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Archives for July 2025

OTD in 2012—”Weightless Whiskers” boost Park’s Q2 retail sales

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“Weightless Whiskers,” the newest product developed by Park-based accessory manufacturer I.E. Baffolungo, S.A., has boosted sales in The Park’s retail sector over the last quarter.

According to figures reported by the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), the product is responsible for a 100% increase in sales during the second quarter of the year.

“We’ve seen a phenomenal rise [in retail sales] over the first quarter,” says Wellington Whistlepig, founder and current PASS president. “It’s obvious a great deal of it is related to this new product.”

Baffolungo’s Chief Marketing Officer, Darina Yak, attributes some of the product’s success to the company’s marketing strategy and, specifically, to the timing of its release.

“The release in late Spring worked perfectly,” said Yak.

Footpad Heaven, The Park’s oldest shop, was the first retailer to stock Weightless Whiskers, giving them a prominent place in the shop’s windows and on its shelves.  Manager Adamma Bandicoot, who traces her ancestry back to the shop’s founder, expressed high praise for the product.

“Nothing could be more welcome in the heat than a set of whiskers that doesn’t weigh you down and that’s something that hasn’t been available until now,” she said.

OTD in 2016—Is “long haul” government the way of the future? New political group says yes

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Park ArchonsAre longer terms for The Park’s thirty-five Archons the solution to our current governmental stagnation?

A newly-formed political group thinks so.

The organization, which calls itself, “Park Citizens for Long Haul Government (PCLHG) released its first statement of principles and objectives today. And one of its most notable objectives is to change the length of Archons’ terms.

“We advocate lengthening the term of Archonship from one year to three to five years,” the statement says.

According to the group’s president, Stéphanie Musaraigne, the bold move would enable Archons to make a “full commitment” to governing over the long haul, instead of concentrating on short term goals and things that can be achieved within the one year mandate.

While the PCLHG’s statement stopped short of criticizing sortition, the current method of selecting Archons, it did imply that while the lottery method ensures a degree of fairness, it brings with it a certain amount of instability.

“There are many problems with sortition, which a Park of varied species and lifespans must address,” the statement said.

The PCLHG plans to hold a press conference later this week to further outline its objectives.

OTD in 2016—ZEAL to perform at Stereotype Sunday

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ZEALPopular Park singer ZEAL will perform at tomorrow’s Stereotype Sunday, it was announced today.

In a press release issued this afternoon, ZEAL’s manager, Lukas Numbat, confirmed the singer’s participation in the weekly event:

“It is with great pleasure that I announce on behalf of ZEAL that he will be performing tomorrow at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre during The Park’s Stereotype Sunday.”

According to the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), the event’s host, ZEAL will receive no compensation for his performance.

“It is not our policy to pay Animals who attend the event,” says Cornelius Kakapo, director of public relations for the DWBS.

This is the first time that any artist has performed at the event. Special guests in the past have included historians and other academics, and experts in the field of mental health.

According to Kakapo, ZEAL’s performance came via a suggestion from Holstein Fashion president Balbino Ko, who has agreed to cover ZEAL’s costs, including transportation, food, and accommodation for his band and backing singers. A passionate advocate for The Park’s striped and spotted population, ZEAL has performed at charity events in support of Holstein Fashion’s EQUALSS charity.

ZEAL is expected to use the occasion to debut his new single, “Crossing the Line.” Kakapo says he expects tomorrow’s event to be “extremely well-attended.”

OTD in 2016—Literacy rates lowest in Park’s feral communities: study

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FeralLiteracy rates are lowest among members of The Park’s feral communities, according to a study conducted last year at the University of West Terrier.

The study, which was commissioned by the 2015 Archons and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) in association with the Park Education Working Collective (PEWC), was conducted by researchers at UWT’s F. Varrah Flanagan School of Education.

The results of the study were published yesterday in the academic quarterly, Journal of Education Theory and Experience (JETE).

“I find these results quite troubling,” head researcher Domoina Fossa said in an interview on TMD Radio this morning. “What they say to me is that not only do we need to work harder to encourage our newest residents to avail themselves of The Park’s educational opportunities, but we have to actively sell the benefits of education to them.”

Fossa, who was the lead researcher in a study five years ago that found the majority of Park Animals were home-schooled, said her new study was a not a follow-up, but a more focused approach to the problem.

“We narrowed our focus by narrowing our field of study and by using a very precise definition of ‘feral,’ she said.

