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OTD in 2015—DWBS issues warning to Animals regarding Humans vacationing in Park

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DWBS capture warningThe Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has issued its first-ever Summer security alert.

In a communiqué released this morning, the DWBS informs Animals of the increased risk of capture by Humans vacationing in The Park this Summer.

“We have estimated the level of risk to be high to very high for the Summer of 2015,” DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo says in the communiqué.

“Due to recent economic challenges in the Human world, many have chosen to spend their vacations close to home. This means that we can expect to see an increase in the number of Humans vacationing in The Park during the month of August. Although this is beneficial to The Park’s economy, it can also present problems. For this reason, we advise Park Animals to be alert at all times when dealing with Humans,” the communiqué warns.

Kakapo says the alert applies to all Park Animals, including those in the tourist industry, business owners, restaurateurs, groomers, artists, and musicians.

“Humans tend to get sentimental and to make emotional attachments during vacations and that makes them more likely to try to take Park Animals home with them,” Kakapo says.

There are, however, a number of precautionary measures that Animals can take in order to keep themselves safe and free from capture. These include dealing with Humans in a “professional” manner, refraining from befriending Human children, refusing all invitations to enter vehicles, especially large ones such as vans and SUVs, and refusing any and all “suspicious” invitations and gifts.

“Remember,” Kakapo says, “Humans may not mean to do harm but neither do they have your best interests at heart.”

Animals who do experience problems with Humans are encouraged to report any incidents immediately to one of the following DWBS hotlines:

Feral Cat Helpline: 1-899-33725228
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583
Missing Animals Registry: 1-899-64774642
Missing Family Members Report: 1-899-32645966
Youth line (Kittens, Puppies, Cubs, etc.): 1-899-96884546
Exotic Animals Helpline: 1-899-3968427

OTD in 2014—Fowl Ball funds Avian retirement home

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Fowl BallA portion of the proceeds from the annual Fowl Ball will be used to build and maintain a retirement residence for wounded and elderly members of The Park’s Avian community.

The event’s chief organizer Rafael Ortega made the announcement at a press conference early this morning.

Flanked by members of the Fowl Ball’s board of directors and by executives from the construction company Simply Structures, Ortega thanked all Park residents for their “overwhelming support” of the Fowl Ball.

“Just in this first year, we have taken in more funds than we expected to have after three years and we have all of you to thank,” he said.

“And because of your generosity, the board of directors has deemed it feasible to dedicate a portion of those funds annually to the welfare of our elderly and wounded Avians.”

In a post-conference interview, Ortega said The Park has a growing population of wounded and elderly Avians, many of whom find migration difficult or impossible. The new residence will be built to shelter these Birds from the cold during the Winter season. He said he hopes the new home will be ready to welcome residents by the Winter of 2018.

OTD in 2015—”Plumpen Rolletariat” artist to open PMoCA’s new exhibition in August

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Ingolf EwaldArtist Ingolf Ewald, known for his painting, “Plumpen Rolletariat,” has been selected to open the Park Museum of Contemporary Art’s newest exhibition in August.

The PMoCA’s head curator Aamuun Maroodiga made the announcement in a press release this morning:

“On behalf of the Park Museum of Contemporary Art, I am pleased to announce that artist Ingolf Ewald has graciously accepted our invitation to open our upcoming exhibition, ‘Art of the Domestic Feline,’ at a gala to be held at the museum on August 8,” the press release reads.

Ewald, who has courted controversy for over a decade with this particular painting, posted on his own web site that he was honoured by the request.

“When Aamuun Maroodiga asked me to lend my painting to the museum for the purpose of an exhibition, I said yes immediately,” he wrote.

“I have always been a supporter of the domestic art movement, since my origins lie in that territory. But this exhibition is special to me, because the curator is a close acquaintance and because I know that my work will be among other great works of domestic art.”

Although Ewald has sold many of his paintings, he maintains ownership of “Plumpen Rolletariat” and has never lent it to an exhibition before.

According to the museum’s web site, the opening gala will include an auction of a more recent work by Ewald, the proceeds from which will be donated to the CatsCare charity.

OTD in 2015—Tall Tail Books moves into Human market with “explainer videos” of books

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Tall Tail BooksRevered Park publisher Tall Tail Books announced yesterday that it will be making its first foray into the Human market this Autumn with a series of “explainer videos” of its most popular books.

The company, whose books include “Albert: A Life on the Street,” “Once Around the Block with Foster,” and “When All Good Things Begin with B,” confirmed in a statement released yesterday that it sees “great potential” in expanding into the Human market.

