The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

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Justice orders Rotte, Stinktier to meet after Sunday’s Spoken Word incident

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Mr Justice Augustus DindonMr. Justice Augustus Dindon has ordered the legal representatives of Gunnar Rotte and Faramund Stinktier to arrange a meeting between the two parties within the next ten days.

The Superior Court justice took the unprecedented action after an incident that occurred between the two on Sunday afternoon at the Beats of Burden Music Festival’s Spoken Word stage.

Rotte took the stage mid-afternoon in front of a significant crowd, many of whom he’d invited via Twitter to witness his first ever SWE performance (Spoken Word Extemporaneous). He was just about to leave the stage after finishing his number, “Chock Tock,” when he noticed Stinktier in the crowd. Claiming the audience was calling for an encore, Rotte took back the microphone and embarked on a takedown of everything Stinktier, including his music, his band, and his decision to transition to a Zebra.

While some in the audience egged him on, many were deeply offended and called for him to be pulled from the stage. Stinktier refused to get involved and left the area, which seemed to incite Rotte further. Finally, three Does of Peace moved him from the stage and into the custody of Park Police.

Rotte, who was charged in August with disturbing the peace and inciting violence at The Park’s weekly Stereotype Sunday, is already scheduled to appear before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in October. Those charges are also related to his behaviour vis à vis Stinktier.

When news of the SWE matter reached the justice, he put out the call for a meeting.

“Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon is of the belief that much of this matter could be resolved through personal discussion. He does not believe the courts should get involved unnecessarily,” said a spokesAnimal for the Court.

Rotte is represented by Pernilla Varghund, junior partner in Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd, while Stinktier has engaged the services of Zvonimir Kojot of the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg. Neither has spoken publicly about the justice’s order.

Button maker received order for Millicent Hayberry candidacy: rumour

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It’s been over a month since Park citizens heard the rumour that Millicent Hayberry was considering a bid for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

Though she has kept mum on the subject, a source close to one of The Park’s most prominent button makers has told The Mammalian Daily that  the company received an order to produce buttons for her campaign.

The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, said the order came in two weeks ago from a “campaign leader.” The order is said to be for three different versions of a button, one of the prototypes of which appears on this page.

Hayberry, who is wrapping up her performance at the Burrow Theatre in “Godwit,” the first of three mystery plays by Gianfranco Colocolo, is expected to make some form of announcement before the end of the month. Candidates have until November 5 to enter the race.

Sources tell The Mammalian Daily that were Hayberry to run, she would have the support of Hieronymous Hedgehog, along with a number of other prominent hibernators. Her candidacy may lean heavily on the idea of “breaking the species barrier,” since all successful candidates for POPS have been Groundhogs. Nevertheless, since the 2011 and 2012 candidacies of Zachariah Skunk and Lorenzo Michele Chipmunk, there has been a call for broadening the field in this election and making the list of candidates more representative of The Park’s population.

The Endeka Elephant Band plays on without its beloved bassist

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Tembo bass

Zuberi Tembo’s bass stood in front of the band last night at the Beats of Burden Music Festival

The ten remaining members of The Endeka Elephant Band took to the stage last night for the first time since the death this past July of their beloved bassist, Zuberi Tembo.

In an emotional mid-set tribute during the first night of the Beats of Burden Music Festival, each member of the band placed a rose at the foot of Tembo’s bass, which stood at the front of the stage for the entirety of their set.

It was a fitting acknowledgement of the Elephant they described as “a gentle soul who loved music and valued freedom.”

“Even though we miss him terribly, we know that Zuberi’s spirit is with us now and will live on forever in the music he made, in the work he did, and in his tireless fight for freedom,” band member Árvakur Fíl said.

The band followed that with a sweet and tearful rendition of “Recollections” and ended their set with “Seismic Connections.” They returned for only one encore: Tembo’s rousing, “Food For All.”

The Endeka Elephant Band returns tonight to play one last set at the festival.

