The Mammalian Daily

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Slow Art Movement picking up steam in Park

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The Slow Art Movement (SAM) is catching on with art-savvy Animals in The Park, according to the child of one of the Movement’s founders.

Fionn-Fionnoula T. Snail, the offspring of Marcel-Marcelle T. Snail, Jr., says the Movement is gaining ground in The Park, and this is making it easier for Slow artists to have their work shown in local galleries.

“Just a year ago, it was next to impossible for artists in the Movement to get into The Park galleries. Now, we are seeing a huge change and Movement artists are far more hopeful about their work being seen,” the Snail said in an interview yesterday on Reptile Radio.

The Snail, who serves as art critic at the recently-reorganized Mollusk Messenger, said that even galleries such as the Ewe and Moo have expressed interest in showing Slow Art.

Tegwin Cooter, Director of The Tortoiseshell Gallery, concurs with the Snail’s assessment.

“We used to be the only gallery in The Park that had any interest in the Movement; now, we have to compete with other galleries. The Movement is really gaining momentum. I wouldn’t be surprised if we began to see showings outside The Park,” she says.

“Mating Dance Blues” are real, says expert

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If “woe is me” describes the way you’re feeling after Sunday’s Mating Dance, take heart. A new study shows that at least a third of those who attend mating events such as Sunday’s dance suffer some kind of psychological letdown in the days and weeks that follow.

The results of the study, which was conducted by Dr. Chloris Cougar at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine, also suggest that finding the right mate may be more complicated for Animals today than it was for our forebears.

“I truly believe it was simpler then,” Dr. Cougar said in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

The researcher, who is renowned for her groundbreaking study of Feline depression, “Even Miaowgirls Get the Blues,” and for her work on Feline Unipolar Depressive Disorder (FUDD), says that her new study shows that planned mating events can, sometimes, have a backfire effect on the participants.

“I think part of the reason is that these [planned] events raise expectations so high that they just can’t be met,” she said.

“The result is, predictably, a letdown…a deflation of sorts. But, rather than deflating our ridiculously-high expectations, these events tend to deflate our hopes of finding a suitable mate, while leaving those unrealistic expectations of others intact.”

Dr. Cougar says it is best to take it slowly and to pace yourself, in order to avoid the frenzy of a planned mating event.

“If you do choose to attend one, try to see it as a social gathering and try to enjoy the company. Try not to pressure yourself and others and do your best not to respond to the pressure of others on you,” she advises.

CPAP to investigate Daffy Dill’s “natural product” claims

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 The Consumer Protection Agency of The Park (CPAP) confirmed today that it plans to investigate claims made by The Daffy Dill that its whisker bouquets are made exclusively of “natural” products.

At a press conference held this morning, CPAP head Ursula M. Bjørn said that, in launching its investigation, the Agency was answering to a number of concerns voiced by consumers over the past 12 months.

“Consumers have been questioning the veracity of [Daffy Dill’s] claims, particularly those made about its whisker bouquet products,” Bjørn said. “We determined that these queries warranted some further examination.”

The Agency’s decision to launch its probe may also be due, in part, to recurrent rumours that non-resident Animals have been detained illegally in The Park for the purpose of harvesting their whiskers. Bjørn would not comment on these rumours, but did not deny that such activity “would be a great concern, if it were found to be true.”

While Daffy Dill owners have remained silent about the investigation, Wellington Whistlepig, founder and current president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), issued a statement just hours ago. In it, he chastised CPAP for “doing the bidding of a few disgruntled customers” and said the complaints may well have been connected to recent price increases.

“Many shops in The Park have experienced customer anger lately, as a result of necessary price increases. That is a fact of life in business, but customer anger should not be grounds for a full investigation,” the statement read.

Ask a Poodle: Is Pink the new Black?

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DEAR POODLE: I come from a long line of award-winning Poodles. Both my mother and father were champions – in fact, they met on the show circuit and have been together ever since. My five littermates and I are all interested in following in our parents’ footsteps, but we’ve been told that we have no chance of winning because we all have black coats. They say that black is out and pink is in. We are so disappointed. Should we dye our coats to suit this current trend or should we continue to compete, au naturel? – BLACK AND BLUE

DEAR BLACK AND BLUE: If I have only one life to live, let me live it as a pink Poodle?

Seriously, folks, what has gotten into us? This whole “pink Poodle” thing smacks of an unmentionable sensibility (can you spell H-U- M-A-N?) and I don’t understand why we’ve fallen for it.

Even though I abhor psychology, I do wonder why so many of us are not content with the selves that we are. While I’ve never been against a little dash of something here or there, just to enhance what is naturally wonderful, the idea of undergoing the sort of dye-job you mention sends shivers down my tail.

Now, I won’t even address the obsessive need that we Poodles have to exhibit ourselves, but I will say this: no matter what anyone tells you, pink is NOT the new black. It is unnatural, unnerving and, more than anything else, it is untrue to who we are.

Let me humbly suggest that, instead of thinking about changing yourself to suit someone else’s vision, you and your littermates might be better off pursuing a different – dare I say, more meaningful — career. And one, perhaps, for which black is best.

Ask a Poodle is a regular feature of The Mammlian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for the Poodle, please e-mail it to her at askapoodle@mammaliandaily.com. We regret that the Poodle cannot send responses directly to you.

