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Archives for November 2024

OTD in 2015—Harmonious Hannah found in dumpster

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Harmonious HannahDEVELOPING STORY
Harmonious Hannah has been found.

According to Park Police, the oversized stuffed toy was recovered early this morning from a dumpster outside The Park.

Hannah, together with her partner, Harmonious Humphrey, constituted the “harmonious pair” that the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) introduced in July in an initiative to foster insterspecial harmony among youth.

Hannah had been missing since September 13, when she disappeared from her usual Stereotype Sunday spot. According to reports, she was last seen sitting with three young Elephants and a newborn Giraffe. Her partner, Harmonious Humphrey, has since represented the pair at each week’s Stereotype Sunday.

In a brief communiqué this morning, Park Police said a Park citizen alerted them to the discovery at approximately three o’clock this morning.

“Subsequent to the alert, Park Police attended at the site of a dumpster approximately seventeen metres east of The Park. There, we encountered the stuffed toy known as ‘Harmonious Hannah.’  After a thorough investigation of the area, Hannah was taken into custody and is now undergoing tests at the Park Police Crime Laboratory,” the communiqué said.

Police are expected to hold a press conference on the matter later today.

OTD in 2016—”We must all come together now,” says newly-elected POPS Ditmar Bosmarmot

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Ditmar BosmarmotThe POPS election is over for this year and we must all come together now, Ditmar Bosmarmot told a massive crowd last night just minutes after he was declared the 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

“This has been a very difficult and contentious election. A lot of things have been said that can’t be taken back, so we must remember them and use them to make The Park a better and a more unified place,” he said.

As he and the six previous holders of the position encircled one of the farewell Trees of Hearts, Bosmarmot remarked that when he emerged again in February, zoocracy in The Park would be celebrating its thirty-fifth birthday.

“This will be a historic year for all of us,” he told the cheering crowd. “We should all be proud of ourselves for sustaining Animal self-rule against all odds. I look forward to continuing this journey with you after Groundhog Day.”

OTD in 2015—Trees of hearts line path as friends say “Au Revoir” to Park hibernators

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Tree of heartsThey say the road to hibernation is never smooth. But, yesterday, it was made a little brighter for Park Animals who will spend the Winter underground.

As Adelheid Whistlepig, the newly-elected Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), and other hibernators walked the path toward their burrows, they were greeted by a row of Maple Trees all decked out with paper hearts. Those hearts, fastened to the trees’ now bare branches, bore the well wishes of thousands of The Park’s non-hibernating citizens.

“I can’t begin to tell you what it meant to me,” said Kimbriella Marmot. “It’s a sad time of year for my family, even though we try to focus on renewal. I really appreciate the love and kindness demonstrated here.”

The Maple Tree Project, as it is now known, was initiated by Dewi Rhinoceros, a former Chief Archon who is now Chair of the Board of Directors of the Centre for Interspecial Harmony. All arrangements, including the signing of the hearts, were made at the Centre, Rhinoceros told The Mammalian Daily, and volunteers worked through the night to hang the hearts.

Malinda L. Hamster, president of The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), was visibly moved as she stopped to read the messages on each tree.

“Such a beautiful gesture,” she whispered.

That sentiment was echoed by hundreds of Park hibernators, many of whom posed for selfies in front of the trees.

Later, at a short ceremony, Ekeoma L. Girraaf, 2016 Keeper of the Nut, expressed his admiration for the hibernating community.

“I’m sure I’m not alone among non-hibernators when I say that I have the utmost respect and admiration for your community,” he said. “Hibernation is an act of faith that demonstrates the most profound belief in the future. May you be well for the next few months and emerge strong in the Spring.”

Then, in a spontaneous gesture, attendees showered Hieronymous Hedgehog with thunderous applause as he approached his burrow. The Park’s first Official Hibernation Ambassador paused to wave, then continued his descent.

OTD in 2016—Election Office scrambles to meet today’s deadline to declare a winner

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ballot-boxThe Park Election Office (PEO) is scrambling to count all the votes cast in the November 7 election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) by midnight tonight in order to announce a winner before the hibernating community takes its leave for the Winter.

In an early morning interview on TMD Radio,  PEO head Gerritt Wezel said he and his team would “do anything” to avoid the situation that occurred three years ago, when the vote counting took so long that hibernation had to be postponed for weeks.

“That took its toll on the whole Park, emotionally, as well as physically,” he said.

Wezel also confirmed that he’d asked the members of the Maple Tree Project, who organize the Tree of Hearts sendoff for hibernators, to postpone the hanging of the hearts until late in the afternoon. According to Wezel, former Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros, who initiated the project, agreed to hold off until about five o’clock.

The election results will be broadcast across all Park media as soon as they are known.

