The Mammalian Daily

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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

On This Day—November 2, 2012: POPS 2013: record number vie for coveted position

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With only a few days to go before the annual all candidates’ debate, the list of contenders vying for the position of Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) has reached the highest number in the office’s history.

According to The Park’s Election Office, 13 Animals have now registered their candidacy.

“This is the highest level of interest we’ve seen since elections were established almost ten years ago,” said PEO head Gerritt Wezel. “We expect at least five more Animals to announce before the cut-off time on Monday [November 5],” he said.

Since 2003 (23 AZ), subsequent to the decision of Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in the landmark case of “Spring’s Unsprung Heroes” vs the descendants of E. Bromley Groundhog, the position of POPS has been an elected one. In order to stand for election, Animals must officially announce their candidacy between October 15 and 11:59 on November 5. The names of the candidates are released at 2:00 a.m. on November 6. POPS hopefuls are then allowed to campaign for votes until 8:00 in the evening, when the all candidates’ debate begins.

The POPS election occurs on Wednesday, November 7, ten days before the official date of hibernation.

On This Day—November 1, 2016: Administration gives go-ahead to police for “stop and sniff,” but only for Humans

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FCSW President Gareth ShepherdIn a stunning reversal of policy, The Park’s administration has agreed to allow members of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) to use a long-forbidden but popular policing technique known as “stop and sniff.”

At a press conference this afternoon, Pia Hyena, chief negotiator for Park administration, confirmed that as of November 14, members of the FCSW will be allowed to use the technique, but only on Humans.

“This new right does not come without restrictions,” Hyena said, emphasizing that the administration would come down hard on any FCSW member who used the technique on Park residents.

Following the announcement, FCWS president Gareth Shepherd said his members were “grateful” that the administration had changed its position and thus acknowledged the difficulty of policing in The Park.

“I think we’ve gotten through to them, finally,” he said, as he left the press conference with Hyena.

Still, there are those who see this new right as merely a concession to the FCSW, whose members have been campaigning for years for the right to bite and threatened bark-to-rule action if they did not attain it this year.

But in a statement issued last month regarding ongoing negotiations with the FCSW, Hyena said the right to bite was “never on the table.”

“I do, however, look forward to a continuing and friendly relationship with the federation,” she said.

On This Day—October 31, 2016: Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt: Park Museum hosts first pop-up exhibit to honour POPS election process

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beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt-for-park-museumIn celebration of this year’s POPS election season, The Park Museum will host a pop-up exhibit entitled, “Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt.”

In an announcement yesterday afternoon, the museum’s Board of Governors said the multimedia exhibit is meant to honour the POPS election process as well as this year’s unconventional campaign.

The exhibit will showcase material related to the 2003 decision by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon to open the position of POPS to elections. It will also feature memorabilia from past campaigns, including posters, flyers, buttons, newspaper interviews, television and radio interviews, and recorded speeches.

This is the first pop-up exhibition hosted by the museum since its opening in March of 2015.

“Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt” will run from 31 October until 17 November 2016.

On This Day—October 31, 2014: Park Animals may be predisposed to eating Human food: Noreen

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Official NoreenWe shouldn’t judge Park Finance Officer Milton Struts too harshly if, in fact, he did accept an offer of food from Humans.

So writes Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier, who begins a leave of absence tomorrow to promote her new book, Lovely To Look At.

In an open letter to be published this weekend on The Mammalian Daily web site, Noreen encourages Park citizens to be “tolerant of the effects that proximity to Humans has had on our population.”

“There is scientific evidence that has come to us from experiments performed at the University of West Terrier that indicates very strongly that the prolonged exposure to Humans experienced by Park Animals has had a profound effect on our senses, most notably our senses of smell and taste,” she writes.

It is not surprising, then, that we have developed a taste for Human food, despite its inferior quality and our limited ability to digest it.

“Time was, no Park Animal would even consider eating something a Human eats. But times have changed. Not only do we consider it, but many more of us than we realize actually do it. It is the ‘dirty little secret’ that many Animals will not speak about. Whether or not Mr. Struts did eat the food as has been reported, it opens up a dialogue that we should have had a long time ago.” she writes.

lovely-to-look-at-front-coverNoreen’s book, Lovely To Look At, will be published in early November.
Copies will be available for purchase at the Toronto International Book Fair (November 13-16) and on the publisher’s web site thereafter.

On This Day—October 30, 2012: Douglas Cheetah film to be re-released in time for Halloween

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Bitter Litter Pictures announced today that it has re-released Douglas Cheetah’s controversial 2007 film, Black Cats Can’t Jump, in time for the Halloween season.

In a press release, the company confirmed rumours that the director’s cut version of the film will screen at the Park Cinema for two weeks only, beginning October 30.

“We are pleased to offer our sophisticated Park audience the director’s cut of Douglas Cheetah’s groundbreaking work,” the release stated.

Through a spokesAnimal, Cheetah expressed delight that more Animals will be able to see the film.

“Five years is a long time. Many more Animals have been born and come of age in that time and I am delighted that they will be able to see this film,” he said.

