The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

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OTD in 2014—Cynics donate “Diamond in the Ruff” to Enforced Domestication Awareness

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eatyourfoodWho would have thought we’d ever see the “softer side” of The Cynics?

Not this critic, who has followed the group’s career for the better part of a decade.

But, last night, at their third ever pop-up event (which the group prefers to call a “pouncer”), the four Canines displayed their unique brand of emotion and sincerity and it literally stunned the already surprised audience.

The short concert, which was held in front of The Park’s new gastropub, The Pound (of which The Cynics are part-owners), included a few of their hits, such as “walk don’t walk,” “eat your food,” and “S.I.T.” Once those were out of the way,  Luther “Droop” Dachshund, the group’s founder and lead singer, took the microphone to speak.

“We’ve been fighting enforced domestication for years, but there hasn’t been much movement on the issue until recently,” he said. “We want to do as much as we can to further awareness of domestication’s harsh reality and, to that end, we are donating all proceeds from our newest song to the cause of enforced domestication awareness.”

The reaction was predictably loud and after the cheers had died down, Dachshund introduced the last item on the day’s song list, a beautiful piece with a haunting melody and the saddest lyrics the Cynics have ever sung.

“Diamond in the Ruff” tells a familiar story: a Dog who’s lost his way and finds himself the chattel of a Human family, shuttled from Dog show to Dog show, wearing a diamond in his ruff. Fortunately, the Cynics have added a bit of hope at the end, in the form of an open door. We are left to assume the song’s main character runs for his life and, hopefully, finds a better one, perhaps in The Park.

As the concert ended, Dachshund confirmed the song’s official release date (June 28th) and thanked the crowd. With that, the group exited the scene, leaving a trail of tears and some hope for the future.

OTD in 2017—Holstein Fashion plans June launch of scent to support EDAM, EQUALSS

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grazecroppedHolstein Fashion, the parent company of Designs by Holstein, will continue its charitable work this year by launching a new scent, GRAZE, that will benefit enforced domestication awareness (EDAM) as well as the company’s own charity, EQUALSS.

A statement released this morning by company president and CEO Balbina Ko included an invitation to all Park residents to the June 15 launch party at the Reek-O-Rama.

“Please join us to celebrate the strides we’ve made in enforced domestication awareness and in achieving equality among the species, especially the striped and spotted,” the invitation reads.

In the statement, Ko describes the scent as having “notes of grass, fresh rain, and clotted earth, combined in such a way as to be reminiscent of peaceful Summer days away from the hustle and bustle of daily life.”

While the scent will be the star of the launch party, the celebration of equality and Animal self-rule will be the theme, Ko told The Mammalian Daily. All attendees will receive a sample of the scent and all proceeds from its sale in June and July will go to enforced domestication awareness. After that, the proceeds will be split between EDAM and Holstein Fashion’s own charity, EQUALSS, which supports equality for the striped and spotted.

OTD in 2015—Enforced Domestication Awareness Month: Schedule of Events released

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Enforced Domestication 1The 2015 Archons, in conjunction with the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, have released the official schedule of events for Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

In a short speech this morning during which she declared the event open, Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo seemed visibly moved as she spoke of her pride in the growth of the month-long event.

“This is only our third Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, yet we have seen such an increase not only in our awareness, but in our willingness to talk about this issue. I take great pride in my involvement and I want to say that I am proud and humbled by our formerly domesticated citizens, whose bravery in discussing the reality of their lives inspires me every day of every month.

I hereby declare the June 2015 Enforced Domestication Awareness Month open. Let the talking, the listening, and the understanding begin,” she said.

This year’s events have expanded in number and location to include several Park art galleries, The Park Museum, the University of West Terrier, and most Park shops and grooming houses.

The official schedule of events will be posted at the law courts, the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, The Park Museum, the University of West Terrier, and at all Park shops. The Mammalian Daily will also issue a pullout printed version, as well as posting the schedule online.

OTD in 2016—Designs by Holstein fashion show will highlight perils of domestication

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Holstein FashionDesigns by Holstein announced today that it will host a fashion show during The Park’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM).

At a press event this morning, company president and CEO Balbina Ko confirmed that she had been in talks for the past year with the Archons, the Department of Well-Being and Safety and the Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations about her company’s participation in the event.

“They were enthusiastic but didn’t at first understand how our company could fit in with their theme,” she admitted.

Ko assured them the show would not be an advertisement for her business but would, instead, highlight the perils of domestication for all Animals.

“We put our company’s best and most forward-thinking designers on this project and none of the items in the show is for sale. That was a decision we made in August,” Ko said, even though plans for their participation were only finalized in March.

“As you can see, we are optimists,” Ko laughed. “And we are honoured to be able to share that optimism with the rest of The Park during Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.”

