The Mammalian Daily

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Archives for September 2024

OTD in 2011—PIFF organizers announce opening night film

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With less than two weeks to go before the first red carpet affair, the organizers of The Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) today confirmed the name of the work that will open this year’s event.

At a press conference held this morning at the Park Cinema, PIFF Communications President, Leola Ocelot, announced that the first film to be screened at the opening gala on October 1 will be Naked, Toothless, and Blind.  The film, which was produced by Etienne Escurel and Mabbina Marmot, has been described as a “dark tale enveloping a bright interior.”

The Park Interspecial Film Festival is celebrating its 7th year this season.  Before calendar harmonization, the Festival was known, affectionately, as “Five Days in Felis.”  In its first year, the Festival screened six films; this year, organizers say, thirty films will grace screens across The Park and the list of celebrity attendants is the longest in the Festival’s history.

OTD in 2013—CAA threatens to boycott Interspecial Summer Games

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2013 Interspecial Summer Games The Canine Athletic Association is threatening a last-minute boycott of the 2013 Interspecial Summer Games.

“We will pull all our athletes from the Games unless our demands to reinstate the Dog Paddle as a competitive swimming stroke are met,” CAA President Alexandre Caniche advised in a statement released early this morning.

The Dog Paddle has not been used in any official Park swimming competitions since the establishment of zoocracy 31 years ago. The Canine Athletic Association has spent the last seven years fighting to reinstate it as a competitive swimming stroke. Earlier this month, the CAA lost its most recent battle, when the ISG Committee decided against reinstating the stroke in time for the 2013 Games.

Today’s statement is the strongest on record, with Caniche alleging on behalf of the Association that “specism” was a factor in the decision-making. He also called for a full investigation of the ISG Committee members.

If the CAA decides to follow through with its threat, it will have a detrimental effect on the Games, say sports commentators and representatives of the Park Broadcasting Corporation, the official broadcaster of the 2013 Games.

“Canine athletes compete in almost every sport in the Games and they have an avid following both inside and outside The Park. Without Canines in the field and in the water, we will have a much smaller audience and, to be frank, a far less interesting — and fair — competition,” a PBC spokesAnimal told The Mammalian Daily.

Asked in a radio interview this afternoon whether there were dissenters among the Association’s ranks, Caniche demurred, then answered that members “had not been polled recently on specific matters.”

“Our membership has been united in this fight for over seven years and I have no reason to believe that has changed. In any case, all Canine athletes in The Park are required to be members of our Association, so the point is moot. No Canine will be competing in the Summer Games if the CAA calls a boycott,” he said.

The Interspecial Summer Games are scheduled to begin on September 22 and run until October 1.

See also:

CAA renews campaign to “Bring Back the Dog Paddle!”
CAA steps up pressure on Summer Games committee
CAA to ISG: “This is not the Dog paddle we asked for!”

OTD in 2016—Button maker received order for Millicent Hayberry candidacy: rumour

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It’s been over a month since Park citizens heard the rumour that Millicent Hayberry was considering a bid for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

Though she has kept mum on the subject, a source close to one of The Park’s most prominent button makers has told The Mammalian Daily that  the company received an order to produce buttons for her campaign.

The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, said the order came in two weeks ago from a “campaign leader.” The order is said to be for three different versions of a button, one of the prototypes of which appears on this page.

Hayberry, who is wrapping up her performance at the Burrow Theatre in “Godwit,” the first of three mystery plays by Gianfranco Colocolo, is expected to make some form of announcement before the end of the month. Candidates have until November 5 to enter the race.

Sources tell The Mammalian Daily that were Hayberry to run, she would have the support of Hieronymous Hedgehog, along with a number of other prominent hibernators. Her candidacy may lean heavily on the idea of “breaking the species barrier,” since all successful candidates for POPS have been Groundhogs. Nevertheless, since the 2011 and 2012 candidacies of Zachariah Skunk and Lorenzo Michele Chipmunk, there has been a call for broadening the field in this election and making the list of candidates more representative of The Park’s population.

OTD in 2014—Does of Peace add “new dimension” to Beats of Burden music fest: Alfredo Ox

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Does of PeaceJargonhead may have been the headliner and the SCENTient Beings may have unveiled their new “reekabilly” sound but, according to The Beasts of Burden’s lead singer Alfredo Ox, the real stars of this past weekend’s music festival were the Does of Peace.

