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OTD in 2016—Hibernators see red over Tavros tweets

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YannisTavros The Park’s hibernators are seeing red after Yannis Tavros took to Twitter yesterday to denigrate hibernators and estivators.

Once again, the Toro Talk Radio host expressed his view that hibernators and estivators are not as intelligent as other Animals:

Tavros tweet

The tweet set off a firestorm, with individuals and groups weighing in immediately. Some called for an apology, while others made it clear that apologies would not longer suffice.

“This has gone beyond the stage where apologies are meaningful. Toro Talk Radio has to take control of Yannis Tavros or silence him once and for all,” said Malinda L. Hamster, president of The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), on Mammalian Daily Radio yesterday. She also confirmed that the SAHC, which annually elects the Keeper of the Nut, intends to apply to the courts for a cease and desist order and, as well, will launch a class action suit against Tavros and his radio station for defamation.

“This has happened once too often. Other Animals are going to start to believe what he is saying, and then where do we go from there?” she asked.

As Hamster said, this is not the first time that Tavros has said less than flattering things about hibernating Animals. In a famous 2013 on-air tirade, Tavros called Hieronymous Hedgehog, “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.” The reference was to Hedgehog’s uncle Hamlin, who served as Archon in 2000 and died of premature awakening from hibernation in 2008. The remarks led to Tavros’s suspension and an on-air meeting with Hieronymous during which the two made peace.

OTD in 2016—Police trainees find more lucrative positions outside Park: report

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police_dogA report released today says that a significant number of Park Police trainees and graduates are opting to accept full-time positions outside The Park.

The report, which was commissioned by the Archons and conducted by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), found that at least eighteen percent of those who graduated within the past five years have availed themselves of employment opportunities in Human police forces outside The Park.

“We are bleeding our brightest and our best,” Kakapo said at a press conference outside Park police headquarters this morning.

Faced with these figures, Kakapo said The Park has no choice but to address the problems that are facing the force. He cited one statistic he called “particularly alarming,” and that is that at least one quarter of the eighteen percent who left  listed their top three reasons for the move as better pay, more respect from the public, and less interference from their superiors.

Kakapo said he plans to sit down this weekend with Gareth Shepherd, head of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) to discuss what can be done to keep trainees and graduates in The Park.

“This is a crisis situation and we plan to address it as such,” Kakapo said.

OTD in 2014—Park Finance Officer goes AWOL amid calls for his resignation

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StrutsPark Finance Officer Milton Struts has not made any public appearances since last Wednesday, when he allegedly made a number of specist remarks during a massive budget protest.

As a result, a number of Park citizen groups are calling for his resignation, saying he has “lost his way” and become “too entrenched” in the budget process.

“We need new blood, that’s for sure,” says Oliver S.P. Franklin, head of the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS) and a long-time critic of Struts.

Small Animal Reform Group (SARG) head Mason L. Tortoise agrees.

“If he can’t face us and defend what he calls a budget, then it’s time for him to go and for us to have an Animal who understands Park life,” he says.

Meanwhile, Sylvana Rana, president of the pro-sortition group Save Our Political System (SOPS) calls the budget “a threat to our way of life.”

“I don’t know what Struts was thinking when he put this thing together,” she says. “It’s as if he was panic-stricken and couldn’t make a decision.”

Rana says Struts’s seeming indecisiveness and what she calls the “total inappropriateness” of the budget might serve as fodder for those who advocate moving to an elected system of government. Presently, the lottery system known as sortition is used annually to select the 35 Animals who serve as our government. The Archons, who are the de facto heads of the Park Finance Office, have not as yet made any statement regarding the 2015 budget.

“To say that I’m disappointed in their silence is a gross understatement,” Rana says. “If they can’t defend our political system by supporting their choice of budget head, they are effectively handing us over to the other side.”

OTD in 2014—Ready, set, go! The Shakeoff starts now!

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The Park's semi-annual Shakeoff runs today until 8 p.m.The Shakeoff (formerly known as the “Shake for Charity”) is in full swing in The Park today.

The semi-annual charity event “is all about Animals helping Animals” in the lead-up to Winter, says organizing committee head Andras Yak.

“Our goal is to enable those who cannot grow an adequate coat, for whatever reason, to be protected from the harsh elements of the seasons.”

Last September, the event yielded one tonne (yes, you read that correctly!) of hair, all of which came in handy during the unusually cold Winter.

“Our senior residents, in particular, were very grateful for the yield,” Yak says. “And we’re hoping to surpass that this year.”

Also making a return appearance are the on-site groomers who are offering free, new hairstyles to participants and, of course, lots and lots of refreshments courtesy of Florette’s Fine Edibles, The Nut Bar, Ants in Your Pantry, and Clowder.

