• Home
  • About The Mammalian Daily
    • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
    • A note about our style
  • Welcome to The Park
    • About The Park
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Park Life
    • Educational Institutions
      • University of West Terrier
      • Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life
      • Leonardo Language and Culture Institute
      • The Hani Gajah School of Art
      • Park School of Aesthetics
    • Shops and Retail
    • Restaurants and Pubs
    • Financial Institutions
      • Currency
    • Health & Well-Being
      • Hospitals and Clinics
      • Directory of Park Health Services
    • Grooming Houses
      • Amoltrud’s Aesthetics
      • En Garde Hair and Skin Salon
      • Halcyon Days Canine Coiffure
      • KwikLiks
      • Tallulah’s Toilettage
      • The Mane Event
      • The Pluming Room
    • Park Services
      • Architects and Construction Services
      • Employment Service
      • Entertainment and Party Services
      • Financial Services
      • Home Services
      • Image and Consulting Services
      • Legal Services
      • Park-Sponsored Programmes
      • Personal Services
      • Real Estate Services
      • Translation Services
      • Travel & Transportation Services
    • Charities
    • Citizen Aid & Action Associations
      • Associations, Federations, and Alliances
      • Political Reform Groups
      • Environmental Groups
      • Immigrant and Citizen Aid Groups
      • Education Groups
    • Sports
  • Arts in The Park
    • Art Galleries in The Park
    • Theatres and Cinemas
    • Music Makers
    • The Barkettes
      • History and Legacy of The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and the Barkettes Celebrate 10 Years of Sensational Singing Success
      • Olden Goldies: Noreen Interviews The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and The Barkettes: Hits and Recordings
    • The Library
    • Book Reviews
  • Media in The Park
    • Newspapers
    • Magazines
    • Radio Stations
    • Television Stations
    • Publishing Companies
    • Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
  • Fun
    • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
    • See Our Ads
      • A Different Reality
      • Canine Standup Comedy
      • Fake News
      • Financial Crisis
      • Liquid Assets
      • Monkey See
      • Solid Ground
      • Who We Are
      • Think Outside the Book

The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen
  • Breaking News
    • NewsBits
    • Whoa! Braking News
  • Politics/Law/Crime
    • Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Economy and Business
  • Education
  • Health and Medicine
    • Media
      • Month Without Metaphor
  • Focus on
  • Science and Technology
  • Arts, Entertainment, and Culture
    • Park Life
      • Ask a Poodle
      • Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
      • Passings
      • Gossip and Rumour
    • Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)
    • PIFF Piffle
    • Thisbe and the Barkettes
  • Noreen
    • Dear Noreen Advice Columns
  • Sports
    • Let’s Talk Balls!
  • Interviews
    • Five Questions For…
    • Survivor Profiles
  • Archives
    • Wednesday Rewind
    • Nostalgia
    • From the Vault

Controversial group reinvents itself as activist organization

December 9, 2013 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Friends of Hieronymous


Above is the new symbol of Les Amis de Hieronymous (The Friends of Hieronymous). The controversial group has reinvented itself as an activist organization. It plans to release its first manifesto next week.

The controversial group Les Amis de Hieronymous (The Friends of Hieronymous) has reinvented itself as a political action organization.

The group, which is also known as LAdeH, rose to fame last Spring when it championed the dignity of Hieronymous Hedgehog after Yannis Tavros insulted him on his radio show. Soon after that, six members of the group were arrested at the annual Return of the Nut ceremony. Those six subsequently charged one Park Police officer with misconduct, which resulted in the suspension of the named officer. The charge was later dismissed and the officer was reinstated, but not before his reputation had suffered severe damage. A countersuit against the group, launched by the officer, is set to go to trial early in the new year.

According to the organization’s leader, however, that sort of behaviour is all in the past.

“We had a few bad members, some who were not committed to our cause and some who had infiltrated our group unbeknownst to us. But we’ve cleaned house since then,” says Terkil Dyr, who took over the organization’s reins at the end of November.

