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Administration gives go-ahead to police for “stop and sniff,” but only for Humans

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FCSW President Gareth ShepherdIn a stunning reversal of policy, The Park’s administration has agreed to allow members of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) to use a long-forbidden but popular policing technique known as “stop and sniff.”

At a press conference this afternoon, Pia Hyena, chief negotiator for Park administration, confirmed that as of November 14, members of the FCSW will be allowed to use the technique, but only on Humans.

“This new right does not come without restrictions,” Hyena said, emphasizing that the administration would come down hard on any FCSW member who used the technique on Park residents.

Following the announcement, FCWS president Gareth Shepherd said his members were “grateful” that the administration had changed its position and thus acknowledged the difficulty of policing in The Park.

“I think we’ve gotten through to them, finally,” he said, as he left the press conference with Hyena.

Still, there are those who see this new right as merely a concession to the FCSW, whose members have been campaigning for years for the right to bite and threatened bark-to-rule action if they did not attain it this year.

But in a statement issued last month regarding ongoing negotiations with the FCSW, Hyena said the right to bite was “never on the table.”

“I do, however, look forward to a continuing and friendly relationship with the federation,” she said.

Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt: Park Museum hosts first pop-up exhibit to honour POPS election process

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beyond-a-shadow-of-a-doubt-for-park-museumIn celebration of this year’s POPS election season, The Park Museum will host a pop-up exhibit entitled, “Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt.”

In an announcement yesterday afternoon, the museum’s Board of Governors said the multimedia exhibit is meant to honour the POPS election process as well as this year’s unconventional campaign.

The exhibit will showcase material related to the 2003 decision by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon to open the position of POPS to elections. It will also feature memorabilia from past campaigns, including posters, flyers, buttons, newspaper interviews, television and radio interviews, and recorded speeches.

This is the first pop-up exhibition hosted by the museum since its opening in March of 2015.

“Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt” will run from 31 October until 17 November 2016.

October 29: Your Election Update in Five

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pops-election-reporter

Welcome to Your Election Update in Five Points

As of today, this is what is happening in the race for POPS:

  • The Park Election Office reports that a new survey of eligible voters finds that a significant number of Groundhogs say they will not vote this November. Top five reasons cited: 1. too many candidates vying for position; 2. too many non-hibernators in the race; 3. don’t trust the candidates; 4. past prediction errors; 5. loss of faith in the POPS election process
  • ‘Tis the season: This election season may be hard on voters, but it’s doing wonders for The Park’s comedians. Business at The Howler, The Park’s only comedy club, is up thirty-five percent, say its owners. In fact, the whole thing seems so funny to Dalmanik that he’s dumped his Human jokes in favour of telling election jokes. A Groundhog walks into an election…well, you’ll have to go to The Howler to hear the rest
  • Former prognostication pad designers will be holding an information session on Monday at two o’clock. Those interested in fighting this year’s decision by the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations to hire Fleck + Stone to design the pad are invited to meet with them and to sign their petition
  • Gunnar Rotte continues his “Stop the Bull” campaign against Yannis Tavros: Rotte will be hosting an “information booth” just outside the Ancient Open-Air Theatre during tomorrow’s Stereotype Sunday (he is forbidden to attend the event)
  • More rumours: for the first time in history, some of The Park’s newspapers will endorse candidates. They claim it will aid voters in their decision.

October 28: Your Election update in five

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pops-election-reporter

Welcome to Your Election Update in Five Points

As of today, this is what is happening in the race for POPS:

  • The Park Museum will host its first pop-up exhibition from October 31-November 17. Entitled “Beyond A Shadow Of A Doubt,” the multimedia exhibit will “honour the POPS election process as well as this year’s unconventional campaign.” The exhibit will showcase material related to the 2003 decision by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon to open the position of POPS to elections. It will also feature memorabilia from past campaigns, including posters, flyers, buttons, newspaper interviews, television and radio interviews and recorded speeches
  • Sylvana Rana, president of Save Our Political System, said in an interview today that “hundreds” of POPS candidates are anti-sortitionists and have entered the race in order to destroy our current political system. So far, no candidate has responded to her charge
  • The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations continues to take flack for their decision to hire Fleck + Stone to design what is now being called the “posh pad.” Other prognostication pad designers are said to be banding together to fight the decision
  • Celebrity Chef Tab Tricolore has made an ad warning Animals not to vote for Yannis Tavros. The two fought for months over Tricolore’s policy of allowing only striped Animals into The Tabby Club until Tricolore opened the pub up to all during the five days of the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)
  • Rumour has it that psychotherapist and Extinction Anxiety Clinic staff member Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon is at work on a book called, “POPS Psychology.” The book analyzes the psychological makeup of a Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) and discusses the toll the stress of the prediction takes on the successful candidate

October 27: Your Election update in five

By

pops-election-reporter

Welcome to Your Election Update in Five Points

As of today, this is what is happening in the race for POPS:

  • Park Election Office head Gerritt Wezel confirmed today that there will be no debate held this year: “Too many candidates, too little time.” Candidates are on their own to let voters know their qualifications to make the Groundhog Day prediction
  • In response to a question put to him by The Equine Echo, Chief Archon Raymond Mink said they are still drafting the law that will determine which Animal becomes the “spare” in the POPS election. In this election cycle, it will be the Animal who receives the second-largest number of votes
  • Official Hibernation Ambassador Hieronymous Hedgehog has coined a term for the crankiness his fellow hibernators exhibit at this time of year: Torpor Tantrum. He says he’s working with The Park’s medical community to find a solution before November 17, the official date of hibernation
  • Chief Mikko Tikkeri will be hosting a “get to know the candidates” lunch and dinner this Saturday, October 29
  • In an effort to combat the theatrics of this year’s election, some of the lesser-known candidates have formed groups according to species and they say they’ll be pooling their resources to pay for signs and other election materials

Hire causes ire: Groundhog Day organizers take flack for Fleck + Stone

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jgroundhogdayThe Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has become the object of the public’s ire since announcing yesterday that it had hired the architectural firm of Fleck + Stone to design the 2017 prognostication pad.