OTD in 2012—Band’s new song, “Put a Leash on It” sparks controversy

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The Park’s Canine community is threatening to boycott all music by the controversial band, Les Chiens Débraillés, after the release yesterday of its new song, “Put a Leash on It.”

In an open letter to the band and its management and to the Canine Music Association (CMA), DoGGeD, a newly-formed group of “concerned Park Canines” wrote of their “dismay and feelings of dejection” when they heard the song.

“We are writing to let you know that we find the song’s message offensive and condescending. In releasing this song, Les Chiens Débraillés has alienated its fellow Canines and, in so doing, shown its lack of taste in both music and intraspecial relations,” the letter read.

In response, Philippe Chiendeur, the band’s manager, released a one-line statement saying that the band does not comment on “the meaning or message of any of its musical material”.

Canine Music Association President R.F. Aarrf also released a short statement. In it, he said the CMA does not deal directly with complaints from “disgruntled individuals or groups.” The last controversy the CMA was involved in was the dispute between the Association of Park Radio Stations and the popular Park band The Cynics, after the APRS pulled a Cynics song from the airwaves.

Earlier today, however, The Marsupial Messenger’s acclaimed music reviewer Pierre Sucre came to the defense of the band. In a short column, he wrote that DoGGeD “has it all wrong.”

“Leaving aside the stereotype that Canines have no sense of humour, this group [DoGGeD] has completely missed the point of the Chiens Débraillés song. To the rest of us, the song is a lament. It’s about the economy, stupides, and the effects the downturn has had on our sense of independence. In my opinion, the song isn’t even about Canines. It’s about trying to survive in a world in which we do not have complete control over our lives,” Sucre wrote.

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See also:

Association pulls Cynics’ song from airwaves

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OTD in 2015—Hibernating community breaks with tradition in Keeper of the Nut selection

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Keeper of the Nut Ekeoma L. GirraafNot even the cold rain that lashed The Park yesterday morning could dampen the enthusiasm of Malinda L. Hamster.

The president of the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) could barely contain her joy as she stood amongst her peers and fellow citizens and surrendered the symbolic nut to Ekeoma L. Girraaf, elected 2016 Keeper of the Nut on November 11.

“On this solemn occasion, I entrust this nut to you and entreat you to guard it and to keep it safe until such time as the hibernating community requests its return,” the Hamster said as she offered the nut to Girraaf.

Clutching the nut, Girraaf quietly spoke the traditional oath of its Keeper:

“I swear to keep this nut from harm and to preserve it intact until such time as the hibernating community requests its return. And I do so with respect for all Park citizens.”

With that, The Park’s hibernating community made history, having officially broken with its long tradition of electing small Animals to fulfill the all-important rôle of Keeper of the Nut.

“It’s always been a small Animal,” said Beatrice Zilonis, Professor of History at the University of West Terrier, in a radio interview this morning.

“Like chooses like. We’ve never had a problem with that, but they should be very proud of themselves today for taking such a big step beyond that,” she said.

Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces agrees.

“For many reasons, it was a special day,” he says. “The fact that we could look beyond ourselves to an Animal who has very little in common with us and trust him…that says a lot and it bodes well for progress here in The Park. Jor [The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy] would be very proud.”

As for Girraaf, he says he’s almost ready to relax, after spending a few tense days wondering whether he would be accepted in his new rôle.

“It’s been a tough year and I wouldn’t have been surprised by a backlash. But I’ve received a warm welcome and lots of good wishes. It makes me proud to be a citizen of The Park and Keeper of the Nut,” he says.

OTD in 2013—”Hibernation Nation” enjoys its half-day in the sun

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Giuliana LontraThe sun shone brightly this morning as Malinda L. Hamster, president of The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), surrendered the symbolic nut to 2014 Keeper of the Nut, Giuliana Imelda Lontra.

“On this solemn occasion, I entrust this nut to you and entreat you to guard it and to keep it safe until such time as the hibernating community requests its return,” the Hamster said as she offered the nut to Lontra.

Lontra clutched the nut, and spoke the traditional oath of the Keeper of the Nut:

“I swear to keep this nut from harm and to preserve it intact until such time as the hibernating community requests its return. And I do so with respect for all Park citizens.”

With that, the solemn portion of the day was done, and the crowd began to enjoy its half-day holiday.

While attendees partook of the vast array of goodies supplied by The Compost Heap, Provisions by Petrounel, Ants in Your Pantry and Florette’s Fine Edibles, talk turned to memories of past Surrenders and to the evolution of the occasion.

“Historically, the Surrender of the Nut was a solemn occasion. It was a recognition of the trust that Animals place in each other for their very survival and the Keeper of the Nut is a symbol of that. It has always been a very powerful moment for us,” said Beatrice Zilonis, Professor of History at the University of West Terrier.

Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces agreed.

