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OTD in 2012—Striped Animals not getting fair share of economic pie: study

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The latest economic figures released by The Park’s Finance Office indicate that Animals whose coats are striped or spotted have a tougher time securing full-time employment than those with coats of solid or mixed colours.

The 2011 statistics, known colloquially as the “Employment and Enjoyment Stats” were compiled for Finance Office use by The Park’s Departments of Statistics and Records, Well-Being and Safety, and Employment and Economic Opportunity. Their release today caused an uproar among Animals of every stripe.

“This paints a very bleak picture of Park life and attitudes” said Aiofe Badger, current President of Sisters and Brothers of the Narrow Band and a vocal advocate of equal rights in The Park. “This is not the kind of [economic] result that Jor would have been proud of.”

Keeva Moffatt, President of The Park’s Spotted Skunk Sedan Patrol, said the figures came as no surprise to her. “Some of our members have a terrible time finding work and they all know why, even though they can’t prove it,” she said.

Dominick Skiro, of The Park Alliance of Chipmunks, called the statistics “a crushing disappointment” and “something that challenges our belief in The Park’s system.”

At The Tabby Club, though, (the pub established by Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy), there was much frustration but little surprise among the clientele.

“I think Jor had the right idea…the right vision, being a Tabby, himself,” said Donal Ronnach. “But it’s obviously still just an ideal. It’s hard to overcome old prejudices.”

Prejudice against stripes and spots dates back thousands of years, says historian, Beatrice Zilonis, currently a professor in the Department of History at the University of West Terrier.

“Not surprisingly, it started with Humans and and the way they treated striped and spotted Animals,” she says. “They were suspicious of them, considered them evil and the bearers of bad luck. That kind of thinking eventually made its way into the minds of Animals and this is the result.”

But, at The Tabby Club, no one cares very much how it all began.

“The most important thing is that it should come to an end,” says Ronnach. “Right now.”

 

OTD in 2015—Food insecurity to become Park Animals’ biggest challenge: DWBS

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Park RaccoonFood insecurity is the next big challenge Park Animals will face, according to a report released today by The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS).

At a press conference held at his office this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo discussed the findings of the new report, “Sources of Sustenance.”

According to the report, which was commissioned two years ago by the Archons and the DWBS, sources of food for Park Animals will become scarcer in the next few years. The report cites a number of reasons for this finding, chief among them the “increasing ingenuity displayed by the Human species.”

“It is our sad duty to report that the Human species is more intelligent than previously believed. It has developed ingenious tools to hide and, therefore, hoard its food. There will come a time in the not too distant future when our success in sourcing food outside The Park will depend mainly on Human error,” the report concludes.

Humans are not the only reason for the prediction of food shortages, though. Other reasons cited in the report include weather changes, imprudent planning, budget shortages, and lack of innovation in food sourcing.

“We have relied too heavily on old methods of gathering food,” Kakapo said the report warned. “We are at a crossroads and we need to encourage innovation in this area.”

While the report may appear to paint a bleak picture of The Park’s future ability to fulfil its own food requirements, Kakapo cautioned against seeing it as entirely negative.

“New technology, such as TulipTracker, BulbBeacon and other applications demonstrate that the ingenuity of Park Animals is equal to the task. We have faith in our own intelligence and our ability to deal with these upcoming challenges,” he said.

OTD in 2014—Data Tree hacked: Park Police

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tree hackedOne of The Park’s oldest and largest Data Trees has been hacked, according to Park Police.

In a statement issued at ten o’clock this morning, Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) confirmed that his team is investigating the “extensive damage” to the tree that is estimated to have occurred between midnight and seven o’clock this morning.

The Oak Tree, which is believed to be at least 70 years old, was last visited at eleven o’clock last night by Sierpinski Squirrel, Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners.

“We keep a lot of our raw data in that particular tree,” said the Squirrel, whose company has held long-term leases on several Park trees since 2004.

The Squirrel said he was at the tree “no more than five minutes,” which was enough time for him to check on his stored data.

“It was all there when I arrived and it was all there when I left,” he said.

But this morning, the Squirrel was shocked when Police arrived at his office to tell him that it no longer was there.

“None of it,” said Squirrel, who is now facing the daunting task of informing his clients that their information — and their savings — have been compromised.

Although Chief Inspector Addax would not reveal details of either the evidence or the investigation, he did confirm in a telephone interview this morning that he had spoken with Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU), an independent division of the SHCU, and that she had agreed to lend some of her unit members to the investigation.

OTD in 2015—PFO head Valentina Abeja: “A budget is a very emotional thing.”

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Valentina AbejaSpeaking candidly in an interview with Toro Talk Radio’s Yannis Tavros on Monday, the head of the Park Finance Office explained the delay in tabling a 2015 budget:

“A budget is a very emotional thing,” said Valentina Abeja, whose two-year tenure as PFO head began February 15.

