The Mammalian Daily

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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

On This Day—September 27, 2016: #PiffPiffle: What we know for sure

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PIFF BowlThere are only three days left until the opening of the 2016 Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF), but most of us have more questions than answers. Here are a few things we know for sure:

  • Confirmed: Chef Tab Tricolore has confirmed that The Tabby Club will be open to all species from October 1-5, 2016
  • Confirmed: Director G.D. Zebra, whose film WINK will open the festival, will host a Q&A along with producer Kevin Kodkod and one of the film’s stars, Willem Leopard. Time and location to be announced
  • Confirmed: Zebra has invited formerly domestic Canine singer Bone Weary and SCENTIENT Beings composer and father of Reekabilly music Faramund Stinktier to perform at the gala after-party on October 1
  • Confirmed: Carlos Geraldo Gato de León, director of Noon Nuttiness film I AM GEOFFREY’S CAT: MY HILAIREIOUS SEARCH FOR AN INDEPENDENT IDENTITY will hold auditions for his new film at The Burrow Theatre on October 3. Doors open to Park comedians and aspiring actors at seven o’clock in the morning
  • Confirmed: Actress Mary Margay (Black Cats Can’t Jump) will attend the gala opening, after receiving a personal invitation from director G.D. Zebra
  • Confirmed: Actress Millicent Hayberry (Mixed Nuts) will be in attendance throughout all five days of PIFF. No word as yet, however, whether candidate Hayberry will be there
  • Confirmed: The full lineup of films will be announced on Thursday

On This Day—September 26, 2016: Would Millicent Hayberry’s acting career give her an edge in POPS debate?

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Millicent campaignMillicent Hayberry has more than four weeks to confirm her candidacy for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but that hasn’t stopped political commentators and others from speculating on the effects her candidacy—and her career— would have on one of The Park’s few elected positions.

In an op-ed piece published today in The Simian Spectator, Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the University of West Terrier’s Simian Chair in Political Philosophy, writes that he believes her candidacy would change the POPS landscape forever.

While Marmoset has always supported the decision to, as he puts it, “transition [the position] from an inherited one to a merited one,” he says he has mixed feelings about elections.

“So much of the election process is about performance, about favouritism, about alternate abilities, about things that do not relate at all to qualifications or to the position itself,” he writes.

And even though members of species other than Groundhogs have thrown their hats in the ring for POPS, Marmoset thinks that Hayberry’s candidacy would be a “game changer.”

“Her vocal skills, her acting skills, her reputation, her fame. These are the things she would bring to the table in addition to belonging to the hibernating class. I don’t doubt her prognostication skills or that she would be a good candidate. But I wonder if the other candidates will have an equal chance to appeal to the electorate if Millicent is among them. And I wonder whether future candidates will be reluctant to run if they can’t match her skills. I think it could have a lasting effect,” he writes.

On This Day—September 26, 2012: Park’s “Share the Hair Shake for Charity” happens tomorrow!

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The sun is shining, the air is warm, and we have almost three months to go before Winter officially arrives. What better time to slough off that unwanted hair and go for a quick dip before the cold sets in?

The Park’s semi-annual Shake for Charity gives you the chance to do just that and benefit a great cause at the same time.

The event will take place tomorrow from 9:00 am until midnight at the Wishing Well and organizers expect a record crowd to attend.

“We had an unusually hot, dry summer and some of us have seen our coats grow to a length we never thought possible,” says Andras Yak, head of the organizing committee. “This is a great opportunity for Park Animals to share this unusual bounty with others.”

And this season’s event, the second of the calendar year, will include some added touches that Yak says he believes participants will enjoy.

“We are very proud to announce that there will be a team of grooming professionals on hand to assist participants after the Shake. If you’re looking for a new hairstyle or you just want to tame your mane, the talented groomers from Amoltrud’s Aesthetics, The Mane Event, and Tallulah’s Toilettage will be happy to help you, free of charge. It’s all in the spirit of giving,” Yak says.

As usual, volunteers from The Park’s various charities will be on hand to collect hair until midnight. Refreshments will be available, as well, courtesy of The Compost Heap, Florette’s Fine Edibles, and Clowder.

So — come one, come all! Get up and out and shake yourself silly for the benefit of others!

If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t!

