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“We must all come together now,” says newly-elected POPS Ditmar Bosmarmot

November 19, 2016 By Endla Metsümiseja, TMD Groundhog Day Reporter

Ditmar Bosmarmot

Ditmar Bosmarmot, 2017 POPS

The POPS election is over for this year and we must all come together now, Ditmar Bosmarmot told a massive crowd last night just minutes after he was declared the 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

“This has been a very difficult and contentious election. A lot of things have been said that can’t be taken back, so we must remember them and use them to make The Park a better and a more unified place,” he said.

As he and the six previous holders of the position encircled one of the farewell Trees of Hearts, Bosmarmot remarked that when he emerged again in February, zoocracy in The Park would be celebrating its thirty-fifth birthday.

“This will be a historic year for all of us,” he told the cheering crowd. “We should all be proud of ourselves for sustaining Animal self-rule against all odds. I look forward to continuing this journey with you after Groundhog Day.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: #GroundhogDay, Groundhog Day prediction, POPS, zoocracy

EDAM statistics show how economy affects Animals’ view of domestication

July 29, 2016 By Marikit Kuneho, TMD Park Life Reporter

EDAM statsIt’s been almost a month since Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) wrapped up and the statistics are now in.[pullquote]Animals are tired and they have a fairytale view of the domestic world, replete with an abundance of food, cozy beds, and non-stop playtime. That’s the view that Humans have given us but it isn’t the reality.”—Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, Park psychotherapist [/pullquote]

In a short statement that accompanied their release this morning, the Departments of Well-Being and Safety and Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations expressed their “heartfelt gratitude to all who participated in the event, and especially to those who worked tirelessly to make it the most comprehensive and inclusive EDAM so far.”

According to the statistics, attendance at the event was up by twenty-seven per cent, with attendee satisfaction at an all-time high.

But there is one statistic that is alarming: thirty-eight per cent of Animals who answered the exit survey said they thought domestication wasn’t always a bad thing. That number is up significantly from last year’s twenty-two per cent and experts believe it reflects our economic struggles.

“Animals are tired,” says Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist who is also on staff at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic. “I think we underestimate the work that is involved in zoocracy and the toll that looking after ourselves takes.”

Dr. Gibbon says it’s “only natural” that the fantasy of domestication would, from time to time, appeal to Park Animals.

“They have a fairytale view of the domestic world, replete with an abundance of food, cozy beds, and non-stop playtime. That’s the view that Humans have given us but it isn’t the reality,” she says.

Despite domesticity’s occasional appeal, Dr. Gibbon doesn’t believe Park Animals would either seek it out or allow themselves to be domesticated.

“Park Animals are smarter than that. I have faith in Park Animals,” she says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), Park Life Tagged With: enforced domestication, zoocracy

Enforced Domestication Awareness Month 2016: Official Schedule of Events

June 2, 2016 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

June 2016 calendar with black cat silhouette

The Archons, in conjunction with the Department of Well-Being and Safety and the Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations have released the official schedule for 2016’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM).

To access the Official Schedule, click here: EDAM OFFICIAL SCHEDULE 2016.

The schedule was released early this morning, accompanied by a press release in which all three groups emphasized the importance of the month. thanked all organizers and participants for their “tireless efforts on behalf of The Park’s citizenry”and wished all Park residents “joy, peace, and awareness.”

“The importance of this month cannot be understated. The knowledge that is imparted during EDAM can and will save thousands of lives and will allow those who have escaped enforced domestication to understand themselves and the world better and to lead peaceful and fulfilling lives,” the statement said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: EDAM, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, freedom, Park life, zoocracy

TMD, Avian Messenger snag outgoing Chief Archon’s only exit interview

January 14, 2016 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo (Chief Archon)

Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo’s term ends on January 16, 2016

The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger have secured the only interview that outgoing Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo intends to give.

The joint interview was announced in a statement issued simultaneously by both newspapers and by Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons. It will take place tomorrow morning at ten o’clock in the Chief Archon’s office. The 2016 Archons will be sworn in on Saturday, January 16.

Chief Archon Cuckoo is expected to discuss the changes she has witnessed in The Park, the future of zoocracy, and what she believes her legacy will be. The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger will each send two political reporters to the interview.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Archons, Chief Archon, government, Park politics, zoocracy

Zoocracy still unpopular with Animals outside The Park: book

January 7, 2016 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

In Spite (1)A new book authored by three distinguished professors at the University of West Terrier suggests that zoocracy is still a hard sell outside The Park.[pullquote]The main difficulty is persuading them that the hard work will pay off when even we, ourselves, are not sure of that. It is a slow process that takes several generations to come to fruition [and] a commitment that some Animals are simply not willing to make.—Dr. Luule Aednik[/pullquote]

The book, entitled, “In Spite of Ourselves: Animal Attitudes Toward Zoocracy Outside The Park,” has caused quite a stir here and has garnered both positive and negative reviews, as citizens and media attempt to digest the authors’ conclusions.

