The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

2017 will be the year of the political book, say Park publishers

By

Pile of booksA slew of books dealing with politics and zoocracy is set to be released in 2017, according to the Association of Park Publishers (APP).

Inspired by the upcoming celebration of zoocracy’s thirty-fifth anniversary, some of The Park’s most esteemed thinkers began toiling in secret a few years ago, setting down their analyses and ideas about Animal self-rule. Their work will be released in published form beginning in January.

“This is definitely the year of the political book,” says Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press.

“We realized that back in 2014, when we started getting manuscripts dealing with zoocracy and Park history. Some of them could have been published earlier, but we decided to wait and make it a literary celebration of this political phenomenon. We feel very privileged to have the opportunity to release twenty-five books this year on the subject.”

Other Park publishers agree. Marcellin de la Griffe, who owns and manages Marcellin de la Griffe Publishers, says his company has been working on the same theme for a couple of years. The publisher says that after wooing historian and University of West Terrier professor Pieter Paard away from Birch Bark Books, he managed to convince other prominent writers to publish their books with his company.

“Our authors— who are historians, political philosophers, scientists, psychologists, and artists—represent some of The Park’s greatest thinkers. We’re going to have an incredible year-long launch party,” he says.

Winter Solstice celebration unofficial kick-off to zoocracy’s 35th birthday bash

By

Next week’s celebration of the Winter Solstice will not only be spectacular, it will be “a taste of things to come,” according to Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

In fact, the annual Winter festival will be the “unofficial kick-off” to The Park’s year-long celebration of the thirty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy.

The “totality of Park life” will be celebrated in 2017, not just Animal self-rule, Kanariar told reporters at a press conference yesterday.

“Every aspect of our culture, our politics, and our life here will be represented in our 2017 celebrations,” she said. “It will be a chance for all of us to come together and acknowledge this great thing that we have accomplished in The Park.”

And, should you feel a case of Non-Hibernators’ guilt coming on, Kanariar was quick to assure that “every Animal’s species and way of life will be recognized” and every Animal will have a chance to attend the many events planned for 2017.

As for the Winter Solstice, Kanariar said the full schedule will be released on the weekend.

Raimundo Zorro’s name struck from list of those eligible to be Archon: rumour

By

headsNtalesRaimundo Zorro’s name has been struck from the list of Park citizens who are eligible to become 2017 Archons, according to the gossip website, headsNtales.

In a post dated this morning, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo, claims that a member of the Department of Political Administration (DPA), the governing body that compiles the list, confirmed the removal in mid-November of Zorro’s name. Guacamayo writes that she was told he was not deemed “eligible” to stand for Archon.

Zorro was convicted in August 2015 of two counts of inciting hate by owning and operating the controversial web site, “SplotchWatch.” In April of this year, he again caught the attention of Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SCHU) by violating the conditions of his sentence and starting a new web site called, “BANDland.” The site, which is still operational, uses technology to track the movements of The Park’s striped community.

According to the SHCU’s Chief Inspector, Maurice Addax, Zorro no longer has any direct connection to the web site, although he is still listed as its founder.

As for his eligibility to stand for Archon, experts say there is nothing written in law to prevent a citizen—even one convicted of a hate crime—from becoming an Archon.

Speaking on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning, Delia Quagga, head of the Barnaby School of Government at the University of West Terrier, said that if, indeed, his name has been struck from the list, he will have a “very strong case” against the DPA.

“As it now stands, there are no restrictions on Park citizens becoming Archons,” she said.

Blandine Okapi: “Sortition gives us a coalition of the unwilling and unable.”

By

Blandine OkapiFormer Archon Transition Team (ATT) member Blandine Okapi is taking some heat for her most recent remarks about sortition and the annual selection of government in The Park.

In an op-ed piece published in The Ruminant Free Press yesterday, Okapi calls the process of sortition, which has been the only method used to select The Park’s 35 Archons, “a ridiculous idea” and says bluntly, “All it does is give us a coalition of the unwilling and unable.”

Okapi, who quit the ATT two years ago in order to work with the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP), claims she is drawing from her experience in politics and government when she says that sortition is “keeping The Park in a state of inertia.”