The Park’s new peacekeepers even got a shout-out from Ox when he leapt to the Beats of Burden stage on Friday night, ostensibly to welcome back our estivators. In an unexpected twist, Ox used the occasion to praise the Does, who he said, “grabbed an opportunity where there was none and made us the beneficiaries.”

“They’ve added a whole new dimension to peacekeeping and to our lives and I want to thank them for that,” he concluded.

Doves of Peace spokesBird Georgina Golub concurred on Sunday. “They were fantastic … and not just in an auxiliary way. They’re absolute naturals and an important addition.”

OTD in 2006—Prehistoric paintings discovered in northeastern cave

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Four paintings that could be 20,000 years old have been discovered on the walls of the cave at the northeastern end of The Park, officials confirmed this month.

Archaeologists and zoologists at The Park’s Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML) characterized the paintings as a major discovery.

“We believe this find could confirm the autochthonous nature of Animal life in The Park,” said Catriona Cairn-Terrier, chief archaeologist at the Institute.

The four paintings, which depict a Goat, a Donkey, a Lioness, and a bucolic setting, are believed to predate The Park’s oldest cave paintings — the 12,000 year- old paintings in the Grewsome-Grumsack Grotto at the southwestern corner of The Park.

Staff members at the Institute were unable to confirm the existence of a fifth painting, reported to be that of a Dog sprawled out on a rug or mat.

Park officials have sealed off the entrance to the cave for the Winter season. In early Spring, members of the ISML team will conduct radiosputum dating tests, as well as other studies of the paintings.

The paintings were discovered in late September by two Goat kids, Lila and Nardo, aged 7 months, who were playing in the area.

“I butted them out of the house and told them to go and play,” said their mother, Nanette.

“After they came home, they kept bleating about these drawings they saw in the cave. I thought they meant the G-G [Grewsome-Grumsack] cave, so I didn’t think anything of it. But when they told me it was the other cave, I thought I should inform the authorities right away.”

According to ISML staff, the newly-found paintings are of particular interest because they appear to depict an earlier period of life in The Park.

As for the question of who might be responsible for the artwork itself, the Institute says that it cannot offer any definitive answers until it has undertaken further study.

“Some of the strokes appear to be the work of an Elephant, but we really have no idea what Animal might be responsible for these paintings,” said Cairn-Terrier.

OTD in 2016—#PIFFPiffle: Rumour says Tab Tricolore to open Tabby Club to all for PIFF 2016

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The Tabby ClubThe latest out of the PIFF 2016 rumour mill is that celebrity chef Tab Tricolore intends to open up The Tabby Club to all during the five-day film fest.

The pub, which was founded and run by Jor, The Park’s first leader, has always been a “striped-only” establishment. That has caused some controversy in the past and in May, Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros launched his #BullinTheTabbyClub campaign after he was was denied entry to the pub.

But now, those close to him say that the Bad Boy chef has decided throw open the doors of his pub to all. But only for the duration of the festival.

“He wants to do it to celebrate the spirit of ‘full equality of experience,’ which is what WINK, the opening film, is all about,”  says Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla, the chef’s former saucier.

According to our sources, the celebrity chef and restaurateur was the driving force behind choosing WINK as the festival’s opening night film. WINK explores the experience of a group of Park citizens as they make the transition from being Animals of pattern to living their lives as solid-coloureds. The film’s subject matter is believed to be so dear to Tricolore’s heart that he was among the film’s financial backers.

Tricolore is expected to make an official announcement regarding the opening of The Tabby Club in the next few days.

The Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) runs from 1-5 October 2016.

OTD in 2015—Peacekeepers to attend first Stereotype Sunday since Stinktier revelation

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Does of PeaceRecent unrest in The Park’s Zebra community has prompted The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) to call on the Doves and Does of Peace to attend today’s Stereotype Sunday.

In a media communiqué released this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo confirmed the deployment “in anticipation of any disturbance of the peace which the weekly event is intended to foster.”

The unrest began on Wednesday night, soon after the broadcast of the Yannis Tavros show during which SCENTient Beings singer and composer Faramund Stinktier revealed that he believed he was meant to be a Zebra.

A hastily-organized protest that started outside Toro Talk Radio, which broadcasts the Tavros show live, spilled out onto the streets in the early morning hours of Thursday and has continued to grow over the past few days. The protest now includes a makeshift headquarters for organizers Jafari Pundamilia and Elton Zebra outside the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, the site of the weekly Stereotype Sundays.