“I admit that it’s difficult to understand their [Animals outside The Park] perspective, but I don’t think that difficulty should negate the significance of our findings,” says Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the UWT’s Simian Chair in Political Philosophy.

Those findings suggest that Animals who live outside The Park, and particularly those who live either in a domestic situation or in close contact with Humans, are reluctant to give up what they believe to be their “perks” for what they perceive to be a much more difficult life.

“In some cases, it is a misperception, while in other cases, we would have to agree that some Animals who live with Humans have a much easier life, at least in terms of food security and housing,” says Fionnula L. Fox, a UWT professor law who specializes in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park).

Still, as psychology professor Luule Aednik points out, much of that so-called security is tenuous.

“When we look—just even at our immigration and refugee statistics here in The Park—we see that Animals who had thought they would be safe and well-cared for indefinitely have had to face abandonment and worse. That is how they’ve come to be Park citizens in the first place,” she says.

All three authors admit, however, that it is difficult to persuade Animals who believe they are living “the good life” to trade that in for total responsibility, not just for themselves, but for their fellow citizens.

“The main difficulty is persuading them that the hard work will pay off when even we, ourselves, are not sure of that. What we do know for certain is that it is a slow process that takes several generations to come to fruition. It’s a commitment that some Animals are simply not willing to make. In many cases, they simply are not willing to sacrifice short-term comfort for long-term gain,” Aednik says.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: animal self-rule, commitment, long-term gain, short term pain, zoocracy

Today’s Account of the State of The Park: what to hope for, what to expect

October 27, 2015 By TMD Managing Editor Orphea Haas

State of ParkEDITORIAL

In some Animal languages, “hope” and “expect” are the same word.

But today, when the Archons and the new Park Finance Officer deliver their annual Account of the State of The Park, we may find those words have two very different meanings.

The hope that most Park Animals feel these days is rooted in our respect for the new head of the Park Finance Office (PFO). Valentina Abeja is thoughtful in a way that former PFO head Milton Struts ceased to be, if ever he truly was. She is not given to habits or rules and sees beyond what is to what she believes ought to be, and she seeks to achieve it through prudent stewardship and responsible fiscal policy. While her first budget was far from perfect, it spoke more to Park citizens’ aspirations than any of the four previous budgets had. It addressed our core beliefs and, yes, our core hopes. And, yet, it managed to hold our expectations at bay, if only for a year.[pullquote]While we hope that we can recapture the harmony that was Jor’s vision and that led to the founding of The Park, our leaders have not forged any path for us to follow in order to achieve that.—TMD Managing Editor, Orphea Haas[/pullquote]

The flip side of this, of course, is that the last few sets of Archons have done very little of this in the political sense. They have kept the worst at bay but have not, to date, offered any real solutions to the growing problems of our maturing zoocracy. While we hope that we can recapture the harmony that was Jor’s vision and that led to the founding of The Park, our leaders have not forged any path for us to follow in order to achieve that. Thus, we are left to our own devices (literally and figuratively) to solve the enormous problems that face us.

Today’s Account will include an update on the “Report on the State of Hate in The Park” that the Archons requested of the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) four months ago. It speaks to our sorry state of affairs that so many of us are anxious to hear the interim results, if only to know where we stand and what measures must be taken to quell that rising tide.

If there is one aspect of today’s report that we can know for certain ahead of time, it is that something must be done to address the growing specism in The Park. The desire of an overwhelming number of us to deal with this problem head-on and to solve it, which was the impetus for commissioning the report, is the one bright light in all this darkness. We can only hope that, with the help of our leaders, we will be able to harness that desire and turn it into positive change.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: Account of the State of The Park, Park Finance Office, specism, zoocracy

Justice Dindon to rule on injunction against Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations

October 10, 2015 By Viona Adelaar, TMD Justice and Legal Affairs Reporter

Mr.  Justice Augustus Dindon

Mr. Justice Dindon will rule on an injunction against the Dept. of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations

BREAKING NEWS
Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon will rule this afternoon on an injunction against the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations. The injunction was sought by a coalition of Park groups, including The Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP) and the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

The matter stems from the Department’s refusal to allow the latter two groups to host information tables at tomorrow’s Harvest Festival.

In their petition, filed late yesterday afternoon, the groups appealed to the Justice on a number of issues, the most important of which, they say, is free speech.

