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Fish make big splash at Chitter Radio Literary Awards

June 17, 2013 By TMD Reporters

The Park's Fish population made a big splash at this year's Chitter Radio Literary Awards

While it may be stretching it a bit to suggest that The Park’s Fish population might be in ascendance, it is safe to say that our aquatic kin made their presence felt at this year’s Chitter Radio Literary Awards.

For the first time since the awards were established eighteen years ago (as The Park Literary Awards), almost every category included at least one entry from our Piscine population.

The humour category overflowed with Fishy fun and foolishness, from the darkly humorous, “Roll Over and Stare” to the somewhat frothy “Flash Fish.” While neither netted first prize in the category (that honour went to “Trooping the Collar” by Clement Samuel Tervuren), their nomination served notice to both the judges and The Park’s readers that aquatic humour has evolved.

Indeed, in her book, “Brevity and the Wit of Sole,” which was nominated in both the humour and memoir categories, Evangeline Solea writes with poignancy about her early career in comedy and humour writing and her fight against the “Flatfish stereotypes.”

“Everywhere, the view was that Fish weren’t funny…particularly Flatfish. And, in the first few years of my career, I was baited constantly, but I refused to give up,” she writes in Chapter 3 of her book which she titled, “Swimming Against the Current.”

Solea’s book won in the memoir category and another Piscine author took home a prize, as well. For her critically-acclaimed work, “The View from Under the Plastic Palace,” Barbara Puntius Everetti was declared the Most Promising Newcomer.

Declan Wolfhound’s critically acclaimed “The Upward Curve” took the prize for best novel, while poet Gwendolyn Slang’s “Locomotion” won the poetry award and short story writer Tedesco Tuatara took home the prize for his twentieth collection, “The Long and Short of It.”

As expected, Tab Tricolore’s most recent volume, “The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine,” won in the non-fiction category. It was also no surprise that the award for the best political work went to Dante Reginald Kodiak’s controversial best seller, “If We Chain the World: How Fences Alter the Way We See Ourselves and Others.”

Veteran playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn, author of the highly acclaimed “Mixed Nuts,” received the prize for her most recent work,”Truffles.” She was also honoured for her efforts on behalf of the Park Repertory Theatre.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

June in The Park: what’s coming up (along with the Roses)

June 14, 2013 By TMD Reporters

June 2013 calendar

As we prepare to enter the third week of June, The Mammalian Daily would like to remind you of several important events that will take place in The Park this month.

Chitter Radio Literary Awards

Chitter Radio Literary Awards LogoFormerly The Park Literary Awards, the Chitter Radio Literary Awards are considered the most prestigious literary awards in The Park. Presentation ceremonies: June 15

FelineFictionFest croppedFeline Fiction Fest

Now in its 15th year, The Park’s Feline Fiction Fest is the world’s only literary festival dedicated to Feline writing. The three-day festival takes place June 16-18

 

Important Information for Estivators

Central Bank of The ParkLast day for pre-estivation bank deposits: June 28

Official Estivation date: June 29

Central Bank of The Park closed for mid-year tally: June 30

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

“Best Dam” commencement address draws mixed reviews

June 12, 2013 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

"Best Dam" speechThe address given at the University of West Terrier’s commencement ceremonies on June 1 has drawn mixed reviews from The Park’s citizenry and criticism from some members of its political community. The address, which was passionately delivered by Anatoly Boris Beaver, has been criticized by some for the message they believe it sends to the University’s 2013 graduating class and to all Park youth.

In the speech, which has been dubbed by its critics as the “Best Dam speech of 2013,” Beaver implored the UWT graduates to look beyond innovation to excellence, itself.

“If you cannot produce something new, something unique, something that has never been produced before…if that is not something of which you are capable, don’t stop, don’t give up. Instead, strive to do the absolute best job that any Animal has ever done. Teach the lesson best, sing the song best, cook the best meal, build the best dam,” he said.

Beaver, who is managing partner of Overeager Beaver Architects, was tipped to be the 2013 speaker after his company won the Park Dwelling Design Award this year. A source close to members of the University’s Commencement Advisory Committee (CAC) told The Mammalian Daily that the CAC wanted a member of The Park’s business community to address the 2013 graduating class to “broaden their ideas of post-graduation Park life.”

Some in the commencement audience, however, felt the speech did not deliver on that promise.

“That has to be one of the least inspirational speeches I’ve ever heard,” said one parent of a graduate.