“A budget speaks to every Animal’s priorities and hopes for the future, every Animal’s identification with its own species and our collective desires for all Park citizens. The PFO head needs to be mindful of the needs and aspirations of each and every one, while acknowledging the immense diversity of The Park’s citizenry.”

Asked whether the delay in tabling a budget would affect The Park’s economy, Abeja’s demeanour changed dramatically, from one of openness to one that Tavros later described as “more befitting a leader.”

“I can tell you that we have in no way jeopardized The Park’s economy by our thoughtfulness and caution,” she said bluntly. “I have tremendous faith in the resilience of our economy and in our citizenry,” she concluded.

OTD in 2015—Holstein Fashion lends its support to The Park’s striped and spotted citizens

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Holstein FashionHolstein Fashion, the parent company of Designs by Holstein, is lending its name and support to The Park’s striped and spotted Animals, it was announced today.

In a post on the company’s web site, Balbina Ko, the President and CEO of Holstein Fashion, explained the company’s bold move:

“Our company ‘Designs by Holstein’ owes a great deal of its success to our striped and spotted customers, whom we love and respect. For that reason, among many more, we feel we cannot in all conscience profit from our spots while ignoring the plight of others with spots and stripes.

To that end, we have established the charity we call EQUALSS. The goal of our charity is to support the full equality of striped and spotted Animals (as well as others) in The Park. We sincerely hope all Park Animals will join us in this endeavour.”

In an interview on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning, Ko explained the driving force behind the company’s decision.

“As a company, we’ve always supported the equality of all species in The Park. After all, that’s the foundation of zoocracy. But recent events and the establishment of that horrid web site [SplotchWatch] made us realize that we could be far more vocal about our support than we have been. So, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to play a leading rôle in the business community and we hope others will join us,” she said.

Ko said the company’s first move will be the production of a line of striped and spotted coats, socks, and boots.

“The design has been finalized and we expect to be able to begin production this month,” she said.

Proceeds from the sale of these items will go to a special EQUALSS fund that will aid the striped and spotted in finding employment, as well as in fighting the discrimination that has been well-documented over the past few years.

“Footpad Heaven has already signed on to stock this new line and we are currently negotiating with a number of other Park shops to do the same,” Ko confirmed.

“We also have a commitment from Appaloosa Legal Services and we are trying to bring the Extinction Anxiety Clinic staff on board as well,” the CEO said.

In addition to the outerwear initiative, Ko said her company plans to become “actively involved” in The Park’s Stereotype Sundays, perhaps producing what she calls a “learning tool” for the weekly occasion.

“We are looking very seriously at that,” she said. “If Animals volunteered to spend a day in the coat of a striped or spotted Animal, perhaps they’d think a bit differently about the issue afterwards.”

OD in 2016—Food growers, app makers at odds as Tulip season begins

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TT3The Park’s technology sector has come under fire from what seems like an unlikely source: the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

In a paid advertisement, the SCPCPGF accused the makers of apps such as TulipTracker, Bulb Beacon and FoodFinder™ of working against them by setting up expectations that food growers can’t possibly meet.

In the ad, which appeared in all print media yesterday as well as on three billboards, the Society made a plea for slower adaptation of technology as it relates to food production and consumption.

“As you know, the goals of our Society include ensuring the autonomy of Park farmers and preserving our food-growing lands for the nourishment of our population. These goals are difficult enough to reach without the interference of those outside the farming community. But now, the makers of food-finding apps are encouraging Animals to abandon their natural practices of finding food. The natural ways are paced and allow for a more even distribution of food than these apps will ever do. If all Park residents were to use these apps, our food sources would dry up within days and we would be forced to import even more food from outside The Park. That would be devastating to the economy, as well as to our health,” the ad said.

Neither SINCAP Technologies, the developer of Bulb Beacon, nor TulipTracker developer GVC De-Techt has publicly commented. on Civet’s accusations.

What you need to know:
The SCPCPGF was formed in 2008, after that year’s Archons interfered with farmer autonomy on The Park’s food-producing lands. In 2012, an undercover investigation revealed that the 2011 Archons and the Park Finance Officers had agreed to “rent” out portions of The Park’s farmland to Humans for their personal use. At that time, the Society broadened its mission to include being a “policy watchdog” to ensure the fair administration of any legislation regarding farming.

OTD in 2013—”Shake for Charity” has changed its name but not its aim

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The Park’s “Shake for Charity,” which takes place today, has undergone a name change. But the charities that sponsor it want you to know that its purpose remains the same.

“We remain committed to our original goal, which is to enable those who cannot grow an adequate coat, for whatever reason, to be protected from the harsh elements of the seasons,” explains organizing committee head Andreas Yak. “We changed the name because we wanted to keep up to date and add a little pizzazz to it.”

