The Mammalian Daily

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New device may help distinguish news from entertainment

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Wednesday RewindWednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 23 April 2012

Is it news or is it entertainment?

That is the question that many Park Animals are asking, as the boundary between the two, in both broadcast and print media, becomes increasingly blurred.

Enter KartalTechSolutions, S.A. and their revolutionary new device, the Verifyzer™, which company executives claim solves this “modern dilemma” almost instantly.

“This new instrument will tell you, within five seconds, whether what you’re reading or watching is news or entertainment,” said President and CEO, Fikret Kartal, at the product’s launch this past weekend.

On hand at the outdoor launch, which doubled as a pop-up Verifyzer™ retail store, were many representatives of The Park’s media community, as well as some faculty members of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier. Many were eager to voice their skepticism of KartalTech’s claims about the new device.

“The company bases the success of this device on a number of assumptions, the most important of which is that there is an objective — and detectable — difference between so-called news and entertainment,” said Journalism Professor and author, Ludwiga Saimiri. “This is something that journalists strive to define every day of their working lives, but it is not something about which, as yet, anyone can make a definitive pronouncement.”

Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP) was even more adamant:

“There is no such thing as anything [being] objective in the newspaper business,” he said. “These definitions are fluid, they change with the seasons…with the generations; unfortunately, one Animal’s news is, sometimes, another Animal’s entertainment. And vice-versa.”

Also present at the launch was Rodolfo van de Gier, President of the Association of Media Outlets of The Park (AMOP). Among other things, he took issue with the company’s guarantee of an accuracy rate of 92 per cent.

“The only thing any device can do, as far as I know,” said van de Gier, “is detect the presence of, for instance, celebrities’ names in a print or voice report. But that isn’t necessarily an indication of the nature of the report. Whether you want to admit it or not, celebrities can be involved in ‘real’ news and, sometimes, ‘real’ news can be enormously entertaining,” he said.

In response to van de Gier’s remarks, a KartalTech spokesAnimal, issued this statement:

“With due respect to the AMOP President’s remarks, technology has come a long way from merely detecting names. I invite Mr. van de Gier to attend a full demonstration of our device and to see, for himself, what our new age has to offer.”

While van de Gier has, thus far, made no reply, the Verifyzer™  is scheduled to hit Park stores at the beginning of May.

Yannis Tavros grabs the spotlight by announcing his candidacy for POPS

By

tavros-poster-sans-wallOn a day when many thought it would be Millicent Hayberry who would be announcing her candidacy for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), it was, instead, radio talk show host Yannis Tavros who bulldozed his way into the headlines by announcing that he will stand for the position in November.

At what he called a “press rally” outside the law courts this morning, Tavros handed out postcards, flyers, and brochures before making his official announcement.

“As many of you know, I have taken a leave of absence from my job as talk show host at Toro Talk Radio. The reason for that is simple: I have just added my name to the list of contenders for the position of 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring,” he said.

The crowd that had gathered behind members of the press cheered him on, as he promised to make “the most accurate and the best prediction ever” come Groundhog Day.

“I am the most qualified, most astute Animal of all those who are running for this position. And I’m also the most sensitive to the weather, so there is no doubt in my mind that my prediction will not only be accurate, but it will be the best prediction ever made in the history of Groundhog Day predictions,” he said.

Doves’ Golub calls out dating services for “jeopardizing our family structure.”

By

Georgina GolubDoves of Peace spokesBird Georgina Golub has a bone to pick with The Park’s internet dating services.

In a interview on AVN Radio this morning, Golub, who has served with the Doves of Peace for almost a decade, took both CyBird Dating Services and GanderMatch.com to task, blaming them for jeopardizing the family structure of her species and others.

“We [Doves] are monogamous. At least, that’s the way it always was until these services popped up in The Park and threatened our way of life,” she said.

Golub, who plans to migrate next week along with her two youngest, said over the past few years she’s seen far too many Avian families break up after migration season ends.

“We leave our males behind to take care of things here and that’s never been a problem until the past few years,” she said. “These services encourage them to look for companionship while their mates are away and we don’t intend to stand for it any longer.”

Both CyBird Dating Services and GanderMatch.com were founded by Cesar Emilio Gander, whose brother Manuel assumed the reins of both companies after Gander’s untimely death in 2009.

In a statement released after the interview was broadcast, Manuel Gander defended the integrity of his two companies, writing, “We would like to stress that we are first and foremost mating services, which are used to bring together Birds who are interested in establishing and raising a family together. From time to time, some of our clients may misrepresent themselves or their intentions and while we do not agree with their behaviour, we are not responsible for their decisions,” the statement said.

