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Outgoing Chief Archon Klarissa Kuttu: “My realism was ahead of its time.”

January 13, 2018 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

CHIEF ARCHON KLARISSA KUTTU: THE EXIT INTERVIEW

In her only exit interview, The Park’s 2017 Chief Archon, Klarissa Escalade Kuttu—whose term ends on Tuesday—told The Mammalian Daily that she was misrepresented as anti-Human by the press and others and that she feels her realism is “ahead of its time.” 


We sat down with Chief Archon Klarissa E. Kuttu earlier this month to discuss zoocracy, the expectations of government, and her hopes for the future of The Park and Animal self-rule.

TMD: Thank you, Chief Archon Kuttu, for sitting down with us today.

KEK: Thank you for inviting me. I’m happy to talk to you today.

TMD: Chief Archon Kuttu, I think it’s safe to say that the expectations placed on a new Chief Archon are enormous and so must be the pressure of that, as well. Would you agree?

KEK: Yes, I do agree, though I wouldn’t agree if you’d said, “unreasonable” expectations. I think it’s fair for The Park’s citizens to expect a lot from their government and when we come up short, it’s also fair for them to criticize us.

TMD: Which leads me to this question, if you don’t mind: according to some polls, you have been one of the most unpopular Chief Archons in the history of zoocracy. What do you make of that and how much responsibility do you take? Was it a failure of communication? A misunderstanding?

KEK: I noticed you said some polls and, if you hadn’t, I would object. But, yes, there were some polls—and obviously, many Park citizens—who disagreed with me vehemently, though I doubt they would have said I didn’t have The Park’s best interests in mind.

I believe strongly that many of the controversies during my term were due to the misrepresentation of me by the press and others. I don’t think you can deny that I was depicted as anti-Human, which was at best unhelpful and at worst, damaging to progress in The Park. And, yes, I do take some responsibility for the misunderstanding of my views and policies. Clearly, I did not explain myself well enough. But, even more than that, I misread the state of mind of the citizenry.

TMD: In what way?

KEK: We have had some trying times in the past few years and I admit I didn’t realize to what extent that had affected the emotional and mental outlook of Park Animals. I didn’t understand their very real desire for calm and stability. My term as Chief Archon should have reflected that and responded to it. Instead, I wanted to charge ahead with ideas that Park Animals simply weren’t ready for. And, here, you really do have to keep in mind the pace of any Park government. We are selected by lottery, we have twelve months to deal with all aspects of running The Park. Ninety percent of those aspects, I would say, we have no idea of until we get here. In some ways, it’s a crazy way to govern.

TMD: Are you saying that zoocracy doesn’t work?

KEK: Of course not. What I am saying, though, is that it was designed in a much simpler time, and for a much simpler purpose. It was designed so that we could take control of our lives and our property. Thirty-five years ago, no Animal could have imagined the challenges we face today. We are in desperate need of modernization, and not just of our government, but of our state of mind. And I tried to bring that to my Archonship, but it was too early. I see that now. We need to ease into these things, but I butted ahead with them and we see the results. Or lack of results.

TMD: For the record, though, are you anti-Human?

KEK:  I am not “anti” any species. But I am a realist. And, in many ways, my realism was ahead of its time. Humans hold an enormous amount of power in the world. And, if we’re to be honest, they do still hold power over us in The Park. It’s an imbalance that I felt and still feel is untenable and I tried to change that with what I considered would be simple tweaks. But, as it turns out, they weren’t simple at all. And they became my grand mistakes.

TMD: Such as restricting trade with Humans and ending Human tourism?

KEK: Among the many, yes.

TMD: Which others?

KEK: I’ll leave that for you and for The Park’s many political commentators to mull over and, perhaps, write books about.

TMD: What would you consider your greatest failure?

KEK: I have said this before and I’ll say it again: my government’s failure to find a suitable head of Park Finance—a suitable budget chief—and to prepare a 2018 budget. I think that might be the greatest failure.

TMD: And your greatest success?

KEK: I would like to think that I did bring some awareness of the threat that we face from Humans, as well as from other species. And from ourselves. I would like to think that we are now more aware than ever of the fragility of Animal self-rule and that we might stop either taking it for granted or revering it unrealistically.

