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Mammalian Daily exclusive: an interview with Chief Archon

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Moose, Buckminster Addison Carlisle Harris (Chief Archon)


Official portrait of 2014 Chief Archon Buckminster Addison Carlisle Harris Moose

BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has snagged an exclusive interview with 2014 Chief Archon Buckminster Addison Carlisle Harris Moose.

At a press conference held late this afternoon, managing editor Orphea Haas said she was “at once honoured and delighted” that the new Chief Archon agreed to sit down with the newspaper’s senior political reporter for a “one-on-one chat.”

“I believe this speaks both to the openness of our new government and to the authority of this newspaper,” she said.

The interview, which will be conducted over a two-day period in the week following Groundhog Day, will appear in the newspaper the second week of February.

Tavros to host third annual “Pundits’ Parlour” on Monday

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YannisTavros


Yannis Tavros will host another “Pundits’ Parlour” on Toro Talk Radio this Monday

For the third year in a row, Yannis Tavros will host Toro Talk Radio’s “Pundits’ Parlour” on Monday, February 3.

Manfred Stier, spokesAnimal for the radio station’s programming director, confirmed today that The Park’s best known political pundits will again have the chance to express their views on our incoming government on Tavros’s popular show.

“Yannis [Tavros] will once again relinquish his usual talk show format to moderate what has become a very popular annual forum,” Stier said.

This year’s guests include Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy at the University of West Terrier, historian and author Pieter Paard, Professor Ludwiga Saimiri of the Cuthbert School of Journalism, UWT Law Professor Fionnula L. Fox, Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces, UWT Professor of History Beatrice Zilonis, and Gertrude C. Owl, Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent and Dean of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism. Other participants include Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, Yuri Sturgeon of The Kaluga Register, Camlin “Cayuga” Newt of The Salamander Evening Post, and Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct Professor of Human Studies.

2014 Groundhog Day Celebrations spark controversy

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Screen Shot 2014-01-23 at 9.43.47 AMWe may be ten days away from the POPS prediction and related celebrations, but this year’s Groundhog Day program is already proving to be controversial.

The decision made by the 2013 Archons to substitute a “musical interlude” for the Park Historical Society’s Tribute to Zoocracy has sparked some heated discussion, particularly on talk radio stations.

Yesterday morning, Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces admitted he was “blindsided” by the exclusion of his organization’s short film on zoocracy. He and University of West Terrier history professor Beatrice Zilonis were guests of talk show host Yannis Tavros on Toro Talk Radio.

“I was gobsmacked, truly,” Zilonis said. They went on to characterize the 2013 Archons as “the most ignorant, anti-education group of Animals” they had ever seen.

While Cascanueces and Zilonis are not alone in their opinions, many in The Park support the Archons’ decision. Citing Hieronymous Hedgehog’s criticism of the film last year as “a touch Human,” Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct professor of Human Studies reiterated her opinion of the tribute on a Canine Communications Radio (CCR) call-in show.

“There is something almost Human about our celebrating ourselves,” she said.

“It’s not the Animal way. I think we’ve imbibed this sort of ‘Rah Rah’ attitude from the Humans around us and I’m not sure it’s such a good idea. In any case, I don’t think it’s quite appropriate for Groundhog Day and I’m behind the Archons on this. I think their decision to remove it from the program was a sound one,” she said.

Names of 2014 Archons announced this morning

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Blue dice


The list of the 2014 Archons, who were chosen through sortition, has been released.

The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2014 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.

 ______________________________

ARCHONS – 2014
Moose, Buckminster Addison Carlisle Harris  (Chief Archon)
Angelshark, Horst; Anchovy, Leopold Anton; Black Toad, Duncan; Bluegill, Morley Hammond; Caecilian Ethan William; Chickadee, Norma Dakota; Colugo, Channary Am; Crapaud, Jean François; Dab, Halldora; Elephant, Anastasia Ludmila Margarita; Gavial, Ophelia; Gombessa, Sanjay; Groda, Edvin Theodor; Hornet, Xenophon; Hydra, Zephron; Isopod, Agamemnon; Junco; Elpidio Domingo; Kangaroo, Donald Liam; Locust, Abigail Chantal; Lory, Alfred Tobago; Matamata, Evelyn Isabel; Newfoundlander, Xanthippe; Nursehound, Amalfried; Panda, Astra Liliana; Pig Frog, Nelson; Rana de Cuernos, Arturo; Salamander, Leonidas; Shrew, Socrates Yorgos; Squid, Enzo Louis Raphaël; Sterlet, Florian; Swan, Ingrid Mathilde; Tuatara, Atarata; Weta, Rhinehart; Wren, Lucas Brayden

Countdown to a new government: 2014 Archons to be announced tomorrow

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Jan 15The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2014 government will be released tomorrow.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts early tomorrow morning, an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The Mammalian Daily will publish the list on its web site as soon as it is made public.

Majority of citizens believe 2013 Archons ineffective: survey

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Park citizens not impressed by 2013 Archons


Park citizens have not been impressed by the effectiveness of the 2013 Archons

If  Park Animals’ farewell message to their outgoing government could be summed up in two words, those words might well be, “Good riddance.”

So say the results of a survey conducted last month by the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier.

The survey, which asked Park Animals thirty questions regarding the effectiveness of this year’s Archons, netted some surprising results, says Dr. Anneliese Cissa, the Livingstone School’s head.

