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On This Day in 2014: Pre-hibernation sales “brisk” as Park awaits results of POPS election

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Hibernation outfitters and service providers are pleased with their sales thus far, according to the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS).

“2014 looks like a banner year and it comes as a bit of a surprise,” said founder and current PASS president Wellington Whistlepig this morning in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio.

Shopkeepers and grooming houses are reporting “brisk” business this season and the banks have reported larger than average deposits.

“If sales continue at this rate, we could match last year’s figures or even surpass them, which would be an amazing feat, considering that we had two extra weeks of shopping last year,” Whistlepig said.

The 2013 pre-hibernation season was extended from November 17 to December 1, due to difficulties in calculating the votes and establishing a winner in the election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS). The result was an increase in retail sales as well as an increase in expenditures in the construction sector, as Animals used the extra time to renovate their hibernation quarters or to build new ones.

This year, though, the Park Election Office says we can expect the results to be announced well before November 17, the official date of hibernation.

“Gone are the days of next-day results,” Park Election Office head Gerrit Wezel says.

“Our exploding population and the skyrocketing growth in the number of candidates make that impossible. But I can guarantee that we will have the results by the weekend,” he says.

The announcement likely will result in a rush to make last-minute arrangements, so Whistlepig is quick to remind Park Animals that shops will be closed until 1:00 p.m. on Friday, November 14 in order to celebrate the ceremonies of the Surrender of the Nut.

On This Day—November 10, 2016: “We don’t count votes by species,” Park Election Office head tells media

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vote-by-speciesMembers of the media drew ire this morning from Park Election Office head Gerritt Wezel when they pressed him on the subject of Groundhog participation in Monday’s election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

The media inquiries were made at a short press conference which Wezel had called to issue an update on the counting of votes and the estimated time of announcing the election winner.

But when the conference was opened up to questions, it became obvious that most media representatives were more interested in whether The Park’s Groundhog population had exercised its franchise in this unusual election.

After a few failed attempts to move past the question, a visibly annoyed Wezel issued a terse response: “We don’t count votes by species.”

The answer, though, seemed not to satisfy the media, who then pressed Wezel on the reason for the three polls the PEO conducted before the election, two of which indicated that The Park’s Groundhog population had become disenchanted with the present system.

Wezel did not directly answer that question, but he did confirm that the Archons and the PEO were looking at that polling information “very carefully.”

“All I can tell you right now is that there are going to be changes made to the POPS elections,” he said. “We are rapidly outgrowing this system and we need to take action as soon as possible.”

On This Day—November 9, 2012: Mixed reaction as Bastiaan Groundhog wins POPS election

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Amid roaring applause and loud shouts of support from the crowd, Bastiaan Groundhog accepted the POPS baton from Ulrica Gilda Groundhog, 2012 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring, at a moving ceremony held last night at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre.

After a gruelling night of debating his fellow candidates on Tuesday, Bastiaan retired to his burrow, where he remained for the entirety of election day. His only trip out was a quick one to the polls, where he cast his vote, presumably for himself.

“It’s a secret ballot, so I won’t say who I voted for,” the Groundhog said, flashing a knowing smile, as he spoke to reporters yesterday outside his burrow. “But I will say that I feel honoured to have been chosen 2013 POPS and I am humbled by the trust my fellow Park residents have put in me. I promise to do my very best on February 2.”

Outside the theatre, however, as the crowd gathered for a look at their new prognosticator, some Animals looked glum and disappointed.

“Same old, same old,” mumbled Sorcha Skunk, referring to the fact that no Animal except for a Groundhog has ever won the POPS election.

Others seemed to agree.

“You have to remember,” said Alexandre Lemure, “that it’s called ‘Groundhog Day’. It’s no surprise that they have the upper hand in the elections.”

Others, though, seemed less disgruntled and more hopeful.

“Last year was the first year that any Animal other than a Groundhog ran,” said Bertrand Macaw. “It’s small steps, but we’ll get there, eventually. In the meantime, we should support Bastiaan. We don’t want him to feel negative energy going into hibernation,” he said.

On This Day—November 8, 2012: 2012 Archons to make public education their legacy

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With a little more than two months to go before their term ends, the 2012 Archons announced plans today for “swift action” on their initiative to establish standardized public education in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Archon George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt unveiled the official plan for the establishment of a system of “dedicated venues” across The Park “to fulfill the burning need for a standardized system of education for our young.”

The plan, which bears the name “Harmony Through Education” has been years in the making, but the 2012 Archons felt the need had become urgent.

“After we read the results of the [education] study that was commissioned by the 2011 Archons, we knew we had to act,” Newt said.