Some seasonal suggestions for the Spring shedder

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The grass is green, the flowers are in bloom, and the Birds are singing in the trees. Everywhere in The Park, the signs of Spring surround us. Not all those signs are pleasant, though. The warmer temperatures and abundance of sunshine do help to elevate our moods, but they are also responsible for one of the less agreeable rites of Spring: our annual shedding frenzy.

“It’s not uncommon, at this time of year, to see Animals literally running around in circles, biting off chunks of their Winter coats,” says Dr. Bregitta Oreamnos, chief trichologist at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine, and author of Hair Bawls: The 100 Most Common Complaints about Hair (The Poplar Press, 2006).

While no cure exists for our “detachment disquietude,” Dr. Oreamnos advises her patients to adopt a proactive approach to their coats, and she suggests the use of natural techniques to ease us through this season of discomfort. A few of her suggestions appear below.

“And don’t forget,” Dr. Oreamnos adds, “a good tongue-lashing can work wonders on your coat.”

The Natural Approach to Handling Shedding

SHAKE: Even undercover agents blow their covers in the Spring! Shake off that dead hair before it shakes you! A good shake before breakfast will set your day in motion!

RATTLE: Don’t just stand there — do something! Whether you’re waiting in line or hunting down lunch, remember: not all your feet need to be planted on the ground at the same time! Let’s shimmy!

ROLL: Got a nice, thick mane? Make it shine! A good, forward tumble will give you a gleam that no commercial product can match!

Excerpted from Hair Bawls: The 100 Most Common Complaints about Hair © Bregitta Oreamnos

Polar Bear finally scoops first prize in Toe-Hair Contest

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Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear finally managed to scoop top prize in The Park’s Toe-Hair Contest.

After five previous attempts, The Bear was declared the winner of the 17th annual Contest at 11:56 on May 1, after a unanimous decision was handed down by the judges.

At the awards presentation, Rufus di Rafineschi, the Contest’s head judge, said it had been a difficult competition to adjudicate.

“The quality and range of toe-hairs this year was extraordinary and, happily, it made our job that much more difficult,” he said.

In the end, though, it was the “perfect formation” of the Bear’s toe-hairs, along with their “exceptional length and quality” that won the Bear top prize.

At a press conference after the prizes were awarded, the Bear fielded questions about his tenacity.

“I wasn’t going to let this one go,” he said, finally, after a fourth reporter asked why he had entered the Contest for the sixth time.

The  Bear also praised his fellow competitors, heartily congratulating second and third prize winners, Richard “Rocky” Jerboa and Salamanca Q. Sloth.

CLucK Radio to reduce air time


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CLucK Radio announced today that it plans to reduce its on-air time by four hours per day, beginning 1 June.

J.J. Chanticleer, CLucK Radio’s manager, called the decision “strictly financial” and said it was due to projected losses in advertising revenue.

“We’re primarily a morning station,” Chanticleer said. “We have a very loyal audience in the early hours of the day and, consequently, loyal advertisers. But, we have been finding it increasingly difficult to support our late-afternoon and early evening programming,” he said.

Rufus di Rafineschi appointed Toe-Hair Contest’s head judge

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The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations announced early this morning that Rufus di Rafineschi has been appointed head judge of today’s Toe-Hair Contest.

The event, which is in its 17th year, is set to commence at 10:00 a.m. Park time at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

Di Rafineschi, who won the 2004 Toe-Hair Contest, will head a group of five judges in total. According to the Contest rules, di Rafineschi will vote along with his peers, but his vote also has the potential to end a tie among the other four judges.

“The position is an important one,” said a spokesAnimal for the Department. “Should there be a tie, the head judge, who is an Animal with greater expertise than the other judges, has the ability to choose the winner. It is a position of responsibility that calls for a great deal of knowledge and personal integrity,” she said.

The other four Contest judges are Oskar Sloth, Gabriel B. Bear, Kyle P. Caribou, and Duggan C. Raven.

Ask a Poodle: Far from the mating crowd

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DEAR POODLE: Now that mating season is upon us, I was hoping that you could offer some tips to those of us who are not so season-savvy. – HOPEFUL

DEAR HOPEFUL: This is a subject about which it is extremely difficult to generalize, since mating habits, preferences, and timing differ so greatly from species to species – not to mention from female to male, and from individual to individual.

That old adage, for instance, about the Goose and the Gander…well, that hasn’t held true for generations – yet it’s the first thing out of everyone’s mouth at this time of year. Some Geese can attract a mate with a honk and a wink, if you know what I mean – and then there are those who must work harder. Other species find they are at their best in a group situation, whereas I, for one, like to stay far from the mating crowd.

Some females I know go for looks as well as scent but, statistically, that’s still a rarity. Where I come from, we have a saying: “La nuit, tous les chats sont gris.” That translates as, “At night, all cats are grey.” Which means, of course, that if you’re trying to attract someone for the sake of perpetuating the species, you’d darned well better roll around something a little more persuasive than a mirror. Bonne chance à tous!

Ask a Poodle is a regular feature of The Mammlian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for the Poodle, please e-mail it to her at askapoodle@mammaliandaily.com. We regret that the Poodle cannot send responses directly to you.

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