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Archives for June 2026

OTD in 2016—Following in the Barkettes’ footsteps: Belles and Whistles make their debut tonight at Concert for Charity

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Belles and Whistles

Belles and Whistles will make their debut at tonight’s Charity Concert

The best kept secret in The Park is a secret no more.

Belles and Whistles, the duo that Thisbe and the Barkettes have been mentoring privately for over a year, will make their debut tonight at the Concert for Charity in honour of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM).

At a press event this morning, EDAM Official Ambassador Nicoletta Moth confirmed the lineup for the concert, then added, “We are thrilled to announce that, in addition to the aforementioned musicians and singers, we have the honour of introducing for the first time the brand new singing duo, Belles and Whistles.”

Minutes later, Thisbe and the Barkettes posted a picture of the seven singers with a note that read, “This is a very emotional night for us. We are so proud of Belles and Whistles and the work they will embark on this evening. Working with them has been one of the greatest pleasures of our career and we wish them every success. And as we step back from the stage, we once again would like to thank our fans for all the support they’ve shown us over many years. We’re certain you will adore Belles and Whistles and we hope to see you soon at one of their concerts.”

The Barkettes also thanked Canine Music Association president R.F. Aarrf for helping them keep their secret and for delaying the announcement of their CMA certification.

Tonight’s concert at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre will begin at eight o’clock.

OTD in 2015—Archons ask DWBS for report on “state of hate” as SplotchWatch trial continues

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State of Hate report

“State of Hate in The Park” report will be compiled by DWBS this year

BREAKING NEWS

In an unprecedented move, the 2015 Archons have requested a report from the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) on what they call the “state of hate” in The Park.

After an emergency meeting of the Archons and the DWBS that concluded at 9:30 this morning, the Archons’ press secretary Balthasar Alouatta released a statement announcing that the Department of Well-Being and Safety had agreed to compile the report and deliver it to the Archons before the end of the year.

According to the Archons’ statement, the report will be based on incidents of a hateful and specist nature that have occurred in The Park over the last three years.

While the statement did not name specific incidents, the Archons acknowledged that certain events that have occurred in the recent past had forced them to take a closer look at hate and specism in The Park.

“While we are, in no way, implying that the majority of Park Animals hold these types of prejudices or are inclined toward violence or hatred, we do wish to acknowledge that there is a growing tendency among a small minority to act in ways that are harmful to The Park and its citizens,” the Archons said in their statement.

The arrest of six Animals for stripespotting last week and the ongoing trial of the owner of the SplotchWatch web site have made many in The Park uncomfortable and fearful, the statement said.

“We wish to address these problems as soon as possible and to restore The Park’s reputation as a safe haven for all Animals,” the statement concluded.

OTD in 2016—Tavros-Tricolore war escalates as chef bars radio host from PurrBoy Café

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PurrBoy Logo (1)The war of words and deeds between Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros and celebrity chef Tab Tricolore continued today, with the news that the chef has officially barred Tavros from attending Thursday’s Charity Concert After-Party at his PurrBoy Café.

“I won’t let him in the door. I refuse to look at his face,” Tricolore said in a television interview this morning.

The problems between the two began a month ago, when Tavros publicly accused Tricolore of discrimination because he does not allow non-striped Animals at The Tabby Club. Tricolore responded by saying that Tavros was “all bluster” and he ignored his repeated calls to be allowed into the club, which was established by Jor, The Park’s first leader and the founder of modern zoocracy.

But things turned nasty after Tricolore announced he would introduce his new drink, the “Liberation Libation,” at the Chitter Radio Literary Awards. Tricolore served the drink free of charge to Awards attendees but, as many chefs do, he kept the ingredients and the recipe a secret. Tavros then threatened to publicly “deconstruct” the drink, which he did with the aid of a drinks expert whom he invited to his show. For the past few days, Tavros has been tweeting the drink’s ingredients. And that was the last straw, according to those close to Tricolore.

“Tab can take a lot of personal criticism, but when it comes to his cooking or his business, he lays down the law,” says Tricolore’s former saucier, Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla. “I’m not at all surprised that he’s barred Tavros from the PurrBoy.”

OTD in 2017—UWT greenlights “Paper Bag Project” to test Human intelligence, behaviour

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UWT COATThe University of West Terrier announced today that it has greenlit a new investigation into Human intelligence and behaviour that will be directed by Dr. Luule Aednik of the Department of Psychology‘s Cognitive and Experimental Psychology division.

The investigation, which will involve a team of researchers from both the Department of Psychology and the Department of Human Studies, will take place this Summer, during the height of the tourist season.