TMD: Are we in danger of losing it?

KEK: I think we are always in danger of losing it. Nothing is forever and as we have seen from Human society, things can go backwards. It doesn’t take much. We must guard what we value and continue to value what we guard. To hold it dear. Otherwise, who knows what can happen.

TMD: Now that you’re no longer in government, what does your future hold?

KEK: I hope it will hold peace. And friendship. But I also want to stay involved. I would never retreat from the political sphere entirely, now that I’ve learned so much.

TMD: Would you serve another term?

KEK: Yes, I would. And I, too, believe in longer terms and when I’ve rested up a bit, I will be prepared to fight for that. One year is not long enough.

TMD: Two years?

KEK: Maybe even three. Whatever the citizenry can bear. It will be a long haul to change the rules, but I do believe in long haul government. [laughing]

TMD: Chief Archon, it really has been a pleasure to talk to you today. We all in The Park wish you well in the future. And we want to express our deep gratitude for your work in the service of zoocracy and The Park.

KEK: The pleasure has been mine, in moving zoocracy to its next phase and in sitting here with you to talk about it. I’ll see you at the swearing-in on January 16 and again on Groundhog Day.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Interviews, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Archons, Chief Archon, exit interview

Park Museum to host exhibit honouring Prognostication Pad

October 17, 2017 By Endla Metsümiseja, TMD Groundhog Day Reporter

2017-Prognostication-Pad-1In celebration of almost fifteen years of elected prognosticators in The Park, The Board of Governors of The Park Museum today announced a new exhibit, “The Means and the Message: A Decade of Prognostication Pads.”

This multimedia exhibit will honour not only those who have been elected Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but the means that they have used to make their predictions: the prognostication pad.

The Winterlong exhibit will showcase the evolution of the prognostication pad throughout the past decade, putting the pad in historical context, and demonstrating the way in which its use has changed the office and duties of the prognosticator as well as the way in which spectators view the prediction.

Included in the exhibit will be pad architects’ blueprints, messages, notes, and correspondence, press interviews with Chief organizer Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr., and videotaped interviews with former prognosticators. Throughout the Winter, the museum will also host Q&A sessions with architects and with journalists who have covered The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations over the years.

The exhibit will also feature memorabilia from POPS campaigns, including posters, flyers, buttons, newspaper interviews, television and radio interviews and recorded speeches, as well as original documents from court challenges to the predictions.

“The Means and the Message: A Decade of Prognostication Pads” will run from 31 October until 14 February 2018.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Groundhog Day, park museum, prognostication pad

Gossip site: We have photos of Archon in bed with Humans

June 19, 2017 By Renée Simone Canard, TMD Gossip Reporter

headsNtalesWHOA! BRAKING NEWS The gossip site headsNtales says it plans to publish a set of photos of 2017 Archon Nakato Bonobo that show her in a compromising position with Humans.

In a post dated today, the site claimed to have in its possession fourteen photos of Bonobo sleeping in a bed between two adult Humans. Co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo said she believes the incident in the photos took place in late April in a home outside The Park.

While the site has not yet identified the Humans in the photos, Guacamayo says there is no doubt about who is sleeping between them.

“It was completely by accident that we were able to get these photos and the reason we waited so long to disclose them is that we didn’t believe it, ourselves, at first. But there is no doubt in our minds that the Animal sleeping between these two Humans is, in fact, 2017 Archon Nakato Bonobo,” Guacamayo told The Mammalian Daily.

Guacamayo said that she’d contacted Bonobo about the photos, but had received no reply. headsNtales intends to publish the photos this month.

If the photos are of Bonobo, it would be particularly embarrassing for her if they were published in June. Bonobo has been an outspoken supporter of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) and a vocal champion of the many refugee organizations in The Park. She has even been called “anti-Human,” which she has said she regards as a compliment.

