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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

OTD in 2015—Yannis Tavros to host fourth annual “Pundits’ Parlour” on Tuesday

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YannisTavros For the fourth year in a row, Yannis Tavros will host his “Pundits’ Parlour” on Tuesday, February 3.

Toro Talk Radio programming director Manfred Stier confirmed today that The Park’s best known political pundits will again express their views on our incoming government on Tavros’s popular show.

“Yannis [Tavros] will once again relinquish his usual talk show format to moderate what has become a very popular annual forum,” Stier said.

This year’s guests include Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy at the University of West Terrier, historian and author Pieter Paard, Professor Ludwiga Saimiri of the Cuthbert School of Journalism, UWT Law Professor Fionnula L. Fox, Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces, UWT Professor of History Beatrice Zilonis, and Gertrude C. Owl, Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent and Dean of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism. Also invited back are Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, Yuri Sturgeon of The Kaluga Register, Camlin “Cayuga” Newt of The Salamander Evening Post, and Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct Professor of Human Studies.

Tavros also reached out to beleaguered Rodent Commoner reporter Gunnar Rotte to join the group, Stier said, but thus far has had no response. Rotte has agreed to speak about his recent experiences on Tavros’s show, but no date has yet been set.

OTD in 2012—GooseBook opens to all species

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In a move that has has caught many in the tech and media sectors by surprise, The Park’s most successful social media site, GooseBook, has unveiled its ambitious plans for expansion.

In a statement released today, the company confirmed its plans to open site membership to all species in The Park.

“The popularity and success of GooseBook has proven that it has great potential for growth across the broad spectrum of species that inhabit The Park,” said GooseBook’s President and C.E.O., Lester C. Gander.

In addition, GooseBook’s executives confirmed that they plan to roll out a pair of related social media sites, most likely in the second quarter of the year. The company has not released any information about the new sites other than their names: “Cackle” and “Peck.”

According to insiders, one of the sites will be a “communication” site and the other may be an internet search engine.

GooseBook was the brainchild of the late Cesar Emilio Gander, who founded the site while a student at the University of West Terrier. After his untimely death, the site experienced a surge in membership. That surge continued until last summer, when rival site Gewper opened its virtual doors. Since then, both sites have competed neck and neck for members, with GooseBook maintaining a slight lead over the more innovative Gewper.

 

OTD in 2013—Archons plan to halt economic growth: think tank report

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The report of a Park think tank says the 2013 Archons plan to adopt policies that will halt the growth of The Park’s economy.

According to the Council of Independent Economic Advisors (CIEA), an independent think tank that is headquartered in The Park, the Archons, who have been in office only ten days, plan to reduce The Park’s economic expansion by discouraging the business community from increasing its footprint.

“Due to the political and economic philosophies of the overwhelming majority of the 2013 Archons, The Park’s economy will see little or no growth in the coming year, as businesses will be discouraged from expanding and extra-hortulanial trade (trade that occurs outside The Park) will be curtailed,” the report concludes.

Those who have read the report, which has not been released formally, say the CIEA is “overreaching” and has drawn conclusions based solely on the attitudes and opinions expressed by certain Archons before they were appointed on January 16, 2013.

“It is not clear from the report whether they [think tank members] are talking about intent or result,” said Dr. Anneliese Cissa, head of the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier during a panel discussion on Mammalian Daily Radio.

“Do they believe the Archons’ actions, driven by opinions they expressed in the  past, will lead to economic stagnation or do they believe that the Archons will, due to their opinions and beliefs, attempt to create that stagnation by purposely curtailing economic activity? I can’t say, for sure, nor can I say how accurate a forecast it [the report[ might be. But I do believe the Archons are wiser than the CIEA gives them credit for. Still, we won’t know until Groundhog Day (the day of the Archons’ first address to the citizens of The Park) what direction the Archons plan to take us in, economically or otherwise. Until then, everything is just speculation,” she said.

OTD in 2016—All bets are off: Park Police shut down betting on POPS’ prognostication

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Groundhog Day bettingPop-up betting booths aimed at encouraging Park Animals and Humans to cash in on the Groundhog Day prognostication of 2017 POPS Ditmar Bosmarmot have been shut down, Park Police announced today.

At a press conference this morning, Gareth Shepherd, Park Police Inspector and president of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), announced that his unit shut down fourteen such pop-ups scattered across The Park.

As yet, however, Park Police have not determined the identity of the owner or owners of the establishments.

“We are working with other units, including our Select Undercover Brigade (SUB), to determine the identity of the individual or individuals who set up these betting booths,” he said.

Shepherd described the booths as “hastily constructed huts,” which offered a “sizeable return” in a number of currencies, including Human currencies.

“One of these [booths] was offering a 1-5 bet that that Bosmarmot would see his shadow, while another offered 20-11 odds that he would not,” Shepherd said.

