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Hibernators see red over Tavros tweets

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YannisTavros The Park’s hibernators are seeing red after Yannis Tavros took to Twitter yesterday to denigrate hibernators and estivators.

Once again, the Toro Talk Radio host expressed his view that hibernators and estivators are not as intelligent as other Animals:

Tavros tweet

The tweet set off a firestorm, with individuals and groups weighing in immediately. Some called for an apology, while others made it clear that apologies would not longer suffice.

“This has gone beyond the stage where apologies are meaningful. Toro Talk Radio has to take control of Yannis Tavros or silence him once and for all,” said Malinda L. Hamster, president of The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), on Mammalian Daily Radio yesterday. She also confirmed that the SAHC, which annually elects the Keeper of the Nut, intends to apply to the courts for a cease and desist order and, as well, will launch a class action suit against Tavros and his radio station for defamation.

“This has happened once too often. Other Animals are going to start to believe what he is saying, and then where do we go from there?” she asked.

As Hamster said, this is not the first time that Tavros has said less than flattering things about hibernating Animals. In a famous 2013 on-air tirade, Tavros called Hieronymous Hedgehog, “part of a family that isn’t even smart enough to know when to come out of hibernation.” The reference was to Hedgehog’s uncle Hamlin, who served as Archon in 2000 and died of premature awakening from hibernation in 2008. The remarks led to Tavros’s suspension and an on-air meeting with Hieronymous during which the two made peace.

Stripes two ways: groomer offers “WINK coiffure” in honour of PIFF premiere

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Zebra two wayIf you blink, you could miss it.

But if you wink, you could be rewarded with a new coiffure, which emphasizes the two directions of Animals’ stripes.

In a video advertisement that will run every day of October, the proprietor of one of The Park’s most popular grooming houses says that, in honour of The Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)—and, in particular, in honour of its opening film, WINK—she has created a new “do,” which she’s dubbed the “WINK coiffure.”

That proprietor, known as Amoltrud, made headlines earlier this year when she announced that her shop would no longer be offering stripe and spot removal services. The year before, she’d been quoted as saying that although she advised her clients against the procedures, she’d been forced to offer the services “in order to keep up with the competition.”

But Amoltrud changed her mind and, breaking with traditional retail behaviour, decided to challenge the competition by doing exactly the opposite of what it was doing.

“I led with my mind—and my heart,” she said in an interview with The Mammalian Daily last night at the gala opening of G.D. Zebra’s WINK. “At some point, you have to ask yourself, am I doing what I believe in or am I just doing what everybody else is doing?”

Amoltrud says she’s steadfastly against stripe and spot removal and vows never to offer the service again at her shop, even though some of her competition has called the procedures “a growth industry.”

“You have to decide what you stand for and then stand for it,” Amoltrud said last night. “And I stand for equality among the species, no matter what their coats look like.”

Police trainees find more lucrative positions outside Park: report

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police_dogA report released today says that a significant number of Park Police trainees and graduates are opting to accept full-time positions outside The Park.

The report, which was commissioned by the Archons and conducted by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), found that at least eighteen percent of those who graduated within the past five years have availed themselves of employment opportunities in Human police forces outside The Park.

“We are bleeding our brightest and our best,” Kakapo said at a press conference outside Park police headquarters this morning.

Faced with these figures, Kakapo said The Park has no choice but to address the problems that are facing the force. He cited one statistic he called “particularly alarming,” and that is that at least one quarter of the eighteen percent who left  listed their top three reasons for the move as better pay, more respect from the public, and less interference from their superiors.

Kakapo said he plans to sit down this weekend with Gareth Shepherd, head of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) to discuss what can be done to keep trainees and graduates in The Park.

“This is a crisis situation and we plan to address it as such,” Kakapo said.

Last Shakeoff of 2016 on today

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The Park's semi-annual Shakeoff runs today until 8 p.m.

The  semi-annual Shakeoff runs until 8 p.m.

Come on down and share your hair!

That’s the message of organizers of the last Shakeoff of 2016, which begins at ten o’clock this morning.