So, remember:  “If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”

The Shakeoff runs today from 10:00 a.m. to 8 p.m. at locations across The Park

OTD in 2014—Park Finance Officer Struts called out for “specist” remarks made Wednesday

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Struts

Park Finance Officer Milton Struts is taking criticism in the media and in shops around The Park this morning for remarks he made during the massive budget protest held yesterday.

As he moved through the record crowd, many Animals say they heard Struts complaining that the protesters had no budget-planning experience, so they had nothing to offer and nothing to “grouse” about.

“Ignorance breeds ignorance,” is another phrase that many say Struts mumbled. But what really disturbed participants was the second specist remark that Struts let slip from his lips on more than one occasion.

In reference to both the organizers and the strong supporters of the protest, Animals say Struts used the term “Whistlepiggery” on more than one occasion.

“He said the protest was just another example of Whistlepiggery in The Park,” says Adeline Hedgehog, who was present at the protest from the beginning.

“He said it and he didn’t look at all remorseful afterwards,” she says.

Another protester, Elton Zebra, said Struts had a “certain glint in his eye” when he said it.

“He knew exactly what he was saying and who he was saying it about,” says Zebra.

The term “Whistlepiggery” is a derogatory term that was outlawed in The Park a year after zoocracy. It is meant to characterize an Animal as conniving and untrustworthy.

As it happened, the Wednesday anti-budget protest was organized in part by Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS). It was also strongly supported by Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr., the organizer of the annual Groundhog Day celebrations, as well as by other organizers of Park events and the heads of The Park’s Animal aid services. Absent from the protest were members of The Park’s environmental groups and the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), who are said to be quite pleased with the budget.

In a statement on behalf of his membership, Wellington Whistlepig expressed “deep disappointment” in Struts’s alleged attitude and called on the Finance Officer to make an official apology.

“If  he did, in fact, say those things of which he has been accused, he owes us all an apology for the very unzoocratic way in which he has dealt with dissent,” the statement read in part.

Meanwhile, The Park’s storefronts all agreed to display a very unflattering caricature of Struts with his head in the sand, signifying that he lives in the “dark ages before zoocracy.” The storefronts will continue to display the caricature, they say, until they receive an apology.

Thus far, however, no apology nor comment has been forthcoming either from Struts or from the Park Finance Office.

OTD in 2014—Dare to compare, say budget opponents calling for massive protest Wednesday

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Three Budgets

The 2015 “streamlined” budget that was presented by the Park Finance Office last month remains a contentious issue among residents, with some in the business community calling for a full re-think.

“I think we are owed some kind of explanation, as well as a full accounting, not this shoddy business that they’ve offered us,” say members of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS).

Also calling for a free and full public discussion of the matter is Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr., organizer of The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations.

Not surprisingly, Whistlepig is not at all pleased with the 10% of the budget that is earmarked for “special events.” He says he has no idea how much of that 10% will go to Groundhog Day.

“Special events?” he asks. “Groundhog Day is so much more than a ‘special event.’ It’s the backbone of our community,” he says, exasperated.

“I’ve dealt with cutbacks and surpluses … back and forth. And last minute, too. But this is the most outrageous allocation of funds I’ve ever seen.”

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations is also calling for a re-do of the budget.

At her office this morning, Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the department, went on record as saying her department “cannot function with only 10% of the budget.”

“Are they forgetting how important these events are?” she asked.

Though reluctant to lend her support to the idea of a full-blown protest, Kanariar said she hopes the Archons and the PFO “take note of current sentiment.”

Meanwhile, both PASS and a number of The Park’s refugee and immigrant aid groups have organized what they are calling a “massive protest” to be held on Wednesday. Plans so far are for protesters to meet in front of the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

“We have no doubt that we’ll be able to get our message out this way,” says Whistlepig.

OTD in 2016—Button maker received order for Millicent Hayberry candidacy: rumour

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It’s been over a month since Park citizens heard the rumour that Millicent Hayberry was considering a bid for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

Though she has kept mum on the subject, a source close to one of The Park’s most prominent button makers has told The Mammalian Daily that  the company received an order to produce buttons for her campaign.

The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, said the order came in two weeks ago from a “campaign leader.” The order is said to be for three different versions of a button, one of the prototypes of which appears on this page.

Hayberry, who is wrapping up her performance at the Burrow Theatre in “Godwit,” the first of three mystery plays by Gianfranco Colocolo, is expected to make some form of announcement before the end of the month. Candidates have until November 5 to enter the race.

