The Mammalian Daily

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October 27: Your Election update in five

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pops-election-reporter

Welcome to Your Election Update in Five Points

As of today, this is what is happening in the race for POPS:

  • Park Election Office head Gerritt Wezel confirmed today that there will be no debate held this year: “Too many candidates, too little time.” Candidates are on their own to let voters know their qualifications to make the Groundhog Day prediction
  • In response to a question put to him by The Equine Echo, Chief Archon Raymond Mink said they are still drafting the law that will determine which Animal becomes the “spare” in the POPS election. In this election cycle, it will be the Animal who receives the second-largest number of votes
  • Official Hibernation Ambassador Hieronymous Hedgehog has coined a term for the crankiness his fellow hibernators exhibit at this time of year: Torpor Tantrum. He says he’s working with The Park’s medical community to find a solution before November 17, the official date of hibernation
  • Chief Mikko Tikkeri will be hosting a “get to know the candidates” lunch and dinner this Saturday, October 29
  • In an effort to combat the theatrics of this year’s election, some of the lesser-known candidates have formed groups according to species and they say they’ll be pooling their resources to pay for signs and other election materials

Hire causes ire: Groundhog Day organizers take flack for Fleck + Stone

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jgroundhogdayThe Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has become the object of the public’s ire since announcing yesterday that it had hired the architectural firm of Fleck + Stone to design the 2017 prognostication pad.

According to Park Police, officials at the department began receiving hate mail and threats shortly after their morning press conference, during which they introduced the firm’s chief architect Vadim Kobras, and discussed the size and style of the new pad.

“Within hours, the department received an onslaught of written [hate] material, which they reported to us. We immediately deployed officers to the scene and an investigation of the material is underway at our forensic laboratory,” Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) told the press this morning.

Police believe the negative reaction is due to the perceived expense involved in hiring the high-end firm, which is known for designing buildings of cultural import such as the Burrow Theatre and The Park Museum.

Perhaps in anticipation of that, members of the press received a fact sheet yesterday that outlined the costs of the prognostication pad and other accoutrements deemed necessary for the popular annual event. According to those figures, the cost of this year’s pad will be only slightly higher than last year’s.

Still, optics matter, says Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja, whose last budget reduced the funds allotted to special events by two percent.

“If they’d asked me, I would have told them to hold off for a year or, at the very least, talk about the cost first. Animals who are struggling to make a living have a hard time understanding why we need a posh pad to celebrate Groundhog Day,” she said.

October 26: Your Election update in five

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pops-election-reporterWelcome to Your Election Update in Five Points

As of today, this is what is happening in the race for POPS:

  • So long, Romulus Bowerbird: The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations confirmed today that they have selected Fleck + Stone to design the 2017 prognostication pad. The company is known for designing high-end buildings of cultural import (such as The Park Museum and the Burrow Theatre), a fact that has cynics now calling the device the “posh pad”
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog says he’s reluctant to endorse any POPS candidate, apparently forgetting that he endorsed Millicent Hayberry in mid-September, tweeting: “I vote YES to intelligent and competent MHMixed Nuts for POPS!”
  • Staying in one place to meet the voters: Unlike other candidates, who get out to meet the public, Millicent Hayberry is planning to stay in one place this weekend and have the voters come to her. She’s booked the Burrow Theatre—scene of the “Godwit” crime/mystery in which she starred until recently—and those who are curious about her or her campaign can take part in her weekend-long “Chipmunk Chinwag”
  • The Park Election Office is all but certain there are too many candidates to hold a “meaningful” debate and they’re waiting on word from the Archons before they announce a change in plans
  • Gunnar Rotte amps up his anti-Yannis Tavros campaign by adding “Stop the Bull!” to his repertoire

“Unfit to predict:” Rotte launches campaign against Tavros’s POPS bid

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gunnartweetoct18In a full-on offensive this morning, Gunnar Rotte let it be known that he believes radio talk show host Yannis Tavros is an unfit candidate for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

At a gathering outside the law courts, Rotte said that Tavros’s past remarks about hibernators prove that he is not only unaware of the reality of hibernators’ lives, but that he has no respect for them or for the importance of the Groundhog Day prediction.

“How can we support a candidate who believes that hibernators are less intelligent than other Animals?” Rotte asked, as onlookers chanted what has become his signature phrase, “Unfit to predict!”