As of the publication of this article, there has been no reaction from Chief Archon Klarissa Kuttu or any of Bonobo’s colleagues in the 2017 government.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Gossip and Rumour, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, Whoa! Braking News Tagged With: Archon Nakato Bonobo, Humans, hypocrisy, sleeping with Humans

Noreen, UWT law professor launch Domestic Empowerment Initiative

June 15, 2017 By Viona Adelaar, TMD Justice and Legal Affairs Reporter

Official NoreenNoreen has embarked on a new venture.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and University of West Terrier adjunct professor of Human Studies has partnered with Chittenden School of Law professor Fionnula Fox to help Animals currently living in a domestic situation with Humans gain more control over their possessions and estates.

After conducting a study last year that concluded that domestic Animals had virtually no control over their possessions, Fox—a specialist in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park)—invited Noreen to work with her on rectifying what she calls a “dismal situation” for domestic Animals.

“I thought we’d make a great pair in this regard,” she told The Mammalian Daily. “I was sure that if we combined Noreen’s deep knowledge and understanding of Humans and my knowledge of the law outside The Park, we’d be able to come up with the perfect solution.”

Whether that solution is perfect remains to be seen, but the confident pair will unveil the first part of its Domestic Empowerment Initiative (DEI) on June 22, fittingly during Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM).

The University of West Terrier’s Chittenden School of Law will host the Q&A event and forms for wills and booklets on estate planning will be given out free of charge to all Animals.

Both Fox and Noreen know the risks involved in trying to change Humans’ views and behaviour, but they’re both confident it can be done over time.

“For the sake of domestic Animals, we have to adopt a slow and gentle approach with Humans,” says Fox. “Because the truth is we have no legal basis to force them to do anything.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: control over possessions, domestic animals, domestic empowerment initiative, empowerment, wills and estates

Breaking NewsBits: Vadim Kobras to deliver UWT commencement address

May 23, 2017 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

Fleck + Stone’s Chief Architect has been chosen to deliver the University of West Terrier’s commencement day address. Read the full announcement here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Education, Month Without Metaphor, NewsBits, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: UWT commencement day speaker

Breaking NewsBits—Kuttu’s anti-Human views unpopular with some Archons, business owners: rumour

May 23, 2017 By Renée Simone Canard, TMD Gossip Reporter

headsNtales

Chief Archon Klarissa Kuttu’s views on trade with Humans are as unpopular with some of her fellow Archons as they are with The Park’s business owners, says gossip web site headsNtales. The site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo says that Aristodama Tortoise and Nathan Edward Puffin went on record saying Kuttu’s isolationist policies will damage the economy. Guacamayo quotes Tortoise: “It seems she has no sense of history.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, NewsBits, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Anti-Human policies, trade with Humans

DWBS “disappointed” that Mating Dance selfie warnings not heeded

May 12, 2017 By Thaddeus S. Loris, TMD Health and Safety Reporter

Pig SelfieFor the second year in a row, selfies and other photos of Park Animals that were taken during last Friday’s Mating Dance have been posted on the internet.

“It appears that our repeated warnings to Park Animals to take precautions against Humans photographing them taking selfies fell on deaf ears,” said Cornelius Kakapo, Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), at a press conference this morning.

While Kakapo confirmed that a second investigation has been launched into the posting of Mating Dance photos, he was quick to emphasize that little could be done about the problem at this point.

“This is about prevention, not about cure,” he said. “The time to do something about it is before it happens. We have no way of forcing Humans to remove the pictures from their sites. We can only do our best to prevent it. ”

Kakapo said the department had received legal advice and was told that although under Park law the posting of these photos is considered a hate crime, Park Animals have no ability to pursue their legal rights outside The Park.

“Unfortunately, that is the case,” explained Fionnula L. Fox, professor of law at the University of West Terrier and a specialist in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park) on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

“It does not lie within our jurisdiction to prosecute Humans who reside outside The Park.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Humans, mating dance selfies

Former PFO head Milton Struts to be a guest on Yannis Tavros show this week

April 25, 2017 By Juho Morsk, TMD Media Reporter

YannisTavros Milton Struts, the disgraced former head of the Park Finance Office, will be a guest on the Yannis Tavros show on Thursday, according to a press release issued today by Toro Talk Radio.

