The Mammalian Daily

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OTD in 2012—POPS 2013: Election Office releases candidate names

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The Park’s Election Office has released the names of the 23 Animals who have chosen to stand as candidates for the position of 2013 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

At 2:00 a.m. this morning, the list of candidates was posted at the law courts and in front of the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, the venue that will host tonight’s all-candidates’ debate. The list will remain posted until all votes are tallied on November 7.

The candidates are:

  • KASPER AARDEEKHOORNTJE;  TORSTEN BADGER; OGEN H.W. BEAVER; LORENZO MICHELE CHIPMUNK; FABIAN DACHS; OTTAVIO DONNOLA; MALKA EEKHOORN; LARS EKORRE; ABRAHAM BROMLEY GARETH GROUNDHOG; BASTIAAN GROUNDHOG; GERDA M.N. GROUNDHOG; LORENZO NARCISO GROUNDHOG; ANGUS IORA;  ALEIDA Y.B. MARMOT; YURI MARMOTA; MARJANI MOL; NICODEMO SCOIATTOLO; W.H. “SKIPPER” SKUNK; AGNES O. WEASEL; SILKEN WEZEL; HEIKE WHISTLEPIG; SAMUEL P. WOODCHUCK; CAESAR R. WOODCHUCK.

OTD in 2015—POPS election update: so many candidates, so little time for debate

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Elections AheadThe numbers are in and they’re huge.

When Park Election Office head Gerritt Wezel booked today’s press conference, he didn’t expect to have to postpone it. But that he did— twice—because even though registration closed at noon, it took over three hours for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon to certify the registration forms.

And the final number?

“Would you believe two hundred and seven?” Wezel told the press. “And only twenty per cent of those are repeats.”

Given the numbers and the limited amount of time for debate, those twenty per cent may regret their decision to stand as candidates.

That’s because, according to new rules put in place today, repeaters will be allowed to speak for only one minute, exactly half the time allotted to new candidates.

“We had to draw the line somewhere, or the debate would go on all night,” Wezel said. “And since we’ve already heard from them, I think that’s fair.”

As it is, since the debate will last almost seven hours, the starting time has been moved up to two o’clock in the afternoon. Candidates will begin filling the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre at noon, Wezel said, but attendees will not be allowed in until one.

If you’re planning to stay for the entire thing, however, there is one bright spot: refreshments will be available until eight o’clock, courtesy of The Compost Heap and The Battering Ram Café.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

  • The debate starts at two o’clock
  • Attendees may come and go as they please
  • There is no age limit, but remember that very young Animals may cause a disturbance and delay the proceedings
  • Refreshments are available until eight o’clock
  • POPS Election Day is November 7

OTD in 2011—UWT commissions institutional biography

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The University of West Terrier announced today that it has secured the services of award-winning author, Pieter N. Paard, to write the definitive history of The Park’s oldest institution of higher learning.

In a statement released to all Park media, the President of UWT, Angus Abhag, said that this will be “a no-holds barred, complete history of the institution, from its foundation to the present day.”

The statement also said that UWT hoped all present and past faculty and staff members, as well as the university’s students, friends, and benefactors, would cooperate with Paard and be “completely honest about their experiences at the University of West Terrier.”

Pieter Paard is best known for his book, From Slavery to Freedom: A History of Pack Animals. A five-part television series, based on the book, aired on PBC Television this Autumn.

OTD in 2013—Election Office “overwhelmed” by candidates for POPS 2014

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POPS 2014 CandidateGerritt Wezel’s office is a shambles.

“I thought last year was bad, but I didn’t see this coming,” says the head of the Park Election Office (PEO), as he points to the piles upon piles of paper that cover his desk. The papers, which are registration forms that verify the names and life histories of this year’s candidates for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), have even spilled onto the floor, making any walk in this office a treacherous thing.

“Be careful where you step, or you could find yourself in court, charged with obstructing some Animal’s candidacy,” Wezel warns.

