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Archives for November 2014

Mammalian Daily Radio snags first pre-tour interview with Thisbe

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microphoneBREAKING NEWS
Mammalian Daily Radio has snagged the first pre-tour interview with Thisbe, lead singer of Thisbe and the Barkettes.

Late this afternoon, Joop Neushoorn, manager of Mammalian Daily Radio (TMD Radio), confirmed that the singer will be in-studio at 2:00 p.m. for a half-hour live interview on Wednesday, December 3.

“We are very much looking forward to sitting down for a chat with Thisbe on Wednesday,” Neushoorn said in a written statement.

This is will be the first interview that Thisbe will give since the announcement that she and the Barkettes will embark on a reunion tour in the new year.

Neushoorn also confirmed that a full transcript of the interview will be made available later in the week, as a courtesy to those who are unable to receive the frequency.

It’s official: Thisbe and the Barkettes to embark on reunion tour in 2015

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halcyondaysBREAKING NEWS
There will be halcyon days again, at least for the fans of Thisbe and the Barkettes.

At a press conference held this morning, the group’s manager, Hilde Blaft, confirmed that the group will embark on a reunion tour in the Spring of 2015.

While not all venues have been confirmed, there are four concerts scheduled in The Park: two at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, one at the Wishing Well and one at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond.

“We are extremely excited to bring you this news and we look forward to seeing you in the coming year,” Blaft said.

Blaft also confirmed that the group will make a “short appearance” at next month’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

Tickets for the first two concerts will go on sale this Spring.

Struts convinced Archons to encourage Human tourism in Park: rumour

By

headsNtales

Former Finance Officer Milton Struts convinced the Archons to promote Human tourism in The Park: rumour

Former Finance Officer and budget architect Milton Struts was the force behind the 2012 Archons’ decision to encourage Human tourism in The Park, the gossip site headsNtales is reporting.

In an article posted this morning, The Park’s “most-watched” gossip site quotes an anonymous source as saying that the creator of the controversial 2015 budget “pulled some strings with the Archons” to get them to consider the financial benefits of Human tourism in The Park.

The source, whose name and species is known to headsNtales but who wishes to remain anonymous to the site’s readers, says Struts had a “longtime” relationship with two male Humans who regularly spent their Summer lunch hours in The Park. The source claims there is video evidence of Struts accepting food from these Humans.

The source also claims that the two Humans “talked up” the financial benefits of encouraging Humans to spend time in The Park and that Struts took the idea to the Archons as early as 2010. Amaury Porpoise, who served two terms as Chief Archon during the calendar harmonization period, had no interest in the plan, according to the source.

The idea was resurrected, though, when his arch rival, George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt, assumed the Chief Archonship in 2012 and vowed to do the opposite of whatever his predecessor had done. Despite the resistance of many of the other 34 Archons, the source says, Newt not only embarked on the plan to promote Human tourism in The Park, but he took full credit for the idea and moved swiftly on Struts’s advice to use Park funds for the purpose.

The three-prong plan that was subsequently adopted was praised by some who owned Park businesses, but it was met with opposition from many others, including The Park’s environmental groups, who vowed to fight its funding. The 2015 budget did not include tourism.

Chef Tab Tricolore to collaborate with artists on PMoCA 2015 installation

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Tab Tricolore: "You have to offer an extraordinary culinary experience or else Animals will not dine at your restaurant."

Chef Tab Tricolore to collaborate on PMoCA art installation

Celebrity Chef and award-winning author Tab Tricolore will collaborate with a group of artists on the Park Museum of Contemporary Art’s 2015 installation.

Aulikki Norsu, president of PMoCA’s board of directors, confirmed the collaboration between the museum and the controversial chef in a statement released this morning.

“We are pleased to announce that renowned Park Chef Tab Tricolore will serve as creative director of our 2015 art installation. The chef will work closely with our in-house staff as well as with Park artists that he will select personally to craft what we anticipate will be a thought-provoking piece,” the statement reads.