On This Day—September 25, 2009: Enterprises Moufettes recalls FeralNoMore™ over safety concerns

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In an unprecedented move, The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has ordered retailers to halt sales of a popular scent-masking agent.

Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., the manufacturer of FeralNoMore™ says it is recalling ten thousand cans of the spray after several Animals reported suffering ill effects from the product. The DWBS reported that two Animals were so overcome that they required short-term hospitalization.

The product, which the DWBS recommended last Spring in its Travel Advisory, is used by Animals to mask their origin and species, so that they may travel more freely outside The Park. In the recent past, FeralNoMore™ and other scent-masking agents have been credited with preventing a number of crimes against Park Animals, including kidnapping and enforced domestication.

According to a spokesAnimal for the DWBS, the most common conditions associated with FeralNoMore™ include pruritus (itching) and alopecia (hair loss). Both these effects are temporary, the spokesAnimal said, and Animals can be treated either in the physician’s office or at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. Reports of memory and identity loss are unsubstantiated, the spokesAnimal said.

The spray product was a popular purchase at many shops in The Park, including the Reek-O-Rama and Footpad Heaven.

In a statement issued after the recall, Enterprises Moufettes said that it hopes to isolate the problem and return the product to market “as soon as possible.”

On This Day—September 24, 2014: The Nut Bar assumes annual sponsorship of PIFF’s “Noon Nuttiness”

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Glass shape made of nuts with strawIt’s always made sense but now they’ve made it official: The Nut Bar announced today that it will become the annual sponsor of “Noon Nuttiness” at the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

“Noon Nuttiness,” the exclusive screening of comedy films between the hours of 12:00 p.m. and 2:00 p.m., has been wildly successful since its inception. Now entering its third year, PIFF organizers believe it will prove to be the most popular event of this year’s festival.

“This is huge news,” said PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot, referring to The Nut Bar’s sponsorship announcement.

Speaking at a hastily-arranged press conference this morning, she praised the company for their initiative.

“They’re a very generous company and we greatly appreciate their support of our annual comedy mini-fest,” she said. “This was entirely their idea and it took us all by surprise. I hope other companies will follow their example,” she added.

The Park Interspecial Film Festival will run from 1-5 October, 2014.
The first “Noon Nuttiness” film will be screened on October 2.

On This Day—September 23, 2016: Heads up! Something’s Fishy at Park’s upcoming Stereotype Sunday

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SomethingFishyBlueplusBorderSomething fishy is up this weekend in The Park: our usual Stereotype Sunday is about to go underwater to bring us more in touch with the lives of our piscine population.

At a joint press conference this morning, Balthasar Alouatta, spokesAnimal for the Archons and Cornelius Kakapo, Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) made the announcement.

“The Park’s Stereotype Sundays just celebrated their third birthday this past Summer. While we are proud of what we’ve been able to accomplish with this initiative, we realize there is so much more work that needs to be done. For this reason, we’ve decided to add a theme to one week out of our four Stereotype Sunday gatherings. We feel that a theme will better enable us to understand each other by allowing us to focus on one particular group and we are happy to announce that this Sunday we will be focusing on our piscine population,” Alouatta said.

Though he declined to answer reporters’ questions, Kakapo did say that they chose to focus on The Park’s Fish this week because “our Fish have not received as much attention as have other groups.”

From now on, the themed Stereotype Sundays will occur on the last Sunday of every month.

On This Day—September 22, 2016: Noreen to chair UWT forum on effects of Human architecture on other Animals

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Official NoreenThe President and Governors of the University of West Terrier announced today that Noreen will chair a forum on the effects of Human architecture on the lives of other Animals. The forum, which will be hosted by the UWT School of Architecture, will take place on the university’s campus on October 8 and 9.

The university called the Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human studies the “perfect choice” to chair the discussion because “her abilities as a mediator and as a researcher are exceptional.”

Participants in the forum will include faculty members of the UWT School of Architecture as well as faculty of the Schools of Medicine and Economics and Social Science. In addition, the university has invited community architects and professionals working in the fields of physical and mental health and well-being to share their knowledge and expertise.

Read the university’s full announcement here.

On This Day—September 21, 2015: Zebra activists to appear on Yannis Tavros call-in show Wednesday

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YannisTavros Callers, the lines are open.

