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Hieronymous Hedgehog named Park’s first official Hibernation Ambassador

October 28, 2015 By Marikit Kuneho, TMD Park Life Reporter

Hieronymous HedgehogHieronymous Hedgehog  has been chosen as The Park’s first official Hibernation Ambassador.[pullquote]This is by no means a ceremonial position.—Chief Archon Abayomi Cuckoo[/pullquote]

Chief Archon Abayomi Cuckoo made the announcement at a press event in front of the Wishing Well this morning.

With Hieronymous at her side, Cuckoo spoke briefly about the creation of the position and the responsibilities involved.

“This is by no means a ceremonial position,” she said emphatically. “After a series of consultations with a number of groups actively engaged in advocating for interspecial harmony, we Archons decided it was time to expand our own advocacy rôle beyond Stereotype Sundays,” she said.

The position, which has a term of five years, is the first of several that the Archons will be creating in the next few months until their term ends in January, Cuckoo told reporters.

The new Hibernation Ambassador will peform a variety of duties, with an emphasis on educating other Animals about hibernation and advocating for tolerance among species.

Hieronymous will be sworn in on the morning of Tuesday, November 2.

“We will have to keep the ceremony brief,” Cuckoo said. “He has a lot to do between then and November 17 [the official date of hibernation].”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: hibernation, Hibernation Ambassador, Hieronyous Hedgehog, tolerance

Today’s Account of the State of The Park: what to hope for, what to expect

October 27, 2015 By TMD Managing Editor Orphea Haas

State of ParkEDITORIAL

In some Animal languages, “hope” and “expect” are the same word.

But today, when the Archons and the new Park Finance Officer deliver their annual Account of the State of The Park, we may find those words have two very different meanings.

The hope that most Park Animals feel these days is rooted in our respect for the new head of the Park Finance Office (PFO). Valentina Abeja is thoughtful in a way that former PFO head Milton Struts ceased to be, if ever he truly was. She is not given to habits or rules and sees beyond what is to what she believes ought to be, and she seeks to achieve it through prudent stewardship and responsible fiscal policy. While her first budget was far from perfect, it spoke more to Park citizens’ aspirations than any of the four previous budgets had. It addressed our core beliefs and, yes, our core hopes. And, yet, it managed to hold our expectations at bay, if only for a year.[pullquote]While we hope that we can recapture the harmony that was Jor’s vision and that led to the founding of The Park, our leaders have not forged any path for us to follow in order to achieve that.—TMD Managing Editor, Orphea Haas[/pullquote]

The flip side of this, of course, is that the last few sets of Archons have done very little of this in the political sense. They have kept the worst at bay but have not, to date, offered any real solutions to the growing problems of our maturing zoocracy. While we hope that we can recapture the harmony that was Jor’s vision and that led to the founding of The Park, our leaders have not forged any path for us to follow in order to achieve that. Thus, we are left to our own devices (literally and figuratively) to solve the enormous problems that face us.

Today’s Account will include an update on the “Report on the State of Hate in The Park” that the Archons requested of the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) four months ago. It speaks to our sorry state of affairs that so many of us are anxious to hear the interim results, if only to know where we stand and what measures must be taken to quell that rising tide.

If there is one aspect of today’s report that we can know for certain ahead of time, it is that something must be done to address the growing specism in The Park. The desire of an overwhelming number of us to deal with this problem head-on and to solve it, which was the impetus for commissioning the report, is the one bright light in all this darkness. We can only hope that, with the help of our leaders, we will be able to harness that desire and turn it into positive change.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Account of the State of The Park, Park Finance Office, specism, zoocracy

Tricolore, VVTV team up with gewper for Park’s first scented holiday show

October 25, 2015 By Juho Morsk, TMD Media Reporter

Tab Tricolore

Tricolore, VVTV, and gewper will produce a scented holiday show

Celebrity chef and restaurateur Tab Tricolore and Vertebrate Vision Television have teamed up with social networking site gewper to produce The Park’s first scented holiday show.

Tricolore made the announcement this morning via simultaneous posts to his gewper and GooseBook accounts.

“Happy to announce my newest venture: will be working with Vertebrate Vision TV and scented social media site gewper on a holiday special to be broadcast during Winter Solstice celebrations. Show to be first in Park history to have scent available,” the post said.