The Archons explained their decision in a statement released prior to the press conference. It read, in part:

Interspecial harmony is a cornerstone of The Promise of The Park and it is under threat. Several studies have shown a growing lack of knowledge of and lack of exposure to other species among our young. This, we believe, has contributed to the increase in incidents of interspecial violence over the past few years. At the same time, we are seeing dwindling knowledge of The Park’s history among all species, as the oldest Park citizens die off and the young turn their attention elsewhere. We can no longer afford the luxury of leaving education to the family; we must accept the responsibility of educating The Park’s young in a organized fashion. If we do not, we put the future of The Park at risk.

Newt concluded the press conference by affirming the outgoing Archons’ commitment to The Park’s future.

“To us, the future is now. Let this be our legacy, then, that we said enough studies have been done, enough opinions have been expressed. We need to take action and swiftly,” he said.

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On This Day—November 7, 2014: Stripe removal most sought-after service: grooming houses

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The Park’s grooming houses are experiencing a sharp spike in the number of requests for their stripe removal services, according to survey results reported in the October newsletter of The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS).

In the newsletter, representatives of The Park’s major grooming houses report that the number of completed procedures has increased 190% in the past two years.

These statistics were among others gathered through questionnaires that were sent to PASS members. According to Wellington Whistlepig, founder and current PASS president, the survey is carried out annually “to take our members’ temperature, to assess the state of the economy, and to see what the Association can do for its members.”

The stripe removal statistics are “a disturbing trend,” the grooming houses admit.

“And those statistics don’t even include the number of inquiries or, as we call them, incomplete procedures,” says The Mane Event’s head coiffeur Marlene Bärin.

At Amoltrud’s Aesthetics, proprietor Amoltrud says that although she advises her clients against the procedure, her salon was forced to include the service in their offerings last year “in order to keep up with the competition.”

“Sometimes we do things we don’t believe in, so that we can continue to do the things we do believe in,” she says.

Meanwhile, Tallulah of Tallulah’s Toilettage calls stripe removal “a growth industry.”

“I see no end in sight,” she says.

Her shop was the first of The Park’s grooming houses to offer such a service but she says she never thought it would become a popular option.

“We can’t ignore the economic reasons for the rise in popularity. I think we should take a close look at these statistics and find a way to help our striped and spotted populations so they don’t need to feel they have to do this to survive [economically]. We should all be able to be who we are,” she says.

See also:
Two years on, striped and spotted Animals see little economic progress
Striped Animals not getting fair share of economic pie: study
“Stereotype Sundays” aim to foster harmony among species

On This Day—November 7, 2013: The Fowl Ball: New Avian charity gala “will benefit all”

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Something to crow about: Park Animals look forward to receiving their invitations to next Spring's charity gala, the Fowl Ball. The Ball will raise funds to aid The Park's Avian CommunityPark Animals will have something to crow about when they receive their invitation to next Spring’s new charity event, The Fowl Ball.

“This is going to be the event of the year, every year from now on,” proclaimed Rafael Ortega, one of the event’s organizers, at a press concert held yesterday to announce the event.

While some details have yet to be finalized, Ortega said the important ones were “carved in stone.”

“This isn’t just going to be a concert or an auction or a festival or a dance,” he said. “It’s going to be all of those and more. Animals will be primping and preening for days to get themselves ready for this. Every Animal in The Park is going to want to attend and they’re all going to want to look and feel their best,” he said.

And that’s only one of the ways in which the gala will “benefit all,” the organizer declared.

“Our main objective, of course, is Avian aid,” he admitted. “Our community continues to suffer unspeakable harm outside The Park. So, yes, we’ve organized this gala to raise funds to help our community, but we also believe it can benefit all of us by stimulating the economy. From those who make the signs and post the announcements to those who provide the food and beverages to those who make and sell our apparel and accessories to those who help us primp and preen…they’re all going to benefit from the business they’ll get from this event,” he said proudly.

And it appears he’s correct. This morning, The Park’s grooming houses jumped on board, praising the effort and voicing their support for the cause.

“This can only come to good for all of us,” said Dominic Bristlehead, co-owner of The Pluming Room.

That sentiment was echoed by Amoltrud Poedel, owner of Amoltrud’s Aesthetics and Tallulah of Tallulah’s Toilettage.

The Park’s restaurants and pubs were quick to weigh in on the announcement, too. Even Tab Tricolore, who has his paws full running three restaurants and trying to open a fourth at the Park Museum, seemed excited enough to want to participate.

“My own community has had its issues with Ortega’s in the past, but I support his cause one hundred percent and, if called upon, my chefs and I will serve,” he said.

On This Day—November 6, 2016: As POPS mega rally begins, Tavros gets support from 2016 Keeper of the Nut

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tavros-poster-sans-wallIn what many are calling a “November unnerving,” 2016 Keeper of the Nut Ekeoma L. Girraaf announced late last night that he will attend today’s POPS All Candidates’ mega rally in support of Yannis Tavros.

