The Mammalian Daily

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OTD in 2017—Burrowers chase Humans out of Park for photographing hibernators

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hibernators

These pictures, recovered by Rodrigo Coelho and Lucjan Królik, are now in Park Police possession

Two Park burrowers are being hailed as heroes today, after police confirmed they ran a group of Humans out of The Park when they found them photographing Animals in hibernation.

At a hastily-arranged press conference this morning, Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) and Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations, praised Rodrigo Coelho and Lucjan Królik, whose quick thinking, Addax said, “preserved the privacy and safety of our hibernating community.”

According to Inspector Addax, the two burrowers spotted what they believed were a couple of illegal holes near their own burrows. After further investigation, they found a cache of small video and still cameras, and several sets of Human footprints. Before they had time to call Park Police, the group of Humans returned, and the two burrowers ran them out of The Park. Police are now in possession of the cameras.

The pair, who attended the press conference this morning, say they don’t feel like heroes at all.

Królik, who calls himself “an ordinary burrower,” told reporters the actions of the Humans offended his sense of propriety.

“I wasn’t even thinking about the law when I saw them [the Humans]. I was thinking that our vulnerable citizens needed protection and I was going to make sure they got it.”

For his part, Coelho said he could only imagine what it must feel like to be violated by Humans while you’re in hibernation.

“It’s just not right. I have many friends in the hibernating community and I know their lives are difficult. They don’t need any added stress, or the fear that their every movement will be recorded while they try to survive the Winter,” he said.

OTD in 2015—Developing story: Gunnar Rotte claims he was assaulted at bakery outside Park

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Gunnar RotteDEVELOPING STORY
Journalist Gunnar Espen Rotte, who gained notoriety in December when he published a controversial editorial in the Rodent Commoner, claims that he was assaulted this morning when he was shopping at a bakery outside The Park.

Rotte, whose opinion piece was entitled, “Why I Don’t Bleed for my Striped Brothers,” has been the target of threats since early December. He spent two weeks in hiding and was the recipient of personal security from Park Police until January 1.

Rotte told The Mammalian Daily in a call from his burrow that that he had gone on a “usual” excursion outside The Park to buy some pastries for a small gathering he is hosting tonight.

“As soon as I walked into the place, I could feel the tension,” Rotte said.

The bakery was filled with customers, most of them Humans, and Rotte said he just wanted to place his order and leave.

“But before I knew it, they’d mobilized. One got a broom; another got a spray can. I went behind the counter, picked up two pies, threw my money at the server and ran,” he said. “I didn’t even wait for the change.”

Rotte was visibly shaken when he returned to The Park, his friends say.

“He ran into his burrow and stayed there for about an hour. Then he called us to say he was all right.”

OTD in 2014—Majority of citizens believe 2013 Archons ineffective: survey

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Park citizens not impressed by 2013 Archons


Park citizens have not been impressed by the effectiveness of the 2013 Archons

If  Park Animals’ farewell message to their outgoing government could be summed up in two words, those words might well be, “Good riddance.”

So say the results of a survey conducted last month by the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier.

The survey, which asked Park Animals thirty questions regarding the effectiveness of this year’s Archons, netted some surprising results, says Dr. Anneliese Cissa, the Livingstone School’s head.

“We asked a representative sample of Park citizens questions about the 2013 Archons’ policies and visions, and about their success in following through on the promises they made on Groundhog Day. Few of the respondents could name one policy the Archons had even enunciated, let alone brought to fruition,” she said.

The overwhelming feeling of the respondents was one of acute disappointment.

“Our respondents were quick to characterize the 2013 government as not only lacking in action, but in vision. And vision is the very thing we look to the Archons for,” she said.

The survey respondents were also forthright in their criticism of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros.

“It appears that Park Animals had higher expectations of her because she is a Rhinoceros. Unfortunately, her performance did not meet those expectations,” said Cissa.

OTD in 2014—Archons take heat for secretly moving on single currency

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Ftoo symbols


Above are some of the designs for a currency symbol that were submitted to the 2013 Archons in December.

In what is believed to have been a last-ditch attempt to secure their legacy, the 2013 Archons secretly commissioned designs for a symbol that would represent the Ftoo as The Park’s official currency.

That is the conclusion of a month-long joint investigation by reporters from The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger, the results of which were released today.

According to the investigators, the 2013 Archons intended to move forward with a plan to amalgamate Park currencies and to establish the Ftoo as the official currency, all without consulting citizens on the matter.

“This is an outrage,” said Rowena Goose, the long-time president of the Association for the Preservation of Individual Currencies (APIC).