Aldrich Nashorn, Chief Executive Officer of RhinoTech, gewper’s parent company, also posted the news on his account, saying his company hoped this would be the beginning of “many profitable unions of sight and scent.”

RhinoTech launched gewper in 2011, four years after partnering with Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., makers of the popular scent-masking product, FeralNoMore™.  At the time, the company said they developed their new site to fill a void in the industry and to this date it remains the only social networking site in The Park that delivers scent.

Although the announcements mentioned no date for the show’s airing, a Vertebrate Vision spokesAnimal said it most likely would be broadcast during the week after The Park’s annual Celebration of the Winter Solstice.

“Tab made the request for that week so that Animals would be able to focus on the show and not on the Solstice celebrations,” the spokesAnimal said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Media, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: gewper, holidays, scents, Tab Tricolore, winter solstice

Canine Music Association, PHS join forces to push for Barkettes museum

October 22, 2015 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

barkettes-museumThe Canine Music Association has teamed up with the Park Historical Society and members of The Park’s music community to push for the establishment of a museum to honour the life and work of Thisbe and the Barkettes.[pullquote]The Barkettes broke the species barrier when it came to music and they paved the way for the success of all other Park musicians. We are long overdue in honouring them by keeping their accomplishments alive for the next generations.—Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces [/pullquote]

In the current issue of the Association’s monthly newsletter, CMA president, R.F. Aarrf makes the case for the museum, writing that the disappearance last May of the set list from the first concert of the Barkettes’ Bring Your Own Bone tour was “the straw that broke the Barkettes’ back.”

“The intention was for the set list to be preserved for eternity,” Aarrf writes. “Instead, it was stolen from right under our noses because there was no security. If nothing else, this event highlights the need for a proper home to honour the group’s legacy.”

Aarrf also criticizes the decision to place the original sheet music of “Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed” at The Park Museum.

“With all due respect to The Park Museum, this is a travesty. Not to have a suitable home for such an important piece of Park musical history is an embarrassment to the Barkettes. Shame on The Park,” he writes.

This is not the first time that Aarrf has fought for a Barkettes museum. Two years ago, he called out the Park Finance Office (PFO) for incompetence and short sightedness for not properly supporting the arts and he warned that funding cuts and ignorance threatened the Barkettes’ legacy.

This time, Aarrf says he won’t take no for an answer, nor will his ally, Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces. In fact, they are asking everyone to sign a petition to tell the Archons that The Park needs a Barkettes museum.

“The Barkettes broke the species barrier when it came to music and they paved the way for the success of all other Park musicians. We are long overdue in honouring them by keeping their accomplishments alive for the next generations,” he said on the Yannis Tavros show yesterday.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture, Thisbe and the Barkettes Tagged With: Barkettes, museum, Park musical history, petition

Born a Skunk, Stinktier set to embrace life as a Zebra

October 18, 2015 By Marikit Kuneho, TMD Park Life Reporter

Scentient Beings

Reekabilly star Faramund Stinktier plans to seek an official species status change

Many Park Animals may believe that Faramund Stinktier has gone underground since his shocking revelation in September that he believes he was meant to be a Zebra. But nothing could be further from the truth.

The Reekabilly star, composer, and one half of the SCENTient Beings duo says he has no plans to retreat from Park life, nor to deny his own reality, however much it irritates certain groups in The Park.

“We only have one life and I would be doing myself a disservice to deny who I am for the whole of mine,” Stinktier says.

Not surprisingly, he also utters those words in the trailer for his new reality series, Life in a Different Stripe, set to début in January on Vertebrate Vision Television (VVTV).

The Mammalian Daily sat down with Stinktier for an hour-long interview in early October. The full interview will appear in the newspaper in the coming weeks. Here are a few highlights from our emotional meeting:

  • Stinktier confirmed that he will seek an official change of his species status in the new year
  • He says that life has become “more complicated” than it was before his announcement, but that he anticipated an even worse reaction to his news than he has received, “Although I would never say it’s been easy.”
  • Stinktier has no immediate plans to change abodes or to attempt to join a Zebra herd. “I don’t expect them to embrace me with any zeal, but I hope they’ll come to understand that I am sincere.”
  • Stinktier says he welcomes the opportunity to bring issues related to his own feelings and choices out in the open and would welcome the opportunity to become an advocate and a mentor to those in similar situations.
  • He will continue his musical career full-time and has no intention of letting anything interfere with it.
  • SCENTient Beings concerts and recordings are selling well, despite a boycott by Park Zebras.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: SCENTient Beings, Skunk, species transition, Stinktier, Zebra

Nesthetics gets the nod again to build Groundhog Day prognostication pad

October 17, 2015 By Bergrún Íkorna, TMD Business Reporter

Groundhog Day celebrationsIt’s that time of year again.

