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Wednesday Rewind: First quarter results prove opening on Groundhog Day a profitable move

March 4, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Groundhog Day specialsOriginal Publication Date: 11 April 2016

First quarter results indicate that the Park Finance Office (PFO) did the right thing when it listened to the business community this past Winter and allowed shops to stay open on Groundhog Eve and Groundhog Day.

“We are very grateful to the Park Finance Office and, in particular, to PFO head Valentina Abeja, for supporting our community so strongly,” said Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), in a statement released by the Association today.

According to Whistlepig, Park businesses reported average profits of more than double those of the same period last year.

“This should convince the Archons, the PFO, and Park citizens that a permanent change should be made to the law,” the statement says.

That assertion could signal the start of another major battle in The Park, as the issue of allowing shops to open on Groundhog Day and other holidays has been a contentious one. Those on both sides have argued passionately, but the Archons and the PFO have been reluctant to make any permanent move.

Such a move would require a change in the law, which could only be made after the receipt of submissions from business and the citizenry, followed by a full and open debate, says Delia Quagga, head of the Barnaby School of Government at the University of West Terrier. And that, she says, could take years.

“I think this informal arrangement might be more beneficial than an overhaul of the law,” she said at the time the announcement was made about this year’s opening.

Others in The Park agree.

“We need to look at all the factors responsible for the rise in profit before we make any changes to the law,” says Xavier Dingo, chief financial analyst at A. Corn and Partners. “Much more study needs to be done.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

Look what’s coming up in March!

February 28, 2020 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

There’s always a lot going on in The Park come Springtime and the action starts in March. Mark these Park events on your calendar so you don’t miss a thing!


March 1-31: The Park Museum celebrates its fifth birthday
Come and celebrate the fifth anniversary of the opening of The Park Museum!

Stop by for treats or spend the whole day at the museum. There’s plenty to see and do and eat and drink and it’s all free of charge.

Can’t make it during the day? No problem! Reserve your place at one or all of the birthday concerts on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, starting at eight o’clock. Post-concert parties begin at ten o’clock. See you there!

March 1-31: Museum Month
In 2015, the Archons proclaimed March to be Museum Month in The Park. That means that all Park museums and galleries offer free admission throughout the month. Take advantage of this great opportunity to learn about our history and appreciate our rich culture by visiting The Park Museum, The Park Museum of Contemporary Art, The Ewe and Moo Gallery, The Tortoiseshell Gallery, The Kipos Gallery, The Knochen Kunst Gallery, Fusion Ceramics Studio, The Park Museum of Contemporary Art, the art gallery at the University of West Terrier, and the small museum at the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life.

Otter Slide participant
March 13: Closing date for the Otter Ice Slide
Yes, we’re all looking forward to Spring, but some of us just can’t shake that Winter feeling. If that describes you, get over to the Otter Ice Slide while the weather still permits. There’s no feeling like it, but that feeling won’t last past March 13.

March 16-18: UWT hosts three-day symposium on on Human Error
For the first time in its history, the University of West Terrier will host an academic event that focuses on Humans and Human behaviour. The multi-dimensional symposium will bring together researchers from all UWT schools and departments to discuss the aspects of Human behaviour that lead to error. Among the topics to be discussed are the effects on other Animals of Human Error (HE), how to determine when a problem has been caused by Human Error, how to mitigate the effects of Human Error in order to prevent disaster, and the rôle of technology in predicting and preventing Human Error. The symposium will include a discussion open to the public on March 19.

Noreen, adjunct professor of Human Studies, will chair the symposium.

March 24: Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic
The Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic is one of our most beloved seasonal and artistic events. Now in its twenty-fifth year, the Picnic has expanded to include haiku and rap, but the format of the day remains the same. Don’t forget to check the weather forecast so you know how to dress to avoid either frozen nose syndrome or soggy bottom.

The Park's semi-annual "Shake for Charity" will now be called "The Shakeoff"March 29: The Park’s semi-annual “Shakeoff”
Formerly the “Shake for Charity,” this semi-annual event aids those who have no coat. The Shakeoff also offers free grooming and refreshments to participants.
“If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”

March 30: Tulip season
Yes, it’s that time of year already. Tap your apps to find the latest emerging bulbs. If you need any technical help, our resident experts at The Mammalian Daily will be on hand to aid you in locating your favourite Springtime snack.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: #MarchEvents

Wednesday Rewind: Museum takes heat for letter blaming construction workers

February 26, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Park Museum

The Park Museum’s Board has been criticized for blaming the Builders’ Guild for the current dispute that has halted  construction on the museum since September 14.