Tavros has gotten himself into trouble on a number of occasions for making disparaging remarks about hibernators. Recently, Tavros tweeted that he believed there was a difference in intelligence between hibernators and other Animals. But most notably, he was suspended in 2013 by Toro Talk Radio after saying that Hieronymous Hedgehog hailed from “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.” The reference was to  the Hedgehog’s uncle who served as Archon in 1998 and who died of premature awakening from hibernation ten years later. Tavros was accused of spreading ignorance and disrespecting an Archon and other hibernators. He and Hieronymous made peace later, but his support was noticeably absent last year when Hieronymous was made The Park’s Official Hibernation Ambassador and he has criticized him repeatedly for being the spokesAnimal for the hibneration outfitter GoUnderground.

Back at the law courts, Rotte pledged to grow his campaign against Tavros until the Bull suspended his campaign.

“We will not, under any circumstances, tolerate the running of the Bull,” Rotte said.

PEO head says he’s “bracing for a wild ride” in run-up to POPS election

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ballot-boxGerritt Wezel, head of the Park Election Office (PEO), says he’s “bracing for a wild ride” in the run-up to this year’s election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

In a short interview yesterday afternoon, Wezel lamented that some “high-profile candidates” had thrown his office into a tizzy.

Taking a short lunch break at one of the two offices occupied by the PEO, Wezel opined that the POPS elections were getting out of hand and “straying from the original intent” set forth by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in his landmark ruling in 2003.

The PEO head estimates that his office is likely to process more than a thousand registration forms before the deadline of November 5, which is an increase of more than one hundred and fifty percent over last year.

Wezel’s concerns about the POPS elections aren’t new, nor are they only his. Two years ago, he met with the Archons to suggest ways in which they might keep the numbers down and focus on candidate appropriateness. His suggestion that candidates meet specific qualifications was met with resistance, but even at the time they acknowledged they would have to find a solution to the ever-increasing number.

“I try to stay impartial, but I do believe that they’ve stirred the pot once too often,” Wezel said. “Now, all Animals believe they’re qualified to become POPS and make a Groundhog Day prediction.”

In case you are thinking about standing as a candidate for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), this is what you should know:

JUST THE FACTS

1. You have until noon on November 5 to have your name officially entered as a candidate.
2. The names of all candidates will be released at 2:00 a.m. on November 6.
3. POPS hopefuls are allowed to campaign for votes until 8:00 p.m. on November 6.
4. The all-candidates debate begins at 8:00 p.m. on November 6.
5. Animals are not allowed to campaign on election day, November 7.

Yannis Tavros grabs the spotlight by announcing his candidacy for POPS

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tavros-poster-sans-wallOn a day when many thought it would be Millicent Hayberry who would be announcing her candidacy for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), it was, instead, radio talk show host Yannis Tavros who bulldozed his way into the headlines by announcing that he will stand for the position in November.

At what he called a “press rally” outside the law courts this morning, Tavros handed out postcards, flyers, and brochures before making his official announcement.

“As many of you know, I have taken a leave of absence from my job as talk show host at Toro Talk Radio. The reason for that is simple: I have just added my name to the list of contenders for the position of 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring,” he said.

The crowd that had gathered behind members of the press cheered him on, as he promised to make “the most accurate and the best prediction ever” come Groundhog Day.

“I am the most qualified, most astute Animal of all those who are running for this position. And I’m also the most sensitive to the weather, so there is no doubt in my mind that my prediction will not only be accurate, but it will be the best prediction ever made in the history of Groundhog Day predictions,” he said.

Would Millicent Hayberry’s acting career give her an edge in POPS debate?

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Millicent campaignMillicent Hayberry has more than four weeks to confirm her candidacy for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but that hasn’t stopped political commentators and others from speculating on the effects her candidacy—and her career— would have on one of The Park’s few elected positions.

In an op-ed piece published today in The Simian Spectator, Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the University of West Terrier’s Simian Chair in Political Philosophy, writes that he believes her candidacy would change the POPS landscape forever.

While Marmoset has always supported the decision to, as he puts it, “transition [the position] from an inherited one to a merited one,” he says he has mixed feelings about elections.

“So much of the election process is about performance, about favouritism, about alternate abilities, about things that do not relate at all to qualifications or to the position itself,” he writes.