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations announced today that for the second year in a row, it has engaged the services of Nesthetics to build and service the Groundhog Day prognostication pad.

In a short statement released this morning, the department said it was impressed by the sturdiness and “forward-thinking design” of the company’s 2015 pad. That pad was the first in Park history to include colours other than green.

In fact, the pad’s blue base and its range of bright colours caused quite a stir. Romulus Bowerbird, the Nesthetics designer responsible for the pad, caused a stir of his own, too, when he defended his aesthetic choices during live coverage of the Groundhog Day ceremonies by saying that he thought green was overused but, “Many of my best friends are green.”

Nevertheless, Bowerbird is considered to be one of The Park’s foremost designers, and one who is not afraid to take chances or to risk failure.

In a prognostication of his own earlier in the week, Bowerbird tweeted out that he was sure his company would be “2 for 2 on Groundhog Day.” He said nothing, however, about an early Spring.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life Tagged With: Groundhog Day, prognostication pad

Snowbird Farewell shocker: more come to the party, but fewer leave

October 15, 2015 By Marikit Kuneho, TMD Park Life Reporter

Snowbird Farewell

For every Park Bird who migrates, at least three will stay behind, new statistics say

As any Animal who has ever attended the event knows, the Snowbird Farewell is one of The Park’s most joyous and emotional Autumn celebrations. [pullquote]Time was, you’d say a teary farewell to your Avian friends and hope you would see them in the Spring…These days, you say goodbye and then arrange to meet them the next day.—Dewi Beruang, Snowbird Farewell attendee[/pullquote]

It’s a chance to enjoy great food and entertainment, and to wish our Avian population well on their journey south.

But that’s not the way it always goes, these days.

“Time was, you’d say a teary farewell to your Avian friends and hope you would see them in the Spring,” says Dewi Beruang, who attended her tenth Farewell this year.

“These days, you say goodbye and then arrange to meet them the next day.”

Beruang is not the only one who’s noticed the difference: the tales of those who work in Avian aid organizations or whose businesses cater to Avians bear out her story.

“The Park’s permanent [Avian] population has increased dramatically, in part because more Birds are opting to stay in The Park year-round,” says Rafael Ortega, the chief organizer of the Fowl Ball. Last year, the charity decided to use the funds they raised from the event to build and maintain a retirement residence for the growing number of The Park’s wounded and elderly Birds.

“Many of them find migration difficult or impossible,” Ortega says. “We have to find them a permanent place to live.”

But illness and old age are not the only reasons that Birds are staying put.

“From what I can tell, life here has become less challenging in the Winter months, and life outside The Park more so,” says Nicoletta Cardinale, owner of  STRICTLY FOR THE BIRDS, a travel agency that specializes in migration travel. Cardinale says business at the agency is down twenty percent from last year.

“A few years ago, we were swamped and I had to hire five new agents in one season. Now, I have to lay off the same five,” she says.

But Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) claims that not all Avian-related businesses are suffering, citing the “astronomical” growth of CyBird Dating Services and Gandermatch.com as examples.

“What’s good for the Goose, as they say,” he chuckles.

GooseBook, too, has noticed the difference.

“We’ve been tracking this for a few years now, and it’s true,” says GooseBook’s President and C.E.O., Lester C. Gander.

“In the past, there was a lot of pre-migration activity as well as mid-trip and arrival posting. Now, there is much less travel-related Avian activity on the site, while, of course, there are more Birds joining every day,” he says.

And, finally, the Snowbird Farewell itself has seen what organizing committee president Cécile Bardot calls a “seismic shift” not only in attendance numbers but in the event’s raison d’être.