That definition, she told TMD Radio, excluded all moral values and belief systems and used only data related to territory of origin, time spent as a resident in The Park, living conditions, and way of life.

“We deliberately didn’t include time spent with Humans, because we thought that would muddy the waters,” Fossa said. “Many members of our feral communities have known Humans and have used their aid, but it hasn’t changed their way of life.”

Fossa said she expects a “swift and strong” reaction to the study’s results.

“Low literacy rates endanger the principles of zoocracy and interspecial harmony. It was one of Jor’s [The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy] core beliefs that we must foster interspecial harmony through knowledge. I think we are failing him at the moment,” she said.

OTD in 2013—”Mongoose Summer” protests may finally bring change

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Protesting Mongoose Summer

With another “Mongoose Summer” upon us, Park Animals have ramped up their campaign to change the way that weather is dealt with in The Park.

Another “Mongoose Summer“ is upon us and there are many in The Park who are hoping that this one will be a game changer.

After months of experiencing temperatures that have fluctuated between too cold and too hot and skies that have been predominantly cloudy, Animal groups have begun to voice their concerns not only about the way in which weather is funded and purchased in The Park, but about the way in which the issue of weather, itself, is viewed by Park officials.

“I don’t believe the Archons or The Park Finance Office or whoever ultimately makes the budget decisions in this Park fully understands the importance of weather,” says A.P. Civet, of the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

According to Civet, the past few years have seen the worst harvests in Park history and he says he knows why.

“At the same time as The Park Finance Office and the [past] Archons have rented out portions of The Park’s farmland to Humans, they’ve cut back on financing weather that could bring us a bountiful harvest. When asked about this decision, the PFO can only say that it has budgeted for the importing of food, if necessary. My question is, why should we have to import food? The PFO doesn’t seem to understand something very basic: Animals cannot eat money. Without the proper weather and enough farmland, we cannot feed ourselves. This is a very important issue and one that all Park Animals should pay attention to before it is too late,” says Civet.

The Park’s weathermakers agree. A few months ago, their group criticized Finance Officers for purchasing cheap and inferior weather from outside The Park.

“Cost is all they care about,” says Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“They don’t look at quality or whether it’s appropriate weather for The Park. And they seem to have forgotten that we [WMPSAP) have a degree of expertise that outsiders simply don’t have,” Sun Bear says.

Many Park business owners, particularly those in the food business, have been sounding the alarm for some time.

“We have been suffering from their [The PWO] short-sightedness for years,” says Beatrice T. Orang of Provisions by Petrounel.

This year, however, they say they will keep up their protests until something is done.

“It’s about the future of The Park and, ultimately, about our independence. It’s worth fighting for, for as long as it takes,” says Orang.

OTD in 2013—Museum confirms addition of library to building complex

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Park MuseumThe Park Museum will house a library within its building complex, it has been confirmed.

In a statement released today, the Board of Governors of The Park Museum announced that after “extensive consultations” with the Museum’s architects, Fleck + Stone, they were able to alter the original plans for the Museum to include a library that will house books, manuscripts, and musical scores.

In what amounts to an admission of error on their part, the Board of Governors expressed their gratitude to the architects for allowing them the opportunity to “correct an oversight” and to reaffirm their commitment to making the project a comprehensive one.

No mention of extra cost was made in the statement, nor was the matter of further delay addressed.

The Park Museum is scheduled to be completed by the end of this year.

OTD in 2016—Security workers threaten bark-to-rule action over right to bite policy

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FCSW President Gareth Shepherd

Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers

The Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) is threatening to stage a bark-to-rule action unless Park administration reinstates the right of officers to bite offenders “when necessary.”

The federation of over four hundred officers, which forms the backbone of The Park’s Police Force, has been in talks with administration regarding this issue for the past two months. But so far, says FCSW president Gareth Shepherd, they have come to no satisfactory resolution.

“Park administration doesn’t appear to understand our position in this matter,” he told The Mammalian Daily this morning.

“We are asking for the right to bite only as a last resort. Right now our hands—and our mouths—are tied. We have nothing to back up our claim to authority,” he said.

Even though The Park’s Police Force has had a no-biting policy in place for almost twenty-five years, several FCSW officers have been charged with doing so in recent years. Shepherd, himself, was suspended from duty in February of 2013, after he was charged with biting members of Les Amis de Hieronymous (The Friends of Hieronymous) during a roundup. He was later cleared of the charges and reinstated.

The FCSW’s position is that the realities of modern Park life make a change in policy necessary, but Park administration says it remains unconvinced.

