The Mammalian Daily

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No rest for the judiciary: ruling to come on grooming house call for injunction

By

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon will rule on injunction request later today

Sometimes, there’s just no rest for the judiciary.

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon arrived at The Park’s Superior Court this morning at 7:00 a.m. He is expected to rule later today on the request for an injunction against the police that was brought by The Park’s grooming houses late yesterday afternoon.[pullquote]It is not the rôle of the police to guard against crime; it is their place to be ready to attend when laws are broken. This may seem as if it’s a very fine line, but it is not. It is a very thick line and attempting to thin it is menacing.—Fionnula L. Fox, professor of law, University of West Terrier [/pullquote]

In its petition for an injunction against the stationing of officers outside their businesses, the grooming houses appealed to the Justice on a number of issues including harm to customer relations, disruption of business, loss of income, and loss of reputation.

But the one issue that stands out among them and that will give the Justice pause, say legal experts, is the issue of destabilizing The Park and threatening zoocracy.

“The stationing of police on private property where no crime has taken place is a very serious matter. It may look at first, as if it is about the issue of peacekeeping, but if you delve more deeply into it, you see that such an aggressive act is indeed a threat to our very zoocracy,” says Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

Fionnula L. Fox, professor of law at the University of West Terrier and a specialist in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park) agrees.

“Our zoocracy was founded on the right to free expression and free assembly. The Animals who caused the stampede last year did not break the law by complaining; they broke the law by acting in a violent fashion and by hurting each other. But it is not the rôle of the police to guard against crime; it is their place to be ready to attend when laws are broken. This may seem as if it’s a very fine line, but it is not. It is a very thick line and attempting to thin it is menacing,” she says.

Mr. Justice Dindon will hear presentations from both sides this morning and he is expected to rule on the matter late in the day.

Tinamou: “We’re ready to call it. Month Without Metaphor is a roaring success.”

By

MonthWMAlvin Tinamou has never been one to shy away from anything, be it controversy or, as in this case, success.

In fact, the publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the organizers of May’s annual Month Without Metaphor (MWM) admits that he happily “goes where other species fear to tread.”

And so it was last year, when Tinamou trod into the minefield of Park journalism and had the audacity to suggest that its descriptions were “overblown” and that our journalism overused metaphors to explain simple concepts.

“I was vilified, of course,” he said yesterday, at the conclusion of his radio show on AVN Radio (286.7).

“But then, something happened. In the silence that followed all the calls for me to apologize, it appeared that some actual thought occurred on the part of editors and reporters. And much to my surprise, many of The Park’s media signed on to my ‘great experiment’ to see if we could leave behind many of the standard metaphors that have become the hallmark of Park media and tell our stories in a much cleaner way. Not simpler in terms of concept, but in terms of language. And, I have to say, it’s been a roaring success, if you’ll excuse the metaphor. We have learned a tremendous amount in the two years the experiment has been going,” he said.

Tinamou’s radio show wraps up on Sunday and he says the challenge now is to keep the momentum going.

“We’ll have to work hard not to slip back into mindless metaphors and similes…to do the work we need to do rather than to be formulaic,” he says.

As for the rumours that he will be joining the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier this Autumn, Tinamou will say only that he’s “flattered.”

“They’ve not asked me and even if they had, I wouldn’t leave my present position [at The Avian Messenger], even for a part-time faculty appointment,” he says.

Fowl Ball face-off: Police to be stationed outside grooming houses this Sunday

By

FCSW President Gareth Shepherd

Grooming houses to have police stationed outside on Sunday

Park Police have decided to station at least one officer outside each of The Park’s grooming houses on Sunday, May 31, the day of the second annual Fowl Ball.

The decision was announced this afternoon in the following communiqué:

“In an effort to prevent a repeat of last year’s difficulties, and after consultation with the Archons and with the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), Park Police have taken the decision to station at least one officer outside each grooming house during the hours of 6:00 a.m. and 6:30 p.m.”

Grooming house owners were swift to react to the communiqué.

“This is outrageous,” said Tano Pagun, co-owner of The Pluming Room.

“I don’t understand why they consulted with the Archons and the DWBS, but they didn’t consult with us,” said Tallulah, owner of Tallulah’s Toilettage, the grooming house at which 68 Animals were injured in last Spring’s “stampede.”

“We don’t want police at our door,” she said. “We have businesses to run and our clients are not going to feel comfortable with this situation.”

