“Mongoose Summers” are a threat to our way of life, Animals say

A series of “Mongoose Summers“ is threatening our way of life in The Park, say the members of a coalition that has formed to fight for better weather.

The coalition, which is made up of the members of the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF), the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), and the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), says that Park weather finally reached a crisis point this Summer.

“There’s no turning back. We have to do something right now or our population will not be able to feed or house itself within a decade,” declared A.P. Civet, of the Society of Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers (SCPCPGF).

In an interview with Mammalian Daily Radio,  Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), confirmed that she has scheduled a meeting with Chief Archon Buckminster Moose on July 22.

“Our coalition will be putting together a statement…an ultimatum of sorts,” she said. “We are going to petition the Chief Archon to have the Archons take over the weather budget from the Park Finance Office. In our considered opinion, the PFO is not fit to make decisions regarding the purchase of weather,” she said.

The Park’s weather has been a contentious issue for some years now, ever since the Park Finance Office, in an effort to conserve funds, made the decision to purchase weather from outside The Park.

“From day one, that weather was of inferior quality,” Sun Bear said in the interview.

“And the result has been that what we didn’t spend on weather we paid dearly for in reduced crops and damage to our abodes. And that has to end right now.”

2015 budget will be “streamlined”: source

Mammalian Daily Exclusive

The 2014 Archons plan to tackle the growing inequality among Park Animals by streamlining the 2015 budget, a source close to the Park Finance Office has told The Mammalian Daily.

In a private meeting, the source, who wishes to remain anonymous, told the newspaper’s editorial board that the issue of growing economic and social disparity in The Park has “touched a nerve” with the Archons. As a result, they want to make some “concrete changes” to the way funds are allocated.

Buckminster Moose, in particular, is upset by what he sees as a dangerous economic trend.

“The Chief Archon has been concerned for some time about the direction The Park has been going in and he would like to see that direction change,” the source told The Mammalian Daily.

According to the source, changes in the budget include eliminating the 3% of funds that were allocated to tourism and tourism promotion, returning arts and sports funding to the levels set in the 2012 budget (more than twice the 2014 levels), and shaving a bit off special events to pay for better weather, healthcare and refugee services.

While all these changes are being weighed and debated, “nothing is set in stone yet,” the source cautioned.

The Park Finance Office will present its financial projections for 2o15 in August.

Pre-estivation deposits must be made by June 28

The Central Bank of The Park has issued a reminder to all Park residents who intend to estivate this Summer: June 28 is the last day that deposits can be made.

A spokesAnimal for the Bank also advised Animals who are still seeking a place to park their funds during the dormancy period that they should be vigilant and “not believe in artificially high interest rates.”

“Remember the concept of ‘enough’ when researching [interest] rates. Remember, if something looks too good to be true, it may very well be,” said the SpokesAnimal.

Many of The Park’s financial institutions offer substantially higher interest rates to hibernators and estivators. But there is a catch, says Uzoma Serval, author of BankWoe.

“When the dormancy period ends for these Animals, they find they are not at liberty to withdraw their funds as they wish. They find they’ve signed away that right, without even knowing it. And their interest rate quickly plummets ten percent or more,” Serval says.

Estivation officially begins on Sunday, June 29. The Central Bank of The Park will be closed on Monday, June 30 for the mid-year tally.

PASS has called for a public inquiry into the grooming house stampede

The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) has called for a public inquiry into the stampede that occurred at Tallulah’s Toilettage on May 31.

At a meeting held on Saturday June 14, members of the Association voted unanimously to recommend to the Archons that they institute a “full, free, and public investigation into the events that took place at Tallulah’s Toilettage on May 31.”[pullquote]We want Animals to realize that the security of the business community is at stake here.  – PASS president Wellington Whistlepig[/pullquote]

The Association also agreed that such a public investigation should seek input from Park Police, the Department of Well-Being and Safety and the Department of Holidays Festivals, and Celebrations, as well as from Animals resident in The Park.

“We wrote our recommendation in the strongest language possible, short of making it an outright demand,” said current PASS president Wellington Whistlepig at a media briefing this afternoon. 

“We want Animals to realize that the security of the business community is at stake here,” he said.

One Park Police officer was injured at the grooming house stampede on May 31

BREAKING NEWS

Park Police confirmed today that one of their own was among the injured in the grooming house stampede on May 31.

At a press briefing outside their headquarters, a Police spokesAnimal confirmed reports that an officer had been taken to hospital after being attacked inside Tallulah’s Toilettage. The officer’s name was not released.

Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW), also attended the briefing. He said the officer was unarmed when he entered the grooming house.

“He was one of the first to respond at the scene. He called for reinforcements but, for him, it was too late. He was attacked…allegedly by a mob of disgruntled grooming house patrons,” Shepherd said.

The stampede led to the arrest of 35 Animals, most of whom are believed to be regular customers of the grooming house. Of the Animals arrested, 32 were charged with at least one offence. Those charges included mischief, unprovoked violence, injury to the body of a Police officer, inciting a riot, and the overtaking of a common grooming house for other purposes. All 32 Animals are awaiting court dates.

Meanwhile, The Park’s business community has called a meeting for Saturday, June 14 to discuss plans to draft what Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), calls a “battle plan.”

Though he would reveal no specific details, Whistlepig said the meeting had already been scheduled when the stampede occurred.

“We had already seen that things were changing in The Park and we acknowledged that, as a group, we’d have to be prepared,” he said.