Sources tell The Mammalian Daily that were Hayberry to run, she would have the support of Hieronymous Hedgehog, along with a number of other prominent hibernators. Her candidacy may lean heavily on the idea of “breaking the species barrier,” since all successful candidates for POPS have been Groundhogs. Nevertheless, since the 2011 and 2012 candidacies of Zachariah Skunk and Lorenzo Michele Chipmunk, there has been a call for broadening the field in this election and making the list of candidates more representative of The Park’s population.

OTD in 2014—Does of Peace add “new dimension” to Beats of Burden music fest: Alfredo Ox

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Does of PeaceJargonhead may have been the headliner and the SCENTient Beings may have unveiled their new “reekabilly” sound but, according to The Beasts of Burden’s lead singer Alfredo Ox, the real stars of this past weekend’s music festival were the Does of Peace.

The Park’s new peacekeepers even got a shout-out from Ox when he leapt to the Beats of Burden stage on Friday night, ostensibly to welcome back our estivators. In an unexpected twist, Ox used the occasion to praise the Does, who he said, “grabbed an opportunity where there was none and made us the beneficiaries.”

“They’ve added a whole new dimension to peacekeeping and to our lives and I want to thank them for that,” he concluded.

Doves of Peace spokesBird Georgina Golub concurred on Sunday. “They were fantastic … and not just in an auxiliary way. They’re absolute naturals and an important addition.”

OTD in 2015—Peacekeepers to attend first Stereotype Sunday since Stinktier revelation

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Does of PeaceRecent unrest in The Park’s Zebra community has prompted The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) to call on the Doves and Does of Peace to attend today’s Stereotype Sunday.

In a media communiqué released this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo confirmed the deployment “in anticipation of any disturbance of the peace which the weekly event is intended to foster.”

The unrest began on Wednesday night, soon after the broadcast of the Yannis Tavros show during which SCENTient Beings singer and composer Faramund Stinktier revealed that he believed he was meant to be a Zebra.

A hastily-organized protest that started outside Toro Talk Radio, which broadcasts the Tavros show live, spilled out onto the streets in the early morning hours of Thursday and has continued to grow over the past few days. The protest now includes a makeshift headquarters for organizers Jafari Pundamilia and Elton Zebra outside the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, the site of the weekly Stereotype Sundays.

The protest centres around one issue, according to a statement released by the organizers on Friday morning—that Stinktier “knows nothing of the struggles of the Zebra community and that he has co-opted the experience of thousands of years of Zebra life for his own purposes and to fulfil his own desires.”

Signed by Pundamilia and Zebra on behalf of the worldwide Zebra community, the statement concludes, “We respectfully submit that Faramund Stinktier has committed a crime against The Park’s Zebra community by perpetuating a stereotype and using that stereotype for the betterment of his own life.”

Although Park Police are believed to be on standby this afternoon, Officer Gareth Shepherd told The Mammalian Daily that none of his officers has been formally assigned to the event.

OTD in 2014—Reaction to 2015 “streamlined” budget: from outrage to high praise

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2015 projectionsReactions to The Park’s 2015 “streamlined” budget depend on what your priorities are, says Park Finance Officer Milton Struts.

In an interview in his office two weeks after the release of the budget, Struts characterized Park residents’ general reaction as “favourable and understanding.”

“I think Park Animals understand the need to simplify our lives and, correspondingly, our budget,” Struts said.

But Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) has a different take on the matter. He says that he and other business owners consider the budget “a disaster” and that he’s been busy “rallying the troops” for the past two weeks to pressure the Park Finance Office into redoing the entire budget.

“There’s going to be a massive protest against this thing,” Whistlepig says. “It’s little more than a farce. There’s almost nothing specific in the budget, so how do we know what’s going to be approved and what isn’t? How do we know how much there is to spend? We don’t. We know nothing.”

Refugee groups agree.

“There was never enough [funding] and likely never will be, but we used to see a defined amount set aside for the care of refugees. In this budget, we see nothing definite. We don’t even see ourselves; they didn’t waste any ink on us,” says Inez Gallina, president of the refugee aid group Home to Roost.

The only groups that seem pleased with the budget are those connected to weather and the environment.

“We’ve been waiting, year after year, for the PFO to take us seriously and they finally have,” says Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“Look at the difference: last year, the gave us a mere 5% of the budget. This year it’s a whopping 20%. There is so much we can do with that and it will benefit all Park residents, from our food growers and packagers to our shops and services. Weather is the foundation of our life here in The Park.”

Indeed, according to a source who wishes to remain anonymous, the Park Weather Office (PWO) is said to be “ecstatic” about the budget and “looking forward to spending the funds on good quality weather.”

“You never know, we could end up calling this the Sunshine Budget,” the source said.

2015 projections2015 projections

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