The Mammalian Daily

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GoUnderground Park’s most hospitable shop: survey

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GoUnderground 2015 LogoAnd the survey says: GoUnderground.

The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) announced the results of its consumer survey today and the venerable hibernation outfitter has won the title of “most hospitable Park shop.”

At a short ceremony this morning, PASS president Wellington Whistlepig affixed a plaque to the shop’s façade as he congratulated Director of Sales, Nafari Bongo, on the honour.

“We are so pleased that one of the Park’s oldest shops is also the best in customer service,” Whistlepig said.

For his part, Bongo was quick to credit his employees with making hibernation shopping an enjoyable experience.

“We have a great team here and we work hard to make our customers happy,” he said. “We are all committed to responding to the needs of modern hibernators and estivators and we are always on the lookout for the newest and best items to ease our customers’ burden.”

Bongo singled out Hieronymous Hedgehog for praise, as well. Last year, the Hedgehog became the shop’s spokesAnimal as well as The Park’s Official Hibernation Ambassador.

“Hieronymous has done a fabulous job, and not only for our customers. As the face of hibernation, he’s been able to educate non-hibernators and foster understanding among different species. We are truly lucky to have him working for us,” he said.

Flyball Finals take on new significance

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Flyball DogSunday’s Flyball Finals will be exciting, for sure. But those attending the annual sporting event will feel a particular sense of pride this year. And a poignancy, as well.

“There is no doubt that Flyball has come a long way in The Park,” says Adrià Lebrel, president of the Park Flyball Association (PFA).

“It took years for us to accept it, and that goes for all ball sports. But it’s taken even longer for us to take pride in our abilities in that area. We’ve been far more willing to show reverence toward our athletes who wrestle, tunnel, race, or swim. Our ball athletes have had to work much harder for recognition and that’s a shame,” he says.

But, Lebrel says, it’s a testament to our ability to expand our minds that ball sports have finally gained our respect. And he credits Mammalian Daily Balls columnist and Park sports historian, Bailey, with helping to bring about the change in our attitude.

“Bailey worked hard to build respect for the ball. Before he started writing his column, none of us knew anything about ball history or its importance in the life of Canines and other Animals. He taught us about ourselves, and this year, with his work with the Park Museum on the flyball exhibit (Flyball and the Importance of Balls in the Everyday Life of Park Animals), he’s brought that full circle. We owe him a great deal of thanks.”

Still, come Sunday, we’ll also be feeling some sadness, due to the theft of Bailey’s basketball, which he’d lent to the museum for the duration of the exhibition.

“When he stands up to open the games, we’ll be feeling for him. There’s no doubt about that,” says Lebrel.

Tricolore establishes new annual event: The Feral Roots Festival

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Tab TricoloreCelebrity Park chef and successful restaurateur Tab Tricolore announced today that he has established a new event in The Park: The Feral Roots Festival.

At a press conference this morning, during which wait staff from Tricolore’s restaurants offered tasty morsels to the press, the chef and award-winning cookbook author said he’d been working on the idea for a long time but finally found the “right recipe” for it this year.

Standing alongside his friend and former saucier Barry “Béarnaise” Burmilla, who will be in charge of food sourcing for the event, Tricolore said he’d consulted with many food providers and other Park chefs before making the final decision to run the festival.

“I want to emphasize that this is a team effort. It’s not something I’m doing to promote myself,” he said.

The festival, he told the crowd, will celebrate “not just the food of our very beginnings, but the music, the art, the poetry and the dance. It will be an extravagant celebration of the feral world.”

Tricolore who won the Chitter Radio Literary Awards in 2013 for his cookbook, “The Feral Roots of our Festive Cuisine,” has been a controversial figure in The Park, gaining the epithet “Bad Boy Chef” for his behaviour toward other Animals, including his staff and the patrons of his restaurants. Nevertheless, he is a beloved figure and a revered champion of the feral world.

“They write a lot about the feral world, but what they don’t write about is the good part,” he told The Mammalian Daily in a three-part interview in 2012.

Tricolore is determined to highlight that “good part” every year in the new festival.

The first Feral Roots Festival will take place in July 2017.

Park ART Walk to honour bass player Zuberi Tembo with new logo

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Park ART Walk logo

IN MEMORIAM: Zuberi Tembo

The 2016 Park ART Walk will honour the Endeka Elephant Band’s fallen bass player Zuberi Tembo with the introduction of a new logo.