Girraaf, who last year became the first large Animal elected by The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) to serve as Keeper of the Nut, says it’s “high time this position became more inclusive.”

In a radio interview this morning on Toro Talk Radio, Tavros’s home station, Girraaf said that Tavros’s candidacy is not only groundbreaking, but “the logistical extension of what Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon put in place in 2003, when he opened up the position to elections with candidates from all species.”

But SAHC president Malinda L. Hamster, who last year expressed great joy at her community’s decision to elect Girraaf, says she herself has reservations about electing Tavros to the position.

“It isn’t his species that bothers me; it’s his temperament. He fluctuates wildly in both opinion and mood and I know that it takes a more steady temperament to be POPS,” she says.

“It isn’t just about the prediction, which arguably any Animal of any size or species could do. It’s about dealing with the pressures, before, during, and after. Predictions are disputed, those elected POPS in the past have been vilified and threatened. I don’t believe Yannis Tavros has the temperament to withstand such criticism. And I know he doesn’t have the discipline to stay quiet while his prediction is disputed.”

Despite her reservations, Hamster says that should Tavros win the election, she will abide by the decision of The Park’s Animals.

“It is an election, after all. And we must have faith in our fellow citizens,” she says.

On This Day—November 5, 2016: Significant number of Groundhogs say they won’t vote on November 7

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ballot-boxA significant number of The Park’s Groundhogs say they won’t be voting for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) on November 7.

In a new poll conducted by the Park Election Office on Thursday, twenty-seven percent of Animals who identify themselves as Groundhogs, Whistlepigs, or Marmots said they would not be casting a ballot this year for POPS. The vast majority of those, however, said they would be voting for Keeper of the Nut four days later.

This is the second poll on the subject the PEO has conducted in the last week. The top reasons given this time for sitting out the POPS election were disenchantment with the candidates and the feeling that the election had lost its real meaning and had been “co-opted” by celebrities such as Millicent Hayberry and Yannis Tavros.

In a related poll, sixty-eight percent of respondents said they believed the POPS should be a hibernator.

What do Mammalian Daily readers think? Answer our poll below and we’ll tell you the results when the election is over.

On This Day—November 4, 2014: Simply Structures sues after losing bid to build 2015 prognostication pad

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jgroundhogdaySimply Structures has filed suit against the Park Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations after losing its bid to construct the prognostication pad for the 2015 Groundhog Day celebrations.

In a short statement issued to media early this afternoon, the 2014 Archons confirmed that they had received notice of the suit.

“It is with regret that we confirm that Simply Structures, one of The Park’s oldest and most respected construction companies, with whom we have a longstanding relationship, has filed suit against us and against the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, for damages related to loss of income and alleged defamation. We are saddened by the company’s decision, but we intend to meet these allegations head-on in the days and months to come,” the statement reads.

The construction company is believed to have engaged the services of the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg in mid-October, after they were informed by the department that they had lost their bid. The department announced at the same time that they had selected Nesthetics as the builder of the 2015 prognostication pad.

On This Day—November 3, 2015: Hieronymous Hedgehog invokes uncle at emotional swearing-in ceremony

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Hieronymous Hedgehog It was comfortably warm yesterday afternoon and outside the law courts, a crowd gathered to watch Hieronymous Hedgehog take the oath of office as The Park’s first official Hibernation Ambassador.

Standing at the podium afterwards to deliver a short but moving speech, his spines sparkled in the midday sun. He paused just once to brush away a tear as he spoke of his much beloved uncle, Hamlin Jarvis Lambert Hedgehog, who served as Archon in 2000 and died in 2008, a victim of premature awakening from hibernation.

“I never thought I’d be able to pay tribute adequately to my Uncle Hamlin,” Hieronymous said. “And I never thought I’d have the chance to thank him for all he did for me and for The Park.

This honour—and this opportunity—mean everything to me. By sharing everything I know (and then some) about the process of hibernation, I will be contributing to interspecial understanding in The Park. But even more than that, I hope to save lives during my tenure. Because—let me warn you—I intend to take full advantage of my new position to raise awareness of the perils of premature awakening and its underlying causes. It’s the least I can do, not just for my Uncle Hamlin, but for the many victims of PA and their friends and families,” he said.

He also pledged to begin his new job “as soon as I leave this podium,” since the official date of hibernation is just two weeks away.

“I say,” he concluded with a smile, “I’ll be working nonstop until I go into hibernation myself, and by that time, you’ll be glad not to hear from me for a while.”

For everything you ever wanted to know about hibernation, follow Hieronymous on Twitter at HieronymousH.

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