Original Publication Date: 10 October 2013

The Board of Governors of the Park Museum has come under fire for appearing to blame members of the Association of Professional Park Construction Workers (APPCW) for the ongoing strike at the museum.

In an open letter addressed to the museum’s future patrons, the Board contends that it has bargained “in good faith” and been conscientious about attending negotiations with the APPCW’s representatives. The letter appears on the museum’s web site.

“At no time did we threaten to void our contract with the Builders’ Guild (APPCW), as was reported, nor have we ever failed to attend negotiations. We believe that we have bargained in good faith with the members of the APPCW and, to the best of our ability, we have met members’ demands,” the letter begins.

Some critics, however, have accused the museum’s Board of Governors of “whitewashing” and some have even suggested the letter is a form of sabotage.

“I think they might be using that letter to bait the APPCW,” said Gareth Shepherd, Park Police Officer and President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW).

“We’ve seen this kind of thing happen and it can turn very ugly,” he said.

Construction of the main building of the Park Museum ceased on September 14, when talks between the APPCW and the museum’s Board of Governors broke down. In the letter, the museum’s Board of Governors appears to blame APPCW members’ “demands” for the current impasse, something which Shepherd says is common tactical error.

“More often than not, it backfires,” he says. “[Their] use of the word ‘demand’ is the first indication that they are trying to sway public opinion with the letter, rather than just using it to inform future patrons of the delay. Their hope appears to be that donors and future patrons will place the blame for the delay and for escalating costs on these ‘demands’ rather than on both parties’ inability to come to an agreement.”

The full letter appears here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

Wednesday Rewind: Park Museum, ISML end feud over ownership of beloved tome

February 19, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Park Museum

The Park Museum will host a permanent display of The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat

Original Publication Date: 13 August 2015

The Park Museum and the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML) have ended their long battle over the establishment of a permanent home for one of The Park’s most iconic literary works.

The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat has been housed in a protected display in the lobby of the ISML since it was recovered in 2013 by workers excavating at the site of what is now The Park Museum. It had previously been displayed at the front of the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, until a storm toppled the display and it went missing.

Because the excavators brought their precious find to the Institute for verification, the ISML decided to keep the beloved Park tome and to display it in the Institute’s lobby. Early last year, however, as The Park Museum neared completion, its Board of Governors initiated a series of meetings with the ISML aimed at convincing them that the museum was the only logical place to house the AutoZOËography on a permanent basis.

“Every one of the 6,975 pages of her book is a part of Park history and the citizens of The Park deserve to be able to visit the work in the building that was constructed to house our history,”  Sukuta Rhinoceros, one of the founders of the Museum and a member of its Board, said at the time.

The ISML held fast to its view that it had the sole right to display the work until last week, when the two institutions came to a “joint custody” agreement.

“We are happy to report that both The Park Museum and the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life have agreed to act as joint official custodians of The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat, one of the most important works in Park history,” said a press release issued today by both institutions.

The agreement, which will be signed next week, names The Park Museum as the book’s official home, but allows it to be moved to the ISML for one month every Winter for the purpose of display and study. Throughout the other eleven months, the ISML will display a facsimile in the space that it built for the book two years ago.

According to sources close to both institutions, the agreement was hammered out late Sunday night, with the assistance of the Park Historical Society and members of a number of faculties and departments at the University of West Terrier.

“All parties are pleased with this agreement and we plan to move forward with the logistics as soon as possible,” the press release says.

The Park Museum’s press release may be read here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

Wednesday Rewind: Park Museum, ISML battle over home for beloved book

February 12, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

The AutoZOEography of ZoeCat


The Park Museum and the ISML are currently engaged in a battle over the establishment of a permanent home for one of The Park’s most iconic literary works

Original Publication Date: 25 February 2014

The Park Museum is engaged in a contentious battle with The Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life over the establishment of a permanent home for one of The Park’s most iconic literary works.

The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat was written by Zoë, the sister of Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy. The book went missing ten years ago, but was discovered last July by workers excavating at the site of the new Park Museum.

After the workers alerted the ISML to the discovery, Chief Archaeologist Catriona Cairn-Terrier convinced the Institute’s Board of Governors to provide a home for the book there.

According to Cairn-Terrier, no discussion about a time frame for housing the book ever took place.

“Our decision was never challenged and we assumed that it was permanent. We sectioned off a part of our lobby and built a display case that would protect the book from deterioration. We did all this in full view of everyone and at no time did the Park Museum voice any complaints. Now, they want assurances that we will hand it over to them. Quite frankly, I don’t know why they think we would agree to that,” Cairn-Terrier says.

