The Mammalian Daily

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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

Archives for July 2024

OTD in 2015—Noreen shocks Yannis Tavros listeners: “Let’s organize a Superfan Saturday!”

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Official NoreenListeners to the Yannis Tavros show on Wednesday were treated not only to an exclusive interview with Noreen, but to an extemporaneous ode to superfans and a spontaneous call to honour their contributions.

“The rôle of superfans has changed immensely over my lifetime in that they now have an actual rôle to play in the careers of their idols,” said the Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier.

“Their relationship to the stars, whether they be musicians, painters, singers, sculptors, writers…has become symbiotic and I truly believe this is a positive thing.”

Noreen, who has herself been called “the ultimate superfan,” because of her longstanding loyalty and affection for Thisbe and the Barkettes, was a solo guest on the Toro Talk Radio show Wednesday. While taking calls from listeners, Noreen experienced what she called a “whistle in her ear,” a term she has used often for the phenomenon of an idea that presents itself to her out of the blue.

“We need to organize a Superfan Saturday!” she exclaimed, taking Tavros and the radio station by surprise. “Let’s make a commitment, right here and now to honour superfans publicly. If you are a superfan, call in now. We’ll take down your name and details and get back to you about the time and date.”

By the time the show was finished, Noreen and the radio technicians had a list of hundreds of superfans, and a queue of several hundred more waiting on the phones.

While Tavros seemed stunned, Noreen was obviously thrilled by the response. She said she planned to visit the office of the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations as soon as she took off her microphone.

“Let’s do this!” she barked. “This is going to be one heck of a celebration!”

OTD in 2015—Archons’ office hires full-time consultant to build legacy: rumour

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headsNtalesOnly halfway through their term but with their eyes on the future, the 2015 Archons appear to have engaged the services of a full-time legacy consultant.

The Park’s “most-watched gossip web site,” headsNtales, is reporting that an agent representing the Office of the Archons had a series of meetings in June with the Maidali Margay Consulting Group. These meetings, according to the web site, resulted in the signing of a comprehensive contract for services to represent the 2015 Archons and “all Archons in perpetuity.”

In a preamble to the post, the site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo writes, “We are going on the record with this and the reason is that, in our opinion, this is a despicable move on the part of the Archons and we believe that all Park Animals should know about it and protest the use of funds for such a purpose. The way to be commended for your work is to do a good job, not to hire a company to say that you have done a good job.”

The Maidali Margay Group assists individuals and companies in rehabilitating their image and making themselves more palatable to a disenchanted public. The company is perhaps best known for working with beleaguered radio talk show host Yannis Tavros after he insulted Hieronymous Hedgehog and his uncle, the late Archon Hamlin Jarvis Lambert Hedgehog. Following Tavros’s suspension from Toro Talk Radio, a consultant from the group engineered his comeback by rallying his supporters and arranging his “snout to snout” on-air summit with Hieronymous. The group’s other clients have included deposed Park Finance Officer Milton Struts, the Monotreme Savings Bank (MSB), and Fannia di Volo, editor-in-chief of the Insect Intelligencer (subsequently renamed the Serangga Star Adviser).

OTD in 2013—Archons fund square to host “protests and gatherings”

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Park Animals gatherFour days before the release of the 2014 budget, the Archons announced at a press conference that they have commissioned the construction of a public square to be used for hosting “protests, celebrations, and other events that involve the mass gathering of Park Animals.”

Before taking questions from the media this morning, the Archons’ press secretary Balthasar Alouatta confirmed that the Archons had engaged the services of Simply Structures to construct the purpose-built square. Simply Structures is the same firm that was awarded the contract to build a network of signposts in The Park as part of the Archons’ official three-prong tourism strategy. Funding for the square will be made through a one-time payment from the Archons’ Initiative Fund, Alouatta said.

“The Archons view this as a necessary and useful addition to The Park and, as such, it constitutes part of the ongoing modernization scheme,” the press secretary said.

“All modern areas, whether they call themselves Parks, cities or towns, have a designated space for activities such as protests and mass gatherings. In the past, we have used the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond, the Wishing Well, and other such areas, but they have proven inadequate for these purposes. It is with a view to accommodating our growing population that the Archons have embarked on this newest phase of modernization,” he said.

Citizen reaction to the announcement was swift and, largely, negative.

“At the very least, I think, they’re exhibiting a kind of shepherd mentality,” said Jelani Kondoo, who attended the press conference as an observer. “It looks as if they want to herd us into one space so they can control us. They’re giving the Park Police the opportunity to have a lot of power over us, all the while telling us that they’re giving us more freedom and space to gather,” he said.

Others agree with Kondoo’s analysis and some Park groups have vowed to fight against not only the idea of the purpose-built square, but what they call the “irresponsible expenditure” of funds to build it.

“Here we are, facing the largest influx of refugees in The Park’s history, battling inadequate weather, food production problems, shrinking revenue streams, scandals, and problems of all sorts, and they want to use funds to build a square for protests. I think we’d all be better off if they spent more on the necessities of our lives and gave us less to protest about,” said Malinda L. Hamster, President of  The Park’s Small Animal Hibernating Community.

