• Home
  • About The Mammalian Daily
    • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
    • A note about our style
  • Welcome to The Park
    • About The Park
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Park Life
    • Educational Institutions
      • University of West Terrier
      • Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life
      • Leonardo Language and Culture Institute
      • The Hani Gajah School of Art
      • Park School of Aesthetics
    • Shops and Retail
    • Restaurants and Pubs
    • Financial Institutions
      • Currency
    • Health & Well-Being
      • Hospitals and Clinics
      • Directory of Park Health Services
    • Grooming Houses
      • Amoltrud’s Aesthetics
      • En Garde Hair and Skin Salon
      • Halcyon Days Canine Coiffure
      • KwikLiks
      • Tallulah’s Toilettage
      • The Mane Event
      • The Pluming Room
    • Park Services
      • Architects and Construction Services
      • Employment Service
      • Entertainment and Party Services
      • Financial Services
      • Home Services
      • Image and Consulting Services
      • Legal Services
      • Park-Sponsored Programmes
      • Personal Services
      • Real Estate Services
      • Translation Services
      • Travel & Transportation Services
    • Charities
    • Citizen Aid & Action Associations
      • Associations, Federations, and Alliances
      • Political Reform Groups
      • Environmental Groups
      • Immigrant and Citizen Aid Groups
      • Education Groups
    • Sports
  • Arts in The Park
    • Art Galleries in The Park
    • Theatres and Cinemas
    • Music Makers
    • The Barkettes
      • History and Legacy of The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and the Barkettes Celebrate 10 Years of Sensational Singing Success
      • Olden Goldies: Noreen Interviews The Barkettes
      • Thisbe and The Barkettes: Hits and Recordings
    • The Library
    • Book Reviews
  • Media in The Park
    • Newspapers
    • Magazines
    • Radio Stations
    • Television Stations
    • Publishing Companies
    • Mammalian Daily Associated News Services
  • Fun
    • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
    • See Our Ads
      • A Different Reality
      • Canine Standup Comedy
      • Fake News
      • Financial Crisis
      • Liquid Assets
      • Monkey See
      • Solid Ground
      • Who We Are
      • Think Outside the Book

The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen
  • Breaking News
    • NewsBits
    • Whoa! Braking News
  • Politics/Law/Crime
    • Groundhog Day/POPS Election and Prediction
    • Past and Present Archons
  • Economy and Business
  • Education
  • Health and Medicine
    • Media
      • Month Without Metaphor
  • Focus on
  • Science and Technology
  • Arts, Entertainment, and Culture
    • Park Life
      • Ask a Poodle
      • Enforced Domestication Awareness Month (EDAM)
      • Passings
      • Gossip and Rumour
    • Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF)
    • PIFF Piffle
    • Thisbe and the Barkettes
  • Noreen
    • Dear Noreen Advice Columns
  • Sports
    • Let’s Talk Balls!
  • Interviews
    • Five Questions For…
    • Survivor Profiles
  • Archives
    • Wednesday Rewind
    • Nostalgia
    • From the Vault

Archives for September 2014

Reaction to 2015 “streamlined” budget: from outrage to high praise

September 12, 2014 By Adelbert Mókus, TMD Financial Reporter

2015 projectionsReactions to The Park’s 2015 “streamlined” budget depend on what your priorities are, says Park Finance Officer Milton Struts.

In an interview in his office two weeks after the release of the budget, Struts characterized Park residents’ general reaction as “favourable and understanding.”

“I think Park Animals understand the need to simplify our lives and, correspondingly, our budget,” Struts said.

But Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS) has a different take on the matter. He says that he and other business owners consider the budget “a disaster” and that he’s been busy “rallying the troops” for the past two weeks to pressure the Park Finance Office into redoing the entire budget.

“There’s going to be a massive protest against this thing,” Whistlepig says. “It’s little more than a farce. There’s almost nothing specific in the budget, so how do we know what’s going to be approved and what isn’t? How do we know how much there is to spend? We don’t. We know nothing.”

Refugee groups agree.

“There was never enough [funding] and likely never will be, but we used to see a defined amount set aside for the care of refugees. In this budget, we see nothing definite. We don’t even see ourselves; they didn’t waste any ink on us,” says Inez Gallina, president of the refugee aid group Home to Roost.

The only groups that seem pleased with the budget are those connected to weather and the environment.

“We’ve been waiting, year after year, for the PFO to take us seriously and they finally have,” says Kalliope Sun Bear, president of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP).

“Look at the difference: last year, the gave us a mere 5% of the budget. This year it’s a whopping 20%. There is so much we can do with that and it will benefit all Park residents, from our food growers and packagers to our shops and services. Weather is the foundation of our life here in The Park.”

Indeed, according to a source who wishes to remain anonymous, the Park Weather Office (PWO) is said to be “ecstatic” about the budget and “looking forward to spending the funds on good quality weather.”

“You never know, we could end up calling this the Sunshine Budget,” the source said.