The fashion show will run twice during the month-long awareness event. And while the show will be free of charge, Ko said said she hopes all attendees will consider making a donation to EQUALSS, the charity established by Holstein Fashion, the parent company of Designs by Holstein. EQUALSS supports the full equality of striped and spotted Animals (as well as others) in The Park.

On This Day—August 14, 2016: A peek at Holstein Fashion’s “Creations from the EDAM Collection”

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The Park Museum’s exhibition, Creations from the EDAM Collection, enters its third week tomorrow. The wildly popular exhibition of one hundred and seventy-five items of clothing that were created exclusively for June’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM) has attracted a record number of visitors to the museum and has thus far surpassed all expectations in terms of support for Holstein Fashion’s charity, EQUALSS.

As a gesture of goodwill toward those unable to attend the exhibition, the museum has allowed The Mammalian Daily to display a small number of the creations on its web site. The slideshow appears below.

We wish to thank the museum for its generosity.

[satellite gallery=2 auto=on caption=on thumbs=on]

Look what’s coming up in June!

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1-30 June – Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
Now in its seventh year, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month kicks off June 1. Consult the full schedule for the events, many new,  including Noreen’s “Just Say No To Obedience” campaign and the two-day forum, “Focus on Large Animal Domestication,” at the University of West Terrier. Watch this space and follow us on Twitter for EDAM-related news throughout June.


8 June – University of West Terrier Commencement Day
The day has finally come for the 2021 graduating class at the University of West Terrier. In addition to receiving their degrees, the class will have the chance to hear scientist and researcher Dr. Jagger Zebu give the commencement day address. It’s an exciting time for all involved and we wish a lifetime of happiness and success to all graduates.

9 June – Willow discusses “Daily Life on Louloudia Lane” at The Literary Apothecary
From the publisher: “The Feline Inquisitor’s advice columnist (and our own Noreen’s counterpart), Willow, takes us on a tour of the daily life of a domestic Feline. At once hilarious and poignant, Willow’s book is both a cautionary tale and a handbook. If this is the life for you, she says, you ought to know what’s involved, from the reality that you’ll likely never be alone outdoors again to the possibility of eating a wide variety of exotic foods while luxuriating in an oversized bed. A must-read for all Animals, including Felines.”

10 June – The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) To correspond with Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), the PMoCA will re-launch its 2019 art installation, “Conundrum,” on June 8. In announcing the installation, head curator Aamuun Maroodiga said, “This interactive installation was specifically designed with EDAM 2019’s expansion and its commitment to endangered species in mind.” Using a multimedia format, “Conundrum” explores the problems that large, endangered species must grapple with and the difficult decisions they must make in order for their species to survive. The installation was supported in part by a grant from the estate of Zuberi Tembo.

11-14 June – Chitter Radio Literary Award Selections
Chitter Radio Literary Award (CRLA) selections at The Literary Apothecary: Every night, starting June 11, The Literary Apothecary will host an open discussion of an EDAM-related CRLA-nominated book.
Discussion: 7:00-8:00
Pawprinting and refreshments: 8:00-10:00

10, 17, 24 June – University of West Terrier Hosts Series of Talks on Economics and Life Choices
The Winston School of Business and the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science will host a three-part series of talks on the relationship between economic difficulties and Animals’ vulnerability to enforced domestication. The series of talks and debates, which will explore the relationship between economics and life choices, will take place on the University’s campus.

15 June – Chitter Radio Literary Awards
Considered the most prestigious literary awards in The Park, the Chitter Radio Literary Awards has recognized Park writers ranging from former Archon Nicholas Gander to comedian Woodruff Dalmatio to Mammalian Daily advice columnist, Noreen. The CRLA has even expanded its entry categories to include spoken word.

“We need to continue to broaden our horizons and reward those artists whose work may not fit easily into previously-established categories,” says CRLA director Guadalupe Tucán.

16-18 June – Feline Fiction Fest
The oldest fiction festival in The Park, the Feline Fiction Fest honours the creative output of our Feline residents in a range of categories that rivals all other fiction festivals. This year, the Fest will highlight the work of striped Cats of all sizes at its Mane Stage. Stay tuned for other special events, as they are announced.

20 June – Tall Tail Books releases “Shirley, It’s Early!”
Shirley, the head book reviewer for The Canine Chronicle, has written a lovely little book to help Puppies adjust to living with Humans. There’ll be lots of treats and toys for attendees when the publishers of “Shirley, It’s Early!” launch the book at The Park Museum on June 20, to kick off its EDAM for Youth week.

28 June – Last Day for Pre-Estivation Deposits
30 June – Central Bank of The Park closed for mid-year tally
Don’t forget: the last day to make pre-estivation deposits at any financial institution in The Park is 28 June.