With only a few days to go before the annual all-candidates debate, the list of contenders vying for the position of POPS has grown so large that speaking time for each candidate has been cut in half. Wezel says that, otherwise, “we’d be going non-stop for a whole day.”

The PEO head believes that recent changes to the eligibility rules are the reason for the huge increase in the number of candidates.

“Ever since we opened up [candidacy] to all species, it’s grown by leaps and bounds,” he says.

This year, Wezel expects the final number to be well over 100, an increase over last year of more than 400 per cent.

“This is the highest level of interest we’ve seen and I don’t expect it to level off any time soon. And that’s why I think there may come a time when we’ll have to look at this thing differently and, perhaps, require some qualifications for the position,” he says.

That time is not likely to come soon, though. It has only been since 2003 (23 AZ), subsequent to the decision of Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in the landmark case of “Spring’s Unsprung Heroes” vs the descendants of E. Bromley Groundhog, that the position of POPS has been an elected one. Park Animals, understandably, are liable to defend vigorously their right to stand as candidates, no matter how large the number gets.

In the meantime, Wezel says he is glad that November 5 is on the horizon. That is the last day that Animals are allowed to enter the race.

JUST THE FACTS

If you’re still thinking about running for POPS 2014, here are some things you should know:

1. You have until noon on November 5 to have your name officially entered as a candidate.
2. The names of all candidates will be released at 2:00 a.m. on November 6.
3. POPS hopefuls are allowed to campaign for votes until 8:00 p.m. on November 6.
4. The all-candidates debate begins at 8:00 p.m. on November 6.
5. Animals are not allowed to campaign on election day, November 7.

OTD in 2014—Struts out; new budget to be tabled in late November: PFO

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Park Finance Officer Milton Struts has been “relieved of his duties as of November 3, 2014,” according to a communiqué distributed to Park media this afternoon.

In the communiqué, all 35 of the 2014 Archons who signed it laud Struts for his “dedication and hard work on behalf of Park citizens,” but they say simply, “it is time for a change.”

“Familiarity with a subject clouds the vision,” they say in the communiqué,” and The Park’s finances “call for clear, fresh eyes.”

To that end, The Park Finance Office says it will appoint a panel of financial experts to produce a completely new 2015 budget. A new head of the Finance Office will be named some time in the new year.

Struts, a longtime employee of the Park Finance Office, rose to prominence over the last decade and became its head six years ago. Known for his steadfast support of Park citizens. particularly refugees and immigrants, Struts was the architect of the last five Park budgets, including the most recent — and most controversial — 2015 budget, which he presented on August 30.

Struts was last seen attending the awards ceremony at the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF). He did not appear at last Tuesday’s annual Account of the State of The Park.

OTD in 2011—Third edition of Zoocracy guide hits shelves this week

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This updated edition includes information on the most recent decisions made by the current set of  Archons, including those involving calendar harmonization. A separate section on the currency amalgamation debate will prove valuable to newcomers as well as to those who have not followed the debate closely over the last several years.

Several copies of the guide, which sells for 13.50 Ftoo per copy, will be made available in The Park Library, said a spokesAnimal for the publishers, Birch Bark Books.  In addition, the publishers have committed to providing copies to the libraries of The Park’s institutions of higher learning.

OTD in 2015—Election Office braces for deluge of POPS candidates as deadline looms

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Elections AheadThe Park Election Office is now housed in two offices and even that amount of space has proven insufficient for its purposes.

“I told the Archons we’re going to have to go digital next year or we’ll have to build our own building,” laughs Gerritt Wezel.

But the PEO head isn’t really in the mood for jokes. Taking a break from sorting through the piles of registration forms that candidates for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) have dropped off just this week, Wezel waxes nostalgic about his early days on the job.

“I remember—and it seems not that long ago—when the debates had three or four Animals. One year it was six. And we thought we were overwhelmed then,” he sighs.