The radio station said Struts, who recently returned to The Park after an extended stay in the land of his ancestors, will discuss the budgets of ousted PFO head Valentina Abeja, as well as other economic and social issues facing The Park.

Struts, who oversaw the PFO and served as budget chief for almost a decade, was relieved of his duties in 2014 after a series of scandals involving his relationship with Humans.

The gossip web site headsNtales claims Struts has met with Chief Archon Klarissa Kuttu to discuss returning to his old job. But after the site posted a picture of his newly-refurbished abode under the headline, “He’s baaaack!” Struts issued a statement denying the rumours, saying he had “non-governmental” plans for the next few years.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Media, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: budget, PFO head Milton Struts, rumours, Yannis Tavros

It’s official: Abeja is out, search is on for new PFO head

April 21, 2017 By Adelbert Mókus, TMD Financial Reporter

PFO Head Valentina AbejaBREAKING NEWS

Valentina Abeja has left the PFO building.

Or at least, she’ll be gone by April 30.

In a short statement this afternoon, the Park Finance Office confirmed the rumours of the past few weeks:

“The Park Finance Office wishes to inform all Park citizens that PFO head Valentina Abeja will be leaving her post as of April 30 of this year. We thank her for her work and for the integrity with which she oversaw the PFO and two Park budgets and we wish her all the best in her future endeavours.”

The PFO also confirmed that it has initiated a search for a new head and budget chief.

Abeja was appointed in February of 2015, after Milton Struts was unceremoniously relieved of his duties after a series of scandals involving Humans. She moved swiftly to unite the PFO and to prepare budgets that reflected the needs and concerns of Park citizens. According to an August 2016 poll by The Cosmopolitan Pest, Abeja is extremely well-liked and trusted and most Park citizens were hoping that she would continue to head the PFO.

“She may be the best-liked and best-respected PFO head The Park has ever had,” Inès Puceron, the magazine’s editor, said last week. “But her ideas do not reflect those of the present Chief Archon.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: budget, Milton Struts, Park Finance Office, Valentina Abeja

Park’s Avian population set to soar above other species: BirdBrains

April 17, 2017 By Marikit Kuneho, TMD Park Life Reporter

yellow-bird-soaring

The Park’s Avian population is set to soar above all other species, according to a report published last week by the Avian mentoring programme, BirdBrains.

The report, entitled, “Zoocracy After Thirty-Five: A New Avian Era,” analyzes a number of studies of the development of The Park’s Avian population in the years following the establishment of zoocracy.

According to these studies, Avians dipped in levels of education, employment, and entrepreneurship during the first decade and a half of zoocracy, when they were overtaken by other species, the large majority of which were Mammals and Fish. In addition, statistics from the Long Gone Registry confirm that the number of Avians who chose to leave The Park permanently grew consistently from 1995 to 2005. The first cohort set up homes and infrastructure in other areas, which encouraged an exodus in the years between 2001 and 2005.

But all that is about to change, according to the report’s authors and BirdBrains directors, Gwendolyn Goose and Henry Gander, whose late father, Cesar Emilio Gander, founded the Avian mentoring programme.

The average level of education in the Avian population has gone from the rudimentary level to intermediate, says Goose, with a significant increase in the number of Avians attending institutions of higher learning.

“This year, Avians will constitute the largest number of new students as well as the largest number of graduates,” Goose says proudly.

In addition, many more Avians have become interested in technology and, in turn, entrepreneurship. Goose and Gander credit their father’s vision, as well as that of the education initiative of the 2011 and 2012 Archons, with the change in the Avian mindset.

“Many more Birds are making the decision to stay here and get an education. They see opportunities that aren’t available outside The Park and they’re now reaching for the stars,” says Gander.

Kawena Palila is one of them. An alumna of BirdBrains, Palila credits the programme with helping her to realize her dream, the social media site gaggle, which went live last year. Palila says the programme helped her get funding and some extra expertise for the site, as well as encouraging her to “think Avian,” which resulted in a site “not for the individual, but for the flock.”

Goose and Gander say there are many more Palilas on the horizon and they look forward to mentoring many flocks of them in the coming years.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Education, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Avian population, education, entrepreneurship, technology

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