The protest centres around one issue, according to a statement released by the organizers on Friday morning—that Stinktier “knows nothing of the struggles of the Zebra community and that he has co-opted the experience of thousands of years of Zebra life for his own purposes and to fulfil his own desires.”

Signed by Pundamilia and Zebra on behalf of the worldwide Zebra community, the statement concludes, “We respectfully submit that Faramund Stinktier has committed a crime against The Park’s Zebra community by perpetuating a stereotype and using that stereotype for the betterment of his own life.”

Although Park Police are believed to be on standby this afternoon, Officer Gareth Shepherd told The Mammalian Daily that none of his officers has been formally assigned to the event.

OTD in 2014—Reaction to 2015 “streamlined” budget: from outrage to high praise

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2015 projectionsReactions to The Park’s 2015 “streamlined” budget depend on what your priorities are, says Park Finance Officer Milton Struts.

In an interview in his office two weeks after the release of the budget, Struts characterized Park residents’ general reaction as “favourable and understanding.”

“I think Park Animals understand the need to simplify our lives and, correspondingly, our budget,” Struts said.

But Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) has a different take on the matter. He says that he and other business owners consider the budget “a disaster” and that he’s been busy “rallying the troops” for the past two weeks to pressure the Park Finance Office into redoing the entire budget.

“There’s going to be a massive protest against this thing,” Whistlepig says. “It’s little more than a farce. There’s almost nothing specific in the budget, so how do we know what’s going to be approved and what isn’t? How do we know how much there is to spend? We don’t. We know nothing.”

Refugee groups agree.

“There was never enough [funding] and likely never will be, but we used to see a defined amount set aside for the care of refugees. In this budget, we see nothing definite. We don’t even see ourselves; they didn’t waste any ink on us,” says Inez Gallina, president of the refugee aid group Home to Roost.

The only groups that seem pleased with the budget are those connected to weather and the environment.

“We’ve been waiting, year after year, for the PFO to take us seriously and they finally have,” says Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“Look at the difference: last year, the gave us a mere 5% of the budget. This year it’s a whopping 20%. There is so much we can do with that and it will benefit all Park residents, from our food growers and packagers to our shops and services. Weather is the foundation of our life here in The Park.”

Indeed, according to a source who wishes to remain anonymous, the Park Weather Office (PWO) is said to be “ecstatic” about the budget and “looking forward to spending the funds on good quality weather.”

“You never know, we could end up calling this the Sunshine Budget,” the source said.

2015 projections2015 projections

OTD in 2013—Music fest under fire for selling products to Humans

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Beats of BurdenwareThe organizers of the first annual Beats of Burden music festival have come under fire for creating and selling products that are specifically geared to Human consumers.

At a rally held this afternoon outside the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, members of groups that aid The Park’s refugees, as well as Park artists and shopkeepers, marched around the theatre, chanting their disapproval of what they call the festival organizers’ “outrageously offensive” decision.

“This is an incredible betrayal,” said Dorika Pumi, who curated The Park’s first art installation at The Park Museum of Contemporary Art. Entitled, “How Much Was That Doggie in the Window?” the installation has been described as “a living, breathing, depiction” of the horror of enforced domestication of Canines by Humans.

“I can tell you honestly that this is the last thing that we, as an organization, believed would ever happen,” said Vizsla Hoover of Runaway Rovers. Hoover’s group, which was involved in the art installation, assists Canines who have escaped enforced domestication.

“After years of working with refugees who have suffered tremendously at the hands of Humans, I am shocked that they [the festival organizers] saw fit to pander to them just for the sake of money,” she said.

Hoover is one of many in The Park’s immigrant and refugee aid community who is calling for the organizers to cease creating products for and selling those products to Humans.

“I looked at the catalogue and the number of products geared to Humans was almost equal to those for Animals,” Hoover said. “It is appalling.”

For their part, the music festival’s organizers say only that they believe many of the products offered for sale can be used by “any species.”

“We have offered a variety of products for sale in support of The Park’s refugee community. We have tried to be inclusive of all species and we believe we have been successful, in that many of these products have universal appeal. We do not, however, believe it is our job to determine which products should be geared to which species. That would undermine our intent, which is to service the Park community across its entire spectrum,” a festival statement said.

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