The subject of the installation remains a “closely-guarded secret,” the statement said, but those close to Tricolore say it is safe to assume that it will be food-related.

“As you know, Tab is obsessed with food. He can barely be distracted; his mind is always going, he’s always working and reworking recipes, sourcing new ingredients, looking to other species for inspiration. He’s an artist, himself, and I can’t imagine that if he got involved in a ‘real’ art project, that it wouldn’t at least include food, if not be totally about food,” said his former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla.

Although a date has not been announced for the opening, the museum statement said it expected the installation to be ready by the Spring.

DWBS warns against stripe removal

By

Think Safety

Stripe removal is dangerous: Department of Well-Being and Safety

The Department of Well-Being and Safety is warning Park Animals against the practice of stripe removal.

In a communiqué released today, the department advised Animals to be “cautious and thoughtful” before they make the decision to remove stripes and spots from their coats.

“While the practice of stripe removal may have its origins in a perceived necessity or to a lesser extent, fashion, the Department of Well-Being and Safety is concerned that it may lead to serious health and safety issues down the road,” the department says in the communiqué.

“Animals should never forget the origins of their [physical] makeup. Stripes and spots are an essential part of who you are. If you remove them, you put yourself at risk, particularly if you venture outside The Park. There, you will have neither the advantage of natural camouflage nor the protection of zoocracy. The possibility exists that you will fall prey to enemies,” the communiqué concludes.

The department’s strong statement comes in response to recently published statistics that show stripe removal to be the most sought-after service offered by The Park’s grooming houses.

Milton Struts: who knew what and when and why did they say nothing?

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Struts

Archons launch investigation into activities of Milton Struts

BREAKING NEWS
The 2014 Archons have launched an investigation into former Park Finance Officer Milton Struts’s dealings with Humans.

In an announcement made this morning, press secretary to the Archons Balthasar Alouatta confirmed that a “full” investigation has commenced with the goal of uncovering not only any wrongdoing that Struts may have committed, but also what was known, if anything, by others.

“In the interest of all who reside in The Park, the 2014 Archons have launched a full investigation into the activities of former Park Finance Officer Milton Struts. We are looking to gain all information regarding Mr. Struts’s dealings with Humans, both inside and outside The Park,” Alouatta said.

In addition, the investigation committee is asking all Animals who have any information regarding the matter to come forward and testify before the committee.

“It is of the utmost importance that we gather all the information we can so that we can make an informed decision as to whether or not Mr. Struts did anything inappropriate,” he said.

Alouatta also confirmed that Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon has “graciously” accepted the Archons’ invitation to head the investigation committee.

“With Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon at the helm, we are confident that the committee will be able to investigate and render their decision in a timely fashion,” Alouatta said.

He promised. as well, that all findings would be made public as soon as they are compiled.

First week of December designated as “Sneak Peek Week” at Park Museum

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Park MuseumThe Park Museum has designated the first week of December as “Sneak Peek Week.”

In a statement released yesterday, The Board of Governors issued an invitation to all Park Animals to take a sneak peek at their museum.

“In anticipation of its January 2015 opening, all Park Animals are invited to explore the museum free of charge, from 10:00 a.m. until 11:00 p.m., December 1-7, inclusive,” the statement reads.

The museum, which is still under construction but is scheduled to open officially in January 2015, was designed by the architectural firm of Fleck + Stone. The complex will include a library and an art gallery and the museum itself will serve as the permanent home of many important Park artefacts, including the Varrian Calendar.

For more information, please check the museum’s web site at parkmuseum.info.