01 July – Official Start of Estivation
This is the day we say “au revoir” to The Park’s estivating community. We’ll miss you terribly, but we look forward to seeing you again, in September.

Look what’s coming up in June!

By

1-30 June – Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
Now in its seventh year, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month kicks off June 1. Consult the full schedule for the events, many new,  including Noreen’s “Just Say No To Obedience” campaign and the two-day forum, “Focus on Large Animal Domestication,” at the University of West Terrier. Watch this space and follow us on Twitter for EDAM-related news throughout June.


1 June – University of West Terrier Commencement Day
The day has finally come for the 2019 graduating class at the University of West Terrier. In addition to receiving their degrees, the class will have the chance to hear scientist and researcher Dr. Jagger Zebu give the commencement day address. It’s an exciting time for all involved and we wish a lifetime of happiness and success to all graduates.

1 June – Praionailurus Press releases “Daily Life on Louloudia Lane,” by Willow
The Feline Inquisitor’s advice columnist (and our own Noreen’s counterpart), Willow, takes us on a tour of the daily life of a domestic Feline. At once hilarious and poignant, Willow’s book is both a cautionary tale and a handbook. If this is the life for you, she says, you ought to know what’s involved, from the reality that you’ll likely never be alone outdoors again to the possibility of eating a wide variety of exotic foods while luxuriating in an oversized bed. A must-read for all Animals, including Felines.

8 June – The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) To correspond with Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), the PMoCA unveils its 2019 art installation, “Conundrum,” on June 8. In announcing the installation, head curator Aamuun Maroodiga said, “This interactive installation was specifically designed with EDAM 2019’s expansion and its commitment to endangered species in mind.” Using a multimedia format, “Conundrum” explores the problems that large, endangered species must grapple with and the difficult decisions they must make in order for their species to survive. The installation was supported in part by a grant from the estate of Zuberi Tembo.

8-14 June – Chitter Radio Literary Award Selections
Chitter Radio Literary Award (CRLA) selections at The Literary Apothecary: Every night, starting June 8, The Literary Apothecary will host an open discussion of an EDAM-related CRLA-nominated book.
Discussion: 7:00-8:00
Pawprinting and refreshments: 8:00-10:00

 

10, 17, 24 June – University of West Terrier Hosts Series of Talks on Economics and Life Choices
The Winston School of Business and the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science will host a three-part series of talks on the relationship between economic difficulties and Animals’ vulnerability to enforced domestication. The series of talks and debates, which will explore the relationship between economics and life choices, will take place on the University’s campus.

15 June – Chitter Radio Literary Awards
Considered the most prestigious literary awards in The Park, the Chitter Radio Literary Awards has recognized Park writers ranging from former Archon Nicholas Gander to comedian Woodruff Dalmatio to Mammalian Daily advice columnist, Noreen. The CRLA has even expanded its entry categories to include spoken word.

“We need to continue to broaden our horizons and reward those artists whose work may not fit easily into previously-established categories,” says CRLA director Guadalupe Tucán.

16-18 June – Feline Fiction Fest
The oldest fiction festival in The Park, the Feline Fiction Fest honours the creative output of our Feline residents in a range of categories that rivals all other fiction festivals. This year, the Fest will highlight the work of striped Cats of all sizes at its Mane Stage. Stay tuned for other special events, as they are announced.

 

20 June – Tall Tail Books releases “Shirley, It’s Early!”
Shirley, the head book reviewer for The Canine Chronicle, has written a lovely little book to help Puppies adjust to living with Humans. There’ll be lots of treats and toys for attendees when the publishers of “Shirley, It’s Early!” launch the book at The Park Museum on June 20, to kick off its EDAM for Youth week.

 

28 June – Last Day for Pre-Estivation Deposits
30 June – Central Bank of The Park closed for mid-year tally
Don’t forget: the last day to make pre-estivation deposits at any financial institution in The Park is 28 June.

 


01 July – Official Start of Estivation
This is the day we say “au revoir” to The Park’s estivating community. We’ll miss you terribly, but we look forward to seeing you again, in September.

June will be bustin’ out all over!

By

1-30 June – Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
Now in its sixth year, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month kicks off June 1. The full schedule will be released then and will include many new events, including Noreen’s “Just Say No To Obedience” campaign and the two-day forum, “Focus on Large Animal Domestication,” at the University of West Terrier. Watch this space and follow us on Twitter for EDAM-related news throughout June.


1 June – University of West Terrier Commencement Day
The day has finally come for the 2018 graduating class at the University of West Terrier. In addition to receiving their degrees, the class will have the chance to hear former Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros give the commencement day address. It’s an exciting time for all involved and we wish a lifetime of happiness and success to all graduates.

