Park Life – Page 94

Historians may look back on it and jokingly call it the “Tulip War,” but at present it’s a tense situation that could cause irreparable damage to The Park’s food and technology sectors.

It started last month, when the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) complained in a print advertisement that The Park’s technology companies were encouraging Animals to abandon their natural practices of finding food in favour of letting apps do the searching for them. The SCPCPGF maintains that this negatively affects what it calls the “natural pacing” of food finding and will inevitably lead to uneven distribution, more food imports, and food shortages.

The Park’s technology sector laid low for a short time, hoping to wait out the controversy. But when the SCPCPGF refused to give up, SINCAP Technologies president Peppi Orava took to the airwaves to vigorously defend her company’s app, Bulb Beacon, and assert that SINCAP and other technology companies make it their business to support access to food in The Park.

“We all take access to food very seriously. I know from personal experience that it can be very frustrating and terrifying not to be able to find enough food, or to forget where you stored your food over the Winter. I’ve had relatives who almost starved and that was the impetus for me to develop our app,” she told Toro Talk Radio’s Yannis Tavros in an interview.

But that did not placate SCPCPGF president A.P. Civet, and a few days later, he called for a moratorium on the development of food-related technology.

Now, the anger that has been brewing for weeks threatens to spill over. As both sides begin to issue threats and accusations, experts say the issue could come to blows in May, as planting begins and the Park Finance Office turns its attention to the 2017 budget.

“What’s at stake here is not just peace in The Park, but the food supply itself,” says Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“We all should be very scared.”

Toe-Hair Contest exacerbates fear of extinction in some Animals: therapist

April 27, 2016 By Keelin Gabhar, TMD Health and Science Reporter

The Park’s annual Toe-Hair Contest may be having a devastating effect on the vulnerable in our population, according to mental health specialist Victoire Caméléon. [pullquote]Everything from the environment to emotional stress to having the luxury of time and the resources to cultivate oneself can affect toe-hair growth. We should be cognizant of that when we reward Animals for something that they are not in complete control of.—Psychotherapist Victoire Caméléon [/pullquote]

The part-time researcher and psychotherapist, who works at one of The Park’s two Extinction Anxiety Clinics, made the assertion this past weekend.

Speaking at a conference on extinction and mental health at the University of West Terrier, Caméléon said evidence suggests that the annual competition negatively affects those who fear for the survival of their species.

“This is not simply an issue of self esteem; it is an issue of survival and Animals’ sense of self-preservation,” she said.

The annual contest, which has come to signal the beginning of Spring, rewards those who are most able to grow long, thick, healthy toe-hairs over the Winter season.

But, Caméléon said, many in our vulnerable populations are not able to do so, through no fault of their own. Still, the emphasis the contest places on this one aspect has made some Animals feel weaker and less able to survive.

“There are a number of factors that are involved in toe-hair growth, as well as in other aspects of physical health,” Caméléon said. “Everything from the environment to emotional stress to having the luxury of time and the resources to cultivate oneself can affect toe-hair growth. We should be cognizant of that when we reward Animals for something that they are not in complete control of.”

Yet, even despite these negative effects, Caméléon is not calling for an end to the contest.

“It began as purely a fun event, almost a farcical celebration of the post-Winter season. I think we should preserve that aspect of the contest and place less emphasis on the winning part,” she said.

Sierpinski Squirrel appointed head judge of 2016 Toe-Hair Contest

April 20, 2016 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

Sierpinski Squirrel: head judge of the 2016 Toe-Hair Contest

Sierpinski Squirrel will serve as head judge of the 2016 Toe-Hair Contest.

At a press event held this morning at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, Aintza Kanariar of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, made the formal announcement:

“We are thrilled to announce that the very competent Sierpinski Squirrel has agreed to serve as head judge of the 2016 Toe-Hair Contest,” she said.

“As perhaps The Park’s premier financial advisor, Sierpinski Squirrel has proven himself to be a great judge in his own field and an outstanding team leader in all respects,” Kanariar said.

In making the announcement, the longtime Director of Public Relations for the body that chooses the judges emphasized the importance of the position of head judge:

“The position is an important one because, should there be a tie, the head judge, who is an Animal with greater expertise than the other judges, has the ability to choose the winner. It is a position of responsibility that calls for a great deal of knowledge and personal integrity,” she said.

The Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners has found himself in demand recently. Last December, he was asked, on very short notice, to join the Archon Transition Team, replacing Blandine Okapi who had resigned due to what she called “philosophical differences.” Sierpinski Squirrel stepped up and by all accounts did an admirable job, according to Sylvana Rana, president of Save Our Political System (SOPS).

“He made the job his own, which is quite an accomplishment for an Animal who has never been formally involved in politics.”