The semi-annual “hair-raising” event is all about “Animals helping Animals” in the lead-up to Winter, organizing committee head Andras Yak says.

“Our goal is simple: We need to raise as much hair as we can to help those who cannot grow an adequate coat but who need to be protected from the harsh elements of the seasons.”

The last few years, Yak says, the two annual events have raised over five tonnes of hair for those in need.

“Our senior residents, in particular, were very grateful for the yield,” Yak says. “And we’re hoping to surpass that this year.”

Also making a return appearance are the on-site groomers, who are offering free, new hairstyles to participants. And, of course, there will be lots and lots of refreshments courtesy of Mikko Tikkeri’s The Feeding Station, Florette’s Fine Edibles, Ants in Your Pantry, The Compost Heap, Clowder, and The Nut Bar.

So, remember:  “If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”

The Shakeoff runs today from 10:00 a.m. to 8 p.m. at locations across The Park

Would Millicent Hayberry’s acting career give her an edge in POPS debate?

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Millicent campaignMillicent Hayberry has more than four weeks to confirm her candidacy for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), but that hasn’t stopped political commentators and others from speculating on the effects her candidacy—and her career— would have on one of The Park’s few elected positions.

In an op-ed piece published today in The Simian Spectator, Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the University of West Terrier’s Simian Chair in Political Philosophy, writes that he believes her candidacy would change the POPS landscape forever.

While Marmoset has always supported the decision to, as he puts it, “transition [the position] from an inherited one to a merited one,” he says he has mixed feelings about elections.

“So much of the election process is about performance, about favouritism, about alternate abilities, about things that do not relate at all to qualifications or to the position itself,” he writes.

And even though members of species other than Groundhogs have thrown their hats in the ring for POPS, Marmoset thinks that Hayberry’s candidacy would be a “game changer.”

“Her vocal skills, her acting skills, her reputation, her fame. These are the things she would bring to the table in addition to belonging to the hibernating class. I don’t doubt her prognostication skills or that she would be a good candidate. But I wonder if the other candidates will have an equal chance to appeal to the electorate if Millicent is among them. And I wonder whether future candidates will be reluctant to run if they can’t match her skills. I think it could have a lasting effect,” he writes.

Heads up! Something’s Fishy at Park’s upcoming Stereotype Sunday

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SomethingFishyBlueplusBorderSomething fishy is up this weekend in The Park: our usual Stereotype Sunday is about to go underwater to bring us more in touch with the lives of our piscine population.

At a joint press conference this morning, Balthasar Alouatta, spokesAnimal for the Archons and Cornelius Kakapo, Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) made the announcement.

“The Park’s Stereotype Sundays just celebrated their third birthday this past Summer. While we are proud of what we’ve been able to accomplish with this initiative, we realize there is so much more work that needs to be done. For this reason, we’ve decided to add a theme to one week out of our four Stereotype Sunday gatherings. We feel that a theme will better enable us to understand each other by allowing us to focus on one particular group and we are happy to announce that this Sunday we will be focusing on our piscine population,” Alouatta said.

Though he declined to answer reporters’ questions, Kakapo did say that they chose to focus on The Park’s Fish this week because “our Fish have not received as much attention as have other groups.”

From now on, the themed Stereotype Sundays will occur on the last Sunday of every month.

Noreen to chair UWT forum on effects of Human architecture on other Animals

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Official NoreenThe President and Governors of the University of West Terrier announced today that Noreen will chair a forum on the effects of Human architecture on the lives of other Animals. The forum, which will be hosted by the UWT School of Architecture, will take place on the university’s campus on October 8 and 9.

The university called the Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human studies the “perfect choice” to chair the discussion because “her abilities as a mediator and as a researcher are exceptional.”

Participants in the forum will include faculty members of the UWT School of Architecture as well as faculty of the Schools of Medicine and Economics and Social Science. In addition, the university has invited community architects and professionals working in the fields of physical and mental health and well-being to share their knowledge and expertise.

Read the university’s full announcement here.