2015 projections2015 projections

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: budget, economy

Data Tree hacking: Police issue update

September 9, 2014 By TMD Crime Reporters

tree hacked

Tree hacking update: Humans responsible, say Police

At a press conference this morning, Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) issued an update on the April hacking of one of The Park’s largest Data Trees.

Flanked by Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) and C. Astrid H. Ant, Head of The Park’s Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS), Addax confirmed that data Retrievers working for the private firm AROO had recovered enough data to confirm that Humans were involved in the hacking.

“The data, in combination with the debris that was recovered from the site by my team, confirm beyond any doubt that Humans were the perpetrators of the crime,” the ASIS head told reporters.

Also in attendance at the press event was Sierpinski Squirrel, Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners. The Squirrel’s firm stored most of their data in the Tree, which is believed to be more than 70 years old.

“They [the data Retrievers] were able to retrieve much of our client data and for that we are extremely grateful, but this has been a very challenging few months for us and for our customers,” the Squirrel said after the press conference.

When asked whether the investigation was now considered closed, Addax admitted that options were limited, but denied that Police had formally closed the investigation.

“No, we consider the investigation to still be open, but the sad fact is that we have no control over Humans. We cannot prosecute them, either inside or outside The Park and we cannot recover damages from them. Our only options are to try and prevent such things from happening again and to that end, we are working to develop new security policies. The investigation will remain open until we have these policies in place,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life Tagged With: data, hacking, Noreen, police

The Does of Peace: typo in job ad nets Park Police new peacekeeping group

September 8, 2014 By Thaddeus S. Loris, TMD Health and Safety Reporter

Does of Peace

Does of Peace will join the Doves this Autumn: Police

First it was the missing letter in “Beasts” that turned the annual charity music festival into the “Beats of Burden.”

Now a typo in the recruitment announcement sent out by the Doves of Peace has gifted the Doves and Park Police with a “welcome addition”: a brand new group of peacekeepers called the Does of Peace.

At a press event this morning, representatives of the Police and the Doves announced the formation of this new group.

“This is another case of serendipity,” said Doves spokesBird Georgina Golub.

“The Does of Peace, whom we hired during our recruitment weekend, are a most welcome addition to our peacekeeping force.”

No one doubts they are welcome now, but that wasn’t quite the case during the last weekend of August.

When Park Police’s wholly autonomous peacekeeping group put out a call for prospective hirees to join the Doves of Peace, the announcement read, instead, “Does of Peace.”

But it seemed that no one noticed, save for the female Deer who swarmed the Ancient Open-Air Theatre in search of employment.

“They arrived with some of the most impressive résumés we’ve ever seen, and a great deal of experience in peacekeeping, both in the outside world and in The Park,” Golub said.

At a loss for what to do, Golub arranged for interviewers to talk to the Does and explain the mix-up.

“But what I noticed, as we turned them away…they weren’t angry. They seemed understanding. Disappointed, but understanding. And, I thought, ‘why am I turning away some of the best peacekeepers I’ve ever met?'”

So, after extensive consultation with Park Police and the Department of Well-Being and Safety, the decision was made to form an adjunct group to help keep peace in The Park.

In addition to their regular duties, Golub says, the Does will take over from the Doves during migration season.

“It works perfectly with our schedule and now that we’ve done it, I don’t know why we didn’t think of it before.”

And, fittingly, the Does of Peace will make their first professional appearance this coming weekend, at the Beats of Burden Music Festival.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime Tagged With: peacekeeping

SCENTient Beings to debut “reekabilly” at 2014 Beats of Burden Music Festival

September 6, 2014 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

SCENTient

The SCENTient Beings will debut their new music at next week’s Beats of Burden festival

The popular Park duo SCENTient Beings will debut their new musical style, reekabilly, next month at the Beats of Burden Music Festival.

According to their publicist Hartwig Stinktier, the SCENTients took themselves off the stage last year after coming to the realization that their music required a “complete redo.”

The pair, who released their first recording, Beings and Nuttiness, two years ago got their first big break when the organizers of the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee booked them in 2012 .

“Their careers took off from there,” Stinktier says, “but they were never completely happy with what they were doing. They never felt their style really suited them.”

Enter Damien Skyle, best known as the manager of The Cynics. He convinced the duo to try out a number of different musical styles, including rap, but nothing felt quite right to them until they decided to fuse country music with “parts of their essential selves.”

“When I first heard it, it made me swoon,” Skyle writes on their newest recording. “It was fresh and it was organic, with just a tinge of melancholy. It was so right.”

Stinktier says the pair is “psyched” about debuting their new music at the Beats of Burden festival, since the proceeds go to assisting The Park’s refugee population.

“Their ancestors were refugees and they were treated unkindly by many,” says Stinktier. “The SCENTients have never forgotten that.”