Chief Archon Emeritus George Irving Nathan Gallagher Newt went further, accusing Beaver of effectively narrowing our youth’s field of vision.

“While I believe I understand his intent, I do not think that negativity is an appropriate sendoff for those who have worked so hard to receive an education,” he said.

Newt, who spearheaded a campaign to expand education at all levels in The Park, said he believes in the power of education to enable Animals “to create and to innovate and not just to imitate.”

“His [Beaver’s] message was not in line with my own hopes for The Park’s future,” he said.

For his part, Beaver says he was simply trying to emphasize the fact that “we cannot all be special, but we can do our best and be excellent at whatever we end up doing.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Park Life

Delays force Park Museum to seek storage for collection

June 9, 2013 By TMD Culture Reporter

Park Museum

Delays in the construction of the main building have forced the Park Museum to seek storage facilities elsewhere to house its growing collection of artefacts.

Delays in the construction of its main building are causing “enormous” problems for the Park Museum, its Board of  Directors admitted recently.

At a public Q & A held Friday at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, the Board members said that the hold-up in the start of construction was due to the weather problems The Park experienced this Spring.

“These problems, which are all too familiar to those who reside in The Park, have caused a significant delay in the construction of the main building,” said Sukuta Rhinoceros, one of the founders of the Museum and a member of its Board.

“We had hoped to see that building nearing completion by now since, as it will be the largest space, it was our intention to warehouse our collection of artefacts there. It seems that that has become impossible. We have, therefore, initiated a search for storage facilities elsewhere. It is our hope that we will be able to find a space large enough within The Park, as it would be extremely difficult for us to ensure the collection’s security outside The Park,” he said.

Rhinoceros also confirmed that the Museum is currently in talks with The Park’s Builders’ Guild (Association of Professional Park Construction Workers) regarding an accelerated construction schedule.

“This is a delicate matter, due to the noise component and the fact that the estivation period begins in just a few weeks,” he said. “We have a very small window of opportunity to work 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We are optimistic that the Guild will work with us on this,” he said.

When it is complete, the Park Museum will be the largest structure conceived and built in The Park since the establishment of zoocracy. Plans released at the Q & A show that the main building will be connected to the Museum’s other two buildings by an underground water tunnel. Green space surrounds the entire project at ground level and the roof of each building will offer nesting facilities in the Spring, Rhinoceros confirmed.

In response to questions regarding the Museum’s planned opening, Rhinoceros said he hoped the main building would be ready by the end of Autumn.

“If our main space is ready by the end of September, our planned opening will most certainly be a go. If there are further delays, we could be looking at an early Spring 2014 opening. But we are doing our best to avoid that,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life

Heads roll at Insect Intelligencer in wake of scandal

June 6, 2013 By Juho Morsk, TMD Media Reporter

Insect Intelligencer

The Insect Intelligencer advised on its front page that it has accepted the resignation of its Editor-in-Chief and other employees who were involved in the June 3, 2013 scandal.

A shake up at The Insect Intelligencer has left its Editor-in-Chief and a number of other workers at the paper unemployed.

The long-established Park newspaper advised on its front page yesterday that it had accepted the resignations of Editor-in-Chief Fannia di Volo, as well as those of three community editors, four staff reporters and a number of other unnamed employees, in the wake of the June 4 scandal.

As of today, these positions remain unfilled, according to a spokesAnimal for the daily. The Intelligencer will continue to publish, however, as it overhauls its hiring and editorial policies.

The paper, which launched its own investigation into the matter on Monday, is also the subject of investigation by the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP) and the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN).

While C-SNAP has no sanctioning authority, the ANMPN has confirmed that it is “looking very seriously” at levying a fine against the newspaper.

In an interview on Reptile Radio yesterday afternoon, ANMPN Executive Director Nathan R. DiPressa said the Association has plans to conduct a membership survey on the subject.

“This was a very serious breach of ethics and its effects are being felt by our entire membership. We intend to voice our concerns to the Intelligencer’s management in the very near future,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Park Life

Tricolore book “strong contender” at 2013 literary festivals

June 5, 2013 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

Tricolore book

Renowned Park chef Tab Tricolore could take home two or more prizes from The Park’s literary festivals this June for his most recent book,”The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine.”

Renowned Park chef Tab Tricolore could take home two or more prizes from this year’s literary festivals for his book, “The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine.”