At the press announcement yesterday, Kanariar also announced the other four members of the judging panel: Antonio Marcelo, Clementina Araña, Quinta Caribou, and S. Irving Gecko.

The Toe-Hair Contest, which is in its 21st year, is set to commence at 10:00 a.m. Park time on May 1.

Court reaffirms right to remain stupid

April 18, 2016 By Viona Adelaar, TMD Justice and Legal Affairs Reporter

In a landmark decision handed down this morning, Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court kept alive the vision of The Park’s founder and reaffirmed the right of every Animal to remain stupid.

The decision, which will be posted in full outside the Court House tomorrow, came after a deliberation of more than five months. The decision was in response to an action brought by a collective that included the Park Education Working Collective (PEWC), the heads of admission of all The Park’s educational institutions, professionals from the Extinction Anxiety Clinic, and one hundred Animals known as the “concerned conglomerate.”

In their action, the collective argued that increasing apathy among the citizenry and the lack of formal education undermine the survival and prosperity of The Park. They asked the court to supersede the Archons and enact a law requiring all Park citizens to attend school.

The collective’s argument before the court in October was kept a secret from all except those directly involved in the proceedings. That decision was made to prevent the collective from initiating an awareness campaign they believed might sway the court’s decision.

During the deliberation period, Justice Dindon accepted submissions from The Department of Well-Being and Safety, the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, and from medical and psychological experts on both sides of the argument. In addition, he called on Park historians to, as he said, “help me understand the founding vision of The Park.”

In the opening paragraph of the decision, Justice Dindon said he relied heavily on these words of Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy: “We cannot force our views upon the citizenry; we can only inspire them to look beyond themselves and aid them in their search for a just and better life for all.”

Raimundo Zorro strikes again: new web site violates conditions of sentence

April 12, 2016 By TMD Crime Reporters

Raimundo Zorro

DEVELOPING STORY

Raimundo Zorro has struck again.

Zorro, who was convicted last August on two counts of inciting hate by owning and operating the controversial web site, “SplotchWatch,” appears to have violated the conditions of his sentence by starting a new web site.

Zorro’s sentence, which was handed down on September 11, 2015 by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, prohibited him from hosting “any web sites of any nature and pertaining to any subject for the next three years.”

But today, police confirmed the existence of a new web site hosted by Zorro.

“It appears that Zorro is up to his old tricks,” Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police Force’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) said at a press conference early this morning.

“We were alerted to the existence of the new site by Hortencia Guacamayo of headsNtales, and we would like to express our gratitude to her for demonstrating a commitment to interspecial harmony,” he said.

Addax offered only scant details about the site, which is called, “BANDland.” He confirmed that the site uses technology to track the movements of The Park’s striped community but would not say what he believes Zorro intends to do with that information.

“No matter what his intentions, the site is a violation of the privacy and security of our striped citizens and a violation of the conditions of his sentence,” Addax said.

The SHCU Chief Inspector also confirmed that police initiated steps this morning to have the site taken down. A warrant has been issued for Zorro’s arrest.

First quarter results prove opening on Groundhog Day a profitable move

April 11, 2016 By Bergrún Íkorna, TMD Business Reporter

First quarter results indicate that the Park Finance Office (PFO) did the right thing when it listened to the business community this past Winter and allowed shops to stay open on Groundhog Eve and Groundhog Day.

“We are very grateful to the Park Finance Office and, in particular, to PFO head Valentina Abeja, for supporting our community so strongly,” said Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), in a statement released by the Association today.

According to Whistlepig, Park businesses reported average profits of more than double those of the same period last year.

“This should convince the Archons, the PFO, and Park citizens that a permanent change should be made to the law,” the statement says.

That assertion could signal the start of another major battle in The Park, as the issue of allowing shops to open on Groundhog Day and other holidays has been a contentious one. Those on both sides have argued passionately, but the Archons and the PFO have been reluctant to make any permanent move.

Such a move would require a change in the law, which could only be made after the receipt of submissions from business and the citizenry, followed by a full and open debate, says Delia Quagga, head of the Barnaby School of Government at the University of West Terrier. And that, she says, could take years.

“I think this informal arrangement might be more beneficial than an overhaul of the law,” she said at the time the announcement was made about this year’s opening.

Others in The Park agree.

“We need to look at all the factors responsible for the rise in profit before we make any changes to the law,” says Xavier Dingo, chief financial analyst at A. Corn and Partners. “Much more study needs to be done.”

TMD Exclusive: Millicent Hayberry and Gianfranco Colocolo in conversation

April 8, 2016 By Paislynn Pangolin, TMD Arts Critic

The Burrow Theatre is uncharacteristically bright this afternoon, as it will be every day and night that Millicent Hayberry is on stage here playing an unwitting—and unwilling—detective in the highly-anticipated series of mysteries written by Gianfranco Colocolo.

