A new study out of the University of West Terrier suggests that The Park’s striped and spotted Animals are at risk of psychological illness and the consequences thereof.

In a paper scheduled for publication in the May issue of the prestigious Journal of Experimental and Reactive Psychology (JERP), researchers say that striped and spotted Animals are at risk of developing a kind of “self-loathing” that, among other things, does not bode well for the survival of their species.

“Our findings were quite disturbing,” says the study’s lead researcher, psychology professor Dr. Luule Aednik.

“We looked at a number of different behavioural patterns and along with other physical evidence, they suggest that there is an increased incidence of certain types of difficulties in striped and spotted Park residents,” she says.

Those difficulties include depression and its manifestations, anger, low self-esteem, hopelessness, and various kinds of identity issues.

“In addition to these very serious conditions, what we are seeing more of in the [striped and spotted] population is a kind of psychological lethargy, brought on, we believe, by the stress of living among those who do not consider them to be equal.”

It has been well-documented that striped and spotted Animals have more problems securing decent employment than other Animals in The Park. Aednik says that facing that kind discrimination may be leading to an actual drop in the population.

“This psychological lethargy, we believe, is manifesting itself in the area of reproduction,” she says.

“Based on external statistics, we know that the number of striped and spotted Animals attending the annual Mating Dance, for instance, has dropped substantially over the past five years. And our interview subjects expressed a kind of hopelessness with regard to establishing a family. They openly admitted to feelings of unworthiness and lamented their economic insecurity. If this goes unchecked, we believe this could have a dire effect on The Park’s population.”

The Department of Well-Being and Safety is putting a positive spin on this year’s long, cold Winter.

The way the DWBS sees it, the longer the weather stays cold, the less likely it is that Park Animals will contract Small Ball Fever.

“It’s all a matter of numbers,” said Cornelius Kakapo, the DWBS Director of Public Relations, in an interview with The Mammalian Daily this morning.

“The later the arrival of Spring, the smaller the number of small balls that will enter The Park. Hence, the lower the number of cases of Small Ball Fever that we will have to treat,” he said.

Every year, the DWBS monitors the influx of small balls. This year, Kakapo says, the number has decreased significantly and the Department believes this is due to the late onset of warm weather.

The balls, which are known outside The Park as “golf” balls, harbour the deadly Small Ball Fever virus inside their dimpled surface. The SBF virus is spread when it leaks through cracks in the ball’s surface and makes contact with mucosa in the mouth or nose. Symptoms of the infection include extremely high fever, chills, aching muscles, and, eventually, pulmonary dysfunction. All Animals are at risk of developing Small Ball Fever but some groups of Animals, including Squirrels, Donkeys, the elderly, and the infirm, are at particular risk.

Despite repeated attempts and the use of a variety of methods, he DWBS has been unable to contain the number of balls that enter The Park each year.

“Small balls are the bane of our existence. We can contain them inside The Park, but there is nothing we can do to restrict their number outside our borders,” Kakapo says.

The Park will open a number of pop-up clinics for the benefit of hibernators and estivators, the Department of Well-Being and Safety announced today.

At a press conference held this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo confirmed that at least five clinics for estivators will open, beginning on May 15. Although the locations have not yet been established, Kakapo said they will be “strategically placed throughout The Park” in order to allow all Animals to avail themselves of the services the clinics will provide.

“Studies have shown that pre-hibernation and pre-estivation check-ups are of tremendous benefit. We want to encourage all our hibernators and estivators to take advantage of these new state-of-the-art facilities,” Kakapo said.

The clinics will be staffed by professionals from The Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, as well as by private practitioners.

With the Winter Solstice celebrations just a few days away, experts in the field of mental health have turned their attention to one of the season’s biggest scourges: Non-Hibernators’ Guilt.

“After Extinction Anxiety, Non-Hibernators’ Guilt is the most common psychological condition we see in the Winter season,” says Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist who will also serve as a staff member at The Park’s first Extinction Anxiety Clinic when it opens in January.

The condition, also known as NHG, can affect Animals who remain awake and active during the Winter season, but who have close friends and associates who are hibernators. NHG-affected Animals experience a deep sense of guilt and anxiety, concurrently with happiness, when they attend Park celebrations and important events in the Winter.

The Winter Solstice celebrations, in particular, are difficult for Park Animals. It is around that time that symptoms of NHG begin to occur, says Gibbon.

“These are the first celebrations of the Winter season, the first celebrations that are attended only by non-hibernators. In a way, they set the tone for the rest of the season. The amount of stress this puts on our non-hibernators has, I believe, been underestimated in the past,” she says.

While statistics show the number of Animals treated for NHG rising, experts in the field say the condition is not always easy to diagnose.

“Many of the symptoms of NHG are similar to those of other psychological conditions,” says Dr. Chloris Cougar, a researcher at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine.

In fact, some of NHG’s symptoms look remarkably similar to those associated with Feline Unipolar Depressive Disorder (FUDD), one of Dr. Cougar’s areas of expertise. It’s important, however, that we not confuse NHG with other conditions, Dr. Cougar stresses.

“There is some preliminary evidence that suggests a connection between NHG and Sad Cow Disease (SCD), but this is very, very early research and we have to be very careful about making assumptions based on it. SCD is a more complex condition and is much more difficult to treat,” she says.

She likens NHG, on the other hand, to “a stronger variation of normal.”

“It’s natural for Animals to miss those close to them who are in hibernation, especially during times of celebration. But some Animals experience this temporary loss more profoundly than others. Those are the Animals we are concerned about,” she says.

While acknowledging that much further research is needed, the two experts offered this advice, in the meantime, for non-hibernating Park Animals:

“Try to enjoy the Winter holiday season by understanding the dictates of nature. Your hibernating compatriots are not missing out on the fun; instead, they are doing what is necessary for their survival. Soon enough, they’ll be among us again, celebrating other joyful occasions.”