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Archives for October 2016

Stan the Spitman speaks out about the use and misuse of his product at PIFF

October 9, 2016 By Aivis Burunduks, TMD PIFF Reporter

Park Interspecial Film FestivalLess than a week after the end of the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF), Stan the Spitman is speaking out about the unlawful use of his product at PIFF events.

In an op-ed piece published today in The Burro Beacon, Estanislao “Stan” Gonzalo de Llama condemned in no uncertain terms what some Animals did with his product at the film festival. And he let it be known that he intends to put a stop to it.

“I am proud of what I make and I don’t make it to be used to attack others, particularly others whose species or politics differ from my own,” he wrote in the newspaper.

The second generation SpitMeister (master of the art of spitmaking) was referring to the repeated use of spitballs at the screening of WINK, which opened the festival on October 1. Police charged twenty-one Animals with crimes of a specist nature after they threw spitballs at the director and other attendees as they entered the Park Cinema.

Although Stan has never condoned that sort of behaviour, he expressed a different view about it in Searching for the Spitman: A Journey Through Foam, Froth, and Fun, a film about his life that premiered at PIFF 2015.

In that film, he estimated that ninety per cent of his products go toward humiliating other Animals.

“It’s a fact of life in the profession,” he said. “But it doesn’t keep me up at night.”

In today’s o-ed piece, however, he said he’d changed his mind after witnessing events at this year’s festival.

“I can’t stand by and watch Animals use my product that way anymore,” he wrote. “It needs to stop.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Park Life, PIFF, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: PIFF, specist crimes, spitballs, Stan the Spitman

Harvest Festival organizers issue edict: no woes allowed

October 8, 2016 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

Harvest FestivalIt’s official. The organizers of Tuesday’s Harvest Festival have issued an edict barring the advancement of any political or other agenda at this year’s event. And, in doing so, they claim to have the full backing of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations.

The edict is in keeping with last year’s decision not to allow The Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP) and the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF) to host information booths at the Autumn celebration.

In a statement released late yesterday afternoon, the organizers said the festival “forbids any Animal or organization of Animals to “establish a presence at the Festival for the purpose of disseminating information unrelated to the Festival and/or of advancing a political or social agenda.”

The statement concludes by saying that the Harvest Festival is meant to be a “happy” event, a “celebration of our work and of our bounty,” and that all Animals are entitled to feel “joy and safety there, no matter what their beliefs are.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: freedom of assembly, freedom of expression, harvest festival, political agenda

Officer charged with injuring Doe of Peace at PIFF after-after party

October 7, 2016 By TMD Police Reporter

Police Officer charged

FCSW officer Paulus Koer

A Park Police officer has been charged with two counts of biting after a member of The Park’s peacekeeping force was injured during an outbreak of violence at last night’s PIFF after-after party.

Witnesses say that Doe of Peace Rozmonda Ricke, was “just doing her job,” separating the crowd at The PurrBoy Café, when a member of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) approached her from behind and pulled her tail.

According to Ricke, who has been a member of the Does since the group was founded in 2014, there was “no time” to look around to see what was happening.

“I was focused on my job, which was to de-escalate the violence that suddenly had erupted at the café,” she said in a sworn statement early this morning.

When she did not respond to the tail-pulling, Paulus Koer, the FCSW officer, allegedly bit her on the back in an attempt to stop her from walking through the crowd. According to his statement, the second bite was necessary because the alleged victim “paid no attention to my first warning.”

The FCSW officer will appear in court today, where a date for trial will be set.

FCSW president Gareth Shepherd is expected to hold a press conference later this afternoon.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture, Whoa! Braking News Tagged With: biting, Does of Peace, FCSW, Federation of Canine Security Workers, Park #police

Gunnar Rotte takes leave of absence from work at Extinction Anxiety Clinic

October 5, 2016 By Jaakkima Kuikka, TMD Mental Health Reporter

Extinction AnxietyBeleaguered Rodent Commoner journalist Gunnar Rotte has taken a leave of absence from his job as a counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic (EAC).

Rotte made the announcement on Twitter today, calling the leave “totally voluntary” and stating that it will last until the end of his trial this month. Rotte faces charges of disturbing the peace and inciting violence at a Stereotype Sunday event in August. His trial is scheduled for October 17.

In a statement released this afternoon, EAC head Dr. Berthilidis Strix called Rotte, who has worked there since January, “a valued member of our staff.”

“Gunnar Rotte is a reliable, knowledgeable, and empathetic member of our team and a valued member of our staff. He has proven to be a great asset to the clinic and we look forward to welcoming him back when he is ready to resume his duties,” the statement said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Technology and Science Tagged With: disturbing the peace charges, Extinction Anxiety Clinic, Gunnar Rotte, inciting hatred charges, Stereotype Sunday

Cynics to break silence on Toro Talk Radio

October 5, 2016 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Wednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 4 April 2010

The Association of Park Radio Stations (APRS) has pulled one of the Cynics’ most controversial songs from the airwaves of its member stations.

The APRS, whose members include CLucK Radio, Marine Mammal Radio, Reptile Radio, Radio Drone, bRraydio 4, and Chitter, issued a memorandum early this morning, ordering the stations to cease play of The Cynics’ song, “Mothers don’t let your puppies grow up to serve Humans.”

The song, which was originally recorded as “Bitches, don’t let your puppies grow up to serve Humans,” formed part of the group’s debut collection, Eat Your Food. First released in 24 AZ (2006), the collection was re-released in digital form in January of this year. Since then, it has set sales records in The Park, beating out Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed, by the popular group, Thisbe and the Barkettes. The song has been controversial for years, but has garnered significantly more interest in the last few months.

