The Mammalian Daily

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OTD in 2016—Hire causes ire: Groundhog Day organizers take flack for Fleck + Stone

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jgroundhogdayThe Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has become the object of the public’s ire since announcing yesterday that it had hired the architectural firm of Fleck + Stone to design the 2017 prognostication pad.

According to Park Police, officials at the department began receiving hate mail and threats shortly after their morning press conference, during which they introduced the firm’s chief architect Vadim Kobras, and discussed the size and style of the new pad.

“Within hours, the department received an onslaught of written [hate] material, which they reported to us. We immediately deployed officers to the scene and an investigation of the material is underway at our forensic laboratory,” Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) told the press this morning.

Police believe the negative reaction is due to the perceived expense involved in hiring the high-end firm, which is known for designing buildings of cultural import such as the Burrow Theatre and The Park Museum.

Perhaps in anticipation of that, members of the press received a fact sheet yesterday that outlined the costs of the prognostication pad and other accoutrements deemed necessary for the popular annual event. According to those figures, the cost of this year’s pad will be only slightly higher than last year’s.

Still, optics matter, says Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja, whose last budget reduced the funds allotted to special events by two percent.

“If they’d asked me, I would have told them to hold off for a year or, at the very least, talk about the cost first. Animals who are struggling to make a living have a hard time understanding why we need a posh pad to celebrate Groundhog Day,” she said.

OTD in 2016—October 26: Your Election update in five

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pops-election-reporterWelcome to Your Election Update in Five Points

As of today, this is what is happening in the race for POPS:

  • So long, Romulus Bowerbird: The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations confirmed today that they have selected Fleck + Stone to design the 2017 prognostication pad. The company is known for designing high-end buildings of cultural import (such as The Park Museum and the Burrow Theatre), a fact that has cynics now calling the device the “posh pad”
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog says he’s reluctant to endorse any POPS candidate, apparently forgetting that he endorsed Millicent Hayberry in mid-September, tweeting: “I vote YES to intelligent and competent MHMixed Nuts for POPS!”
  • Staying in one place to meet the voters: Unlike other candidates, who get out to meet the public, Millicent Hayberry is planning to stay in one place this weekend and have the voters come to her. She’s booked the Burrow Theatre—scene of the “Godwit” crime/mystery in which she starred until recently—and those who are curious about her or her campaign can take part in her weekend-long “Chipmunk Chinwag”
  • The Park Election Office is all but certain there are too many candidates to hold a “meaningful” debate and they’re waiting on word from the Archons before they announce a change in plans
  • Gunnar Rotte amps up his anti-Yannis Tavros campaign by adding “Stop the Bull!” to his repertoire

OTD in 2016—TMD announces the appointment of an official POPS Election reporter

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gd-borderWe are pleased to announce that The Mammalian Daily has designated one of our most capable  journalists as the official POPS Election reporter for the duration of the POPS election season.

Please welcome Endla Metsümiseja. Endla will keep you up to date on all POPS Election and Groundhog Day information. You can follow her reports here as well as on Twitter, where she will be taking over the Park Groundhog Day Twitter account until the election results are in.

Endla is a graduate of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier. After graduation, Endla was hired by The Rodent Commoner as a roving reporter. After two years there, where she became known for her “nose for the news,” Endla spent six months writing for The Cosmopolitan Pest before she left The Park to travel. Upon her return, she was hired by The Mammalian Daily as a general reporter and she has distinguished herself here as an energetic and intelligent addition to our staff.

As a member of The Park’s hibernating community, Endla has a particular interest in Groundhog Day. As well, many generations of her family have been actively involved in the The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) and in the annual elections for Keeper of the Nut.

We know you will find Endla’s reports useful and enlightening.

OTD in 2014—Human diet “deadly” for all: Park nurse

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Park General Hospital nurse Hermione Hippo

Whether or not, as has been alleged, Park Finance Officer Milton Struts accepted food from Humans, health care specialists are issuing a stern warning to Animals who might be tempted to try the food of The Park’s two-legged visitors.

“The Human diet can kill you,” says Hermione Hippo.

The veteran health professional and current head nurse at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm spoke bluntly and honestly in an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio yesterday afternoon.

“Human food is no longer real food. It is a deadly combination of chemicals and garbage and eating it will likely result in a number of health issues, not all of which are treatable,” she said.

The well-respected nurse went on to describe the processes that result in what she calls “barely recognizable forms of food” and “ingredients that are so filthy and ugly that I hesitate to mention them on-air.”

Hippo said problems arising from the consumption of Human food have been documented not just by health care workers, but by The Park’s top groomers and aestheticians, as well.

“We are even looking at the possibility that certain conditions, such as Bovine Lumpy Skin Disease, are caused by Human food [consumption]. Our fellow citizens should take care not to graze in areas that may have been used as picnic lands by visitors,” she said.

Hippo offered this advice to those who believe they inadvertently may have ingested Human food: go directly to your physician or to the hospital, she said.

“We have ways to treat this type of poisoning in the early stages, so don’t wait. If you believe you may have eaten Human food, seek help immediately.”

OTD in 2012—Park Historical Society to produce series of short films

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The Park Historical Society announced today that it has begun production on a series of historical vignettes that it intends to screen at venues throughout The Park, as well as on major television stations.