For its part, the Park Museum contends that it is “intuitively obvious” that the book should be housed at the Museum.

“ZoëCat was and is still revered in The Park as a great thinker and as an important influence on Jor and, therefore, on the development of modern zoocracy. Every one of the 6,975 pages of her book is a part of Park history and the citizens of The Park deserve to be able to visit the work in the building that was constructed to house our history,” says Sukuta Rhinoceros, one of the founders of the Museum and a member of its Board.

The autobiographical tome, which is filled with Zoë’s personal, political, and philosophical musings, was never formally published. The book that was found by the excavators is believed to be the only extant copy.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

Mark your calendars for these very important February 2020 Park events

February 3, 2020 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

IF you thought January was a busy month, you’ll have to fasten your seatbelt for February! It’s a busy and emotional time in The Park and this year will be no exception. To make sure you don’t miss anything, keep these dates circled on your calendar:

 


February 1: Get up! Get ready! It’s almost Groundhog Day!
Catch up on your sleep tonight because you won’t get much until after the weekend, with all the partying you’re going to do! And make sure you look your best, at least at the start of the celebration, by booking some time at any of The Park’s finest grooming houses.

 

February 2: Groundhog Day
This is it, folks! The day we’ve all been waiting for. First, we’ll hear 2020 POPS (Park Official Prognosticator of Spring) Ermentrude Mayella Murmeltier tell us what the weather has in store for us and then we’ll hear from the new Archons about what our government has in store for us! Festivities start at 7:00 a.m. and go on forever and ever, with the food stations open a full twenty-four hours (8:00 a.m. on February 2 until 8:00 a.m. on February 3). Click on the schedule to the right for a full view.

And don’t forget the Early Risers’ after-party and the after-after parties after that!

February 2-9: Park shops to hold Groundhog Day sales
Whether or not our 2020 POPS, Ermentrude Murmeltier, predicts an early Spring, there’ll be plenty to celebrate with lower prices at most Park shops. They’ll be open all night on February 1, as well as all day on Groundhog Day, too!

February 11: Park School of Aesthetics First Annual Open House
The private vocational institution founded in 2014 by members of the Association of Registered Grooming Houses (ARGH) will host its first ever Open House. The School, which touts its reputation, built on its two-year curriculum, during which students become proficient in a wide range of grooming methods and styles, as well as advanced theory and techniques in trichology, aesthetics, massage, and more.

 

3d-tabby-king-croppedFebruary 14: Anniversary of the birth of Jor
He was our first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy. This year’s full-day holiday will be devoted to his memory and to celebrating our future as a zoocratic Park.

 

Hieronymous Hedgehog February 19: Official End of Hibernation
Let’s celebrate survival! It’s time to welcome back our hibernating friends. As Hieronymous Hedgehog, The Park’s Official Hibernation Ambassador, would say, bring on the food! And in case you have any questions, here’s a handy guide to welcoming home those who’ve been in a state of torpor.

Keeper of the NutFebruary 20: Return of the Nut
This half-day holiday is an occasion both solemn and celebratory, as we renew our trust in each other and our faith in survival, itself. This year, it will be 2020 Keeper of the Nut Maaaike Abagael Lemming, who will return the nut to The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC). After, that, we’ll all be looking to Spring and its renewal!

Have a great February, everybody!

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life

IT’S AN EARLY SPRING!

February 2, 2020 By Endla Metsümiseja, TMD Groundhog Day Reporter

Filed Under: Breaking News

Official schedule of the 2020 Groundhog Day celebrations released

January 30, 2020 By Endla Metsümiseja, TMD Groundhog Day Reporter

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations (DHFC) has released the Official Schedule of the 2020 Groundhog Day Celebrations.

At a short press conference this morning, DHFC Director of Public Relations Aintza Kanariar said she was confident that this year’s lineup of performers, games, acts, and more will “more than please” Park residents.

“We’ve put together a very celebratory, yet serious event for what some consider to be the most important holiday of the year,” Kanariar said.

While the events will span the weekend, the official schedule is only for February 2, and only for those events that will take place at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre. Other venues, including The Burrow Theatre, The New Harmony Theatre, and The Howler Comedy Club, will announce their schedules separately.

Kanariar confirmed that the 2km tunnel race would go ahead as usual, but said nothing about it being broadcast. She would not comment on speculation that one of The Park’s technology companies was planning to livestream the event.