Cheetah is currently out of The Park, at work on a documentary that he hopes to release at the 2013 Park Interspecial Film Festival.

On This Day—October 29, 2015: Millicent Hayberry to star in new Gianfranco Colocolo mystery series

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Millicent Hayberry Millicent Hayberry will ring in the new year by starting a new gig at the Burrow Theatre.

In a press communiqué today, the renowned actress announced that, beginning in mid-February, she will star in a series of mysteries by award-winning author Gianfranco Colocolo.

“I am very pleased to announce that 2016 will find me back onstage at the Burrow Theatre, in a series of mysteries by Gianfranco Colocolo, the award-winning author of Murder at the Fishbowl. I look forward to working with our brilliant director Jean-Luc Briard and the rest of the wonderful cast,” the communiqué said.

The Burrow Theatre confirmed that rehearsals for the first play begin on Monday.

“As Millicent is a hibernator, she will not be available after November 17, so we have to get going right away and use the time we have,” a spokesAnimal for the theatre said.

Hayberry, who is best known for her portrayal of author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, is one of The Park’s early risers and, as such, she does not plan to return to her burrow after Groundhog Day. Instead, said the theatre’s spokesAnimal, “she expects to arrive here on February 3, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to get back to work.”

On This Day—October 28, 2015: Hieronymous Hedgehog named Park’s first official Hibernation Ambassador

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Hieronymous HedgehogHieronymous Hedgehog  has been chosen as The Park’s first official Hibernation Ambassador.

Chief Archon Abayomi Cuckoo made the announcement at a press event in front of the Wishing Well this morning.

With Hieronymous at her side, Cuckoo spoke briefly about the creation of the position and the responsibilities involved.

“This is by no means a ceremonial position,” she said emphatically. “After a series of consultations with a number of groups actively engaged in advocating for interspecial harmony, we Archons decided it was time to expand our own advocacy rôle beyond Stereotype Sundays,” she said.

The position, which has a term of five years, is the first of several that the Archons will be creating in the next few months until their term ends in January, Cuckoo told reporters.

The new Hibernation Ambassador will peform a variety of duties, with an emphasis on educating other Animals about hibernation and advocating for tolerance among species.

Hieronymous will be sworn in on the morning of Tuesday, November 2.

“We will have to keep the ceremony brief,” Cuckoo said. “He has a lot to do between then and November 17 [the official date of hibernation].”

On This Day—October 26, 2012: A call for calm as Archons outlaw Noon Nuttiness rioters

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The Park’s Chief Officer of Peace called for calm this morning, after a special meeting of the Archons resulted in the outlawing of the group responsible for the Noon Nuttiness violence on October 4.

In a statement read at a hastily-convened press conference, Raymond H. Mink, Chief Officer of Peace, asked all Park residents to respect the decision of the Archons to outlaw membership in Realidad Incorporated.

“Our governing body has seen fit to take action against those who, in an ongoing way, seek to disturb the peaceful ambience of our Park. I would ask that all Park residents respect this decision and that those who take issue with it do so in a peaceful and calm manner, as per the laws of The Park,” the statement read in part.

The Archons’ decision comes four days after GooseBook announced that it has filed a suit for damages against the group, whose members destroyed hundreds of the cackle™–enabled devices the company had lent to a film festival audience. The audience members had assembled at the Park Cinema to view the comedy, Kribbles, which was screened as part of the Noon Nuttiness component of the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF). Just as the film began, members of Realidad Incorporated grabbed the devices from audience members. The group later issued a statement explaining that their actions had been a protest against cackle™, a new “happy only” social networking site that is owned by GooseBook.

In a written statement released this afternoon, the Archons cited a number of factors that influenced their decision, including what they termed “an unprecedented degree of tension among Park citizens” and “the need to preserve peace at all costs throughout The Park”.

On This Day—October 25, 2015: Tricolore, VVTV team up with gewper for Park’s first scented holiday show

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Tab TricoloreCelebrity chef and restaurateur Tab Tricolore and Vertebrate Vision Television have teamed up with social networking site gewper to produce The Park’s first scented holiday show.

Tricolore made the announcement this morning via simultaneous posts to his gewper and GooseBook accounts.

“Happy to announce my newest venture: will be working with Vertebrate Vision TV and scented social media site gewper on a holiday special to be broadcast during Winter Solstice celebrations. Show to be first in Park history to have scent available,” the post said.

Aldrich Nashorn, Chief Executive Officer of RhinoTech, gewper’s parent company, also posted the news on his account, saying his company hoped this would be the beginning of “many profitable unions of sight and scent.”

RhinoTech launched gewper in 2011, four years after partnering with Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., makers of the popular scent-masking product, FeralNoMore™.  At the time, the company said they developed their new site to fill a void in the industry and to this date it remains the only social networking site in The Park that delivers scent.

Although the announcements mentioned no date for the show’s airing, a Vertebrate Vision spokesAnimal said it most likely would be broadcast during the week after The Park’s annual Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

“Tab made the request for that week so that Animals would be able to focus on the show and not on the Solstice celebrations,” the spokesAnimal said.

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