The Beats of Burden Music Festival continues until midnight 18 September 2016.

PMoCA unveils Slow Art Movement painting in honour of Park’s estivators

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Heike Slak

Slow artist Heike Slak’s “Beacon”

Tomorrow marks the official end of estivation. It’s time to welcome back the friends we haven’t seen for over two months and to move into The Park’s busy Autumn social season.

But even though a large number of Park Animals will be coming out of a state of torpor tomorrow, estivation traditionally has not received as much attention as its Winter counterpart, hibernation.

All that is set to change in the coming years and the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) is leading the way.

Tomorrow evening, in honour of our estivating citizens, the PMoCA will unveil a painting by slow artist Heike Slak.

The painting, which bears the title, “Beacon,” was commissioned last year by the museum.

“This is the first work by a slow artist that we have displayed. We are very proud to hang this painting in the PMoCA in honour of our estivators. and we look forward to a long and happy relationship with the Slow Art Movement,” the museum’s head curator Aamuun Maroodiga told the press this morning.

Slak, who will come out of estivation tomorrow, delivered the painting to the museum at the end of May.  Maroodiga confirmed at the press gathering that Slak will attend the unveiling tomorrow evening.

The Beats gets bigger: lineup for music festival’s fourth year announced today

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Beats of Burden logo“Bigger” and “better” were the words most often uttered this morning as Beasts of Burden lead singer Alfredo Ox announced the lineup for the fourth annual Beats of Burden Music Festival.

“We know that bigger isn’t always better, but in this case it is,” Ox told the throng of reporters outside The Draft, the pub that he and his Beasts of Burden bandmates own.

“We asked ourselves, what could make this event better? How do we stay true to our purpose without this becoming just another music festival?”

The answer to that question, Ox said, was to bring the musical and other acts closer to that purpose.

“We want The Park’s refugees, who are the festival’s raison d’être, to always be within your sight or hearing. We want you —no matter what you’re listening to, no matter what you’re watching, no matter what you’re eating—to have our refugees front and centre in your mind. Yes, we want you to have a Whale of a time, and that’s no pun. NIML will be at the festival, down by the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond. But we also want you to remember that this is a charity festival, a festival with a purpose, not just a Porpoise,” he said, as the crowd groaned.

As far as the music lineup goes, many of these groups have performed at the festival before: Inktvis and Krake, Eggie and The Pigs, The Feral Four, The Canary Cousins, Banded Brothers, Spontaneous Generation, NIML, rapper Will.o.be., The Cynics, The Tweeters, Les Chiens Débraillés, GHC, Jargohead, Fish Rap, and The DomEstyx.

But there are newcomers, such as Belles and Whistles and Memes of Production and up-and-comers, including Erdferkel!, plucked just past Friday from the Beats in the Bar (formerly the Open Mic at The Draft), as well as last year’s pick, The Crumb Seekers.

Even bigger musical news comes in the form of Last Stand, the band whose members all hail from endangered species, and ZEAL, who begged off last year’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice because he refused to play at the same event as the SCENTient Beings’ Faramund Stinktier. The Beats will feature both, though they’ll play at different venues.

As well, Ox said he personally invited The Endeka Elephant Band, whose bassist, Zuberi Tembo, was killed this summer on a trip home to Africa. The band agreed to play on two of the three days of the festival, and Ox said he took that as a compliment.

“Zuberi Tembo was a refugee and I think the band wanted to honour that,” he said.

This year’s festival will introduce a new category, Spoken Word Extemporaneous (SWE), which Ox said he’s particularly excited about. And the comedy portion will feature Dalmanik and Woodruff Dalmatio, with a few “surprises” in store for Saturday.

Another first for the festival is the Rodent gymnastic troupe, “Out of the Box.” Ox was also proud to announce that the organizers of the annual Park ART Walk had agreed to resurrect their 2014 exhibit, “From Fear to Freedom,” which highlights the art of The Park’s refugees.