According to Dr. Aednik, researchers will be testing Humans’ ability to “think themselves out of a paper bag.” The investigation will employ more than a dozen graduate students, who will drop the bags over the heads of random Humans, as they walk through The Park. Cameras placed around The Park—in Tree branches, near ponds, outside theatres, and in picnic areas, will capture the Humans’ attempts to free themselves from the bags.

In a statement accompanying the announcement this morning, Dr. Aednik said he has no idea what the research will show.

“We come to this investigation without prejudice,” he wrote. “We have open minds and open hearts, and we will conduct the investigation with the utmost respect for the Human species.”

Data from the three-month investigation will be analyzed during the Winter, Dr. Aednik wrote, and he hopes to publish the results in the prestigious Journal of Human Behaviour (JHB) next year.

OTD in 2015—The Park Museum presents…”The Wall”

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Dorika Pumi, curator at The Park Museum, has produced a simple yet powerful piece entitled, “Pet Project: Monikers of Domestication,” to honour Enforced Domestication Awareness Month in The Park:

Pumi used one whole museum wall at the west side of the main building, as the backdrop for the video.

“There is no voiceover or commentary,” Pumi emphasizes. “The video speaks for itself.”

“The Wall,” as Pumi refers to it, will be on display at the museum until the end of the year.

OTD in 2015—Six arrested for stripespotting: Police

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StripespottingBREAKING NEWS

Six Park Animals were arrested and are currently in jail awaiting a bail hearing after being charged with stripespotting within the boundaries of The Park.

In a short statement released at noon today, Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) confirmed the arrest early this morning.

“On the morning of June 25, Park Police attended at the site of the Ancient Oak Tree and found six Animals, residents of The Park, engaged in the illegal activity of stripespotting. Following confirmation of these activities, Police arrested all six Animals. The Animals are now at the Park Jail awaiting the assessment of bail charges and the setting of dates for trial,” the statement said.

Legal experts told The Mammalian Daily that the arrested Animals are likely to be waiting in jail for some time.

“They picked a bad day to be arrested, particularly on those charges,” said Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

Terrier was referring to the fact that Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court is presently hearing opening arguments on the first day of the trial of SplotchWatch owner and operator Raimundo Zorro. In April, Zorro was charged with two counts of “inciting hate” and one count of “inciting discord” by means of operating the SplotchWatch web site, which names Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed.

“I don’t think there’ll be much sympathy for those Animals today, not if they were caught stripespotting,” Terrier said.

The act of stripespotting, which is a form of bullying, involves pointing to and calling out striped Animals as they pass by. The calling out is usually done in a threatening voice. Although some Animals still consider it a harmless prank or even a valid pastime, the act itself was outlawed eleven years ago and, according to Terrier, those few who still practise it can expect harsh punishment from the courts.

OTD in 2015—Tab Tricolore shocker: “I was neutered.”

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Tab Tricolore

The renowned chef and restaurateur says he was forcibly neutered by Humans

Speaking out for the first time since his return to The Park in early January, Chef Tab Tricolore recounted the details surrounding his December disappearance in a radio interview  yesterday. He also spoke candidly about the obvious changes in his behaviour.

“I was forcibly taken from The Park and neutered,” he told host Yannis Tavros on his Toro Talk Radio show yesterday afternoon.

“I was trapped by Humans while sourcing food for Klo [Tricolore’s fine dining establishment]. Of course, I didn’t know it was a trap. I sniffed something incredible and thought I have to get some of that for tonight’s service. It was something I’d never tasted before. It had a different aroma from anything I’d ever smelled. I think it was smoked. As soon as I’d ingested a piece of it, I heard a door slam behind me and I realized what had happened,” he said.

Tavros, who sounded visibly shaken by the revelation, asked Tricolore if he had tried to escape.

“There was no escaping,” Tricolore replied. “But I did manage to draw blood from a number of them.”

He said he was put in the back of a van and realized he was only one of many who’d been caught that morning.

“We all had the same story. It was terrifying. At that moment, I realized it didn’t matter who you were or what you’d accomplished. Humans see us as all the same.”

Tricolore said that, along with the others, he was taken to a clinic where he was anaesthetized and then neutered.

“I woke up in this prison cell. It was horrible. Some of the hair was missing from my arm and my whole body ached. I was parched, but there was no water bowl. A few hours later, they brought me some food and water…something awful that came out of a can. I don’t know what it was. But I was so hungry, I ate it. I spent a couple of days there, never going out, never seeing the light of day. There were at least a dozen of us. We were in the middle of planning an escape when three Humans came in with the biggest cage I’ve ever seen. They herded us into it and then back into the van and dropped us off just outside The Park.”