“As we look forward this year to celebrating the thirty-fifth anniversary of zoocracy, we have to ask ourselves what we’ve accomplished here,” she writes. “If our goal was to mature as a Park and to be the model for Animal self-government everywhere, I would say we have failed miserably.”

Reaction to Okapi’s scathing criticism has been swift. At a joint press conference this morning, 2014 Chief Archon Buckminster Moose and Sylvana Rana, president of  Save Our Political System (SOPS), countered her arguments, saying that sortition is the best method available to ensure fair and equitable representation in government.

Former Chief Archon Moose went on to speak of his experience in governing The Park:

“I unequivocally dispute Okapi’s portrait of the members of our governments as being either unable or unwilling or both. During my term as Chief Archon, I worked with some of the most able Animals I have ever met and every one of them was one hundred percent committed to zoocracy and to the values that Jor stood for,” he said.

Archons unveil plans for celebration of 35th anniversary of zoocracy

By

35-plus-borderThis January, The Park will begin a year-long celebration of our thirty-five years of Animal self-rule, the Archons announced today.

At a press conference this morning, Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo revealed some of the plans that she said have been underway for a couple of years—and through several sets of Archons.

“This was the first file that our transition team was handed,” she said, “and we were the third set of Archons to work on it.”

And, according to Cuckoo, they will not be the last. The 2016 Archons, whose tenure ends in mid-January, will hand over the celebration’s reins to the next group of Archons.

“It would have been unfair not to allow them to contribute to a celebration of which they will be so much a part,” she said.

The plans announced today include art gallery and museum exhibitions, the publication of commemorative books and photographs, concerts, and a large number of public celebrations, full of, as Cuckoo put it, “great food and fun.”

“We’ve worked with institutions and groups including the Park Historical Society, the University of West Terrier, the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life, and, of course, The Park Museum, to bring a wide range of experience and views to the celebration of our lives under zoocracy. But, now, we’re inviting our citizens, the great Animals who have made The Park a successful zoocracy, to share their ideas,” she said.

To this end, Cuckoo announced that the Archons, in conjunction with the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, will host a dedicated web site to collect Park citizens’ thoughts, memories, and celebration ideas. More information on the site will be forthcoming.

“This will be a celebration of and for all,” she said.

“We must all come together now,” says newly-elected POPS Ditmar Bosmarmot

By

Ditmar Bosmarmot

Ditmar Bosmarmot, 2017 POPS

The POPS election is over for this year and we must all come together now, Ditmar Bosmarmot told a massive crowd last night just minutes after he was declared the 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

“This has been a very difficult and contentious election. A lot of things have been said that can’t be taken back, so we must remember them and use them to make The Park a better and a more unified place,” he said.

As he and the six previous holders of the position encircled one of the farewell Trees of Hearts, Bosmarmot remarked that when he emerged again in February, zoocracy in The Park would be celebrating its thirty-fifth birthday.

“This will be a historic year for all of us,” he told the cheering crowd. “We should all be proud of ourselves for sustaining Animal self-rule against all odds. I look forward to continuing this journey with you after Groundhog Day.”

Election Office scrambles to meet today’s deadline to declare a winner

By

ballot-boxThe Park Election Office (PEO) is scrambling to count all the votes cast in the November 7 election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) by midnight tonight in order to announce a winner before the hibernating community takes its leave for the Winter.

In an early morning interview on TMD Radio,  PEO head Gerritt Wezel said he and his team would “do anything” to avoid the situation that occurred three years ago, when the vote counting took so long that hibernation had to be postponed for weeks.

“That took its toll on the whole Park, emotionally, as well as physically,” he said.

Wezel also confirmed that he’d asked the members of the Maple Tree Project, who organize the Tree of Hearts sendoff for hibernators, to postpone the hanging of the hearts until late in the afternoon. According to Wezel, former Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros, who initiated the project, agreed to hold off until about five o’clock.

The election results will be broadcast across all Park media as soon as they are known.