And even though members of species other than Groundhogs have thrown their hats in the ring for POPS, Marmoset thinks that Hayberry’s candidacy would be a “game changer.”

“Her vocal skills, her acting skills, her reputation, her fame. These are the things she would bring to the table in addition to belonging to the hibernating class. I don’t doubt her prognostication skills or that she would be a good candidate. But I wonder if the other candidates will have an equal chance to appeal to the electorate if Millicent is among them. And I wonder whether future candidates will be reluctant to run if they can’t match her skills. I think it could have a lasting effect,” he writes.

Millicent Hayberry “seriously considering” POPS bid : rumour

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MillicentHayberry BREAKING NEWS

Renowned actress Millicent Hayberry is “seriously considering” running for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), according to the gossip site headsNtales.

In a post dated today, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo said Hayberry is still “conferring with those in her inner circles, both personal and professional, and likely will announce her decision in October.”

Best known for her portrayal of the late author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, the beloved actress currently can be found onstage at the Burrow Theatre starring in Godwit: A Mystery.

If Hayberry does decide to take a run for the office, it will not be the first time that a Chipmunk has made the attempt. In 2012, Lorenzo Michele Chipmunk thew his hat in the ring and although he did not win, many credited him and Zachariah Skunk, who ran in 2011, with broadening the field and making the list of candidates more representative of The Park’s population.

Hayberry still has a lot of time to make her final decision. Park Animals have until November 5, 2016 to put their names forward as candidates for POPS.

First quarter results prove opening on Groundhog Day a profitable move

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Groundhog Day specialsFirst quarter results indicate that the Park Finance Office (PFO) did the right thing when it listened to the business community this past Winter and allowed shops to stay open on Groundhog Eve and Groundhog Day.

“We are very grateful to the Park Finance Office and, in particular, to PFO head Valentina Abeja, for supporting our community so strongly,” said Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), in a statement released by the Association today.

According to Whistlepig, Park businesses reported average profits of more than double those of the same period last year.

“This should convince the Archons, the PFO, and Park citizens that a permanent change should be made to the law,” the statement says.

That assertion could signal the start of another major battle in The Park, as the issue of allowing shops to open on Groundhog Day and other holidays has been a contentious one. Those on both sides have argued passionately, but the Archons and the PFO have been reluctant to make any permanent move.

Such a move would require a change in the law, which could only be made after the receipt of submissions from business and the citizenry, followed by a full and open debate, says Delia Quagga, head of the Barnaby School of Government at the University of West Terrier. And that, she says, could take years.

“I think this informal arrangement might be more beneficial than an overhaul of the law,” she said at the time the announcement was made about this year’s opening.

Others in The Park agree.

“We need to look at all the factors responsible for the rise in profit before we make any changes to the law,” says Xavier Dingo, chief financial analyst at A. Corn and Partners. “Much more study needs to be done.”

Groundhog Day recap: great weather, massive turnout, POPS sees shadow

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Six more weeksIt was a great celebration. We made history, and then some. Here are a few tidbits to recap the day:

– First things first: Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) saw her shadow and predicted six more weeks of Winter

– According to the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, who described the turnout as “massive,” this year’s official Groundhog Day event was the best attended in Park history. A record number of Animals, ranging in age from newborn Bears to some of our oldest reptile citizens, graced us with their presence

– Chief organizer Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr. was back at the celebrations, after sitting out last year due to the effects of premature awakening

– The Park’s food providers staffed the stations with innovative fare over the longest number of hours ever

– This was only the second Groundhog Day celebration that included a dance choreographed specifically for the event by Herman Stoat. This year’s dance was titled “Plea for Peas”

– For the first time in the history of any event, one of The Park’s peacekeeping units, the Does of Peace, performed a short dramatic piece

– The Archons’ Address lasted 21 minutes—the longest in history— and included a plea for interspecial harmony and thanks to the new PFO head, Valentina Abeja

– The 2016 Archons listed and promised to tackle “head-on” the issues that are dividing The Park: interspecial tensions, economic unrest, inequality among the species, violence, loss of faith in Animal self-rule

– The Park’s Early Risers hosted their own after-party and Animals partied into the late morning hours of February 3

– Twenty-one injuries were reported as a result of the celebrations. Seven Animals were taken to hospital, including one Bird who flew into the middle of the Herman Stoat Dance Company performance, and fourteen were treated on-site

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