1 June – Kynikos Press releases “Thank You, Thank You, Thank You, and Goodnight,” by Thisbe and the Barkettes
This long-awaited memoir by Thisbe and the Barkettes is sure to set tongues wagging. The most successful musical group The Park has ever known spills the beans on everything they’ve seen, heard,
and experienced over their long career. Sure to be a bestseller and a must-read for all fans of the Barkettes.

 

 

1 June – The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) To correspond with Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), the PMoCA unveils its 2018 art installation, “A Picture Hides a Thousand Words,” on June 1. In announcing the installation, head curator Aamuun Maroodiga said, “This interactive installation will highlight the power of the ‘selfie,’ by pairing mirrors with cameras to remind us of the importance not only of the picture we domesticated Animals take of ourselves, but of the picture we and others ultimately see.”

3 June – Thisbe and the Barkettes: Reading and Meet and Greet
Proprietor Wyuna Winkle welcomes The Park’s most successful musical group to her bookshop to read from their new memoir and greet their loyal fans.
Reading: 12:00-12:45
Meet and greet: 1:00-3:30
Pawprinting and refreshments: 3:30-5:00

15 June – Chitter Radio Literary Awards
Considered the most prestigious literary awards in The Park, the Chitter Radio Literary Awards has recognized Park writers ranging from former Archon Nicholas Gander to comedian Woodruff Dalmatio to Mammalian Daily advice columnist, Noreen. The year, the CRLA has once again expanded its entry categories to include spoken word.

“We need to continue to broaden our horizons and reward those artists whose work may not fit easily into previously-established categories,” says CRLA director Guadalupe Tucán.

16-18 – June Feline Fiction Fest
The oldest fiction festival in The Park, the Feline Fiction Fest honours the creative output of our Feline residents in a range of categories that rivals all other fiction festivals. This year, the Fest will highlight the work of Big Cats at its newly-built Mane Stage. Stay tuned for other special events, as they are announced.

 

 

 

28 June – Last Day for Pre-Estivation Deposits
30 June – Central Bank of The Park closed for mid-year tally
Don’t forget: the last day to make pre-estivation deposits at any financial institution in The Park is 28 June.

 

 

29 June – Official Start of Estivation
This is the day we say “au revoir” to The Park’s estivating community. We’ll miss you terribly, but we look forward to seeing you again, in September.

Noreen, UWT law professor launch Domestic Empowerment Initiative

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Official NoreenNoreen has embarked on a new venture.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and University of West Terrier adjunct professor of Human Studies has partnered with Chittenden School of Law professor Fionnula Fox to help Animals currently living in a domestic situation with Humans gain more control over their possessions and estates.

After conducting a study last year that concluded that domestic Animals had virtually no control over their possessions, Fox—a specialist in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park)—invited Noreen to work with her on rectifying what she calls a “dismal situation” for domestic Animals.

“I thought we’d make a great pair in this regard,” she told The Mammalian Daily. “I was sure that if we combined Noreen’s deep knowledge and understanding of Humans and my knowledge of the law outside The Park, we’d be able to come up with the perfect solution.”

Whether that solution is perfect remains to be seen, but the confident pair will unveil the first part of its Domestic Empowerment Initiative (DEI) on June 22, fittingly during Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM).

The University of West Terrier’s Chittenden School of Law will host the Q&A event and forms for wills and booklets on estate planning will be given out free of charge to all Animals.

Both Fox and Noreen know the risks involved in trying to change Humans’ views and behaviour, but they’re both confident it can be done over time.

“For the sake of domestic Animals, we have to adopt a slow and gentle approach with Humans,” says Fox. “Because the truth is we have no legal basis to force them to do anything.”

Holstein Fashion plans June launch of scent to support EDAM, EQUALSS

By

grazecroppedHolstein Fashion, the parent company of Designs by Holstein, will continue its charitable work this year by launching a new scent, GRAZE, that will benefit enforced domestication awareness (EDAM) as well as the company’s own charity, EQUALSS.

A statement released this morning by company president and CEO Balbina Ko included an invitation to all Park residents to the June 15 launch party at the Reek-O-Rama.

“Please join us to celebrate the strides we’ve made in enforced domestication awareness and in achieving equality among the species, especially the striped and spotted,” the invitation reads.

In the statement, Ko describes the scent as having “notes of grass, fresh rain, and clotted earth, combined in such a way as to be reminiscent of peaceful Summer days away from the hustle and bustle of daily life.”

While the scent will be the star of the launch party, the celebration of equality and Animal self-rule will be the theme, Ko told The Mammalian Daily. All attendees will receive a sample of the scent and all proceeds from its sale in June and July will go to enforced domestication awareness. After that, the proceeds will be split between EDAM and Holstein Fashion’s own charity, EQUALSS, which supports equality for the striped and spotted.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

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