Director Zebra peddles compassion and hope in WINK: PIFF Feature Film Review

By

WINK Movie Poster 1WINK
♥♥♥♥♥♥

Directed by G.D. Zebra | 65 minutes | Premiere screening October 1 at the Park Cinema

It sounds cliché, but it was true: there wasn’t a dry eye in the theatre on the night of October 1.

By the time the credits rolled at the premiere of G.D. Zebra’s amazing new film, WINK, it seemed as though all Park Animals had found it in their hearts to embrace each other for the rest of time.

Of course, we knew it wouldn’t last. And it didn’t. But for one brief shining moment—all right, several, as the film was screened again on October 5—The Park seemed as Jor had meant it to be: open, free of prejudice, and dedicated to providing a peaceful, safe, and prosperous life to all its citizens.

Produced by Kevin Kodkod (of Black Cats Can’t Jump fame), and narrated in parts by Willem Leopard, WINK takes us on the personal journey of a group of striped and spotted Animals who, after suffering a lifetime of prejudice, opt to have their visible differences removed.

One might expect Zebra to have made his mark on the film through his personal perspective, but what makes WINK so powerful is the fact that he steps back and lets the participants tell their own stories. And, in large part, it is the timeline itself that allows us to feel the full effect of those stories.

As we follow the group for a period of three years—before, during, and after their stripe and spot removal procedures—the participants cease to appear to us as a homogeneous group. Rather, we see them as individuals who have experienced similar but distinct reactions to their visible otherness. And in discussing those reactions, they open a window through which we see their suffering and hopes more clearly.

As they introduce us to their families, their friends, and their way of life, their “otherness” seems to disappear. By the time they’ve booked their procedures, we find ourselves wondering why they’ve done it. Unfortunately, that wonder doesn’t last very long.

Indeed, we learn from the film’s title that these Animals have no way of escaping their past experiences which inform their lives forever. The title comes from a statement made by participant Aadhya Leopard, who when asked how it felt to emerge as a solid-coloured Animal, said, “It’s like a wink. It’s like I’m saying I’m just like you, but we both know I’m not.”

Participant Maximilian Appaloosa went even further. “What I discovered is that there is no such thing as an invisible minority. What your ancestors have suffered and the narrative you were raised on determines who you are and how you interact with others. And other Animals can sniff that out even if you look the same as they do. I discovered that all Animals have some kind of radar. It’s not just Bats,” he said.

The film, which lasts just over an hour, includes interviews with popular Park musician and anti-stripe-removalist ZEAL, anti-sortitionist and self-described “naturalist,” director Douglas Cheetah, and SCENTIENT Beings composer and father of Reekabilly music Faramund Stinktier, who announced his transition to being a Zebra last year.

But the film isn’t about the famous, or even about the striped and spotted Animals whose stories it tells. It is really about the rest of us, whose duty it is to confront our own otherness in order for all otherness to disappear.

WINK
The Park Cinema
October 17-31
Showtimes: 11:00; 1:00; 3:00; 5:00; 9:00

On the docket: these are the trials to follow this October

By

Mr Justice Augustus Dindon

The law courts will be busy this month, dealing with a number of high-profile cases scheduled to be heard by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon.

Below is a list of trials to watch in October.

October 17: The Park v Gunnar Rotte: charged with disturbing the peace and inciting violence at a Stereotype Sunday event in August.

October 19: The Park v The Gang of Twenty-One: charged with committing crimes of a specist nature in connection with throwing spitballs at the director and other attendees at the premiere of the movie, WINK.

October 24: The Park v Paulus Koer: The police officer was charged with two counts of biting resulting in injury at a PIFF after-after party on October 5.

October 27: The Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF), Runaway Rovers, Home to Roost, et al. v The Park and the Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations: In the matter of Rule #7 and the restriction of the right to assemble and the right to exercise free speech at the annual Harvest Festival, the aforementioned groups request the overturning of the rule.

Popular Park restaurant shut down by health inspectors

By

Wednesday RewindWednesday rewind
Original publication date: 9 October 2009

The popular Park restaurant, The Compost Heap, was shut down by health inspectors early this morning after several of its patrons fell ill on Tuesday.

Seven Animals, who describe themselves as “regulars” at the twenty-four-hour eating establishment, reported feeling “violently ill” and were taken, separately, by the Elephant Emergency Brigade (EEB) to the Park Hospital. All were treated for gastrointestinal problems. Two Animals remain in hospital, while the other five have returned to their abodes.

According to Inspector Konrad Eule, head of The Park’s Commercial Food Safety Bureau (CFSB), the Animals fell ill several hours after ingesting food served at the restaurant. Inspector Eule said his agency, which has close ties to The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety, is treating the incident as a food safety issue unless it uncovers evidence of suspicious or criminal activity.

“We are currently investigating with regard to food preparation and storage, but we have sent samples to the laboratory for testing and we are on alert for signs of tampering,” he said at a press conference held this morning. He dismissed rumours that chemicals were found in the food and criticized such statements as “inflammatory and, generally, unhelpful.”