According to Park Police, officials at the department began receiving hate mail and threats shortly after their morning press conference, during which they introduced the firm’s chief architect Vadim Kobras, and discussed the size and style of the new pad.

“Within hours, the department received an onslaught of written [hate] material, which they reported to us. We immediately deployed officers to the scene and an investigation of the material is underway at our forensic laboratory,” Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) told the press this morning.

Police believe the negative reaction is due to the perceived expense involved in hiring the high-end firm, which is known for designing buildings of cultural import such as the Burrow Theatre and The Park Museum.

Perhaps in anticipation of that, members of the press received a fact sheet yesterday that outlined the costs of the prognostication pad and other accoutrements deemed necessary for the popular annual event. According to those figures, the cost of this year’s pad will be only slightly higher than last year’s.

Still, optics matter, says Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja, whose last budget reduced the funds allotted to special events by two percent.

“If they’d asked me, I would have told them to hold off for a year or, at the very least, talk about the cost first. Animals who are struggling to make a living have a hard time understanding why we need a posh pad to celebrate Groundhog Day,” she said.

October 26: Your Election update in five

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pops-election-reporterWelcome to Your Election Update in Five Points

As of today, this is what is happening in the race for POPS:

  • So long, Romulus Bowerbird: The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations confirmed today that they have selected Fleck + Stone to design the 2017 prognostication pad. The company is known for designing high-end buildings of cultural import (such as The Park Museum and the Burrow Theatre), a fact that has cynics now calling the device the “posh pad”
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog says he’s reluctant to endorse any POPS candidate, apparently forgetting that he endorsed Millicent Hayberry in mid-September, tweeting: “I vote YES to intelligent and competent MHMixed Nuts for POPS!”
  • Staying in one place to meet the voters: Unlike other candidates, who get out to meet the public, Millicent Hayberry is planning to stay in one place this weekend and have the voters come to her. She’s booked the Burrow Theatre—scene of the “Godwit” crime/mystery in which she starred until recently—and those who are curious about her or her campaign can take part in her weekend-long “Chipmunk Chinwag”
  • The Park Election Office is all but certain there are too many candidates to hold a “meaningful” debate and they’re waiting on word from the Archons before they announce a change in plans
  • Gunnar Rotte amps up his anti-Yannis Tavros campaign by adding “Stop the Bull!” to his repertoire

October 25: Your election update in five

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pops-election-reporterWelcome to Your Election Update in Five Points.

As of today (October 25), this is what is happening in the race for POPS:

  • Yannis Tavros has hired Raimundo Zorro as his campaign manager
  • Millicent Hayberry announced that she will run her own campaign
  • Park Election Office says it’s overwhelmed by applications
  • Gunnar Rotte takes his “unfit to predict” campaign to The Park’s commercial district tomorrow
  • Douglas Cheetah announced today that he is filming the entire campaign for a documentary to be screened at PIFF 2017

TMD announces the appointment of an official POPS Election reporter

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gd-borderBREAKING NEWS

We are pleased to announce that The Mammalian Daily has designated one of our most capable  journalists as the official POPS Election reporter for the duration of the POPS election season.

Please welcome Endla Metsümiseja. Endla will keep you up to date on all POPS Election and Groundhog Day information. You can follow her reports here as well as on Twitter, where she will be taking over the Park Groundhog Day Twitter account until the election results are in.

Endla is a graduate of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier. After graduation, Endla was hired by The Rodent Commoner as a roving reporter. After two years there, where she became known for her “nose for the news,” Endla spent six months writing for The Cosmopolitan Pest before she left The Park to travel. Upon her return, she was hired by The Mammalian Daily as a general reporter and she has distinguished herself here as an energetic and intelligent addition to our staff.

As a member of The Park’s hibernating community, Endla has a particular interest in Groundhog Day. As well, many generations of her family have been actively involved in the The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) and in the annual elections for Keeper of the Nut.

We know you will find Endla’s reports useful and enlightening.

Weather, Human Direct Investment blamed for rising number of Humans in Park

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Carrots growingOnce again, the weather and Human Direct Investment (HDI) have been blamed for the rising number of Humans we continue to encounter in The Park.

In an interview on TMD Radio this morning, A.P. Civet spoke of his group’s concern that Humans are harvesting even more crops this year due to what he called an “unprecedented extension” of the Summer season.

The president of The Park’s Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF), said he was enraged that the 2016 Archons had not dealt with the HDI situation.

“How many Animals have to go hungry before they take this seriously?” he asked, before echoing Kalliope Sun Bear’s lament at the Snowbird Farewell.

At that event, the president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP) called the reduction of one percent for weather in the 2017 budget “a travesty” and predicted it would have a huge impact on next year’s harvest.

“If you are not directly involved in negotiating weather deals, you have no idea how much one percent actually buys and how much of a difference that one percent can make in the amount of food we have here in The Park and in the amount of food we will have to import,” she said.

Civet also warned that until HDI is eradicated, Park Animals will have to get used to higher food prices and, probably, shortages.

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