“There will always be migrators, of course, so we will always host the Farewell. But there may come a time when we have to expand its rôle in the social calendar. And, of course, we will need more funding,” she says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life Tagged With: Avian community, change in migration patterns, migrating birds, migration, Park Avian population

Less than three weeks left to confirm your eligibility for Archon selection: DPA

October 14, 2015 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Do your duty: Confirm your eligibility for Archon selection by the end of October

The Department of Political Administration (DPA) has issued a reminder to all Park citizens: you have until the end of October to confirm your eligibility to stand as a candidate for Archon.

“The department wishes to remind all adult Park citizens that, by law, they must confirm their eligibility to stand as candidates for Archon and they must do so by the end of October,” says the reminder.

According to the rules of zoocracy, illness constitutes the only exception to this rule. Animals who are ill and who believe they would be unable to fulfil their duties as Archon due to their illness are required to advise the department of their circumstances by submitting a Form 12.

“Since sortition is the method by which we select Archons, we depend on the full cooperation of adult citizens,” DPA spokesAnimal Antoinette Fourmi said in a radio interview this morning.

And lest you consider withholding your name for any reason, Fourmi reminded listeners that last year, one citizen did just that and found himself charged and convicted  of “Cease to Care.”

“Because all of this was established at the time of zoocracy as an obligation of citizenship, we take it very seriously when Animals refuse to participate,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: archon selection, cease to care, sortition

Slowly but surely, The Mammalian Daily is adding full bylines to its articles

October 11, 2015 By TMD Managing Editor Orphea Haas

cat newspaperOur astute readers probably have noticed something new on The Mammalian Daily’s web site. And many of them might be saying to themselves, “It’s high time.”

Yes, dear readers, we have embarked on a road that will lead to complete transparency in our reporting within the next few years.

In doing so, however, we are not responding to our critics—many though they’ve been— so much as we are moving forward of our own volition toward a goal we’ve had for some time.

As I explained at a press conference almost six months ago to the day, The Mammalian Daily has had a longstanding policy of anonymous reporting. This policy constituted part of the terms of our journalists’ contracts and for that reason we could do nothing but wait, either for those contracts’ expiration or for our journalists to agree to a new policy.

We’ve been fortunate to have several of our veteran reporters agree to have their names (and, thus, their species, in many cases) appear in the paper. So, let me introduce you to this handful of TMD trailblazers whose work is much respected by Park citizens. They will be joined shortly by others of equal merit.


 

Aivis Burunduks, TMD PIFF Reporter

Renée Simone Canard, TMD Gossip Reporter

Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

Bergrún Íkorna, TMD Business Reporter

Jaakkima Kuikka, TMD Mental Health Reporter

Johan Slon, TMD Music Reporter


Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Park Life Tagged With: anonymous reporting, disclosure of reporters' species, full bylines

Justice Dindon to rule on injunction against Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations

October 10, 2015 By Viona Adelaar, TMD Justice and Legal Affairs Reporter

Mr.  Justice Augustus Dindon

Mr. Justice Dindon will rule on an injunction against the Dept. of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations

BREAKING NEWS
Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon will rule this afternoon on an injunction against the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations. The injunction was sought by a coalition of Park groups, including The Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP) and the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

The matter stems from the Department’s refusal to allow the latter two groups to host information tables at tomorrow’s Harvest Festival.

In their petition, filed late yesterday afternoon, the groups appealed to the Justice on a number of issues, the most important of which, they say, is free speech.

“Freedom of speech and freedom of assembly are two of the most important tenets of zoocracy, as created by our founder and first leader, Jor. We maintain that the Department’s attempt to silence the WMPSAP and the SCPCPGF both violates Park law and jeopardizes the future of zoocracy,” the group’s legal representative, Delwyn Terrier, wrote in the petition.

Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd, also represented The Park’s grooming houses in their request for an injunction against stationing police outside their businesses in advance of the Fowl Ball. Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon stayed the proceedings of that injunction in May when he decided to order the Doves and Does of Peace to attend at the grooming houses instead of police. He has yet to issue his final ruling on the subject.

A statement issued this morning by the Justice’s office, however, confirms that he will rule on the new injunction by the end of the day.

“The Justice sees this as a matter of great importance and is working toward a timely resolution of the matter,” the statement said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: freedom of assembly, freedom of speech, injunction, Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, zoocracy

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