“We are confident that Humans will be able to understand and enjoy our books as long as they are explained to them carefully and we believe that our products will add value to what is already a large market,” said the statement, which was signed by company president Nathania T. Manx.

The first of the explainer videos will be released in late September, according to a company spokesAnimal. Tall Tail has engaged the services of one of The Park’s major animation companies, AniMAZZA, to produce the videos. AniMAZZA’s work includes the film, Peter Popinjay, which was screened at the 2009 Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

Tall Tail Books was founded as the “Small Animal’s Publisher” by writer and editor Thomas Owen Manx, who saw the need for small Animals to share their experience in the world. After Manx’s death, his daughter Nathania assumed the presidency of the company.

OTD in 2008—Editorial: When beggars become choosers, we all become losers

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The line at the top of the CatsCare letterhead tugs at the heartstrings: “When the heart is full, the stomach rarely grumbles.”

How ironic that exhortation to all of us to feel for the less fortunate seems now, in light of the recent undoing of that charity’s board and the unseating of Bentley, its founder and president.

While it is too early in the investigation to render the final judgment, it is much too late for the rest of us to pretend that we had no inkling that something was rotten in the state of one of The Park’s oldest charities.

To be sure, there were signs. First among them was the 22 AZ decision made by the CatsCare board to accept only cash donations.

When a charity that feeds, houses, and provides medical care for needy Cats refuses to take donations in kind, what are we to make of it? And what, we must ask, is the effect of such a policy, not only on the recipients of their charitable aid, but on the donating population, as well?

In the case of CatsCare, the policy’s intentions have become all too clear in recent months. Yet, the effects of this folly have been far more profound than anyone ever intended: for, while Bentley and his board were busy fattening up their bank accounts with Ftoo siphoned off from donated funds, they were, at the same time, violating the trust of those who rely on them, abusing the trust of their donors, and shattering the confidence of all Park Animals in the idea of assisting each other by means of institutions set up for that purpose.

The breach is wide. The healing will take much time. But profound changes must occur.

No matter what the courts find, it is clear that CatsCare violated the code of ethics. Yet, where, in law, can we find this code of ethics? Alas, we cannot, for we have not committed it to law. This we must do, now. We must inscribe in law what we believe to be the proper behaviour for our charities. We must also imbed in any definition of “charity” this simple but essential idea: that we must take from our donors and give to the needy whatever it is that they need in such form as they require it. Only then can we restore the confidence of the donating public.

OTD in 2011—New social networking site to offer scent option

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gewpergreenlogoPark Animals who use social networking sites to connect with friends and family will soon be able to avail themselves of a new option. If all goes well with its final tweaking, gewper, set to open its virtual doors on August 1, will offer users the ability to smell those they know and those they might wish to know in the future.

Over a period of more than two years, RhinoTech, Inc., the new site’s developer, has been collaborating with Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., makers of the popular scent-masking product, FeralNoMore™, to create what company executives are calling “the ultimate Animal experience in the virtual world.”

“This new site is nothing short of revolutionary,” said a RhinoTech spokesAnimal at a press conference last week.

“For the first time in history, a [social networking] site will be Animal-centric…able to deliver the kind of information that Animals have been asking for and need,” she said.

gewper (pronounced “Gooper”) will allow members to upload their scent to the site’s servers. Those whom members have designated as having the right to do so will be able to download the scent from the site simply by pressing the “Scent” button.

Membership in the site will be free of charge, the spokesanimal confirmed, as will be the scent download.  The site’s developers believe that gewper will be so successful that it will generate enough advertising revenue in its first year to pay for their next online venture: a site that will allow members to touch each other, literally, across cyberspace.  According to RhinoTech, the desire for that feature tops the list in its most recent consumer survey.

“I know many Animals who would just love to be able to butt heads with their friends across the world,” said the RhinoTech spokesAnimal.

OTD in 2013—Park Animals enraged by “third prong” of tourism strategy

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Park Tourism

Enraged Park Animals are planning to protest formally against the latest move by the 2013 Archons to promote tourism in The Park.

The third prong of the so-called “three-prong tourism strategy” that was laid out by the 2012 Archons calls for a change in Animals’ behaviour “to make tourists feel as if they are a welcome and valuable addition to our lives.”

In order to effect this behavioural change, the newly-established Park Office of Tourism (POT) has published a brochure outlining the new strategy and calling for Animals to act as “a more polite and welcoming guide to The Park.”

The brochure, which was distributed last week to all retail shops, grooming houses, and restaurants will be made available to Park Animals at their homes, as well. In it, the POT explains the new strategy in detail and offers a reference table of phrases that “work well with non-resident Animals, including Humans.” The brochure also includes a section of illustrated Animal facial expressions and assigns them scores according to how close they come to being “the most favourable visage for a tourist to encounter.”