“We are committed to peaceful change,” says Dyr, though he did not specify what type of change the LAdeH is interested in effecting.

“We plan to release our first manifesto next week and we invite all Park Animals to take a look at who we are, what we believe, and what action we want to take,” he says.

“We’re ready to act as a political force.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Pivotal moment in Jor’s life highlighted in new biography

December 8, 2013 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Pivotal moment in Jor's lfie


A new biography of The Park’s first leader highlights a turning point in Jor’s life. The book is scheduled to be released by Prionailurus Press early in the new year.

A new biography of The Park’s first leader highlights a pivotal moment in Jor’s life, and it is a moment for which all residents of The Park will feel gratitude, says the book’s author.

“There was a time, during Jor’s early years, when he wasn’t working toward interspecial harmony, when such pursuits hadn’t even entered his mind,” says Daphne D.S. Katze.

“Up until then [this turning point], he was a regular Cat. And only those very close to him, such as his sister Zoë (also known as ZoëCat), knew what happened that fateful day and how it changed him. He went from being a domestic Cat in pursuit of Feline pleasures, to [being] a champion of all species and a hero to many,” Katze says.

According to its publisher, Prionailurus Press, Katze’s book stands out from all the other biographies of the founder of modern zoocracy because she was given “unfettered access” to his papers, as well as all other documents concerning him, including The AutoZOËography of ZoëCat, the now-recovered autobiographical work of his older sister.

“Daphne [Katze] was able to glean so much from that alone. Even without looking at the other material, she would have had a book that tells us more than we have ever known about Jor,” says Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press.

Katze’s book, Jor: The Extraordinary Life of an Ordinary Cat, is scheduled to be released early in the new year.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

POPS fans, we have a winner (finally)!

November 30, 2013 By TMD Reporters

Solange Marmotte


The PEO announced today that Solange Graciela Marmotte, seen here last year at the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee, has been elected 2014 POPS.

The Park’s hibernating community will breathe a collective sigh of relief today.

Less than a full day before this year’s new official date of hibernation, the Park Election Office finally has been able to declare a winner in the 2014 POPS election.

PEO head Gerritt Wezel made the announcement this morning at a hastily-arranged but well-attended press conference.

“The Animal who will fulfill the rôle of 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring is Solange Graciela Marmotte,” he said.

Reading from a prepared statement, Wezel thanked Park citizens for their patience and commended his staff and all the volunteers who joined the recount effort.

“Without your help, I would still be counting votes and Park citizens would have lost all confidence in this process,” he said.

As it is, many Park citizens have expressed their disillusionment with the POPS selection process after this year’s fiasco. Nevertheless, many seem willing to let bygones be bygones and to move forward with their plans for hibernation.

“This is definitely something we will have to revisit come Spring,” said Killeen Echidna, president of The Monotreme Alliance. Echidna spoke on Toro Talk Radio as part of a discussion forum on the subject after the election announcement was made.

“In the meantime, we’re grateful to have had a bit more time to prepare for hibernation. Now, we’ll all be glad to go under and Solange [Marmotte] has our full confidence. She will do a great job as POPS in February,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Archons bow to pressure: hibernation to begin December 1

November 25, 2013 By Thaddeus S. Loris, TMD Health and Safety Reporter

December 1


Bowing to pressure from all sides, the Archons have declared December 1 to be the official date of hibernation

[pullquote]”With or without a final tally of votes and an undisputed winner of the 2014 POPS election, the Archons of The Park have declared the official date of hibernation in this year of 2013 to be 1 December.”[/pullquote]Under pressure from all sides to make a final decision about the official date of hibernation, the Archons have declared that hibernation in 2013 is to begin on December 1. An announcement to that effect, signed by all 35 Archons and bearing the seal of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros, was posted outside the law courts early this morning.

“With or without a final tally of votes and an undisputed winner of the 2014 POPS election, the Archons of The Park have declared the official date of hibernation in this year of 2013 to be 1 December,” the announcement reads in part.