At a press conference held following an ad hoc meeting at the offices of the Canine Music Association, CMA president, R.F. Aarrf, expressed dismay at the APRS decision.

“This [directive] is censorship, plain and simple,” he said. “And there is no room or reason for this kind of censorship in The Park.”

Aarf went on to challenge the APRS to a public debate on the song, in particular, and on censorship, in general.

“We want to receive a clear statement of what our radio stations believe to be sounds that are acceptable for the delicate ears of Park citizens,” he said.

In a terse reply, the APRS stated that songs it deems to “incite hatred or violence among Animals” will continue to be monitored and/or pulled from the airwaves of member stations.

“Our mandate is to bring to the attention of Park citizens music and lyrics that are born of Park talent. This mandate does not extend to censorhip, per se, but it does include a responsibility to all Park Animals to protect them from music that incites hatred and/or violence or that could, in some way, threaten our peaceful co-existence in The Park. Despite protests from some quarters, we have no intention of shirking this responsibility,” the statement read.

The Cynics, meanwhile, have remained mum about the controversy. But, in a note on their web site, posted 23 January, the group acknowledges that it has lent its support in the past to an unnamed anti-Human group in The Park. The musical group claims to have decided, however, to “leave politics to the politicians” and to expend “one hundred percent of its energy” on music.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Wednesday Rewind

Hibernators see red over Tavros tweets

October 3, 2016 By Juho Morsk, TMD Media Reporter

YannisTavros The Park’s hibernators are seeing red after Yannis Tavros took to Twitter yesterday to denigrate hibernators and estivators.

Once again, the Toro Talk Radio host expressed his view that hibernators and estivators are not as intelligent as other Animals:

Tavros tweet

The tweet set off a firestorm, with individuals and groups weighing in immediately. Some called for an apology, while others made it clear that apologies would not longer suffice.

“This has gone beyond the stage where apologies are meaningful. Toro Talk Radio has to take control of Yannis Tavros or silence him once and for all,” said Malinda L. Hamster, president of The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), on Mammalian Daily Radio yesterday. She also confirmed that the SAHC, which annually elects the Keeper of the Nut, intends to apply to the courts for a cease and desist order and, as well, will launch a class action suit against Tavros and his radio station for defamation.

“This has happened once too often. Other Animals are going to start to believe what he is saying, and then where do we go from there?” she asked.

As Hamster said, this is not the first time that Tavros has said less than flattering things about hibernating Animals. In a famous 2013 on-air tirade, Tavros called Hieronymous Hedgehog, “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.” The reference was to Hedgehog’s uncle Hamlin, who served as Archon in 2000 and died of premature awakening from hibernation in 2008. The remarks led to Tavros’s suspension and an on-air meeting with Hieronymous during which the two made peace.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Park Life Tagged With: defamation, hibernating animals, intellect, Yannis Tavros

Stripes two ways: groomer offers “WINK coiffure” in honour of PIFF premiere

October 2, 2016 By Bergrún Íkorna, TMD Business Reporter

Zebra two wayIf you blink, you could miss it.

But if you wink, you could be rewarded with a new coiffure, which emphasizes the two directions of Animals’ stripes.

In a video advertisement that will run every day of October, the proprietor of one of The Park’s most popular grooming houses says that, in honour of The Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)—and, in particular, in honour of its opening film, WINK—she has created a new “do,” which she’s dubbed the “WINK coiffure.”

That proprietor, known as Amoltrud, made headlines earlier this year when she announced that her shop would no longer be offering stripe and spot removal services. The year before, she’d been quoted as saying that although she advised her clients against the procedures, she’d been forced to offer the services “in order to keep up with the competition.”

But Amoltrud changed her mind and, breaking with traditional retail behaviour, decided to challenge the competition by doing exactly the opposite of what it was doing.

“I led with my mind—and my heart,” she said in an interview with The Mammalian Daily last night at the gala opening of G.D. Zebra’s WINK. “At some point, you have to ask yourself, am I doing what I believe in or am I just doing what everybody else is doing?”

Amoltrud says she’s steadfastly against stripe and spot removal and vows never to offer the service again at her shop, even though some of her competition has called the procedures “a growth industry.”

“You have to decide what you stand for and then stand for it,” Amoltrud said last night. “And I stand for equality among the species, no matter what their coats look like.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, PIFF Piffle, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: Amoltrud's Aesthetics, stripe and spot removal, WINK Coiffure

We’ve closed the book on September. Did you miss a chapter?

October 1, 2016 By Imko Oaljefanta, TMD Archivist

Sheep reading newspaperIntroducing PIFF Piffle: relevant irrelevancies about our annual film fest

Third time’s a charm as Open Mic at The Draft becomes “Beats in the Bar”

Avian Messenger’s Alvin Tinamou takes leave of absence for “personal reasons”

WINK: Most controversial opening film ever for PIFF 2016

The Beats get bigger: lineup for music festival’s fourth year announced today

PMoCA unveils Slow Art Movement painting in honour of Park’s estivators

#PIFFPiffle: Rumour says Tab Tricolore to open Tabby Club to all for PIFF 2016

Button maker received order for Millicent Hayberry candidacy: rumour

Justice orders Rotte, Stinktier to meet after Sunday’s Spoken Word incident

Noreen to chair UWT forum on effects of Human architecture on other Animals

Heads up! Something’s Fishy at Park’s upcoming Stereotype Sunday

Would Millicent Hayberry’s acting career give her an edge in POPS debate?

Last Shakeoff of 2016 is on today

#PIFFPiffle: What we know for sure

#PIFFPiffle: Mary Margay and the truth about her PIFF tiff with Douglas Cheetah

Police trainees find more lucrative positions outside Park: report

WINK director to host pre-premiere party at The Feeding Station

Filed Under: Breaking News

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