentence: one month in jail, five years of repayment to community
Peacekeepers to attend first Stereotype Sunday since Stinktier revelation
Alert: Harmonious Hannah missing after tumultuous Sunday in The Park
September 16-30
Humans capable of feeling pain: study
Beats of Burden lineup announced
Police called in as Zebras block stage to SCENTient Beings at music festival
Zebra activists to appear on Yannis Tavros call-in show Wednesday
The Righteous Among the Humans: new TMD section to be curated by Noreen
The new face of GoUnderground: Hieronymous Hedgehog
Ready, set, shake! The semi-annual Shakeoff starts now!
PIFF Preview: Herman Stoat: Mon Chemin Compliqué
WINK director G.D. Zebra will host a pre-premiere party tonight at Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station, The Mammalian Daily has learned.
According to our sources, the guests are all A-listers, not only in the film industry, but in the fight against discrimination against Animals of Pattern.
The coveted party invitations were sent out Tuesday night and our sources tell us that it’s a definite “yes” for WINK producer Kevin Kodkod and one of the film’s stars, Willem Leopard. Other invitees are said to include Douglas Cheetah, Mary Margay, Millicent Hayberry, Monique Tigress, Carlos Geraldo Gato de León, director of Noon Nuttiness film I Am Geoffrey’s Cat, Faramund Stinktier, ZEAL, S.L. Pomfret (aka Fish Rap), Zachariah Skunk, Balbina Ko of Holstein Fashion, and Momoko Yamaneko, and Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press.
A report released today says that a significant number of Park Police trainees and graduates are opting to accept full-time positions outside The Park.
The report, which was commissioned by the Archons and conducted by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), found that at least eighteen percent of those who graduated within the past five years have availed themselves of employment opportunities in Human police forces outside The Park.
“We are bleeding our brightest and our best,” Kakapo said at a press conference outside Park police headquarters this morning.
Faced with these figures, Kakapo said The Park has no choice but to address the problems that are facing the force. He cited one statistic he called “particularly alarming,” and that is that at least one quarter of the eighteen percent who left listed their top three reasons for the move as better pay, more respect from the public, and less interference from their superiors.
Kakapo said he plans to sit down this weekend with Gareth Shepherd, head of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) to discuss what can be done to keep trainees and graduates in The Park.
“This is a crisis situation and we plan to address it as such,” Kakapo said.
Park Finance Officer Milton Struts has not made any public appearances since last Wednesday, when he allegedly made a number of specist remarks during a massive budget protest.
As a result, a number of Park citizen groups are calling for his resignation, saying he has “lost his way” and become “too entrenched” in the budget process.
“We need new blood, that’s for sure,” says Oliver S.P. Franklin, head of the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS) and a long-time critic of Struts.
Small Animal Reform Group (SARG) head Mason L. Tortoise agrees.
“If he can’t face us and defend what he calls a budget, then it’s time for him to go and for us to have an Animal who understands Park life,” he says.
Meanwhile, Sylvana Rana, president of the pro-sortition group Save Our Political System (SOPS) calls the budget “a threat to our way of life.”
“I don’t know what Struts was thinking when he put this thing together,” she says. “It’s as if he was panic-stricken and couldn’t make a decision.”
Rana says Struts’s seeming indecisiveness and what she calls the “total inappropriateness” of the budget might serve as fodder for those who advocate moving to an elected system of government. Presently, the lottery system known as sortition is used annually to select the 35 Animals who serve as our government. The Archons, who are the de facto heads of the Park Finance Office, have not as yet made any statement regarding the 2015 budget.
“To say that I’m disappointed in their silence is a gross understatement,” Rana says. “If they can’t defend our political system by supporting their choice of budget head, they are effectively handing us over to the other side.”