Heart of well wishes makes a beautiful send-off for Park’s hibernators

By

Wall of Messages

Animals sent best wishes to The Park’s hibernators on this heart-shaped dish

A heart-shaped terracotta dish bearing the good wishes of thousands of Animals and hung on the eastern wall helped make yesterday’s send-off even more meaningful for The Park’s hibernating community.[pullquote][Hibernation] makes solitudinarians of us all.—Hieronymous Hedgehog[/pullquote]

“It was a beautiful gesture and we appreciated the fact that they hung it in the east, where the sun rises and, hopefully, we will too in the Spring,” said Oliver S.P. Franklin, head of the Confederation of Ground Squirrels.

The sun did, in fact, manage to peek through the clouds for a few minutes yesterday, just as Walmond Murmeltier, the newly-elected 2015 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), waved to the crowd and began the descent into his burrow.

While some of The Park’s well-known hibernators were gracious when Animals snapped photos and called out to them, others were more sanguine, demonstrating the gravity of the occasion.

“This is usually more of a solemn event and one that makes solitudinarians of us all,” said Hieronymous Hedgehog, as he headed for his own burrow.

Meanwhile, Eduarda Teresinha Coelho, whose election as 2015 Keeper of the Nut was celebrated four days ago, expressed her best wishes, on behalf of all non-hibernators, for a happy and safe hibernation.

“May you all rejoin us in the Spring,” she said, as she extemporaneously reiterated her oath “to keep this nut from harm and to preserve it intact” until the hibernators return.

Okapi quits Archon Transition Team, citing “philosophical differences”

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Blandine Okapi

Blandine Okapi joined the Archon Transition Team in 2007.

Blandine Okapi has resigned from the Archon Transition Team.

In a statement released this morning, Okapi thanked her Team members for their “generosity” in welcoming her to the Team and said that she had learned an “unfathomable” amount during her tenure.

Nevertheless, she wrote, her political ideas had evolved over the last few years to the point that she felt continuing on the Team constituted a “conflict of interest.”

“I cannot, in all conscience, perform my duties on the Archon Transition Team when, deep in my heart, I no longer feel that sortition is the best method for choosing our Archons,” she wrote.

Since the establishment of zoocracy, sortition or the lottery or allotment method, has been the only method used to select The Park’s 35 Archons.

Calling the last three Park governments “unwieldy and ineffective,” Okapi said she had felt forced to “seriously consider” the other side of things and last month she joined the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP).

“I think zoocracy has matured to the point where it would be appropriate for us to take matters into our own hands and elect our governing officials and I intend to work, along with other members of CASP, to make that a reality,” her statement concluded.

Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin has made no comment thus far on Okapi’s resignation.

Pre-hibernation sales “brisk” as Park awaits results of POPS election

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Web

2014 pre-hibernation sales are brisk, shopkeepers and service providers report

Hibernation outfitters and service providers are pleased with their sales thus far, according to the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS).

“2014 looks like a banner year and it comes as a bit of a surprise,” said founder and current PASS president Wellington Whistlepig this morning in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio.

Shopkeepers and grooming houses are reporting “brisk” business this season and the banks have reported larger than average deposits.

“If sales continue at this rate, we could match last year’s figures or even surpass them, which would be an amazing feat, considering that we had two extra weeks of shopping last year,” Whistlepig said.

The 2013 pre-hibernation season was extended from November 17 to December 1, due to difficulties in calculating the votes and establishing a winner in the election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS). The result was an increase in retail sales as well as an increase in expenditures in the construction sector, as Animals used the extra time to renovate their hibernation quarters or to build new ones.

This year, though, the Park Election Office says we can expect the results to be announced well before November 17, the official date of hibernation.

“Gone are the days of next-day results,” Park Election Office head Gerrit Wezel says.

“Our exploding population and the skyrocketing growth in the number of candidates make that impossible. But I can guarantee that we will have the results by the weekend,” he says.

The announcement likely will result in a rush to make last-minute arrangements, so Whistlepig is quick to remind Park Animals that shops will be closed until 1:00 p.m. on Friday, November 14 in order to celebrate the ceremonies of the Surrender of the Nut.

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