The decision has been hailed by both interested parties and observers, many of whom have been quick to weigh in.

“It’s a welcome decision. It’s timely and, in my opinion, it’s the best decision they could make at this point,” said Dr. Jagger Zebu, Professor of Mammalian Medicine at the University of West Terrier. Zebu, who spoke on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning, is one of the authors of a report that documents the rise in the incidence of deaths due to premature awakening among The Park’s hibernating citizens. He believes that any further delay in hibernation will put the health of Animals at risk.

Zebu’s opinion was echoed by many in The Park’s hibernating community, including Cormac Nuttallii, a member of the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP) and Oliver S.P. Franklin, head of the Confederation of Ground Squirrels.

Nuttallii, who was a vocal critic of calendar harmonization, still believes the change in calendar accounted for a significant rise in the number of deaths due to premature awakening in his community. He says he fears for his family and friends this Winter and has, therefore, initiated a petition to have the Archons extend the official end of hibernation beyond February 19. Copies of his petition can be signed at the law courts, the Ancient Open-Air Theatre and at select retail outlets around The Park, including the Nut Bar, LeTwiggery, Footpad Heaven, and hibernation outfitters GoUnderground.

For their part, the Archons released a separate statement early this afternoon, emphasizing that their decision was taken based on consultations with many experts in the field of health and hibernation.

“We want to assure all Park citizens that our decision to delay hibernation until December 1 was made with the health and welfare of all in mind and that we would never do anything to put our hibernating community at risk,” the statement said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Election Office recruits volunteers to expedite POPS recount

November 20, 2013 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Gorilla with abacus

The Park Election Office has put out a call for volunteers to expedite the recount of votes from the 2014 POPS election

The Park Election Office has sent out an urgent call for volunteers to aid in the tallying of votes cast in the 2014 POPS election, which was held on November 7.

A public service announcement recruiting volunteers was read on all Park radio and television stations this morning and a written notice appeared in the morning editions of all Park newspapers. In addition, PEO head Gerritt Wezel appeared on several television shows, both news and talk, to encourage Animals to come to the PEO’s aid.

“We are asking Park citizens to give up an hour or two of their time to come to the aid of zoocracy,” said Wezel on PBCTV (Park Broadcasting Corporation Television) this morning.

“It is precisely because of the success of zoocracy that we have found ourselves in this situation. As more and more Park Animals become active participants in the zoocratic process, we find ourselves requiring more and more Animalpower to cope.”

Wezel also sought to dispel the myth that the problems associated with this year’s election count were some indication of a problem with the political process.

“This [problem of counting the votes] is not a bad thing at all. It is, in fact, a measure of the success of Animal self-rule. This year, we had a 500 per cent increase in the number of candidates and a corresponding increase in the number of Animals who voted. By any measure, I would call that success,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Archons delay hibernation as 2014 POPS remains undeclared

November 19, 2013 By Viona Adelaar, TMD Justice and Legal Affairs Reporter

Breaking_NewsIn an unprecedented move, the 2013 Archons have voted to delay the official date of hibernation until a winner in the 2014 POPS (Park Official Prognosticator of Spring) election can be declared.

Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, announced the unanimous decision at a press conference this afternoon.

“Due to the exceptional circumstances in which we find ourselves this year, the 2013 Archons, under the leadership of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros, have made the decision to delay the official date of hibernation until such time as we are able to declare the winner of the 2014 POPS election.

This was a difficult decision to make, but the Archons believed that it was the only way to respond with fairness to the needs of The Park’s hibernating community. They felt strongly that we could not expect these citizens to go into hibernation without knowing the results of this important election. The Archons, therefore, have decided that hibernation will occur one day after the winner of the POPS election is declared,” Alouatta said.