Last year, that number swelled to one hundred and forty-five and Wezel estimates that, this year, almost three hundred Animals will stand as candidates for the position. And while Wezel he says he’s happy about the high level of participation, he has some doubts about the seriousness of some of the candidates.

“Just because you can apply, it doesn’t mean that you should,” he says matter-of-factly.

Wezel isn’t the only one who has concerns. Two years ago, he met with the Archons to suggest ways in which they might be able to keep the numbers down and focus on candidate appropriateness. His suggestion that candidates be forced to meet specified qualifications was met with resistance, he says. But even at that time, they acknowledged they would have to find some kind of solution to the problem that had resulted from the 2003 decision to hold elections for the position.

In the meantime, Wezel spends his days sorting and counting and hoping the candidates will be able to whittle down their message to one to two seconds come Friday.

“If not, we’ll be listening to them from dawn to dusk and that’s no way to choose the POPS,” he says.

In case you are thinking about standing as a candidate for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), this is what you should know:

JUST THE FACTS

1. You have until noon on November 5 to have your name officially entered as a candidate.
2. The names of all candidates will be released at 2:00 a.m. on November 6.
3. POPS hopefuls are allowed to campaign for votes until 8:00 p.m. on November 6.
4. The all-candidates debate begins at 8:00 p.m. on November 6.
5. Animals are not allowed to campaign on election day, November 7.

OTD in 2014—Finance Officer Milton Struts “strangely absent” from State of The Park Account

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Park Finance Officer Milton Struts was not in attendance on Tuesday afternoon as the Park Archons delivered their annual Account of The State of The Park.

After repeated requests for clarification by members of The Park’s media, the PFO finally issued a statement this morning, confirming that the architect of the controversial 2015 budget was absent from Tuesday’s proceedings.

Although the short statement offered no explanation for Struts’s absence, many in The Park believe that he has fallen ill as a result of eating food that was offered to him by Humans.

Struts was last seen in public earlier this month when he attended the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) awards ceremony. By all accounts, he looked well that evening, though some said they thought he was showing signs of stress.

“Considering the treatment he received [that night], I thought he was holding up fantastically,” says Konrad Eule, who saw Struts beat back spitballs and suffer bites from a group of Animals.

Struts was ushered into the Cinema that night but was not seen exiting and it was believed at the time that he stayed inside until it was safe for him to be escorted home by Park Police.

Though theories abound as to his whereabouts and the reason he stayed away from the State of The Park Account, no definitive statement has been made by him or on his behalf.

OTD in 2011—New survey finds Park Animals fear the extinction of their species

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A new survey conducted by The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety indicates that species extinction is one of Park Animals’ greatest fears.

The fear that their kind will be wiped out within the next few decades topped a list of anxieties that included, among other problems, Small Ball Fever, Human encroachment on The Park, flood, famine, and loss of distinctive markings.

The Mammalian Daily plans a full investigation of the findings in the coming weeks.

OTD in 2014—Park Museum poaches PMoCA curator

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Park Museum

Dorika Pumi has been appointed head curator of the Park Museum’s art gallery

One of the most prolific and adventurous curators the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) has ever employed has been poached by the Park Museum.

In a controversial move that some say bodes well for its future, the soon-to-be-opened Park Museum confirmed in a press release yesterday that Dorika Pumi will assume the position of head curator when the Park Museum opens in January.

In an announcement on the Museum’s web site, the Board of Governors called Pumi’s appointment, ”one of many milestones along the road to the realization” of the Museum. The press release also included praise for her work.

“We are honoured that she has accepted our offer and we look forward to nurturing a long and fruitful relationship with her,” it concluded.

Pumi, who is best known for her 2013 art installation How Much Was That Doggie in the Window? was also responsible for the Museum’s K-NONical Kismet exhibit and the controversial but well-received series of sketches entitled, Better To Be Lost Than Loved.

Read the Park Museum’s press release here.

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