Justice orders Rotte, Stinktier to meet after Sunday’s Spoken Word incident

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Mr Justice Augustus DindonMr. Justice Augustus Dindon has ordered the legal representatives of Gunnar Rotte and Faramund Stinktier to arrange a meeting between the two parties within the next ten days.

The Superior Court justice took the unprecedented action after an incident that occurred between the two on Sunday afternoon at the Beats of Burden Music Festival’s Spoken Word stage.

Rotte took the stage mid-afternoon in front of a significant crowd, many of whom he’d invited via Twitter to witness his first ever SWE performance (Spoken Word Extemporaneous). He was just about to leave the stage after finishing his number, “Chock Tock,” when he noticed Stinktier in the crowd. Claiming the audience was calling for an encore, Rotte took back the microphone and embarked on a takedown of everything Stinktier, including his music, his band, and his decision to transition to a Zebra.

While some in the audience egged him on, many were deeply offended and called for him to be pulled from the stage. Stinktier refused to get involved and left the area, which seemed to incite Rotte further. Finally, three Does of Peace moved him from the stage and into the custody of Park Police.

Rotte, who was charged in August with disturbing the peace and inciting violence at The Park’s weekly Stereotype Sunday, is already scheduled to appear before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon in October. Those charges are also related to his behaviour vis à vis Stinktier.

When news of the SWE matter reached the justice, he put out the call for a meeting.

“Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon is of the belief that much of this matter could be resolved through personal discussion. He does not believe the courts should get involved unnecessarily,” said a spokesAnimal for the Court.

Rotte is represented by Pernilla Varghund, junior partner in Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd, while Stinktier has engaged the services of Zvonimir Kojot of the law firm founded by Ingmar Prärievarg. Neither has spoken publicly about the justice’s order.

Button maker received order for Millicent Hayberry candidacy: rumour

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It’s been over a month since Park citizens heard the rumour that Millicent Hayberry was considering a bid for 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

Though she has kept mum on the subject, a source close to one of The Park’s most prominent button makers has told The Mammalian Daily that  the company received an order to produce buttons for her campaign.

The source, who wishes to remain anonymous, said the order came in two weeks ago from a “campaign leader.” The order is said to be for three different versions of a button, one of the prototypes of which appears on this page.

Hayberry, who is wrapping up her performance at the Burrow Theatre in “Godwit,” the first of three mystery plays by Gianfranco Colocolo, is expected to make some form of announcement before the end of the month. Candidates have until November 5 to enter the race.

Sources tell The Mammalian Daily that were Hayberry to run, she would have the support of Hieronymous Hedgehog, along with a number of other prominent hibernators. Her candidacy may lean heavily on the idea of “breaking the species barrier,” since all successful candidates for POPS have been Groundhogs. Nevertheless, since the 2011 and 2012 candidacies of Zachariah Skunk and Lorenzo Michele Chipmunk, there has been a call for broadening the field in this election and making the list of candidates more representative of The Park’s population.

The Endeka Elephant Band plays on without its beloved bassist

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Tembo bass

Zuberi Tembo’s bass stood in front of the band last night at the Beats of Burden Music Festival

The ten remaining members of The Endeka Elephant Band took to the stage last night for the first time since the death this past July of their beloved bassist, Zuberi Tembo.

In an emotional mid-set tribute during the first night of the Beats of Burden Music Festival, each member of the band placed a rose at the foot of Tembo’s bass, which stood at the front of the stage for the entirety of their set.

It was a fitting acknowledgement of the Elephant they described as “a gentle soul who loved music and valued freedom.”

“Even though we miss him terribly, we know that Zuberi’s spirit is with us now and will live on forever in the music he made, in the work he did, and in his tireless fight for freedom,” band member Árvakur Fíl said.

The band followed that with a sweet and tearful rendition of “Recollections” and ended their set with “Seismic Connections.” They returned for only one encore: Tembo’s rousing, “Food For All.”

The Endeka Elephant Band returns tonight to play one last set at the festival.

The Beats of Burden Music Festival continues until midnight 18 September 2016.

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