In a statement issued this afternoon, The Goose condemned the Archons’ move and in an interview broadcast on AVN Television, she bluntly questioned their competence.

“It looks as if the only thing that stopped them was their own incompetence. Their indecision as regards the final currency design saved this Park from financial disaster,” she said.

The Goose went on to indict The Park’s political system in what she termed “the biggest financial scandal of this decade.”

“Might I say, this gives us a good reason to consider establishing elections for Archons, so we can ensure their ability to serve in the best interests of Park citizens,” she said.

OTD in 2016—Blandine Okapi: “Sortition gives us a coalition of the unwilling and unable.”

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Blandine OkapiFormer Archon Transition Team (ATT) member Blandine Okapi is taking some heat for her most recent remarks about sortition and the annual selection of government in The Park.

In an op-ed piece published in The Ruminant Free Press yesterday, Okapi calls the process of sortition, which has been the only method used to select The Park’s 35 Archons, “a ridiculous idea” and says bluntly, “All it does is give us a coalition of the unwilling and unable.”

Okapi, who quit the ATT two years ago in order to work with the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP), claims she is drawing from her experience in politics and government when she says that sortition is “keeping The Park in a state of inertia.”

“As we look forward this year to celebrating the thirty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy, we have to ask ourselves what we’ve accomplished here,” she writes. “If our goal was to mature as a Park and to be the model for Animal self-government everywhere, I would say we have failed miserably.”

Reaction to Okapi’s scathing criticism has been swift. At a joint press conference this morning, 2014 Chief Archon Buckminster Moose and Sylvana Rana, president of  Save Our Political System (SOPS), countered her arguments, saying that sortition is the best method available to ensure fair and equitable representation in government.

Former Chief Archon Moose went on to speak of his experience in governing The Park:

“I unequivocally dispute Okapi’s portrait of the members of our governments as being either unable or unwilling or both. During my term as Chief Archon, I worked with some of the most able Animals I have ever met and every one of them was one hundred percent committed to zoocracy and to the values that Jor stood for,” he said.

OTD in 2019—Dewi Rhinoceros: The Mammalian Daily’s choice for Animal of the Year

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BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has chosen former Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros as its 2018 Animal of the Year.

At a press conference at noon today, TMD managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff chose to honour Rhinoceros because of her “tireless commitment to interspecial harmony, and her ongoing work to foster awareness of the effects of enforced domestication.”

During her term as Chief Archon, Dewi Rhinoceros and her fellow Archons established our weekly Stereotype Sundays, in an effort to “promote the kind of peaceful coexistence among species” that Jor [The Park’s first leader] had hoped to achieve when he established modern zoocracy. Now in their seventh year, these highly successful weekly gatherings play an important part in the peace and stability of life in The Park.

As Chief Archon, Dewi Rhinoceros also established June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month. In announcing the first of the annual events, Rhinoceros said, “we are finally acknowledging the dangers of enforced domestication and committing to a strategy to overcome those dangers.” Many Park residents have credited the month-long event with saving their lives. Now in its seventh year, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month has expanded to encompass not only awareness and prevention, but ongoing treatment of the effects of enforced domestication,

After she left office, Rhinoceros fulfilled a lifelong ambition and opened the Centre for Interspecial Harmony. The Centre runs educational programmes, hosts events, and funds research projects in association with the University of West Terrier.

The Mammalian Daily salutes the ongoing work of Dewi Rhinoceros and the Centre for Interspecial Harmony and wishes all citizens and residents of The Park the best in 2019.

OTD in 2016—Chief Archon Raymond Mink: “We leave office with so much left to do.”

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r-minkEXCERPT
In his only exit interview, The Park’s Chief Archon, Raymond Mink, whose term ends on January 16, 2017, tells The Mammalian Daily he believes that longer terms for Archons might serve us better. 

We sat down with Chief Archon Raymond H. Mink in early December to discuss his views on zoocracy, the direction The Park is going, and other important aspects of governing this vast space and its diverse population. This is an excerpt from that interview.

TMD: Thank you, Chief Archon, for sitting down with us today.

RM: Thank you for having me. I’m delighted to be talking to you today.

TMD: Let’s get this out of the way first: how would you evaluate your term as Chief Archon?

RM: I knew you would ask me that, and it’s a very difficult question to answer, even though, of course, I’ve thought about it. The reason it’s difficult is not just because, as the the cliché goes, history will make the final judgment. The truth is, it won’t. No matter what we [the Archons] did, whether we were effective or not, whether we believed we were effective or not, our policies will be viewed differently by different citizens at different times over the course of history. So, our decision to, for example, offer more support to immigrant Animals, may be regarded as a good decision, as a prescient decision, or as bad decision or a destructive one. I would posit that it will be regarded, as time marches forward, as all of the above, depending on the circumstances. I hope that answers at least part of your question.