The press conference was attended by Chief Archon Rhinoceros and six of the 34 remaining Archons: Oonagh Albertina Hellbender, Grosvenor Tortoise, Ottmar Limpkin, Françoise Hélène Coccinelle, Hagen Roeland Roadrunner, and Paulette Woodpecker. Gerritt Wezel, head of the Park Election Office also attended. The group did not entertain questions.

After the statement was read, a one-page press release was distributed. The release assured Park citizens that the decision “was not taken lightly, but was made in consultation with a number of medical experts from the University of West Terrier, the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, and the Extinction Anxiety Clinic.” The Archons also sought a number of legal opinions before making their decision, the press release said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

“Hibernation Nation” enjoys its half-day in the sun

November 14, 2013 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

Giuliana Lontra

Giuliana Imelda Lontra clutches the symbolic nut that was surrendered to her for safekeeping by Malinda L. Hamster, president of The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) during this morning’s Surrender of the Nut ceremony. Lontra was elected Keeper of the Nut on November 11.

The sun shone brightly this morning as Malinda L. Hamster, president of The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), surrendered the symbolic nut to 2014 Keeper of the Nut, Giuliana Imelda Lontra.[pullquote]“Historically, the Surrender of the Nut was a solemn occasion. It was a recognition of the trust that Animals place in each other for their very survival and the Keeper of the Nut is a symbol of that. It has always been a very powerful moment for us.” Beatrice Zilonis, Professor of History, University of West Terrier[/pullquote]”On this solemn occasion, I entrust this nut to you and entreat you to guard it and to keep it safe until such time as the hibernating community requests its return,” the Hamster said as she offered the nut to Lontra.

Lontra clutched the nut, and spoke the traditional oath of the Keeper of the Nut:

“I swear to keep this nut from harm and to preserve it intact until such time as the hibernating community requests its return. And I do so with respect for all Park citizens.”

With that, the solemn portion of the day was done, and the crowd began to enjoy its half-day holiday.

While attendees partook of the vast array of goodies supplied by The Compost Heap, Provisions by Petrounel, Ants in Your Pantry and Florette’s Fine Edibles, talk turned to memories of past Surrenders and to the evolution of the occasion.

“Historically, the Surrender of the Nut was a solemn occasion. It was a recognition of the trust that Animals place in each other for their very survival and the Keeper of the Nut is a symbol of that. It has always been a very powerful moment for us,” said Beatrice Zilonis, Professor of History at the University of West Terrier.

Park Historical Society president Clark Cascanueces agreed.

“The Return of the Nut is also very powerful… the idea that it is returned unharmed and intact, no matter what the Winter was like, that no harm has come to it, even if there was a shortage of food, it wasn’t eaten. I find that very moving. The nut is sacred and so few things are anymore. To me, there is also so much symbolism in both occasions being half-day holidays. The two parts come together to make a whole. The symbolism in that is amazing,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

As hibernation date draws near, pressure mounts on Park Election Office to declare POPS winner

November 12, 2013 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Official hibernation date, November 17

Pressure is mounting on the Park Election Office to declare a winner in the 2014 POPS election before the official date of hibernation.

“No one envies me right now,” says Gerritt Wezel, as he scoots off to work well before dawn today. The head of the Park Election Office is feeling the heat, so to speak, even in the face of temperatures that are below the freezing mark.

This is the fourth day that Wezel has had to face the press outside his den and the fifth day since the election was held. Still, he has no results to relay and he says he has given up on making promises.

“It is what it is and it will be what it will be,” he says, almost shyly, as he makes his way to the scene of counting, sorting, and re-counting the hundreds of thousands of votes that were cast last Thursday.

As the official hibernation date of November 17 draws ever closer, pressure is mounting on the Park Election Office and its head to declare the winner of the 2014 POPS election. But Wezel says that cannot be done in a hurry.

“Animals want to be secure in the knowledge that the winner we declare is the actual winner…the Animal who won the most votes,” he said in a radio interview over the weekend.