As usual, the Beasts of Burden will take the stage every day and night and they’ll be acting as auctioneers during Saturday night’s gala auction.

With all that, and the “long list of surprises” that Ox boasted about, it’s hard not to believe that this bigger Beats will be even better.

The Beats of Burden Music Festival will take place at venues throughout The Park 16-18 September 2016.

All proceeds from the festival go toward assisting The Park’s refugees.

Avian Messenger’s Tinamou takes leave of absence for “personal reasons”

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A month after Alvin Tinamou’s empty nest was discovered outside The Park, The Avian Messenger has confirmed that he has decided to take an “extended leave of absence” from his rôle as publisher of The Park’s most trusted Avian newspaper.

Avian Messenger front page

In a statement that was part announcement, part biography, and part tribute, the newspaper’s managing editor Fiorentina D’Aquila wrote that it was “with deep sadness and profound regret” that the paper made the announcement.

Writing eloquently and with obvious sympathy for Tinamou, D’Aquila called her publisher “beloved by staff and readers alike” and quoted colleagues who attested to his commitment to journalistic integrity and to The Park’s Avian community.

“Most of what I’ve learned has come from my working for and with Alvin Tinamou. My interactions with him never failed to teach me something or to broaden my view. I will be forever grateful to him and I wish him only the best at this most challenging time in his life,” D’Aquila quoted Editor-in-Chief Donatella Falcon as saying. Falcon will replace Tinamou for the duration of his leave.

Though Tinamou was not quoted in the piece, it was confirmed that he cited “personal reasons” for his decision. Those personal reasons no doubt arose from the theft of his nest in June and its subsequent discovery—minus the eggs—last month.

Tinamou has remained silent about the tragedy, but those close to him say it has taken a great toll on him and his mate Adela.

“Alvin has suffered terribly from this loss. He needs some time to rest, to be with Adela, and to process what has happened. They have both been in shock for months,” his cousin Augustus told The Mammalian Daily.

Third time’s a charm as Open Mic at The Draft becomes “Beats in the Bar”

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Draft with borderFor the past two years, it’s been the beats before the Beats but from now on the open mic evening at The Draft will officially be known as “Beats in the Bar.”

“They say the third time’s a charm and we think so too,” the Beasts of Burden posted yesterday on their GooseBook page. The post also confirmed that the Beats in the Bar will officially become an annual event.

“The Department [of Holidays, Festival, and Celebrations] has put it on The Park’s official calendar and so should you,” the Beasts’ lead singer Alfredo Ox told Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros yesterday afternoon.

And he emphasized that “the name has changed, but its purpose hasn’t.”

“We’re still looking for raw talent, unknown artists, and new beats. We still want to showcase the best of the pre-fest at our main event. So, come on out and show us what you’ve got,” he said.

In its short history, the open mic evening has become one of The Park’s biggest talent searches. But it didn’t start out that way, the Beasts’ manager Ignatius Herder says.

According to Herder, the open mic night was originally conceived as a way to “warm up” Park residents in advance of the Beats of Burden Music Festival, which was new and not very well known.

“So Alfredo put out the call to Park musicians and we thought we’d get what would amount to a pre-show, but we couldn’t have been more wrong,” Herder says. “These young, talented, untested musicians came in and blew the whole thing wide open.”

Since then, not only has the evening become a showcase for new talent, but Ox himself has become the  mentor of five young artists.

“That was a total surprise,” Alfredo Ox told The Mammalian Daily last year. “Mentoring was the last thing on our minds when we started this thing.”

The rules for this year’s event are the same as last year: those who wish to play or sing are asked to add their names to a list that will be posted outside The Draft tomorrow morning.

“Whether or not you perform, you will be a great time,” Herder says. “But come prepared to stay out all night.”

Park citizens not as politically savvy as in previous decades: UWT study

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CLueless

A new study out of the University of West Terrier’s Barnaby School of Government concludes that Park citizens are not as politically savvy as they were in previous decades.