The first play in the series, Godwit, opens tonight at 8:00 pm.

We caught up with both Hayberry and the author during rehearsals at The Park’s Burrow Theatre.

TMD: Thank you for doing this. We know it’s a busy time for you.

MH: We’re delighted. We’re just taking a bit of a break anyway.

GC: Well, Millicent is taking a break. I’m pacing.

TMD: That’s funny. Are you nervous about the gala opening tonight?

GC: Not so much nervous as…well, nervous.

MH: You have nothing to be nervous about!

TMD: Do you have anything to be nervous about?

GC: I don’t, really. I just don’t take anything for granted. It’s been a long haul and I can’t wait to see the audience’s reaction to my work.

TMD: This is your first play…well, set of plays, really. You did have your bestselling novel, Murder at the Fishbowl, made into a movie. But what was different about this process?

GC: Nothing but everything. Night and day. I’ve never written anything that was meant to be performed. Up until now, everything I’ve done was meant to be read. It’s a much different perspective for a writer, to be thinking constantly of another person interpreting your work.

TMD: Did you have anyone in mind while you were writing?

GC: I didn’t and I see now that that would have made it much easier…if I had. If I were to write another set of these plays, I think there’s no doubt they’d be written with Millicent in mind, even if she declined.

MH: I can’t imagine declining.

GC: Even so. Millicent is such a brilliant actress that she’s made the part her own. Even when I read the play to myself now, I hear every word in her voice. It’s quite remarkable.

MH: That is humbling, Gianfranco.

TMD: What is it about the mystery genre that attracts you? I want to ask both of you, but Gianfranco first.

GC: Well, as I told Yannis Tavros on his show a few days ago, I’ve found that you can tell the truth, the honest truth, in the mystery genre and you don’t get the kind of backlash from it that you do elsewhere.

TMD: Do you know why that is? Do you have a theory?

GC: I think there’s a long history of it, but I don’t really know why. I don’t know why some ideas are accepted in one form, but not in another. You’d think that would apply to all fiction, but I’ve found that it doesn’t. You can throw off a line that would be stinging in another genre, but you get nods of approval for it in mystery.

TMD: So you can get away with a lot in the genre, then?

GC: Oh, I don’t think you’re getting away with anything! I think you’d better be right if you’re going to do it. But if you are, I think your audience will allow you to, is what I’m saying.

TMD: What do you think, Millicent?

MH: I agree with Gianfranco. Of course, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard him say it, so I may just be getting won over. But I do think there’s something to that. The truth is the least accepted thing anywhere. We gloss over it, we deny it, on a constant basis. I think there are perhaps two places where the truth wins out: here in mystery and in comedy.

TMD: You are most famous for your rôle in the autobiographical one-Chipmunk play, Mixed Nuts. Wouldn’t you say that autobiography is another area of truth-telling?

MH: You would think so, wouldn’t you? But you wouldn’t believe how much backlash writers get for their autobiographical material. There is a lot of arguing about the truth that goes on. Of course, we all have a different truth, so that’s probably the reason.

TMD: Was there a lot of backlash about Mixed Nuts?

MH: By the time I got involved with it, there wasn’t. But Imogen [Aardeekhoorn] experienced a great deal of it. Even I was surprised at that.

TMD: Millicent, I opened this interview by saying that The Burrow Theatre seemed uncharacteristically bright this afternoon. Am I correct in saying that?

MH: You are, indeed. I brought the very talented Constantine Lampris with me for that purpose. He did the lighting for Mixed Nuts at the [Park] Repertory Theatre. Constantine knows me so well. He knows I don’t see very well in the dark. He lights the stage so that I don’t fall or trip, but it doesn’t get in the way of the play or the audience. I don’t think I could perform live without him.

TMD: I just have one more question. What are you hoping for with this production? What would you consider a win? Gianfranco?

GC: Well, I suppose a win for me would be for the critics to say it was a well-written set of plays. But once it’s been lifted off the page and put on stage, I think a win is really for the cast. A play isn’t much without the cast. At least these aren’t. They’re meant to be dynamic, not static. So, I guess, a win in my view would be the audience’s appreciation of Millicent’s work, as well as that of the other talented actors here.

TMD: Millicent?

MH: I have to throw that right back at Gianfranco and say that a win for me would be appreciation of his words. But beyond that, if the audience comes away with a feeling of satisfaction, that they’ve been entertained and enjoyed themselves and if they’d like to do it again soon, I think that’s the biggest win we could have.

TMD: Thank you both for your time this afternoon. Break a tail tonight!