“And with the Animalpower we have, that is going to take time. But I can assure you that when we do announce the winner, it will be after a meticulous count and re-count and there will be no question as to the accuracy [of the count] and who the winner really is,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Heavy police presence at polling stations disturbing to voters

November 11, 2013 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Polling station

Many voters who turned out to choose the 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) on November 7 were disturbed by the heavy police presence at the polling stations around The Park

The heavy police presence at polling stations around The Park during last week’s POPS election was disturbing to a large number of voters, according to a survey conducted by The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS).

The results of the survey, which were intended for internal use only, were leaked to The Mammalian Daily last night by a source who wishes to remain anonymous. The source attended a special meeting called to discuss the election results. That meeting included representatives from the DWBS, Park Election Office head Gerritt Wezel, and members of an ad hoc committee whose duty it was to oversee the election. Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros was also present at the meeting.

According to The Mammalian Daily’s source, the purpose of the meeting was to ascertain the reason for the delay in determining the winner of the election and to discuss any irregularities in the voting or vote-counting process that may have occurred.

The source told The Mammalian Daily that the DWBS commissioned the survey in order to gauge Animals’ reaction to the presence of police during elections. Historically, police have not been present at POPS elections. They are usually peaceful events, as was the case this year. But the decision made by the DWBS to send police to the polling stations may have less to do with keeping the peace and more to do with plans to hold more elections in the future, the source said.

The election results, which were expected to be announced on November 8, are still pending.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

POPS 2014: Let the campaign begin!

November 6, 2013 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

POPS 2014 List of Candidates

The list of candidates for POPS 2014 was released at 2:00 a.m. this morning by the Park Election Office.

The Park’s Election Office has released the names of the 145 Animals who have chosen to stand as candidates for the position of 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

At 2:00 a.m. this morning, the list of candidates was posted at the law courts and in front of the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, the venue that will host tonight’s all-candidates debate. The list will remain posted until all votes are tallied on November 7.

The total number of candidates this year is 145 and they represent a wide variety of species, many of whom have not previously been associated with weather prognostication.

“It’s an increase of more than 500 per cent over last year,” PEO head Gerritt Wezel told The Mammalian Daily this morning.

“We’re going to see quite the fight tonight,” he said. “You can tell from the campaigning so far.”

Some candidates began their campaign at 2:01 this morning, just one minute after the list of candidates was posted. Others, however, opted to wait for more Animals to be awake before they knocked on den doors or slipped their brochures into burrows or tunnels.

“I was up, of course, but I didn’t want to rouse any other Animal from sleep. I don’t think that’s how you get votes,” said Corazón Jirafa, who is the first of her species to stand for election.

Both Jirafa and Blandine Okapi said they believed it was important for them to run, even if they don’t stand a chance of winning.

“There’s been so much talk about striped and spotted Animals not getting a fair shake in The Park, not being treated equally,” said Okapi. “I kind of wanted to test that out and see for myself what kind of reaction I got.”

Candidates will be campaigning throughout the day until the all-candidates debate begins at 8:00 this evening.

“And after that, it’s up to the electorate to ponder its decision in blissful silence,” says Wezel.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

« Previous Page
Next Page »

Follow Us

  • X
  • Facebook
  • YouTube

Mammalian Daily-Related Sites

  • The Park Census
  • The Park Museum
  • The University of West Terrier

The Mammalian Daily on Twitter

  • Chef Tab Tricolore
  • Gunnar Rotte
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog
  • Mammalian Daily
  • Media's Month Without Metaphor
  • Millicent Hayberry
  • Noreen
  • Park Groundhog Day Celebrations
  • Pieter Paard
  • PIFF Reports
  • Yannis Tavros

Welcome to the Media Circus!

Looking for something?

Archives

How wise you are to read this newspaper!

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

TMD quick links

  • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
  • The Best of Noreen
  • Interviews
  • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
  • Nostalgia: Celebrating 1,000 articles!

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

August 2025
M T W T F S S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Jul    

Contents Copyright © 2025 The Mammalian Daily