Not surprisingly, the new strategy and the brochure have ignited a firestorm. They’ve also prompted some Park residents to form an anti-tourism group that is calling itself “NoPARKing.”  The group’s president, Emmanuelle Musaraigne, has pledged that her group will not let the Archons get away with what she calls “the most ridiculous scheme ever.”

“This whole idea is outrageous, costly and damaging to our way of life,” she said in an interview this morning. “We have to put a stop to it now, before it takes over our lives.”

The original tourism plan, which was revealed to the public last June, was conceived by 2012 Chief Archon George Newt as a way of opening up a new revenue stream for The Park. The plan was met with skepticism initially and has continued to anger Park residents, even though many hoped it would benefit The Park both financially and culturally.

Related articles:

OTD in 2016—Park Museum to present Holstein Fashion’s EDAM Collection

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Penguin in Holstein Fashion outfit

The Park Museum announced today that it is collaborating with Holstein Fashion to present the company’s EDAM Collection as part of a new exhibition.

In a post on the museum’s web site, the Board of Governors said Dorika Pumi, head curator of the museum’s art gallery, will work closely with Holstein Fashion and Designs by Holstein to present the fashion house’s creations “in context.”

Entitled, Creations from the EDAM Collection, the exhibition “will shine a light on the plight of those who experience enforced domestication,” the post says.

The designs of the EDAM Collection were commissioned exclusively for The Park’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month. The creations will be showcased with written commentary and the museum plans to invite experts in the field of enforced domestication, extinction anxiety, and interspecial relations to conduct seminars and Q & A sessions during the exhibition.

According to the web post, Creations from the EDAM Collection will open on August 1, 2016.

To read the full announcement, click here.

OTD in 2016—Where’s the comma? Ancient Open-Theatre rebrands itself for a new era

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AOATWhat’s in a comma?

More than you might realize, says the head of The Park’s oldest theatre.

In an interview with The Mammalian Daily this week, Carlota Tuatara, head of the Ancient Open-Air Theatre—or AOAT, as it will be known in some circles—explained the recent rebranding of The Park’s most revered venue.

“You might not think that it makes a difference, but it does, and it’s a huge difference,” Tuatara said. “That comma is redundant and never should have been put in the theatre’s name in the first place.”

Tuatara and her board of directors contend that the comma’s position after the word “ancient” is grammatically “archaic.”

“Many of us in The Park gave up separating adjectives with commas decades ago. We took some time with it because we didn’t want to shock our supporters. But the theatre is ancient and it doesn’t need archaic grammar to tell us that twice,” she said.

As for the theatre’s new logo, Tuatara says they looked for “simplicity above all.”

“This theatre was built to be functional and to last. We wanted a logo that said that loud and clear. ‘Here’s the stage. Here are the seats.’ We pored through thousands of submissions before we decided on the one that really spoke to us,” she said.

So, what else will be changing at the AOAT?

While Tuatara was coy about any further changes, she was effusive about the possibilities the future holds.

“We took this theatre from classic drama to the Toe-Hair Contest and huge, multi-artist concerts. We’ve done wonders over the years, making it relevant to the daily life of Park residents and we’re looking to build on that success in the future,” she said.

OTD in 2016—Tavros-Tricolore war escalates as chef bars radio host from PurrBoy Café

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PurrBoy Logo (1)The war of words and deeds between Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros and celebrity chef Tab Tricolore continued today, with the news that the chef has officially barred Tavros from attending Thursday’s Charity Concert After-Party at his PurrBoy Café.

“I won’t let him in the door. I refuse to look at his face,” Tricolore said in a television interview this morning.

The problems between the two began a month ago, when Tavros publicly accused Tricolore of discrimination because he does not allow non-striped Animals at The Tabby Club. Tricolore responded by saying that Tavros was “all bluster” and he ignored his repeated calls to be allowed into the club, which was established by Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy.

But things turned nasty after Tricolore announced he would introduce his new drink, the “Liberation Libation,” at the Chitter Radio Literary Awards. Tricolore served the drink free of charge to Awards attendees but, as many chefs do, he kept the ingredients and the recipe a secret. Tavros then threatened to publicly “deconstruct” the drink, which he did with the aid of a drinks expert whom he invited to his show. For the past few days, Tavros has been tweeting the drink’s ingredients. And that was the last straw, according to those close to Tricolore.

“Tab can take a lot of personal criticism, but when it comes to his cooking or his business, he lays down the law,” says Tricolore’s former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla. “I’m not at all surprised that he’s barred Tavros from the PurrBoy.”

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