So, the event will be known from now on as “The Shakeoff,” but in every other way, it will be the same …only better, says Yak.

“The Shakeoff has grown substantially and every year more Park businesses participate. We are very appreciative of that, as we are appreciative of those who choose to return. Their services make the event what it is,” he says.

For only the second time in its history, The Shakeoff will benefit from having a team of grooming professionals on hand to assist participants. Those seeking a fresh look or who just want to “tame their mane” will be able to take full advantage of the talents of groomers from Amoltrud’s Aesthetics, The Mane Event, Tallulah’s Toilettage and En Garde Hair and Skin Salon.

Refreshments will be available on site as well, courtesy of The Compost Heap, Florette’s Fine Edibles, and Clowder.

But Animals won’t be coming to The Shakeoff for the perks, Yak says.

“I think our slogan, “If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t,” says it all about Park Animals helping each other,” he says.

The Shakeoff takes place today from 9:00 am until midnight at the Wishing Well. Volunteers from The Park’s various charities will be on hand to collect hair until then.

OTD in 2015—Tickets for first Barkettes’ “Bring Your Own Bone” concert go on sale today

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Barkettes ticket

NEWS FLASH!
Chew on this: Ticket sales for the first concert in Thisbe and the Barkettes’ ” Bring Your Own Bone,” tour go on sale at 10:00 a.m. this morning at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

In a text sent this morning at 6:00 a.m., the band’s manager Hilde Blaft confirmed that the first batch of tickets will be available for purchase today.

“Overjoyed to announce 1st concert date May8@Ancient Open-Air Theatre. Tix on sale@10 am.,” the text read.

The tour, presented by Iglu Entertainment, includes four concerts in The Park: two at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, one at the Wishing Well and one at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond. The Tartan Crab Memorial Pond concert will be free of charge.

Dates for the remaining three concerts have not yet been announced.

OTD in 2015—Gossip site: SplotchWatch site shut down, owner arrested this morning

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headsNtalesThe controversial web site SplotchWatch has been shut down and its owner arrested, according to the gossip site headsNtales.

In a 10.00 a.m. posting, the gossip site said it had confirmation from The Park Police Force’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) that Raimundo Zorro, the site’s owner, was being held in custody until a court date was set.

The Mammalian Daily reported in December that Zorro’s site had been under police surveillance for almost six months. At the time, Park Police were not releasing the name of the site’s owner.

“Its only purpose, as far as we can tell, is to name Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed,” the SHCU’s Chief Inspector Maurice Addax said at the time.

Zorro, a disgruntled former journalist, writes on his web site that he believes it is in the interest of  “openness and honesty” to let Park Animals know who among them has altered their appearance.

The Park’s grooming house community publicly took issue with that belief, but police said they had no intention of acting against Zorro unless the site explicitly encouraged hatred or violence toward any Animal or group of Animals.

Numerous reports and studies have indicated that striped and spotted Animals do not receive equal treatment in The Park. In the Autumn newsletter of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), the major grooming houses reported that stripe removal was their most sought-after service. Calling it a “disturbing trend,” they said the number of completed procedures had increased 190% in the past two years.

OTD in 2016—We owe our quick success to the fast pace of Park life: KwikLiks owner

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KwikLiksIt’s been almost a year since Maitea Behi opened the doors of KwikLiks, The Park’s first—and so far, only—”flash” groomer. But what a year it’s been.

“We opened at the end of April and we had a bit of a slow start, what with the warm weather taking its sweet time to arrive and being up against a number of established groomers,” she says.

Nevertheless, Behi was determined to ride out the lean times, even though, with the financial burden of a staff of groomers (five full-time and eight part-time) working long hours seven days a week, she knew the business wouldn’t turn a profit for a few years.

Even when things started to turn around in the Summer, though, Behi  says she didn’t dare take her success for granted.

“When we started, we were a new concept, so we had to explain what flash grooming was. I think it seemed impossible to many Animals, particularly those who were used to spending half a day at the groomer’s,” she says.

But with some time and what she calls “smart marketing,” Park residents were able to see the value in a place that could groom five hundred Animals an hour.

“Life is so busy these days and that makes it difficult for Animals to find the time to spend at the groomer’s. But that doesn’t stop them from wanting to look their best, and that’s where we come in. We owe our success to the quickening pace of life in The Park.”

And this year, Behi is looking forward to participating in Tuesday’s semi-annual charity “Shakeoff.”

“We’ll be on site all day, doing what we do best. It’s a great cause and we’re thrilled to be able to join The Park’s other groomers at the event. It makes me feel like we really belong,” she says.

The Shakeoff (formerly “Shake for Charity”) runs Tuesday from 10:00 a.m. to 8 p.m. at locations across The Park.

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