Part recipe book, part memoir, and part historical overview, Tricolore’s most recent effort has received glowing reviews from a number of Park publications, including The Panther Post and The Silvestris Star. Home cooks and other Park readers have weighed in on the book as well, with some calling it a “tour de force” and others suggesting that it should become part of The Park’s early Animal education curriculum.

“His description of his Kittenhood and of the feral world has tremendous value, especially for our young,” says Beatrice Zilonis, professor of history at the University of West Terrier.

The book is up for prizes in the non-fiction category at both the Chitter Radio Literary Awards and the Feline Fiction Fest. It is also entered in the hybrid category at the Feline Fiction Fest.

Wyuna Winkle, proprietor of The Literary Apothecary, said her shop was “overrun” by Tricolore enthusiasts when he spent a half-day there recently.

“He arrived for a short pawprinting session, but they wouldn’t let him go. He’s become quite the celebrity,” she said.

The Chitter Radio Literary Awards (formerly The Park Literary Awards) will take place on 15 June. The Feline Fiction Fest will run from 16-18 June.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

Animals celebrate as newspaper declares Humans extinct

June 4, 2013 By Juho Morsk, TMD Media Reporter

Animals celebrate

Animals celebrate after newspaper headline declares Humans an extinct species.

Park Animals broke into a spontaneous celebration yesterday, after the Insect Intelligencer declared the Human species to be extinct.

In a bold headline splashed across its front page, the Intelligencer announced, “Human species extinct scientific body confirms.”

The headline and related story turned out to be a hoax perpetrated on the paper and The Park by two of the daily’s reporters. In a statement on the paper’s web site, editor-in-chief Fannia di Volo apologized to the public for the distasteful prank and assured Park residents that the two reporters, whose names have not been released for security reasons, have been dismissed. The article was published without bylines.

“Their actions will be dealt with in the near future,” the statement concluded.

Within a few hours, all copies of the paper had been pulled from Park stores and di Volo had contacted all subscribers and media outlets to advise them of the situation.

Di Volo confirmed later in the day that a “full-scale” internal investigation of the incident had been launched. Some related associations and agencies, including the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP), and the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN) have begun their own investigations.

Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and Executive Director of the ANMPN said he was distressed by the incident, calling it “vile” and a threat to all Park newspapers.

“Our credibility is at stake here,” he said. “This is a very serious breach of protocol and ethics.”

One of The Park’s oldest newspapers, The Insect Intelligencer was once considered one of our most authoritative and upstanding dailies. But, plagued by problems and scandals over the past few years, the paper has changed course several times and some say it appears to have lost its footing. Two years ago, it ceased publication temporarily due to a scandal and the arrest of five of its reporters. The scandal and the subsequent suspension of its popular Fly on the Wall feature resulted in a marked decrease in the paper’s readership. As of yesterday, there were no plans to alter the format or mission of the paper.

See also:

Scandal rocks Insect Intelligencer
One Human dead, reporter held for questioning outside Park
Archons at work behind scenes to secure reporter’s release

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Park Life

Park proclaims June to be “Enforced Domestication Awareness Month”

May 30, 2013 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

The 2013 Archons have proclaimed this June as the first Enforced Domestication Awareness month.

Displaying what some have called a “take charge attitude,” the 2013 Archons have proclaimed June the first annual “Enforced Domestication Awareness” month in The Park.

At a press conference held this morning outside the law courts, Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros made the announcement. Flanked by all 34 Archons, the Rhinoceros spoke on behalf of her colleagues:

“In declaring this coming month of June the first annual Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, we are finally acknowledging the dangers of enforced domestication and committing to a strategy to overcome those dangers. This proclamation, dated 30 May 2013, signals our willingness to meet head-on one of the greatest challenges The Park has ever faced. Due to the economic downturn, we have lost many of our best and brightest to the outside world. The Park cannot afford such a brain drain. We must work toward solving our economic problems so that there exists no need to look beyond our borders for survival. And, with this awareness campaign, we hope to inform and educate Park citizens and residents about the reality of enforced domestication, so that they will be able to resist the temptation to engage with those who might tempt them to sacrifice their freedom,” she said.

While experts in the field stop short of calling the problem “Animalnapping,” the official definition of enforced domestication was broadened last year to include “enticement.” This expands the original definition of “the physical removal of Animals from The Park, without their consent, for the purpose of using them for service or companionship in a domestic situation.” According to The Park’s Departments of Statistics and Records and Well-Being and Safety, ninety-nine per cent of enforced domestications are committed by Humans.