Beats of Burden logoThe Beats of Burden Music Festival will take place in The Park
12-14 September 2014.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

Hibernation and estivation benefit the economy in many ways: PASS

September 4, 2014 By Adelbert Mókus, TMD Financial Reporter

Economy going up

Hibernation, estivation are good for the economy, say business leaders

Hibernation and estivation are good for The Park’s economy, according to a report released today by the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS).[pullquote]There seems to be less tolerance these days for the differences among us.” – Wellington Whistlepig, PASS President[/pullquote]

PASS released the report less than two weeks before our estivating population is scheduled to return to full participation in Park life.

“The timing is not insignificant,” said Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Association.

“They’re a beleaguered bunch [estivators] and we thought we could use the findings in this report to offer them a proper welcome back to life.”

Whistlepig, who is himself a hibernator, said the last few years have been difficult for Park Animals who hibernate or estivate.

“We and our way of life have been under siege for a number of years, ever since the economic downturn, in fact,” he says. “There seems to be less tolerance these days for the differences among us.”

That was the one of the main reasons that PASS decided to commission a report on the subject.

“Some of our numbers were used in another report that was released in the Spring. It showed some gains in the fourth quarter of 2013 which were attributed to the delay in the official hibernation date and that led to the conclusion that hibernation was a drag on the economy.

As Association president, I felt that our numbers had been misconstrued, so I asked for a full accounting from our members. They were very enthusiastic in their agreement to participate,” he says.

Whistlepig says the new report, which analyzes figures from 2008-2013, demonstrates definitively that hibernation benefits The Park’s economy.

“First of all, it creates jobs on a regular basis. Every job a hibernator or estimator holds has two Animals performing it,” Whistlepig says.

“Now, to those who consider that a drag on the economy, we say ‘think again.’ That’s two Animals who have currency to spend in our shops and for our services. And one of those two Animals needs to prepare for say, hibernation, before and after. Those are purchases that wouldn’t be made, otherwise. There are shops that cater to hibernators and estivators and they wouldn’t exist without those customers,” he contends.

Whistlepig says our hibernating and estivating citizens should be seen for what they are: a stimulating presence, both economically and culturally.

“We hope this report puts this foolishness to rest,” he says.

The Association’s full report will be made available to the public next week.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life

PIFF 2014 takes the political high road with choice of opening film

September 2, 2014 By TMD Reporters

Park Interspecial Film FestivalDirector-turned-producer Ulla Kojootti’s engaging collage film, 32 Short Films About Zoocracy, has been selected to open the 10th annual Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) on October 1.

PIFF Communications President Leola Ocelot made the announcement at a brief press conference this morning.

“We screened the film about a month ago and thought it would be perfect for the opening,” Ocelot said.

“It is a fine celebration of our struggle to establish and maintain Animal self-rule and it fits nicely with our own celebration of a decade of showcasing the work of Park filmmakers.”

The film is an unusual project for Kojootti, who is better known as a “lone Wolf” in the industry than as a collaborator. Her best known films, such as Coexistence, were written, directed and produced by her with no assistance from any other Animal.

Even so, Kojootti said in an interview recently, she was drawn to the subject “because I had been thinking about our life here in The Park and I wanted to know what others thought about it.”

She invited The Park’s film community to a discussion and, she says, “the idea began there.”

Kojootti invited 32 directors (one for each year of zoocracy in The Park) to make a short film about the subject either from their personal point of view or from that of their species. The result is what those who have seen it call a “brilliant, maddening, engaging, thought-provoking” film.

Ironically, Kojootti produced the work but did not direct any of the films. She has no regrets, though.

“Maybe we’ll do it again in a few years,” she says. “Then I will definitely save one [film] for myself.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, PIFF, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

University of West Terrier grants Noreen leave of absence to promote book

September 1, 2014 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

UWT Coat of ArmsThe University of West Terrier has granted Noreen a leave of absence so that she can promote her first book, Lovely to Look At.

In an announcement dated today and posted on the University’s web site, The President and Governors of the University confirmed that Noreen will take a leave of absence this Autumn from her duties as adjunct professor in the Department of Human Studies. Her leave will begin on September 15 and she will resume her duties at UWT on January 12, 2015.

According to her publisher, Noreen’s book is scheduled to be released in early October.

The full announcement can be read here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

« Previous Page

Follow Us

  • X
  • Facebook
  • YouTube

Mammalian Daily-Related Sites

  • The Park Census
  • The Park Museum
  • The University of West Terrier

The Mammalian Daily on Twitter

  • Chef Tab Tricolore
  • Gunnar Rotte
  • Hieronymous Hedgehog
  • Mammalian Daily
  • Media's Month Without Metaphor
  • Millicent Hayberry
  • Noreen
  • Park Groundhog Day Celebrations
  • Pieter Paard
  • PIFF Reports
  • Yannis Tavros

Welcome to the Media Circus!

Looking for something?

Archives

How wise you are to read this newspaper!

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

TMD quick links

  • TMD 101: A quick guide to reading The Mammalian Daily
  • The Best of Noreen
  • Interviews
  • Take Our Quick Quizzes!
  • Nostalgia: Celebrating 1,000 articles!

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

September 2014
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930  
« Aug   Oct »

Contents Copyright © 2025 The Mammalian Daily