At a press conference held this morning, PHS President Clark Cascanueces said the series of vignettes, which are called “Long Story Shorts”, will cover important events in Park history from “the very beginnings of a community here, to the establishment of zoocracy and beyond.”

Asked about the impetus for the endeavour, Cascanueces admitted the PHS has been remiss in its educational duties of late.

“We do acknowledge that part of our mandate in preserving and protecting Park history is to educate future generations about their past,” he said. “And, I admit, that that part of our duty has been neglected, in part due to our involvement with The Park Museum. But, it’s come to our attention in recent months that young Animals do not appear to be as aware of The Park’s beginnings as we would have them be and, as a result of this, we decided to take immediate action. We formed an outreach committee and we have engaged the services of a number of well-known Park filmmakers, who generously offered their services to us, free of charge.”

The vignettes, which are expected to be ten to twenty seconds in length, will begin airing within the calendar year, Cascanueces said.

OTD in 2016—”Unfit to predict:” Rotte launches campaign against Tavros’s POPS bid

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gunnartweetoct18In a full-on offensive this morning, Gunnar Rotte let it be known that he believes radio talk show host Yannis Tavros is an unfit candidate for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

At a gathering outside the law courts, Rotte said that Tavros’s past remarks about hibernators prove that he is not only unaware of the reality of hibernators’ lives, but that he has no respect for them or for the importance of the Groundhog Day prediction.

“How can we support a candidate who believes that hibernators are less intelligent than other Animals?” Rotte asked, as onlookers chanted what has become his signature phrase, “Unfit to predict!”

Tavros has gotten himself into trouble on a number of occasions for making disparaging remarks about hibernators. Recently, Tavros tweeted that he believed there was a difference in intelligence between hibernators and other Animals. But most notably, he was suspended in 2013 by Toro Talk Radio after saying that Hieronymous Hedgehog hailed from “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.” The reference was to  the Hedgehog’s uncle who served as Archon in 1998 and who died of premature awakening from hibernation ten years later. Tavros was accused of spreading ignorance and disrespecting an Archon and other hibernators. He and Hieronymous made peace later, but his support was noticeably absent last year when Hieronymous was made The Park’s Official Hibernation Ambassador and he has criticized him repeatedly for being the spokesAnimal for the hibneration outfitter GoUnderground.

Back at the law courts, Rotte pledged to grow his campaign against Tavros until the Bull suspended his campaign.

“We will not, under any circumstances, tolerate the running of the Bull,” Rotte said.

OTD in 2015—Born a Skunk, Stinktier set to embrace life as a Zebra

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Scentient BeingsMany Park Animals may believe that Faramund Stinktier has gone underground since his shocking revelation in September that he believes he was meant to be a Zebra. But nothing could be further from the truth.

The Reekabilly star, composer, and one half of the SCENTient Beings duo says he has no plans to retreat from Park life, nor to deny his own reality, however much it irritates certain groups in The Park.

“We only have one life and I would be doing myself a disservice to deny who I am for the whole of mine,” Stinktier says.

Not surprisingly, he also utters those words in the trailer for his new reality series, Life in a Different Stripe, set to début in January on Vertebrate Vision Television (VVTV).

The Mammalian Daily sat down with Stinktier for an hour-long interview in early October. The full interview will appear in the newspaper in the coming weeks. Here are a few highlights from our emotional meeting:

  • Stinktier confirmed that he will seek an official change of his species status in the new year
  • He says that life has become “more complicated” than it was before his announcement, but that he anticipated an even worse reaction to his news than he has received, “Although I would never say it’s been easy.”
  • Stinktier has no immediate plans to change abodes or to attempt to join a Zebra herd. “I don’t expect them to embrace me with any zeal, but I hope they’ll come to understand that I am sincere.”
  • Stinktier says he welcomes the opportunity to bring issues related to his own feelings and choices out in the open and would welcome the opportunity to become an advocate and a mentor to those in similar situations.
  • He will continue his musical career full-time and has no intention of letting anything interfere with it.
  • SCENTient Beings concerts and recordings are selling well, despite a boycott by Park Zebras.

OTD in 2015—Nesthetics gets the nod again to build Groundhog Day prognostication pad

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Groundhog Day celebrationsIt’s that time of year again.

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations announced today that for the second year in a row, it has engaged the services of Nesthetics to build and service the Groundhog Day prognostication pad.

In a short statement released this morning, the department said it was impressed by the sturdiness and “forward-thinking design” of the company’s 2015 pad. That pad was the first in Park history to include colours other than green.

In fact, the pad’s blue base and its range of bright colours caused quite a stir. Romulus Bowerbird, the Nesthetics designer responsible for the pad, caused a stir of his own, too, when he defended his aesthetic choices during live coverage of the Groundhog Day ceremonies by saying that he thought green was overused but, “Many of my best friends are green.”

Nevertheless, Bowerbird is considered to be one of The Park’s foremost designers, and one who is not afraid to take chances or to risk failure.

In a prognostication of his own earlier in the week, Bowerbird tweeted out that he was sure his company would be “2 for 2 on Groundhog Day.” He said nothing, however, about an early Spring.

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