“Freedom of speech and freedom of assembly are two of the most important tenets of zoocracy, as created by our founder and first leader, Jor. We maintain that the Department’s attempt to silence the WMPSAP and the SCPCPGF both violates Park law and jeopardizes the future of zoocracy,” the group’s legal representative, Delwyn Terrier, wrote in the petition.

Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd, also represented The Park’s grooming houses in their request for an injunction against stationing police outside their businesses in advance of the Fowl Ball. Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon stayed the proceedings of that injunction in May when he decided to order the Doves and Does of Peace to attend at the grooming houses instead of police. He has yet to issue his final ruling on the subject.

A statement issued this morning by the Justice’s office, however, confirms that he will rule on the new injunction by the end of the day.

“The Justice sees this as a matter of great importance and is working toward a timely resolution of the matter,” the statement said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: freedom of assembly, freedom of speech, injunction, Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, zoocracy

TMD managing editor may bow to pressure on bylines: rumour

October 5, 2015 By Juho Morsk, TMD Media Reporter

Extra! Extra!

Something extra may be on its way: the names of Mammalian Daily journalists

Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas may be about to bow to pressure from rival Park media outlets to publish journalists’ names above their news reports.[pullquote]Zoocracy and its attendant openness require it.—Ludwiga Saimiri, UWT Professor Journalism and former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ) [/pullquote]

According to a post on the gossip web site headsNtales, Haas has received counsel on the matter from a number of sources, including Nathan DiPressa, Executive Director of the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN).

In a Friday post, one of the web site’s “reporters” claims to have seen DiPressa leaving TMD headquarters late last Tuesday. DiPressa’s office refused to confirm the meeting, but an anonymous source at The Canary Courier said it was the third time in the last two weeks that DiPressa had been seen exiting the building.

For decades now, the newspaper has successfully defended its longstanding policy of keeping journalists’ names—and more importantly, their species—out of the paper. But that policy has gotten increasing attention in the last few years, with other media organizations demanding the same amount of transparency from The Mammalian Daily that they themselves are obliged to offer their audience.

At a print media conference held in August at the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism, the number one issue for attendees was transparency.

“The era of anonymous reporting is over. If you are hiding your journalists’ identities, you are hiding their biases, and you are not being forthright with your readers,” DiPressa said at the time.

Even some who supported the policy in the past appear to have changed course with the passage of time.

UWT Professor Ludwiga Saimiri, who had praised The Mammalian Daily’s policy as recently as last year, appears to have had a change of heart.

As a guest on the Yannis Tavros show last week, the distinguished scholar and former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ) said the time had come for TMD to embrace transparency.

“Zoocracy and its attendant openness require it and I no longer see any harm in knowing the species of those who bring us the news,” she said. “The Mammalian Daily may be coming late to the party, but it’s one I believe they should make an effort to attend.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Gossip and Rumour, Media, Park Life Tagged With: bylines, journalism, transparency, zoocracy

On the anniversary of Jor’s birth, The Park contemplates its zoocratic future

February 14, 2015 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

Jor, The Park's First Leader

Park Post Office issued this stamp in 2011 to commemorate Jor, The Park’s First Leader

The speeches were long, the weather was frigid, and the musicians packed up too soon, but as Animals gathered yesterday to honour Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy, what was most on their minds was the sustainability of our way of life and the future of Animal self-rule.

“I have high hopes for zoocracy, but not for the system we’ve put in place to run it,” said Antoine Lézard, president of the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP).

“I think it’s high time we realized that we are mature enough to elect our own leaders, rather than have some lottery pick them.”

Lézard’s view was echoed by many who attended the celebration. Indeed, a recent poll conducted by the Department of Statistics and Records in conjunction with the Department of Political Administration, showed that almost fifty per cent of Park citizens think some form of change in the political system would be helpful.

Despite that result, Sylvana Rana, president of Save Our Political System (SOPS), insists that the present system of sortition works best and, in her words, “is the only thing that protects us from becoming a Human-like society.”

“We’ve seen what goes on in societies that have elections. It’s not only the elections that are the problem; it’s what goes on beforehand … the manipulation, the lying, the cheating. What is superior about that? At least, with sortition, we know that we all have an equal chance to participate and we come to the job in an honest fashion. I see no need to change anything,” she said.

But despite the discussion among Park citizens, there is no evidence that the 2015 Archons plan to make any changes, at least not in the first half of their term.

“They [the Archons] are focused on the economy and dealing with inequality. The present system was established by Jor and there are no plans on the table to discuss its reform,” says the Archons’ press secretary, Balthasar Alouatta.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: elections, Jor, political reform, sortition, zoocracy

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