“This seems like a step backward to us and until we view it otherwise, we are not inclined to alter the policy,” a spokesAnimal told the Mammalian Daily.

OTD in 2013—Archons urged to reveal modernization plan before budget

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New budget

The 2013 Archons are under pressure to reveal the details of their “modernization” plan before the release of the 2014 budget by The Park Finance Office

The 2013 Archons are facing increasing pressure from the public to declare the details of their modernization plan before The Park Finance Office releases its 2014 budget later this month.

Following rumoured changes to The Park’s immigration policy, several of The Park’s citizen aid and action associations joined forces to mount a united response to any measures the Archons intended to implement.

Despite reassurances that “nothing drastic” is in the works, the ad hoc group has been pressuring the Archons for weeks to disclose details of any changes they plan to make to The Park’s core laws, including those regarding immigration, citizenship, freedom of assembly, freedom of expression, and food cultivation.

“It’s bad enough that any announcement at all will come this late, when so many of our compatriots are already estivating and unable to voice their opinion,” says Malinda L. Hamster, President of the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC). Her group is among those that have joined the ad hoc association.

“Or was that their intent all along?” asked Killeen Echidna, President of The Monotreme Alliance, on Toro Talk Radio last week.

For their part, the Archons “believe they have done their best to reassure Animals that any changes will be implemented slowly, in a step-by-step fashion,” said their press secretary Balthasar Alouatta. He declined to be specific about what “any changes” might mean, but was eager to remind Park citizens of the “orderly way in which calendar harmonization was achieved.”

That may well be true, but groups such as the SAHC and The Monotreme Alliance are more concerned about funding allocation than about whose calendar is used in The Park.

“If the budget is being adjusted to accommodate changes we don’t agree with, we want to know before the numbers are set in stone,” said Echidna.

Park Finance Officer Milton Struts is expected to release the 2014 Park Budget at the end of July.

OTD in 2015—PFO head’s remark hints at new attitude to tourism promotion

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2015 Budget

 

In an interview yesterday with reporter Alfonsina Cavalletta of the Serangga Star Adviser, the head of the Park Finance Office (PFO) said she believed that tourism is “organic” and may not require much help from officials.

In response to a question about the promotion of tourism in The Park, Valentina Abeja said she believed that “tourism is an organic force and it builds on itself and from itself.”

Later in the interview, Abeja, who took office in February of this year, expanded on her views regarding tourism and its importance to The Park.

“I’ve listened to many of our shopkeepers over the past few months and they say they believe strongly that tourism is irrelevant to their bottom line. In some cases, I must say that I agree with them. In other cases, I think we could improve on our past ventures. I think we need to promote ourselves to a different kind of Human, as well as to domestic Animals. I think we missed the mark there. Perhaps if we bypass the Humans altogether and go directly to their Animal companions, we will attract a more profitable tourist. As it stands, however, our attempts have not yielded significant gains. I believe we need to revisit this area entirely,” she said.

Abeja will present the 2016 Park Budget in August.

OTD in 2015—”Harmonious” pair newest tool to promote rapport among Park’s young

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Harmonious pair

Harmonious Humphrey (left) and Harmonious Hannah will make their debut on Sunday

Meet Harmonious Humphrey and Harmonious Hannah.

The pair of stuffed toys, whose creation was commissioned by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), are set to make their professional debut this week, at July’s first Stereotype Sunday.

“We are very pleased to introduce them…our new mascots of interspecial harmony,” said DWBS Public Relations Director Cornelius Kakapo at a press gathering this afternoon. The gathering was held outside the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, where the weekly event occurs.

The stuffed Animals, who stand five and a half feet tall, were available for photographs for only a short time today before they were whisked away to an undisclosed location. According to Kakapo, they won’t appear again until Sunday.

“We just wanted to give you a heads-up,” he told reporters, smiling wryly as he handed out information packets to the media.

This is the first initiative to promote interspecial harmony that has been aimed at youth, Kakapo said.

“Our youth are the future of The Park. We need to focus more on them, on training their minds and hearts, steering them in the direction of harmony, equality, and justice. Because it is far easier to plant a seed than it is to relocate a tree,” he said.

The stuffed pair will make the rounds at this week’s Stereotype Sunday, encouraging young Animals to ask questions about other species and to make new friends.

“We’ll be watching their [the harmonious pair’s] progress and tweaking their rôle along the way,” Kakapo said.

This week’s Stereotype Sunday will take place at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre from 1:00 pm until 6:00 pm.

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