TMD: It does. Thank you. Next question: if you could enact one thing that would make governing The Park better, what would it be?

RM: Enact, as in unilaterally?

TMD: Yes.

RM: I think I would make the Archons’ terms longer. One year is not nearly enough time to settle into the job, to understand what is required at that particular time and then to act on it. I would say we need at least three years. Two would be better, but if it were a unilateral decision, I think I might agree with that new group, Park Citizens for Long Haul Government. They want five years. Four might be better. But, one year isn’t enough. The frustration we feel—and I’ve talked about this to former Archons and Chief Archons—the frustration is enormous. The push to get things accomplished within a one-year period…before you know it, your time is up. It’s very stressful for us. We leave office with so much left to do.

The full interview will be published in early January, 2017.

OTD in 2013—Hieronymous Hedgehog: TMD’s Animal of the Year

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Hieronymous Hedgehog

BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has chosen veteran Park citizen Hieronymous Hedgehog as its 2013 Animal of the Year.

In a press announcement this morning, managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff was impressed by “the demeanour he displayed in the face of what seemed like never-ending controversy.”

“Hieronymous Hedgehog became the model of a calm, loyal Park citizen. When faced with a barrage of criticism, he refused to strike back, waiting for the dust to settle. Then, he decided to meet his most fervent critic on his own turf, secure in his view of himself and in his loyalty to The Park,” she said.

Hieronymous Hedgehog, who is currently in hibernation, is expected to acknowledge the honour when he appears at the 2014 Groundhog Day celebrations.

OTD in 2016—Archons unveil logo of “Zoocracy 35”

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zoocracy-35The 2016 Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations (DHFC) have unveiled the official logo of this year’s celebration of the founding of zoocracy in The Park.

At a press event this morning, DHFC director of public relations Aintza Kanariar introduced Chief Archon Raymond Mink, who spoke for a few minutes about Park history and the struggle for Animal self-rule. Then, assisted by his fellow Archons, he pulled the cover off a picture of the official logo.

Commissioned for the occasion by the 2014 Archons, the logo was designed and produced by slow artist Heike Slak, whose painting, “Beacon,” hangs in the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA).

The year-long celebration in The Park, which will begin on 1 January 2017, will be called “Zoocracy 35,” Mink told the press.  Slak’s “Zoocracy 35” logo features Animals of different species standing together above the words “Zoocracy/35/1982-2017.”

Slak, who spoke briefly at the unveiling, answered reporters’ questions about his colour choices for the logo.

“In many ways, I believe my choices regarding colour make the logo accessible to all,” Slak said. “The use of green, of course, symbolizes The Park. And gold seemed like the best colour to portray the value of Park life.”

Chief Archon Mink said the logo would appear on all official Archon correspondence, as well as on all Park letterhead, and announcements about Zoocracy 35 events. In addition, he confirmed that Park shops would be selling official Zoocracy 35 merchandise, including clothing, bowls, sportswear, and collectibles. A portion of all proceeds will go to a special Zoocracy 35 Fund, which will support The Park’s most needy residents.

OTD in 2016—2017 will be the year of the political book, say Park publishers

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Pile of booksA slew of books dealing with politics and zoocracy is set to be released in 2017, according to the Association of Park Publishers (APP).

Inspired by the upcoming celebration of zoocracy’s thirty-fifth anniversary, some of The Park’s most esteemed thinkers began toiling in secret a few years ago, setting down their analyses and ideas about Animal self-rule. Their work will be released in published form beginning in January.

“This is definitely the year of the political book,” says Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press.

“We realized that back in 2014, when we started getting manuscripts dealing with zoocracy and Park history. Some of them could have been published earlier, but we decided to wait and make it a literary celebration of this political phenomenon. We feel very privileged to have the opportunity to release twenty-five books this year on the subject.”

Other Park publishers agree. Marcellin de la Griffe, who owns and manages Marcellin de la Griffe Publishers, says his company has been working on the same theme for a couple of years. The publisher says that after wooing historian and University of West Terrier professor Pieter Paard away from Birch Bark Books, he managed to convince other prominent writers to publish their books with his company.

“Our authors— who are historians, political philosophers, scientists, psychologists, and artists—represent some of The Park’s greatest thinkers. We’re going to have an incredible year-long launch party,” he says.

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