In a statement released this morning, the organizers of the annual event confirmed that they engaged the services of Hanad Maroodiga to redesign the logo “to reflect both Zuberi’s importance in The Park and the depth of our loss.”

Tembo was killed July 11 in his native Africa while he was on a trip home to visit family.

Maroodiga, who was born in The Park, is a graduate of the Hani Gajah School of Art. In a separate statement, he called it “an honour and a privilege to celebrate the life of such an important Animal.”

“Zuberi Tembo was an inspiration to all of us here. His courage in defecting from a circus to make his home in a foreign land and his undying love of music and of The Park made him a rôle model to so many. He will never be forgotten.”

The Park ART Walk organizers said the logo will become a permanent feature of the event.

And then there were ten: Endeka Elephant Band member murdered on trip home to visit family

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AND THEN THERE WERE TEN

The ten remaining members of the Endeka Elephant Band gather to mourn their murdered friend and colleague Zuberi Tembo

BREAKING NEWS

The Endeka Elephant Band is in mourning today.

According to a spokesAnimal, the band’s bassist,  Zuberi Tembo, was killed yesterday afternoon, while on a trip home to his native Africa to visit his family.

The spokesAnimal said Tembo’s colleagues are “too devastated” to comment on the tragedy at this time, but they intend to release a statement and details of funeral arrangements in the coming days. The only word from the band thus far has been a formal statement of gratitude to the Archons, who have allowed the musicians to mourn together at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre.

The Endeka Elephant Band was formed thirty-seven years ago, three years before zoocracy was established in The Park. Seven of the band’s members were born in Africa and four were born in Asia. Three members escaped from zoological parks run by Humans and four members, including Tembo, sought refuge in The Park while on tour with circuses.

Zuberi Tembo leaves his current mate, Batini, daughters Goma and Dashiki and sons Jabari, Enzi, and Rashid. Tembo was forty-two years old.

Is “long haul” government the way of the future? New political group says yes

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Park ArchonsAre longer terms for The Park’s thirty-five Archons the solution to our current governmental stagnation?

A newly-formed political group thinks so.

The organization, which calls itself, “Park Citizens for Long Haul Government (PCLHG) released its first statement of principles and objectives today. And one of its most notable objectives is to change the length of Archons’ terms.

“We advocate lengthening the term of Archonship from one year to three to five years,” the statement says.

According to the group’s president, Stéphanie Musaraigne, the bold move would enable Archons to make a “full commitment” to governing over the long haul, instead of concentrating on short term goals and things that can be achieved within the one year mandate.

While the PCLHG’s statement stopped short of criticizing sortition, the current method of selecting Archons, it did imply that while the lottery method ensures a degree of fairness, it brings with it a certain amount of instability.

“There are many problems with sortition, which a Park of varied species and lifespans must address,” the statement said.

The PCLHG plans to hold a press conference later this week to further outline its objectives.

ZEAL to perform at Stereotype Sunday

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ZEALPopular Park singer ZEAL will perform at tomorrow’s Stereotype Sunday, it was announced today.

In a press release issued this afternoon, ZEAL’s manager, Lukas Numbat, confirmed the singer’s participation in the weekly event:

“It is with great pleasure that I announce on behalf of ZEAL that he will be performing tomorrow at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre during The Park’s Stereotype Sunday.”

According to the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), the event’s host, ZEAL will receive no compensation for his performance.

“It is not our policy to pay Animals who attend the event,” says Cornelius Kakapo, director of public relations for the DWBS.

This is the first time that any artist has performed at the event. Special guests in the past have included historians and other academics, and experts in the field of mental health.

According to Kakapo, ZEAL’s performance came via a suggestion from Holstein Fashion president Balbino Ko, who has agreed to cover ZEAL’s costs, including transportation, food, and accommodation for his band and backing singers. A passionate advocate for The Park’s striped and spotted population, ZEAL has performed at charity events in support of Holstein Fashion’s EQUALSS charity.

ZEAL is expected to use the occasion to debut his new single, “Crossing the Line.” Kakapo says he expects tomorrow’s event to be “extremely well-attended.”