MH: My pleasure.

GC: Mine, as well.

Civet calls for freeze on development of all food-related technology

April 6, 2016 By Natalie Jane Appaloosa, TMD Food Reporter

SCPCPGF president A.P. Civet called for a moratorium on food-related technology

In a bold move that is sure to spark controversy, the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) has called for a moratorium on the development of all food-related technology.[pullquote]Peppi Orava spoke out of ignorance, and I’m here to say that ignorance will feed neither the stomach nor the spirit.—A.P. Civet, president, Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers[/pullquote]

Society president A.P. Civet took to the airwaves this morning to announce that his members had voted unanimously last night to make the call for a temporary halt to the development of food-related technology and food-finding apps in particular.

The hastily-arranged vote came in response to remarks made yesterday by Peppi Orava, president of SINCAP Technologies, the company that released the food-finding app Bulb Beacon last year.

As a guest on the Yannis Tavros radio show, Orava disputed the Society’s claims that her app encouraged Animals to abandon their natural ways of finding food.

“The SCPCPGF claims that our technologies are meant to displace the old ways. Quite the contrary. What we were aiming for—and what we’ve succeeded in doing—is allowing Animals to do what they do naturally, but without expending as much time and energy doing it,” she told Tavros.

Orava went on to say that she believed technology would enable Animals to become more efficient at finding food.

“But if we do discover a shortage of food, that is not the fault of the technology; it is the fault of the farming community. It is their job to provide for the needs of Park Animals.”

It was that last comment that so incensed Civet that he immediately arranged the SCPCPGF membership meeting that resulted in the call for a moratorium on food technology development.

Today, on the radio, Civet was unapologetic about his hasty response.

“We believe these technologies have a use, but they’ve been made available too soon. They set up expectations that can’t possibly be met by any food provider,” he said.

“There are so many factors that go into the cultivation, planting, and growing of foodstuffs. It’s as impossible to blame one group for shortages as it is to praise one group for bounty. Peppi Orava spoke out of ignorance, and I’m here to say that ignorance will feed neither the stomach nor the spirit.”

Mammalian Daily becomes first Park newspaper to ban Human jokes

April 4, 2016 By Juho Morsk, TMD Media Reporter

DEVELOPING STORY

“A guy walks into a bar on two feet…”

So begins the most popular twenty-minute set at The Howler, The Park’s only comedy club.

The joke was written and is performed weekly by Dalmanik, who is widely considered to be the king of The Park’s “new comedy.” But as of today, Dalmanik will not be able to make that joke on the pages of The Mammalian Daily.

That’s because so-called “Human jokes” have now been officially banned by the newspaper.

In an “urgent memo” sent to all employees of The Mammalian Daily on Friday, managing editor Orphea Haas declared that poking fun at Humans, “our fellow Mammals,” is not appropriate in a modern Park.

“While it would be foolish of me to suggest that we in The Park have no issues with Humans, it would be equally foolish to suggest that making fun of them, denigrating and disparaging them, either in comedy, poetry, prose, or news coverage, is appropriate,” the memo says.

As a result, Haas has banned all of the above from The Mammalian Daily’s news pages, web site, radio, podcasts, and all other enterprises connected to Mammalian Daily Associated News Services.

This is the first time any kind of ban on joking or comedy has occurred in any Park media, according to Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP).

“I don’t believe we’ve seen anything like it since the establishment of zoocracy,” he said in a radio interview this morning. “I thought zoocracy valued a free and open press. I think Haas is moving in a very dangerous direction by closing the paper rather than opening it up. What with refusing to name her journalists and this, she is taking a few steps backward and that is very disturbing.”

Not all media experts agree with Akita, though. Ludwiga Saimiri, UWT Professor of Journalism and former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ), issued a statement this morning in which she said she thought this was a positive move on Haas’s part.

“I support Orphea Haas in her determination to keep the news free of frivolous commentary and damaging and reprehensible jokes. Interspecial values demand that we attempt to understand and accommodate those who are different from ourselves. We have a duty to treat every Animal with respect,” the statement said.

« Previous Page

It’s May! Here’s what happened in The Park during April’s showers

Prepare for all-out food fight as farmers and app makers engage in war of words

Toe-Hair Contest exacerbates fear of extinction in some Animals: therapist

Sierpinski Squirrel appointed head judge of 2016 Toe-Hair Contest

Court reaffirms right to remain stupid

Raimundo Zorro strikes again: new web site violates conditions of sentence

First quarter results prove opening on Groundhog Day a profitable move

TMD Exclusive: Millicent Hayberry and Gianfranco Colocolo in conversation

Civet calls for freeze on development of all food-related technology

Mammalian Daily becomes first Park newspaper to ban Human jokes

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