OTD in 2014—Park ART Walk 2014 to highlight creative work of Park’s refugees

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PAW logoThe 2014 Park ART Walk will highlight the artistic endeavours of The Park’s refugees, it was announced today.

In a joint statement released this morning, the organizers of the Park ART Walk (PAW), The Park’s Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, the Park Museum of Contemporary Art, the Marine Mammal Bank of The Park, and the Sapsucker Savings and Loan Corporation, confirmed the theme of The Park’s 8th annual Park ART Walk.

“We are extremely pleased that we have been able to work together to bring refugee art into focus at the 2014 Park ART Walk,” the statement began.

“The Park is extremely proud of its refugees and we want to shine a light on the ways in which they have enriched our lives. These are Animals who have suffered greatly and have survived; they have lived to tell the tale and to rebuild their lives in The Park. Their resilience is and will continue to be an inspiration to all of us,” the statement concluded.

Underwritten in part by Sapsucker Savings and Loan, The Park-wide exhibition will be entitled, “From Fear to Freedom.”

This is the third time in its history that the Park ART Walk has had a distinct theme. Last year, PAW honoured The Park’s autochthonous artists in the exhibition, “From the Ground Up.” In 2012, thanks to a one-time gift from The Archons’ Initiative Fund, the event showcased art as it related to the theme, “INtegration through ART.” The stated goal of that themed exhibition was to “encourage Animals to learn more about species other than their own, so that we can understand our differences and our similarities.”

The Park ART Walk is a one-day, juried art exhibition that showcases the artistic expression of Park residents. The 8th annual Park ART Walk will take place on Saturday, August 16, 2014 between the hours of 10:00 am and 7:00 pm. Showings will take place at participating art galleries, shops, theatres and cinemas. This year’s jury will include curators from the Park Museum of Contemporary Art and the Kipos Gallery.

OTD in 2015—DWBS issues warning to Animals regarding Humans vacationing in Park

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DWBS capture warningThe Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) has issued its first-ever Summer security alert.

In a communiqué released this morning, the DWBS informs Animals of the increased risk of capture by Humans vacationing in The Park this Summer.

“We have estimated the level of risk to be high to very high for the Summer of 2015,” DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo says in the communiqué.

“Due to recent economic challenges in the Human world, many have chosen to spend their vacations close to home. This means that we can expect to see an increase in the number of Humans vacationing in The Park during the month of August. Although this is beneficial to The Park’s economy, it can also present problems. For this reason, we advise Park Animals to be alert at all times when dealing with Humans,” the communiqué warns.

Kakapo says the alert applies to all Park Animals, including those in the tourist industry, business owners, restaurateurs, groomers, artists, and musicians.

“Humans tend to get sentimental and to make emotional attachments during vacations and that makes them more likely to try to take Park Animals home with them,” Kakapo says.

There are, however, a number of precautionary measures that Animals can take in order to keep themselves safe and free from capture. These include dealing with Humans in a “professional” manner, refraining from befriending Human children, refusing all invitations to enter vehicles, especially large ones such as vans and SUVs, and refusing any and all “suspicious” invitations and gifts.

“Remember,” Kakapo says, “Humans may not mean to do harm but neither do they have your best interests at heart.”

Animals who do experience problems with Humans are encouraged to report any incidents immediately to one of the following DWBS hotlines:

Feral Cat Helpline: 1-899-33725228
Assaulted Animals Helpline: 1-899-27728583
Missing Animals Registry: 1-899-64774642
Missing Family Members Report: 1-899-32645966
Youth line (Kittens, Puppies, Cubs, etc.): 1-899-96884546
Exotic Animals Helpline: 1-899-3968427

OTD in 2012—Security breach at LynxedIN leaves hundreds vulnerable

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A security breach at the network run by the LynxLink charity has left hundreds of The Park’s immigrant and refugee Lynx and their families vulnerable to abduction, incarceration, and murder.

A spokesAnimal for the charity, which assists immigrants to The Park through its LynxedIN network, told The Mammalian Daily that the charity discovered the breach late last night.

“We became aware of a problem with our systems and immediately shut down our network.  IT experts from the University of West Terrier arrived within an hour to help us,” she said.

Unfortunately, the IT help came too late for The Park’s Lynx. Experts discovered that the identities of hundreds of Lynx were stolen from the charity’s systems.

“It’s a worry, to be sure,” says LynxLink spokesAnimal Lucia Castilla. “Some very sensitive information has been stolen from our database, including the names and addresses of Lynx who have escaped from zoological parks and so-called ‘nature reserves’. The Humans who run these are very aggressive; they’ve been looking for these Lynx and they will stop at nothing to find them. Unfortunately, this has made it easier for them to do so.”

LynxLink confirmed that it has advised all Park Lynx of the problem and the charity has assured them that it will assist them in all ways possible to maintain their security within The Park.

“The safety of The Park’s Lynx is of paramount importance to everyone,” says a message on LynxLink’s web site this morning.