Park Museum to present Holstein Fashion’s EDAM Collection

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Penguin in Holstein Fashion outfit

From Holstein Fashion’s EDAM Collection: “Spots and Stripes Forever”

The Park Museum announced today that it is collaborating with Holstein Fashion to present the company’s EDAM Collection as part of a new exhibition.

In a post on the museum’s web site, the Board of Governors said Dorika Pumi, head curator of the museum’s art gallery, will work closely with Holstein Fashion and Designs by Holstein to present the fashion house’s creations “in context.”

Entitled, Creations from the EDAM Collection, the exhibition “will shine a light on the plight of those who experience enforced domestication,” the post says.

The designs of the EDAM Collection were commissioned exclusively for The Park’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month. The creations will be showcased with written commentary and the museum plans to invite experts in the field of enforced domestication, extinction anxiety, and interspecial relations to conduct seminars and Q & A sessions during the exhibition.

According to the web post, Creations from the EDAM Collection will open on August 1, 2016.

To read the full announcement, click here.

Security workers threaten bark-to-rule action over right to bite policy

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FCSW President Gareth Shepherd

Gareth Shepherd, President of the Federation of Canine Security Workers

The Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) is threatening to stage a bark-to-rule action unless Park administration reinstates the right of officers to bite offenders “when necessary.”[pullquote]Right now our hands—and our mouths—are tied. We have nothing to back up our claim to authority.—Gareth Shepherd, President, Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW)[/pullquote]

The federation of over four hundred officers, which forms the backbone of The Park’s Police Force, has been in talks with administration regarding this issue for the past two months. But so far, says FCSW president Gareth Shepherd, they have come to no satisfactory resolution.

“Park administration doesn’t appear to understand our position in this matter,” he told The Mammalian Daily this morning.

“We are asking for the right to bite only as a last resort. Right now our hands—and our mouths—are tied. We have nothing to back up our claim to authority,” he said.

Even though The Park’s Police Force has had a no-biting policy in place for almost twenty-five years, several FCSW officers have been charged with doing so in recent years. Shepherd, himself, was suspended from duty in February of 2013, after he was charged with biting members of Les Amis de Hieronymous (The Friends of Hieronymous) during a roundup. He was later cleared of the charges and reinstated.

The FCSW’s position is that the realities of modern Park life make a change in policy necessary, but Park administration says it remains unconvinced.

“This seems like a step backward to us and until we view it otherwise, we are not inclined to alter the policy,” a spokesAnimal told the Mammalian Daily.

Where’s the comma? Ancient Open-Theatre rebrands itself for a new era

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AOAT

The new logo of the Ancient Open-Air Theatre

What’s in a comma?[pullquote]Many of us in The Park gave up separating adjectives with commas decades ago. We took some time with it because we didn’t want to shock our supporters. But the theatre is ancient and it doesn’t need archaic grammar to tell us that twice.”—Carlota Tuatara, head of the Ancient Open-Air Theatre[/pullquote]

More than you might realize, says the head of The Park’s oldest theatre.

In an interview with The Mammalian Daily this week, Carlota Tuatara, head of the Ancient Open-Air Theatre—or AOAT, as it will be known in some circles—explained the recent rebranding of The Park’s most revered venue.

“You might not think that it makes a difference, but it does, and it’s a huge difference,” Tuatara said. “That comma is redundant and never should have been put in the theatre’s name in the first place.”

Tuatara and her board of directors contend that the comma’s position after the word “ancient” is grammatically “archaic.”

“Many of us in The Park gave up separating adjectives with commas decades ago. We took some time with it because we didn’t want to shock our supporters. But the theatre is ancient and it doesn’t need archaic grammar to tell us that twice,” she said.

As for the theatre’s new logo, Tuatara says they looked for “simplicity above all.”

“This theatre was built to be functional and to last. We wanted a logo that said that loud and clear. ‘Here’s the stage. Here are the seats.’ We pored through thousands of submissions before we decided on the one that really spoke to us,” she said.

So, what else will be changing at the AOAT?

While Tuatara was coy about any further changes, she was effusive about the possibilities the future holds.

“We took this theatre from classic drama to the Toe-Hair Contest and huge, multi-artist concerts. We’ve done wonders over the years, making it relevant to the daily life of Park residents and we’re looking to build on that success in the future,” she said.

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