Planned events in support of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month include workshops, a series of public service announcements that will be broadcast on all Park television and radio stations and screenings of short films about the topic. As well, the Chief Archon advised that during the month of June an information booth staffed by workers from  Runaway Rovers will be installed beside the Ancient Oak Tree. The group, which provides assistance to formerly domestic Canines, has published a series of educational brochures entitled, “Enforced Domestication: It Could Happen to You.”  These will be distributed free of charge throughout June.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM), Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

Groundhog finally POPS up at Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

May 29, 2013 By Endla Metsümiseja, TMD Groundhog Day Reporter

2013 POPS Bastiaan Groundhog made his first public appearance at the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee. The POPS has been in seclusion since the Groundhog Day debacle began.

2013 POPS Bastiaan Groundhog made his first public appearance at the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee last Monday. The Groundhog had been in seclusion after receiving threats against his life when the prediction he made proved wrong.

Some may see the annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee as the beginning of The Park’s busy social season, but there is one Groundhog who viewed this year’s event as more of an ending, and a happy one at that.

Bastiaan Groundhog, 2013 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) chose last Monday’s occasion to end his time in seclusion and make the first public appearance of his post-POPS life. Since he made his prediction on February 2, (which proved to be inaccurate), he had not been seen; threats against his life made it necessary for him to remain in hiding until it was deemed safe for him to emerge. Luckily for him, The Park Weather Office owned up to their own mistakes regarding weather transportation in time for him to attend the Jubilee.

“I love the Jubilee. It’s one of my favourite celebrations, so I decided to make it a pop-up event,” he joked on Mammalian Daily Radio this morning.

Asked directly about his reaction to the death threats, the Groundhog said he knew that Park Police took it very seriously (as of now, they have made twelve arrests in the ongoing investigation) but he thought it was just frustrated Animals blowing off some steam.

“I called it my praedictio ad absurdum,” he joked. “I thought the threats were ridiculous. I couldn’t believe it was worth killing me over a few extra weeks of snow.”

As for his future plans, Bastiaan Groundhog says that while he is behind in his life, he is up to speed on Park gossip.

“I kept my ear to the ground the whole time I was in seclusion…and I had some dedicated informers who helped keep me current. And that’s the most important thing.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction, Park Life

Immigration rules to favour those with short lifespans

May 22, 2013 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

TMD Exclusive

A Mammalian Daily investigation has revealed that some of the “modernization” ideas presented to the 2013 Archons include a new immigration policy that would favour Animals who have shorter lifespans.

An investigation conducted by The Mammalian Daily has revealed that proposed changes to The Park’s open immigration policy include a plan to favour shorter-lived species for citizenship.

The ideas for a new immigration policy form part of the “modernization initiative” that the 2013 Archons committed themselves to upon assuming office on January 16, 2013.

According to Professor Ludwiga Saimiri of the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism, the Archons used the term “modernization” 67 times in their Groundhog Day address.

“The only word that was used more often was ‘economy’ and the phrases ‘economic crisis’ and ‘economic distress’ were, together, used 294 times in a speech that lasted for less than twenty minutes. I think we can assume from this that changes in policy [this year] will be economically-driven,” she said.

Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, agrees.

“There is no doubt in my mind that such a drastic change to the immigration policy would have its foundation in the desire to save money. But I think, if that is the case, that it’s a short-sighted and backward-looking policy and I say that fully aware of the possibility that my community might benefit from such a change,” he said.

If, in fact, the idea for the policy change were economically-driven, it is generally assumed the reason would be the Archons’ desire to cap the amount of money The Park spends on each immigrant Animal in terms of readjustment counselling, health care, establishing a home, job training, etc. But, says Grouse, the short-sightedness of that is “glaringly obvious.”

“The longer an Animal lives in The Park, the longer she or he has to contribute in a myriad of ways to our life here. It is plainly stupid to favour a short-lived population over a balanced mix of species for any reason at all,” he said.

Still, says historian and author Pieter Paard, there are historical precedents for this kind of action, “all of which prove it is a terrible move to make and something that will have a negative effect on a society such as ours for a long time.”

As for the 35 Archons with whom these policy decisions rest, they remain silent on the subject. According to their press secretary, Balthasar Alouatta, the Archons are “looking at all ideas and will make announcements regarding any decisions in the coming months.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime

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