Or, at least they will be on Wednesday afternoon, when Yannis Tavros’s guests will be Zebra activists Jafari Pundamilia and Elton Zebra.

The pair, whose latest caper involved disrupting the Beats of Burden music festival by blocking the stage to the SCENTient Beings on Friday night, will be answering questions from callers for a full three hours.

“We’re looking forward to a lively discussion,” Toro Talk Radio said in its announcement this morning, after inviting  “all Animals who want to understand more about the Zebra community” to formulate their questions and head to the phones on Wednesday.

For his part, Tavros, who enjoys a reputation for outrageous behaviour himself, said he thought it was only fair to hear the activists’ side of the story.

“They have a problem with what Faramund Stinktier said [about believing that he was meant to be a Zebra] on this show two weeks ago and I think we should hear them out. Since nobody else stepped up, I thought it was only right for me to do so,” Tavros said at the end of his show today.

The program, which will be sponsored by hibernation outfitters GoUnderground, has been extended by an hour and will be re-run at midnight and offered as a podcast later in the month.

Faramund Stinktier has not commented on the Toro Talk Radio announcement.

On This Day—September 20, 2016: Justice orders Rotte, Stinktier to meet after Sunday’s Spoken Word incident

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Mr Justice Augustus DindonMr. Justice Augustus Dindon has ordered the legal representatives of Gunnar Rotte and Faramund Stinktier to arrange a meeting between the two parties within the next ten days.

The Superior Court justice took the unprecedented action after an incident that occurred between the two on Sunday afternoon at the Beats of Burden Music Festival’s Spoken Word stage.

Rotte took the stage mid-afternoon in front of a significant crowd, many of whom he’d invited via Twitter to witness his first ever SWE performance (Spoken Word Extemporaneous). He was just about to leave the stage after finishing his number, “Chock Tock,” when he noticed Stinktier in the crowd. Claiming the audience was calling for an encore, Rotte took back the microphone and embarked on a takedown of everything Stinktier, including his music, his band, and his decision to transition to a Zebra.

While some in the audience egged him on, many were deeply offended and called for him to be pulled from the stage. Stinktier refused to get involved and left the area, which seemed to incite Rotte further. Finally, three Does of Peace moved him from the stage and into the custody of Park Police.

Rotte, who was charged in August with disturbing the peace and inciting violence at The Park’s weekly Stereotype Sunday, is already scheduled to appear before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in October. Those charges are also related to his behaviour vis à vis Stinktier.

When news of the SWE matter reached the justice, he put out the call for a meeting.

“Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon is of the belief that much of this matter could be resolved through personal discussion. He does not believe the courts should get involved unnecessarily,” said a spokesAnimal for the Court.

Rotte is represented by Pernilla Varghund, junior partner in Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd, while Stinktier has engaged the services of Zvonimir Kojot of the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg. Neither has spoken publicly about the justice’s order.

On This Day—September 19, 2014: Data Tree hacking was likely the result of “Human error,” says Noreen

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Official NoreenThe hacking in April of one of The Park’s largest data Trees was likely the result of “Human error,” rather than malicious intent, Noreen says.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and University of West Terrier adjunct professor of Human Studies was participating in a panel discussion on Toro Talk Radio when she made the comment.

“Humans act as much out of ignorance as they do out of self-interest,” she said.

“And, often, the two go hand-in-hand. It wouldn’t surprise me at all to discover that the Humans who did the hacking had no idea whatsoever that the Tree was being used to store precious data.”

In fact, the Tree had been used for years by Sierpinski Squirrel, Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners. The company’s long-term lease allowed the Squirrel to store his raw data in the Tree. Much of that data was recovered during the investigation into the hacking, but a significant amount was lost.

“I would bet the Humans thought that the Tree was ill or interfering with other vegetation,” she said. “I can’t imagine any other reason that they would deliberately hack the Tree.”

Noreen also cautioned the panel to remember the limitations of Humans’ senses.

“There are many things that Humans are not able to see and often they misinterpret the things they do see. And we shouldn’t forget, either, that the majority of them lean toward taking a negative view of things they do not understand,” she said.

lovely-to-look-at-front-coverNoreen’s book, Lovely To Look At, was published in October.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

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