“The Return of the Nut is also very powerful… the idea that it is returned unharmed and intact, no matter what the Winter was like, that no harm has come to it, even if there was a shortage of food, it wasn’t eaten. I find that very moving. The nut is sacred and so few things are anymore. To me, there is also so much symbolism in both occasions being half-day holidays. The two parts come together to make a whole. The symbolism in that is amazing,” he said.

OTD in 2014—Okapi quits Archon Transition Team, citing “philosophical differences”

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Blandine OkapiBlandine Okapi has resigned from the Archon Transition Team.

In a statement released this morning, Okapi thanked her Team members for their “generosity” in welcoming her to the Team and said that she had learned an “unfathomable” amount during her tenure.

Nevertheless, she wrote, her political ideas had evolved over the last few years to the point that she felt continuing on the Team constituted a “conflict of interest.”

“I cannot, in all conscience, perform my duties on the Archon Transition Team when, deep in my heart, I no longer feel that sortition is the best method for choosing our Archons,” she wrote.

Since the establishment of zoocracy, sortition or the lottery or allotment method, has been the only method used to select The Park’s 35 Archons.

Calling the last three Park governments “unwieldy and ineffective,” Okapi said she had felt forced to “seriously consider” the other side of things and last month she joined the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP).

“I think zoocracy has matured to the point where it would be appropriate for us to take matters into our own hands and elect our governing officials and I intend to work, along with other members of CASP, to make that a reality,” her statement concluded.

Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin has made no comment thus far on Okapi’s resignation.

OTD in 2016—Elections are over. It’s time to prepare for hibernation, say retailers

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Best GoUnderground 2015 LogoNow that The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) has elected Sunniva Muldvarp 2017 Keeper of the Nut, it’s time to get serious about preparing for hibernation, say the retailers who are experts in the field.

“With not even five days left, it will be a scramble this year,” Nafari Bongo told The Mammalian Daily this morning.

Bongo, who is director of sales for GoUnderground, The Park’s oldest hibernation outfitter, said business had been particularly slow this past week, but has picked up considerably since yesterday.

“The two elections in one week usually affect business for a day or so, but this year, Animals were exceptionally distracted by all the hoopla. They couldn’t keep their minds on the process of hibernation preparation,” he said.

Bongo said they’d hired extra staff for the next five days and tomorrow the store will host its first-ever First-Timers event.

“We’ve found that the new generation of Animals is less prepared for its first hibernation. There seems to be a gap in knowledge, so we’ve instituted this event to help them,” he said.

Things are also humming along at Burrows and Beyond, according to vice-president of sales Kerman Astoa. While the firm stopped taking orders for new burrows this past Thursday, they’re still receiving inquiries as well as an “unusually high” number of orders for their signature Burrow Safety Checks (BSC). The company considers the BSCs to be essential, so they’ve also hired extra staff to accommodate these late requests.

“We do encourage hibernators to arrange for them early in the Autumn, but we understand that it’s not the first thing on their list,” says Astoa.

Over at Provisions by Petrounel, the prestigious Park grocer that specializes in post-hibernation sustenance, owner Beatrice T. Orang says their new pre-orders for 2017 are up by thirty percent.

“We’ve kept our standing orders steady for three years now, but in terms of new business, it’s way up this year,” she says.

There was a time when many thought The Park might not be able to sustain so many hibernation specialty shops, but that fear has vanished over the past few years, in part due to the growth in the hibernating population. And Orang says that even though she has competition, she has lost very few customers.

“Hibernators tend to be loyal and we appreciate that,” she says.

All in all, 2016 looks as though it’s going to be a very profitable year for the hibernation business. That is, as long as hibernators get themselves to the shops on time.

OTD in 2013—Heavy police presence at polling stations disturbing to voters

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Polling stationThe heavy police presence at polling stations around The Park during last week’s POPS election was disturbing to a large number of voters, according to a survey conducted by The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS).

The results of the survey, which were intended for internal use only, were leaked to The Mammalian Daily last night by a source who wishes to remain anonymous. The source attended a special meeting called to discuss the election results. That meeting included representatives from the DWBS, Park Election Office head Gerritt Wezel, and members of an ad hoc committee whose duty it was to oversee the election. Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros was also present at the meeting.

According to The Mammalian Daily’s source, the purpose of the meeting was to ascertain the reason for the delay in determining the winner of the election and to discuss any irregularities in the voting or vote-counting process that may have occurred.

The source told The Mammalian Daily that the DWBS commissioned the survey in order to gauge Animals’ reaction to the presence of police during elections. Historically, police have not been present at POPS elections. They are usually peaceful events, as was the case this year. But the decision made by the DWBS to send police to the polling stations may have less to do with keeping the peace and more to do with plans to hold more elections in the future, the source said.

The election results, which were expected to be announced on November 8, are still pending.

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