The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

Introducing PIFF Piffle: relevant irrelevancies about our annual film fest

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Park Interspecial Film FestivalThe Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) is one of our most popular annual events. Yet, very little is known about its inner workings: the behind-the-scenes triumphs and tragedies, the disasters or even near-misses, and the antagonism, jealousy, and pettiness that play a part in The Park’s most cutthroat film industry.

But that is all about to change this year.

As a celebration of the festival’s twelfth year and in recognition of the maturation of the industry over the past decade and the value of film in Park life, The Mammalian Daily has given a new assignment to our official PIFF reporter, Aivis Burunduks. From now until the end of the festival, Burunduks will be reporting from behind the camera, behind the curtain, and behind the press conference. He’ll show you what goes into making a PIFF-worthy film and how that film makes it into the festival. He’ll expose the messy machinations of the industry and introduce you to the fire-breathing producers and the pandering publicists.

So, take a seat while we take you on a whirlwind tour of the second-greatest show in The Park.

September on our minds

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The Park is a busy place in the Autumn, so The Mammalian Daily is giving you a heads-up on some of what’s in store for September 2016.

Ready, set, mark your calendars!

Official end of estivation

End of EstivationMouse and balloonsIt’s time to welcome back our friends and fellow Park residents!

Let the celebrations begin on September 14!

 

The Beats of Burden Music Festival

Beats of Burden logo

The third annual Beats of Burden Music Festival promises three days and three nights of continuous music-making, with all our great bands and singers performing in aid of The Park’s refugees. Expect some surprises (as well as surprise appearances) along with the great sounds. And don’t forget the fabulous food and all sorts of other fun. September 16-18.


The Park’s Semi-Annual “Shakeoff”

The Park's semi-annual "Shake for Charity" have changed

It’s all about Animals helping Animals at The Park’s semi-annual “Shakeoff.” The event encourages Animals to donate their hair in aid of those whose coats can’t protect them from the harsh elements. In addition to helping others, you can also partake of free refreshments and get a new hairstyle from our on-site groomers (gratis, of course!). September 27
“If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”  

August, August: What a busy month!

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cowcoffeeMillicent Hayberry “seriously considering” POPS bid: rumour

Cackling Goose coalition asks: Would we be safer without sod?

Park ART Walk 2016 partners with EQUALSS charity to celebrate the work of the striped and spotted

Tinamou nest found outside Park; eggs replaced with Bailey’s Ball

Gunnar Rotte tweets, then takes his case to the Archons

Weekend shocker: Gossip site says Rapper’s father is also his brother

A peek at Holstein Fashion’s “Creations from the EDAM Collection”

Cosmopolitan Pest Magazine poll finds PFO head Abeja liked, well-respected

Budget 2017: A year when words mean more than numbers

UWT group to Rotte: Learn how to do social experiments or leave them to us

PIFF 2016 sneak peek: Noon Nuttiness

Belles and Whistles to join lineup at Beats of Burden festival in September

PFO head Valentina Abeja: “Don’t hesitate! Pollinate!”

Park citizens not as politically savvy as in previous decades: UWT study

Park citizens not as politically savvy as in previous decades: UWT study

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CLueless

A new study out of the University of West Terrier’s Barnaby School of Government concludes that Park citizens are not as politically savvy as they were in previous decades.

Entitled, “Clueless,” the study, which will be published in the October issue of the Park Journal of Politics and Government (PJPG), found that a large number of Park citizens have virtually no knowledge of our system of government or its origins.

“Without being unnecessarily harsh, I think this shows what many of us have felt: that too many of our citizens—of all generations—have been lulled into a false sense of security and do not feel the need to engage politically,” says Delia Quagga, the author of the study and the School’s head.

According to Quagga’s research, that sense of security is particularly strong among those who were born into zoocracy at a time of relative peace among the species.

“They’ve always lived under peaceful Animal self-rule. They seem to believe that the battle has been fought and won forever. And that makes them extremely vulnerable,” Quagga contends.

The study also found that many Park citizens feel free to engage in stereotyping, primarily because they don’t remember a time when such behaviour posed a danger to peace.

“All of this underscores the need for us to communicate more effectively about history and politics,” Quagga says. “We mustn’t allow a situation in which Park citizens take anything for granted.”

PIFF 2016 sneak peek: Noon Nuttiness

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Park Interspecial Film FestivalThe Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) is a little more than a month away and today, we got a sneak peek at what’s going to tickle our funny bones come October.

At a short press conference this morning, PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot announced two of the films that will screen during the Noon Nuttiness portion of PIFF 2016:

AS I LIVE AND BREED: A NATURAL BUNNY’S HOME VIDEOS
Directed by Ilona Pupu
The Park | 20 minutes | Noon Nuttiness Première

Comedienne Ilona Pupu, who regularly makes fun of the ability of her species to produce what she calls, “three generations, no waiting,” directs and stars in this sendup of the life of a “natural bunny.”

With candid clips from her own life (and birthing) and actors standing in for her relatives and friends, Pupu pokes fun at her species without entirely spearing it. “Education? Who has time!” she declares as she nurses one litter while birthing another. One of the funniest parts of this film shows three of the four seasons go by in the background as Pupu’s niece Veera gives birth. Over and over again.

I AM GEOFFREY’S CAT: MY HILAIREIOUS SEARCH FOR AN INDEPENDENT IDENTITY
Directed by Carlos Geraldo Gato de León
The Park | 22 minutes | Noon Nuttiness Première

How are you supposed to have an independent identity when the Human boy you live with has the same name as your breed?