The inspector told the press that the police force was alerted to the existence of the betting booths last week by a “concerned citizen.”

“We take this very seriously, since betting of any sort is illegal in The Park,” Shepherd said. “But this is particularly disturbing, since Groundhog Day is a very important day for us, historically, politically, and emotionally. We see this kind of thing as a threat to our way of life and we do not take it lightly. We will work to rid The Park permanently of such activities,” he said.

OTD in 2017—Park eateries to host “T-1” celebration tomorrow before Archons announced on Sunday

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eat-drink-and-be-merryIt’s an idea whose time has come, say The Park’s restaurateurs. And that time is tomorrow night.

At exactly five o’clock, every one of The Park’s eateries and bars will fling open its doors for one long celebration in anticipation of the announcement of the 2017 Archons.

The Park-wide eating and drinking fest, which they’re calling, “T-1: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry,” is the brainchild of Beatrice Orang, owner of Provisions by Petrounel, and Brantford Gander of The Cackling Goose Tavern.

“Beatrice has been providing before and after meals for hibernators and estivators for years,” Gander explains. “So I asked her what she would want if she found out she was going to serve as Archon for a year. We met over drinks and it kind of went from there.”

It was Gander’s job to rally the other owners, but he says it was effortless: “I called a meeting and I told them the idea. They all sat there wondering why we hadn’t done it before.”

Gander says the rules of the evening are simple: the first drink is free, all appetizers are free, and everything after that is half-price.

“You’re welcome to stay the whole evening or move on to other venues. Sit, stay, or crawl, you’ll have a great time,” he says.

With all The Park’s eateries and bars participating—even the high end establishments—it’s hard to imagine otherwise.

The What Who When and Where:

What: T-1: Eat, Drink, and Be Merry
When: Five o’clock 14 January until food and drink run out (approximately four o’clock 15 January)
Where: All Park eateries and bars
Who: All Park residents are invited to participate by all Park eateries and bars

OTD in 2015—Without even a budget, what will be the legacy of our 2014 government?

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2014 ArchonsA failed budget, citizen unrest, poverty, threats to safety, interspecial tension …

The list of The Park’s problems is long but the shorter one, it appears, is that of the accomplishments of the 2014 Archons.

“Things looked so promising … with [Chief Archon] Buckminster Moose and his take-charge attitude. We thought he could really set The Park straight,” said Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger during an interview on CLucK Radio yesterday.

“But then he disappeared. He faded into the background and all The Park’s problems came to the fore. I think it’s safe to say that we’ve had no actual leaders this year.”

Grouse isn’t the only one who feels this way. The results of a survey conducted last month by the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier indicate that Park Animals are even more disillusioned by the 2014 government than they were by the government of 2013.

“Last year, respondents were disappointed. This year, it appears, they are also angry,” says Dr. Anneliese Cissa, the Livingstone School’s head.

“They feel The Park is stagnating and even more, that perhaps zoocracy isn’t working. And there is a surprising amount of support for a change in the way we choose governments,” she says.

While Dr. Cissa stopped short of criticizing sortition (the current method of selecting a government), she did say she thought Park Animals might be ready for a “free and full” discussion of other options.

Meanwhile, all 35 of the 2014 Archons are in seclusion for the next few days, awaiting the announcement of the names of their successors and, possibly, re-fashioning their legacy while there is still time.

OTD in 2015—Lawsuit brought by Simply Structures may “have legs,” says legal expert

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jgroundhogdayThe lawsuit filed by Simply Structures against the Park Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations may “have legs,” according to Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

The suit was launched in November after the construction firm lost its bid to build the prognostication pad for the 2015 Groundhog Day celebrations. Simply Structures has supplied the materials, design, and construction of the pad for over ten years, but it lost the 2015 bid to Nesthetics, a relative newcomer.

At the time of the announcement in mid-October, the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations issued a brief statement in which it said it had been impressed by the Nesthetics bid and by the foresight the company had demonstrated with regard to the sturdiness of materials and design.

Among other things, Simply Structures alleges in its lawsuit that the words “sturdiness” and “foresight” are implied criticisms of their company in general and of the 2014 prognostication pad, in particular.

According to its representatives at the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg, Simply Structures believes that it lost the 2015 bid due to the so-called “shadow controversy” of 2014. The controversy occurred when a group of spectators, frustrated by the prospect of having to endure another six weeks of Winter, claimed that the shadow the POPS saw was not her own, but one that appeared as a result of a fault in the prognostication pad.

Despite the fact that a team of shadow experts ruled that it was the POPS’s own shadow and no fault was ever found in the prognostication pad, the impression of liability has lingered. Now, the company is taking action against it.

“Negative impressions stick in our minds. They linger long after they’ve been disproven. That gives great power to innuendo and gossip. In this case, it’s a question of whether or not they can prove those words defame their company. If they can, that will go a long way toward effecting change with regard to how Park law deals with the issue of defamation,” says Terrier.