“We asked a representative sample of Park citizens questions about the 2013 Archons’ policies and visions, and about their success in following through on the promises they made on Groundhog Day. Few of the respondents could name one policy the Archons had even enunciated, let alone brought to fruition,” she said.

The overwhelming feeling of the respondents was one of acute disappointment.

“Our respondents were quick to characterize the 2013 government as not only lacking in action, but in vision. And vision is the very thing we look to the Archons for,” she said.

The survey respondents were also forthright in their criticism of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros.

“It appears that Park Animals had higher expectations of her because she is a Rhinoceros. Unfortunately, her performance did not meet those expectations,” said Cissa.

Archons take heat for secretly moving on single currency

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Ftoo symbols


Above are some of the designs for a currency symbol that were submitted to the 2013 Archons in December. The Archons’ decision to commission an official symbol for the Ftoo has many believing they intended to move forward on currency amalgamation without consulting Park citizens.

In what is believed to have been a last-ditch attempt to secure their legacy, the 2013 Archons secretly commissioned designs for a symbol that would represent the Ftoo as The Park’s official currency.

That is the conclusion of a month-long joint investigation by reporters from The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger, the results of which were released today.

According to the investigators, the 2013 Archons intended to move forward with a plan to amalgamate Park currencies and to establish the Ftoo as the official currency, all without consulting citizens on the matter.

“This is an outrage,” said Rowena Goose, the long-time president of the Association for the Preservation of Individual Currencies (APIC).

In a statement issued this afternoon, The Goose condemned the Archons’ move and in an interview broadcast on AVN Television, she bluntly questioned their competence.

“It looks as if the only thing that stopped them was their own incompetence. Their indecision as regards the final currency design saved this Park from financial disaster,” she said.

The Goose went on to indict The Park’s political system in what she termed “the biggest financial scandal of this decade.”

“Might I say, this gives us a good reason to consider establishing elections for Archons, so we can ensure their ability to serve in the best interests of Park citizens,” she said.

Arctic temperatures may add stress to job of POPS: expert

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The recent Arctic-like temperatures that The Park has experienced may end up causing stress for our 2014 POPS, experts say.

The Arctic-like temperatures that have overtaken The Park over the past few weeks may end up adding stress to the job of our 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), says at least one expert in the field.

Speaking with talk show host Yannis Tavros on Toro Talk Radio, Park psychotherapist Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon said she believed that come Groundhog Day, 2014 POPS Solange Graciela Marmotte will be under a lot of pressure to predict an early Spring.

“She will want to be the bearer of good news but if, indeed, she does see her shadow, she must tell us so. That will be a very difficult thing for her to do and I have no doubt she will find that conflict extremely stressful,” Gibbon said.

Gibbon, who is in private practice but is also on staff at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic, said she believes that even though Marmotte is in hibernation, she is aware of the difficult Winter we are having.

“I think, subconsciously, she may even be struggling with a form of ‘hibernators’ guilt’ and be feeling a high degree of tension due to the sympathy she is feeling for her non-hibernating compatriots. I think our POPS is in a very difficult position this year,” Gibbon said.

Hieronymous Hedgehog: TMD’s Animal of the Year

By

Hieronymous Hedgehog


Hieronymous Hedgehog:
Mammalian Daily’s Animal of the Year 

BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has chosen veteran Park citizen Hieronymous Hedgehog as its 2013 Animal of the Year.

In a press announcement this morning, managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff was impressed by “the demeanour he displayed in the face of what seemed like never-ending controversy.”

“Hieronymous Hedgehog became the model of a calm, loyal Park citizen. When faced with a barrage of criticism, he refused to strike back, waiting for the dust to settle. Then, he decided to meet his most fervent critic on his own turf, secure in his view of himself and in his loyalty to The Park,” she said.

Hieronymous Hedgehog, who is currently in hibernation, is expected to acknowledge the honour when he appears at the 2014 Groundhog Day celebrations.

DPA confirms significant decrease in Form 12 submissions

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Form 12


The Park’s Department of Political Administration reports a decrease in the number of Animals using Form 12 to request exemption from January’s Archon lottery

The Park’s Department of Political Administration has reported a decrease of 17% in the number of Form 12 submissions this year.

“We are seeing this as a positive, even though we are not yet sure what accounts for the decrease,” said DPA spokesAnimal Antoinette Fourmi.

“Either it signals an increased willingness by Park Animals to participate in their government or it is a consequence of a shift in population numbers. Naturally, we hope the former is the case,” she said at a press conference this morning.

Form 12 is used by Animals to request exemption from the lottery that is held each January for the purpose of choosing the 35 Archons who will form that year’s government (this process is also known as sortition).

According to the rules of zoocracy, all adult Park citizens must confirm their eligibility to stand as candidates for Archon by the end of October. Illness constitutes the only exception to this rule; Animals who are ill and who believe they would be unable to fulfil their duties as Archon due to their illness are required to advise the DPA of their circumstances by submitting a Form 12.

The growing number of Form 12 submissions had become “worrisome,” Fourmi admitted. Last year, the DPA released a report that claimed an increasing number of Animals were feigning illness to avoid having their names entered in the annual lottery.

“There is no doubt we appeared to be moving in the wrong direction, but I think we may have turned a corner,” the DPA spokesAnimal said regarding this year’s figures.

See also:

Park citizens feigning illness to avoid Archon duty: report
Focus on: Sortition

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