That is just one of the questions this Noon Nuttiness selection poses. But if that sounds too serious for you, don’t worry: this short film will have you in stitches as you watch the confusion mount. The star, who is also the director’s cousin, has a wicked sense of humour, which he loves to turn on his Human victims.

The title, by the way, invokes the name of the Human, Geoffrey St. Hilaire, after whom the star’s breed is named.

The Park Interspecial Film Festival runs 1-5 October 2016.

Glass shape made of nuts with strawNoon Nuttiness gratefully acknowledges the support of The Nut Bar, the most trusted nut shop in The Park.

Belles and Whistles to join lineup at Beats of Burden festival in September

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Beats of Burden logoThe Park’s newest singing duo, Belles and Whistles, confirmed today that they will be performing at this year’s Beats of Burden music festival in September.

The duo, who were secretly mentored by Thisbe and the Barkettes, made their début on June 30 at the Concert for Charity in honour of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM). Since then, their manager Retriikka Spanieli says, they’ve been working on producing their first collection of songs, which they describe as “an eclectic mix.”

“The duo has an amazing range and an ability to perform in a multitude of genres,” Spanieli told The Mammalian Daily in a telephone interview.

According to Spanieli, the duo’s main goal at the moment is to convince audiences that they are their own musicians, and not an extension of the Barkettes.

“They love the Barkettes, as we all do, but they have an identity of their own and ambitions beyond becoming a carbon copy of The Park’s most successful singing group,” Spanieli said.

The Beats of Burden Music Festival takes place in The Park September 16-18, 2016.

 

Starting in September, join us for our weekly Wednesday Rewind!

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ПечатьAs of September, visitors to The Mammalian Daily’s main web site will be able to enjoy our Wednesday Rewind along with our Facebook and Twitter followers.

Every Wednesday, we’ll post an article from a bygone era. You’ll know it’s a Wednesday Rewind article when you see the symbol on this article.

So, enjoy your weekly blast from the past, compliments of The Mammalian Daily’s chief archivist. See you in September!

UWT group to Rotte: Learn how to do social experiments or leave them to us

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UWT COAT

As Gunnar Rotte ended his sojourn at The Park Jail on Friday, a group of University of West Terrier professors was joining forces to lecture The Rodent Commoner journalist on the ethics of conducting his so-called social experiment.

Rotte, who was arrested for disturbing the peace and jailed for inciting violence at The Park’s Stereotype Sunday on August 14, was freed on bail on Friday. He claims that he attended the event dressed as a Skunk as part of a “social experiment” to determine which Animal’s life was easier: that of a Rat or that of a Skunk.

The reporter, who began a second career last November as a counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic, rose to fame in December 2014, when he published an editorial contending that his own species suffered more but received far less sympathy than striped and spotted Animals. Since then, he has made it part of his mission to enlighten Park citizenry about the lives of Rats and other Rodents.

But the UWT group, which includes Chief of Research at the UWT Medical College Simone Gibbon, psychologist Hume. T. Goat, Milada J. Goose, head of the Honking Hollow Laboratory, and Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy, among others, thinks Rotte should go back to school first and learn how to conduct an experiment properly. Or, better yet, leave the social experiments to them.

In a statement released this morning, the group praises Rotte for his passion, but calls on him to leave the academic studies to those who know how to conduct them.

“While we understand your passion and your position, we implore you to think twice before embarking on something that could benefit few, but hurt many,” the statement concludes.

Rotte has not commented on the group’s statement as of yet.

Don’t forget: Park ART Walk’s “Patterns in Life and Art” is on today

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Park ART WalkThe organizers request the honour of your presence at the following event:

Park ART Walk
Saturday, August 20, 2016
10:00 am – 7:00 pm

Entitled, “Patterns in Life and Art,” the 2016 Park ART Walk will celebrate the artistic accomplishments of The Park’s striped and spotted population. The organizers of PAW 2016 wish to thank its partner and collaborator, Holstein Fashion, for its support.

The Park ART Walk is a one-day, juried art exhibition that showcases the artistic expression of Park residents. Showings will take place at participating art galleries, shops, theatres and cinemas. This year’s jury will include curators from The Ewe and Moo Gallery, the Park Museum of Contemporary Art and the Tortoiseshell Gallery.

————————————————————————————-

The Park ART Walk wishes to thank its sponsors:

         

    LeTwiggery     Amoltrud’s Aesthetics  Glass shape made of nuts with strawThe Nut Bar

       Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations

FF
 Founding Families Financial Corporation
Lemming Lemur Lion and Lynx Credit Bank

  The Tabby Club
You’ve Earned Your Stripes™                                 

Holstein Fashion
Holstein Fashion
EQUALSS
PurrBoy Logo (2)The PurrBoy Café          
     Cackling Goose Tavern    Best GoUnderground 2015 Logo

Budget 2017: A year when words might speak louder than numbers

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Since presenting her 2017 Budget yesterday morning, Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja has embarked on a media tour that will see her visit most of The Park’s radio and television stations in the coming weeks.

This will be the first time that a Budget Chief has taken to the airwaves to discuss the financial decisions she’s made on our behalf. Yet, this year, it may be entirely appropriate, since the words in the budget say far more about Abeja’s intent than the numbers do.

One example of that is an expense category that has seen not only a three percent increase over last year, but a name change, as well. “Refugee Support” is now listed as “Refugee Aid,” and that’s a change that, not surprisingly, The Park’s refugee aid groups are welcoming.

“We were thrilled to see the change in the name. It signals a real shift in the way the PFO is thinking about helping these Animals, going from indirect support to direct aid,” said Inez Gallina, president of Home to Roost, one of many groups that assist refugees and new immigrants.

The Mammalian Daily’s full analysis of the budget will be published next week.

2017 Park Budget

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