The renowned  chef, restaurateur, and award-winning author said he “struggled every day with the reality of what happened to him” until he finally came to a “place of acceptance.”

“It’s done,” he said, matter-of-factly. “There’s nothing I can do to undo it. I could, as some have suggested, plot my revenge. But these Humans are dangerous and there’s no guarantee I could survive an attempt at revenge,” he said.

Instead, Tricolore said he’d rather use his new and hard-won knowledge to educate Park Animals. And that’s the reason he chose to speak out during Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

“I’m a different Cat now. There’s no getting away from that. Some say I’m ‘mellow,’ but that’s just a euphemism. I’m just not the same. But I think I can do some good and that’s what I’m trying to do. If I can prevent this from happening to one other Cat, it will have been worth it,” he said.

OTD in 2012—Radical group claims responsibility for leaked report

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The radical political group, ArchonWatch, has claimed responsibility for intercepting a secret report on Wednesday.

The report, which was leaked to The Mammalian Daily, includes details of planned changes to some of The Park’s core laws.

“We are proud to take responsibility for informing The Park’s citizens of plans that will affect them adversely. We hope that, by doing so, we may be able to prevent the further erosion of zoocracy,” the group said in a statement released this morning.

The group, whose stated goals are “to support zoocracy and freedom in The Park,” traces its origins to the foundation of zoocracy 30 years ago. Its most recent public campaigns have been in support of establishing annual elections for the selection of Archons, rather than continuing the present system of sortition or lottery. The group is also rumoured to have financial ties to other political groups in The Park, including Lizards for Liberty and Produce for Progress.

OTD in 2013—New “Beats of Burden”music fest will aid Park refugees

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What a difference a letter makes!

Despite having decided months before that their comeback would include an annual charity concert in aid of The Park’s refugees, the Beasts of Burden found themselves putting off an official announcement. Stopped dead in their tracks by their inability to find an appropriate name for the event, they even considered shelving the project, worthy though they thought it was.

“I understood the problem, but I couldn’t help. They didn’t just want to put their name on it and call it ‘The Annual Beasts of Burden Charity Concert.’ They wanted the name to have more meaning than that,” said the band’s manager, Ignatius Herder.

“So, we had a meeting at The Draft (the band’s pub) to strategize. Alfredo (Ox, the band’s lead singer) started filling out some forms that we needed and then Haimo (Maultier) noticed he’d left a letter out of the word ‘Beasts,’ so it read, ‘Beats of Burden.’ We all laughed, then we looked at each other and we knew we were all thinking the same thing.”

And that is how the annual “Beats of Burden” Music Festival was born.

“It was pure genius and one hundred per cent serendipitous,” laughs Ox. “If I’d been more careful, we’d still be sitting there planning, instead of announcing the biggest charity music festival ever in The Park.”

With almost every Park band and singer signed on to the event, the new festival promises to be something truly out of the ordinary.

“A concert can only do so much, but a festival, with all sorts of different music and events and other things tied in…we can really make a difference to the lives of The Park’s refugees,” says an excited Ox.

The festival, which is scheduled to begin at sunrise on September 14 will go on for three days, with the music expected to last late into each night.

“The way I see it, they’re [the audience] going to have to ask us to go home. We’re not going to want to stop playing. Nobody is,” says Maultier.

Just the facts

What:    The Beats of Burden Music Festival
When:   Every year from now on; September 14-16 inclusive, sunrise to whenever
Where:  At venues across The Park; expect more details in the coming weeks
Why:     To raise funds in aid of The Park’s refugees
Who:     Almost all Park bands and singers; expect some “surprises” as well

OTD in 2012—Archons plan to outlaw washing in public: secret report

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Life may be about to change dramatically for Animals who call The Park their home.

According to a confidential report obtained by The Mammalian Daily, there is a plan afoot to alter the public behaviour of resident Animals.

According to the report, the Archons are considering a plan to change some of The Park’s core laws, namely those that pertain to public comportment and guarantee Animals the right to “behave as they do naturally, according to their own species and land of origin.”

The plan, which goes by the code name, ParkPerfect, lists 15 laws that, in the language of the report’s authors, “require modernization to bring them in line with current belief systems and ways of life.”

In addition to modifying Animals’ bathing behaviour, the Archons are considering enacting or modifying laws that pertain to public acts of self-expression and food gathering and consumption.

No time frame for the changes was mentioned in the report.

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