POPS election overshadowed most important citizen responsibility: DPA

By

Dog submitting form for ArchonshipWe know you’re out there. We just can’t find your form.

That’s the message the Department of Political Administration (DPA) sent today when it announced an extension of the deadline for Park citizens to confirm their eligibility to stand as candidates for Archon.

In an announcement released across all Park media, the DPA invited Park citizens to take their responsibilities “as seriously as we do:”

“The department wishes to remind all adult Park citizens that, by law, they must confirm their eligibility to stand as candidates for Archon. We know you take this responsibility as seriously as we do and for this reason we are extending the deadline to complete your confirmation of eligibility. The new deadline will be 11:59 p.m. on November 30.”

According to the DPA, only forty-five per cent of Park citizens have submitted their eligibility forms. The department doesn’t see this as neglect or protest, however. Rather, it places the blame on the distraction of last week’s POPS election.

In an interview on TMD Radio this morning, DPA spokesAnimal Antoinette Fourmi said she believed the POPS election was the “biggest distraction The Park has ever seen.”

“Between the record number of candidates and the non-stop coverage of them, I don’t know how Park citizens could have been thinking of anything else,” she said.

But now, it’s time to focus and do your duty, Fourmi said, as she gently reminded Park citizens that failure to do so could result in a charge of “Cease to Care,” an offence under The Park’s Participation Act that involves the deliberate withholding of one’s name as a candidate for the position of Archon.

“We certainly don’t like to take this last step, but we’ve been forced to do so in the past, and we will do so again, if necessary,” she said.

“We don’t count votes by species,” Park Election Office head tells media

By

vote-by-speciesMembers of the media drew ire this morning from Park Election Office head Gerritt Wezel when they pressed him on the subject of Groundhog participation in Monday’s election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

The media inquiries were made at a short press conference which Wezel had called to issue an update on the counting of votes and the estimated time of announcing the election winner.

But when the conference was opened up to questions, it became obvious that most media representatives were more interested in whether The Park’s Groundhog population had exercised its franchise in this unusual election.

After a few failed attempts to move past the question, a visibly annoyed Wezel issued a terse response: “We don’t count votes by species.”

The answer, though, seemed not to satisfy the media, who then pressed Wezel on the reason for the three polls the PEO conducted before the election, two of which indicated that The Park’s Groundhog population had become disenchanted with the present system.

Wezel did not directly answer that question, but he did confirm that the Archons and the PEO were looking at that polling information “very carefully.”

“All I can tell you right now is that there are going to be changes made to the POPS elections,” he said. “We are rapidly outgrowing this system and we need to take action as soon as possible.”

Doves called back to assist Does of Peace in monitoring polling stations

By

vote-hereThe Doves of Peace were called back from migration last week to assist their sister-agency, the Does of Peace, in monitoring polling stations during today’s election.

According to Cornelius Kakapo, director of public relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), the unprecedented decision was made “to ensure the integrity of the election.”

The Doves and Does, who are fully autonomous sub-groups of Park Police, attend Park celebrations and days of significance, but this is the first time in Park history that they have been called to monitor an election.

Speaking last night from a pit stop a few kilometres from The Park, Doves of Peace spokesBird Georgina Golub said the decision to call her group back to The Park was appropriate, “if not prescient.”

“Yesterday’s violence at the All Candidates’ mega rally was a good sign that we should come home and keep the peace during this historic election,” she said.

The violence that Golub referred to at yesterday’s rally started with one attendee deliberately tripping Ekeoma L. Girraaf, who had just finished speaking in support of candidate Yannis Tavros. Tavros’s supporters, including his campaign manager Raimundo Zorro, ganged up on the attendee and held him until Park Police forced them to release him. At that point, supporters of the beaten attendee cornered Zorro and tried to block police access to him. Zorro, who was convicted last year of hate-mongering and engaging in specist activities, was eventually removed from the rally, but not before at least fifty Animals were arrested and many more were taken to hospital.

Golub said that after re-grouping, the Doves would be ready for work at noon today.

“We’re looking forward to monitoring a peaceful and enjoyable election process,” she said.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

June 2026
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930