At the press conference, the restaurant’s manager, Winifred D. Raccoon, reading from a prepared statement, said that the restaurant “values its clientele beyond measure” and will do everything in its power to ensure that its food is safe. The restaurant’s owner, Gilbert Bartholomew Ratte, was not available for comment.

Asked whether the incident would affect The Park’s upcoming food festivals and other celebrations, the Inspector said he did not believe there was any reason to delay any events “unless and until we receive results that would prompt such action.” He warned, however, that even though most food establishments adhere to The Park’s strict safety code, Animals should always be vigilant when eating away from home.

Date of Snowbird Farewell changed

By

Snowbird FarewellThe date of The Park’s annual Snowbird Farewell has been pushed back one week.

In a short statement released today, Public Relations Director Aintza Kanariar confirmed that the event will take place on October 19 from this year on.

No reason was given for the adjustment, but many in The Park’s weather-making and farming communities believe it is due to the warmer temperatures The Park has been experiencing over the last decades. Many in The Park’s business community are of the same belief.

“I agree with them,” Nicoletta Cardinale, owner of  STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS, told The Mammalian Daily this morning. Her travel agency, which specializes in migration travel, has seen its business plummet over the past few years and she attributes at least part of that to a change in The Park’s climate.

“Life here has become less challenging in the Winter months and many Birds are choosing to wait out the cold weather rather than risk travel,” she says.

Whatever the reason, The Park’s Avian community now officially has one extra week to prepare to leave or prepare to Winter in The Park.

Stan the Spitman speaks out about the use and misuse of his product at PIFF

By

Park Interspecial Film FestivalLess than a week after the end of the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF), Stan the Spitman is speaking out about the unlawful use of his product at PIFF events.

In an op-ed piece published today in The Burro Beacon, Estanislao “Stan” Gonzalo de Llama condemned in no uncertain terms what some Animals did with his product at the film festival. And he let it be known that he intends to put a stop to it.

“I am proud of what I make and I don’t make it to be used to attack others, particularly others whose species or politics differ from my own,” he wrote in the newspaper.

The second generation SpitMeister (master of the art of spitmaking) was referring to the repeated use of spitballs at the screening of WINK, which opened the festival on October 1. Police charged twenty-one Animals with crimes of a specist nature after they threw spitballs at the director and other attendees as they entered the Park Cinema.

Although Stan has never condoned that sort of behaviour, he expressed a different view about it in Searching for the Spitman: A Journey Through Foam, Froth, and Fun, a film about his life that premiered at PIFF 2015.

In that film, he estimated that ninety per cent of his products go toward humiliating other Animals.

“It’s a fact of life in the profession,” he said. “But it doesn’t keep me up at night.”

In today’s o-ed piece, however, he said he’d changed his mind after witnessing events at this year’s festival.

“I can’t stand by and watch Animals use my product that way anymore,” he wrote. “It needs to stop.”

Harvest Festival organizers issue edict: no woes allowed

By

Harvest FestivalIt’s official. The organizers of Tuesday’s Harvest Festival have issued an edict barring the advancement of any political or other agenda at this year’s event. And, in doing so, they claim to have the full backing of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

The edict is in keeping with last year’s decision not to allow The Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP) and the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) to host information booths at the Autumn celebration.

In a statement released late yesterday afternoon, the organizers said the festival “forbids any Animal or organization of Animals to “establish a presence at the Festival for the purpose of disseminating information unrelated to the Festival and/or of advancing a political or social agenda.”

The statement concludes by saying that the Harvest Festival is meant to be a “happy” event, a “celebration of our work and of our bounty,” and that all Animals are entitled to feel “joy and safety there, no matter what their beliefs are.”

Officer charged with injuring Doe of Peace at PIFF after-after party

By

Police Officer charged

FCSW officer Paulus Koer

A Park Police officer has been charged with two counts of biting after a member of The Park’s peacekeeping force was injured during an outbreak of violence at last night’s PIFF after-after party.

Witnesses say that Doe of Peace Rozmonda Ricke, was “just doing her job,” separating the crowd at The PurrBoy Café, when a member of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) approached her from behind and pulled her tail.

According to Ricke, who has been a member of the Does since the group was founded in 2014, there was “no time” to look around to see what was happening.

“I was focused on my job, which was to de-escalate the violence that suddenly had erupted at the café,” she said in a sworn statement early this morning.

When she did not respond to the tail-pulling, Paulus Koer, the FCSW officer, allegedly bit her on the back in an attempt to stop her from walking through the crowd. According to his statement, the second bite was necessary because the alleged victim “paid no attention to my first warning.”

The FCSW officer will appear in court today, where a date for trial will be set.

FCSW president Gareth Shepherd is expected to hold a press conference later this afternoon.

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