The case is scheduled to go to trial before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in late Spring.

OTD in 2013—Surplus funds to be used for Archons’ swearing-in ceremony

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Park ArchonsThe 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2013 government will be sworn in in style this year, thanks to the fortuitous discovery of “surplus funds” by The Park’s Finance Office (PFO).

At a press conference held this afternoon, Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations announced that “unanticipated” extra funds were made available to her department for the purpose of “sprucing up” the swearing-in ceremony.

“In the opinion of the PFO and others, the swearing-in of the annual Park government warrants a true celebration and these funds are meant to facilitate that,” she said.

No definition was offered for “true celebration” nor were the “others” named, but Kanariar hinted that the ceremony, which in the past been a solemn occasion, would be treated more like a Park festival this year.

“There will be refreshments available for those who attend the event and we are looking into constructing a stage upon which the Archons will take their oath,” she said. In the past, Archons took the oath, one by one, on level ground. Kanariar did not divulge the planned location of the stage, nor of the other changes to the programme.

“We are keeping those details to ourselves so that Park citizens can enjoy the anticipation of and, eventually, the realization of, an early Winter surprise,” she said.

While this afternoon’s announcement was met favourably by many, some were highly critical of the plan, including many members of The Park’s political reform groups.

Sylvana Rana, president of the pro-sortition group, Save Our Political System (SOPS), said she was “outraged” at what she considered a misuse of funds.

“This whole business stinks, quite frankly,” she said when questioned by reporters at a separate event.

“When the PFO finally presented their 2013 budget, they were not shy or apologetic about their cutbacks. If there was a surplus, why have cutbacks? And, if the surplus was discovered recently, why did the PFO not restore the previously-cut funding or ask Park citizens what they would like done with it? I find this whole thing very un-zoocratic,” she said.

The 2013 Archons will be sworn in on January 16, 2013.

OTD in 2015—He’s baaaack! Leaner and “mellower” Tab Tricolore returns to The Park

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Tab TricoloreRenowned chef, restaurateur, and award-winning author Tab Tricolore has returned to The Park and is back at work, says the manager of Tricolore’s fine dining restaurant, Klo.

“He’s been scooting around the kitchen here for a few days now and we’re already starting to get sick of him,” joked manager Léopard Mirepoix in a radio interview this morning.

Tricolore, himself, has not spoken to the media and, according to Mirepoix, has not mentioned his absence at all.

“It’s as if he was never gone, though he has acknowledged the tremendous support of Park residents. He said he found it overwhelming and intends to thank everyone formally in the coming weeks.”

Mirepoix said he’s found Tricolore “mellower” since his return.

“He has definitely mellowed out. You can see it in his face. Before, the stripes on his face were zig-zagged; he was always in a hurry, always suffering from stress. Now, [the stripes] they’re straight … he has a smile on his face. And he’s lost a bit of weight. I don’t know whether that’s because he wasn’t fed or what. Only he can tell us. But he isn’t in distress; if anything, he’s happier than before.”

Tricolore’s former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla says he’s not surprised that Tricolore is back at work.

“Food is his first love. I think, in many ways, it is his only love. And it would be his comfort, no matter what. Whether he’s sadder or happier, food is where he would go first. I’m glad he’s come back,” says Burmilla.

OTD in 2014—Park Museum bows to pressure, delays official opening until after hibernation

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Park MuseumThe Park Museum will celebrate its official opening in March rather than as previously stated in January, it was announced on Sunday.

In a short communiqué posted on its web site, the museum’s Board of Governors confirmed the official opening date of 1 March 2015.

No mention was made of any previous opening day announcements, nor was any reason given for the change. There is, however,  a record of a series of meetings that were held in late October between the museum’s Board of Governors and a number of organizations representing The Park’s hibernating communities. Many believe those meetings resulted in the later opening date.

“Yes, we did meet with them and they were very sympathetic to our situation, though they weren’t able to give us an answer immediately,” says Tarquinius P. Shrew, president of the Small Animal Scientific Community (SASC), many of whose members are hibernators.

“Our members have contributed greatly to scientific knowledge in The Park and they [the board of Governors] did seem to understand that opening the museum without our representation seemed unfair.”

Shrew says the meetings were also attended by representatives of the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) and the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS).

In an interview this morning, Eduarda Teresinha Coelho, 2015 Keeper of the Nut, said she is “so pleased” that the museum re-thought its opening date.

“I think they were so focussed on not having another delay that they didn’t realize what they’d done initially,” she said.

“But they’ve demonstrated their commitment to inclusiveness and that will be much appreciated by the hibernators. It will make the museum truly ‘Our Museum,’ as the slogan says.”

Read the Park Museum’s announcement.

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