Kanariar also confirmed that, as happened last year, 2020 “spare,” Hannu Metsämurmeli, will be awakened at the same time as 2020 POPS, Ermentrude Murmeltier.

“Ermentrude and Hannu will be awakened simultaneously, and Hannu will be acknowledged during the post-prognostication ceremony. We want her to know we appreciate her contribution and her commitment to The Park,” Kanariar said.

Kanariar acknowledged last year’s the controversy over the two comedy sets that were scheduled. The results of a survey that she handed out to all attendees last year indicated that while Park Animals love their comedy and their comedians, they didn’t think that comedy sets were necessarily appropriate for Groundhog Day. As a result, the Department compromised and this year’s schedule includes only one short comedy set, by the University of West Terrier’s Official Comedian, Woodruff Dalmatio

Kanariar also noted, with pride, that this is the first year that the Working Wounded Performing Arts Company has made it into the official schedule. 

The following musicians, among others, will participate in the event:

Polar Opposites
The Feral Four
The Canary Cousins
Spontaneous Generation
Les Chiens Débraillés
SCENTient Beings
Jargonhead
Persistent Sisters
The Cynics
Will.o.be
Memes of Production
Last Stand
Eggie and The Pigs
ZEAL
Inktvis and Krake
The All-Rodent Marching Band
The DomEstyx
The Beasts of Burden
BHR (Big Hearts Rule) formerly NIML (Not In My Lifetime)
Fish Rap

As is always the case, one of the most important aspects of the Groundhog Day celebrations will be the food. Renowned Chef Tab Triolore will reprise his “feral buffet” and supply delicious non-perishables from his grassRoutes restaurant. Other food purveyors include The Battering Ram Café, The Compost Heap, The Broop ‘n Miaow, The Draft, The Pound Gastropub, and The Cackling Goose Tavern. Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station will serve a full breakfast just after the Archons’ Address. Ants in Your Pantry and Provisions by Petrounel will send all attendees home with tasty party favours.

And, again, this year, food will be served for twenty-four hours straight.

“We’re going through from eight in the morning on the second [of February] until eight in the morning on the third,” Kanariar said.

And, don’t forget: the events will be covered live by Mammalian Daily reporters here on Twitter.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction Tagged With: #GroundhogDay

Wednesday Rewind: TMD reporters to blog live from Groundhog Day celebrations

January 29, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Groundhog Day blogger
Original Publication Date: 2 February 2011

In a statement released today, The Mammalian Daily confirmed that it will be sending some of its reporters to blog live from The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations on 2 February.

“The Mammalian Daily is seeking to amplify the amount of fun of Park residents at the annual Groundhog Day Festival by hosting a live blog to report on events as they happen in different areas of The Park. This should allow our residents to enjoy virtually everything the Festival has to offer this year,” part of the statement read.
This is the second year that the newspaper has committed a part of its staff to reporting live from the annual celebration.

According to a TMD spokesanimal, the blog was up and running as of 26 January. The blog can be found at: http://www.groundhogdayinthepark.wordpress.com

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

Wednesday Rewind: Banking scandal prompts special meeting of Archons

January 22, 2020 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

A special meeting of the Archons has been called to discuss the activities of some of The Park’s banks.

Original Publication Date: 30 July 2012

An investigation that revealed significant irregularities in The Park’s banking system has prompted a special meeting of the Archons this afternoon.

According to Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, the purpose of the meeting is to discuss the implications of the results of an investigation conducted by The Park Finance Office (PFO) into the internal activities of several of The Park’s major banks.

Files obtained by The Mammalian Daily indicate that the Monotreme Savings Bank (MSB), the Arthropod Commercial Bank (ACB) and the Founding Families Financial Corporation (FFFC) are alleged to have engaged in a system of internal lending that violates the PFO’s rules of conduct and puts the value of some customer deposits at risk.

At a press conference held early this morning, Alouatta refused to comment on rumours that the three banks have been lending funds to each other in one curency only: Ftoo.

If the rumour is true, say financial experts, it could have a major effect on financial institutions and on life in general for residents of The Park.

“If that is what they are doing, then they effectively have established an official currency in The Park and exchanged funds accordingly,” says Sierpinski Squirrel, Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners and author of Tools for Trade: Ten Strategies for Expanding The Park’s Economy.

The Park does not currently have an official currency and the establishment of one in law would require the usual unanimous agreement of the Archons.

“If these rumours are true,” says Sierpinski, “it means the banks, essentially, have usurped the power of the Archons and assumed the role of government. That would be a very serious and dangerous situation for us to find ourselves in,” he says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind Tagged With: #WednesdayRewind

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