OTD in 2015—Noreen to appear on Yannis Tavros show to discuss phenomenon of superfans

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YannisTavros

Yannis Tavros will devote his show on Wednesday to the subject of superfans

Yannis Tavros will devote his Wednesday afternoon radio talk show to the subject of superfans and his special guest will be Noreen.

In a press release issued today, Toro Talk Radio confirmed the appearance of the Mammalian Daily advice columnist and Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier:

“Toro Talk Radio is pleased to announce that Noreen will join Yannis Tavros on his show on Wednesday. The subject will be the phenomenon of the superfan. Yannis will be taking calls throughout the show and callers will also have the opportunity to talk directly to Noreen,” the press release said.

In his pre-show podcast yesterday, Tavros said he’d been thinking about the subject of superfans for a while, but it had become a more timely issue after the recent death of Millicent Hayberry’s superfan Xanthippe Porcupine.

“I’ve been doing some research on the subject and I have to say I find it fascinating,” he said in the podcast. “The rôle of the superfan has changed significantly in the last few years and I look forward to discussing it with Noreen, the Animal whom some consider to be the ultimate superfan.”

Noreen’s loyalty to Thisbe and the Barkettes is legendary in The Park, and she has on many occasions attributed her entire career success to them. In fact, she dedicated her first book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans to the musical group.

lovely-to-look-at-front-coverBuy Noreen’s book here.

OTD in 2014—Fowl Ball funds Avian retirement home

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Fowl BallA portion of the proceeds from the annual Fowl Ball will be used to build and maintain a retirement residence for wounded and elderly members of The Park’s Avian community.

The event’s chief organizer Rafael Ortega made the announcement at a press conference early this morning.

Flanked by members of the Fowl Ball’s board of directors and by executives from the construction company Simply Structures, Ortega thanked all Park residents for their “overwhelming support” of the Fowl Ball.

“Just in this first year, we have taken in more funds than we expected to have after three years and we have all of you to thank,” he said.

“And because of your generosity, the board of directors has deemed it feasible to dedicate a portion of those funds annually to the welfare of our elderly and wounded Avians.”

In a post-conference interview, Ortega said The Park has a growing population of wounded and elderly Avians, many of whom find migration difficult or impossible. The new residence will be built to shelter these Birds from the cold during the Winter season. He said he hopes the new home will be ready to welcome residents by the Winter of 2018.

OTD in 2014—Park remembers Imogen Aardeekhoorn

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Basket of apricotsBaskets of fruit and nuts began to appear in front of the Park Repertory Theatre yesterday afternoon, as news broke of the death of beloved playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn.

By evening, the door to the theatre was blocked by the hundreds of offerings and notes of condolence, thanks, and appreciation left by the playwright’s fans.

“You were and always will be a role model for small Animals,” one note read. “Your honesty will serve for generations,” read another.

“We started getting orders, I would say, right away,” says Beatrice T. Orang of Provisions by Petrounel.

“Imogen was one of our best customers and Animals wanted to know what her favourite fruits and vegetables and nuts were. They wanted to leave them for her in remembrance.”

In a statement issued this morning, The Nut Bar advised customers, “We are now running low on supplies due to the outpouring of grief at the death of playwright Imogen Aardeekhoorn. Please be patient with us. We will make every attempt to fill your orders as supplies come in.”

Meanwhile, the theatre itself is trying to cope with the outpouring of grief. An announcement issued this morning said that it will remain dark for the rest of the week. Instead of going about their usual business, actors, stage managers, ticket sellers and the like are comforting visitors and tending to the offerings. A spokesAnimal for the theatre confirmed that a memorial service for Aardeekhoorn that was originally scheduled to take place at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre will be held here, instead.

“This was Imogen’s home and we welcome the opportunity to embrace her family, friends, and fans,” the spokesAnimal said.

Details of the memorial service will be posted at the theatre shortly.

OTD in 2015—”Plumpen Rolletariat” artist to open PMoCA’s new exhibition in August

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Ingolf EwaldArtist Ingolf Ewald, known for his painting, “Plumpen Rolletariat,” has been selected to open the Park Museum of Contemporary Art’s newest exhibition in August.

The PMoCA’s head curator Aamuun Maroodiga made the announcement in a press release this morning:

“On behalf of the Park Museum of Contemporary Art, I am pleased to announce that artist Ingolf Ewald has graciously accepted our invitation to open our upcoming exhibition, ‘Art of the Domestic Feline,’ at a gala to be held at the museum on August 8,” the press release reads.

Ewald, who has courted controversy for over a decade with this particular painting, posted on his own web site that he was honoured by the request.

“When Aamuun Maroodiga asked me to lend my painting to the museum for the purpose of an exhibition, I said yes immediately,” he wrote.

“I have always been a supporter of the domestic art movement, since my origins lie in that territory. But this exhibition is special to me, because the curator is a close acquaintance and because I know that my work will be among other great works of domestic art.”

Although Ewald has sold many of his paintings, he maintains ownership of “Plumpen Rolletariat” and has never lent it to an exhibition before.

According to the museum’s web site, the opening gala will include an auction of a more recent work by Ewald, the proceeds from which will be donated to the CatsCare charity.

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