Entitled, “Clueless,” the study, which will be published in the October issue of the Park Journal of Politics and Government (PJPG), found that a large number of Park citizens have virtually no knowledge of our system of government or its origins.

“Without being unnecessarily harsh, I think this shows what many of us have felt: that too many of our citizens—of all generations—have been lulled into a false sense of security and do not feel the need to engage politically,” says Delia Quagga, the author of the study and the School’s head.

According to Quagga’s research, that sense of security is particularly strong among those who were born into zoocracy at a time of relative peace among the species.

“They’ve always lived under peaceful Animal self-rule. They seem to believe that the battle has been fought and won forever. And that makes them extremely vulnerable,” Quagga contends.

The study also found that many Park citizens feel free to engage in stereotyping, primarily because they don’t remember a time when such behaviour posed a danger to peace.

“All of this underscores the need for us to communicate more effectively about history and politics,” Quagga says. “We mustn’t allow a situation in which Park citizens take anything for granted.”

PIFF 2016 sneak peek: Noon Nuttiness

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Park Interspecial Film FestivalThe Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) is a little more than a month away and today, we got a sneak peek at what’s going to tickle our funny bones come October.

At a short press conference this morning, PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot announced two of the films that will screen during the Noon Nuttiness portion of PIFF 2016:

AS I LIVE AND BREED: A NATURAL BUNNY’S HOME VIDEOS
Directed by Ilona Pupu
The Park | 20 minutes | Noon Nuttiness Première

Comedienne Ilona Pupu, who regularly makes fun of the ability of her species to produce what she calls, “three generations, no waiting,” directs and stars in this sendup of the life of a “natural bunny.”

With candid clips from her own life (and birthing) and actors standing in for her relatives and friends, Pupu pokes fun at her species without entirely spearing it. “Education? Who has time!” she declares as she nurses one litter while birthing another. One of the funniest parts of this film shows three of the four seasons go by in the background as Pupu’s niece Veera gives birth. Over and over again.

I AM GEOFFREY’S CAT: MY HILAIREIOUS SEARCH FOR AN INDEPENDENT IDENTITY
Directed by Carlos Geraldo Gato de León
The Park | 22 minutes | Noon Nuttiness Première

How are you supposed to have an independent identity when the Human boy you live with has the same name as your breed?

That is just one of the questions this Noon Nuttiness selection poses. But if that sounds too serious for you, don’t worry: this short film will have you in stitches as you watch the confusion mount. The star, who is also the director’s cousin, has a wicked sense of humour, which he loves to turn on his Human victims.

The title, by the way, invokes the name of the Human, Geoffrey St. Hilaire, after whom the star’s breed is named.

The Park Interspecial Film Festival runs 1-5 October 2016.

Glass shape made of nuts with strawNoon Nuttiness gratefully acknowledges the support of The Nut Bar, the most trusted nut shop in The Park.

Belles and Whistles to join lineup at Beats of Burden festival in September

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Beats of Burden logoThe Park’s newest singing duo, Belles and Whistles, confirmed today that they will be performing at this year’s Beats of Burden music festival in September.

The duo, who were secretly mentored by Thisbe and the Barkettes, made their début on June 30 at the Concert for Charity in honour of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM). Since then, their manager Retriikka Spanieli says, they’ve been working on producing their first collection of songs, which they describe as “an eclectic mix.”

“The duo has an amazing range and an ability to perform in a multitude of genres,” Spanieli told The Mammalian Daily in a telephone interview.

According to Spanieli, the duo’s main goal at the moment is to convince audiences that they are their own musicians, and not an extension of the Barkettes.

“They love the Barkettes, as we all do, but they have an identity of their own and ambitions beyond becoming a carbon copy of The Park’s most successful singing group,” Spanieli said.

The Beats of Burden Music Festival takes place in The Park September 16-18, 2016.

 

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