Amoltrud Poedel, owner of Amoltrud’s Aesthetics, echoed that sentiment and went even further:

“We dealt with this ourselves, subsequent to the disaster last year, in an open and honest fashion. We worked with PASS [Park Asssociation of Shops and Services), held public consultations, and announced our findings along with our report. We had no problems during the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) and, up until now, we considered the matter closed,” she said.

Wellington Whistlepig, current PASS President, agrees.

“We worked with the grooming houses, before and after the report was released, to make sure they had adequate resources and employees for big events such as this. I see no reason to involve the police ahead of time and, quite frankly, as an Animal in business, I am offended by this aggressive move,” he said.

See also: Grooming house stampede “logical outcome” of changing times: PASS

Noreen to deliver commencement address at University of West Terrier

By

UWT COATBREAKING NEWS

Noreen will deliver the 2015 commencement address at the University of West Terrier on June 1, it was announced today.

The President and Governors of the University made the announcement on the university’s web site this morning.

A spokesAnimal for the university said they were “thrilled” that Noreen had agreed to deliver the address.

“We are cognizant of how busy she is and we didn’t wish to burden her in any way,” the spokesAnimal said. “But Noreen is a shining example of the kind of accomplishment that zoocracy has made possible for all Park Animals. We want our graduating class to benefit by hearing her speak about her life and her experiences.”

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct professor of Human Studies is expected to talk more about her earlier life than about her work at the university.

Read the announcement here.

Park Weather Makers make impassioned plea at Agrarian Jubilee

By

Weather Makers

Logo of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park

It was impromptu and it was impassioned.[pullquote]By supporting your local weather makers, you support The Park’s cultivators and growers and ensure the best food supply to Park residents, which, in turn, ensures a better, more secure, and more prosperous life for all.—WMPSAP president Kalliope Sun Bear [/pullquote]

Between sets by Eggie and The Pigs at Saturday’s Anixi Agrarian Jubilee, Kalliope Sun Bear, president  of the Weather Makers, Producers and Sellers Alliance of The Park (WMPSAP), took to the stage, grabbed the microphone from its stand, and uttered a heartfelt plea to the powers that be (i.e., the Park Finance Officers):

“We have seen the results of the faulty decision-making by the Park Finance Office over the past several years: the purchase of weather from outside The Park; the export of better weather produced by our own members; the resultant food shortages and increasing reliance on the importing of necessities, including food; the support of initiatives such as tourism, that have a detrimental effect on life in The Park…the list goes on.

I implore you to take a step back in order to ensure a better future for The Park and its citizens. By supporting your local weather makers, you support The Park’s cultivators and growers and ensure the best food supply to Park residents, which, in turn, ensures a better, more secure, and more prosperous life for all,” she said.

Her plea comes at a crucial time: just last week, Valentina Abeja, the new head of the Park Finance Office, announced that she would present the 2016 budget on August 1. That leaves a substantial amount of time, Sun Bear believes, to rethink our weather policy and to adjust the figures in its favour.

“I hadn’t at all planned on saying anything at the Jubilee. It’s traditionally a time of celebration, of looking forward toward the new growing season and the coming bounty. But I looked out at the crowd and I saw all the [members of] Concerned Park Cultivators, Planters, Growers, and Farmers and I thought, ‘Something has to be said on their behalf.’ I can’t look at them and not feel their fear…their insecurity. It seemed like a great place to start a discussion, with such a massive turnout,” Sun Bear said in an interview after her speech.

“I know the crowd was with me. I just hope the Finance Office heard us, too,” she said.

Delay over, Tab Tricolore’s “La Langue au Repos” to open at PMoCA June 6

By

The Tongue At Rest

“La Langue au Repos/The Tongue at Rest” opens June 6 at PMoCA

The long-awaited and much-delayed 2015 art installation overseen by renowned Chef Tab Tricolore is set to open at the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) on Saturday, June 6.

The installation, which is entitled, “La Langue au Repos/The Tongue at Rest,” is a collaborative effort among Tricolore and five other Park artists who were chosen by Tricolore himself.

“Not all the artists I chose work in media that are, strictly speaking, the visual arts,” Tricolore said at a press conference yesterday.

“It was a stretch for many of us to translate what we do best into this medium. But I think we have succeeded admirably. My compatriots are great artists in their own right and I am honoured to have had the opportunity to work with them. I will be eternally grateful to them, for reasons only they and I will ever fully understand,” he said.

The other “artists” chosen by Tricolore are renowned autochthonous artist Hervé Huard, Nesthetics designer Romulus Bowerbird, choreographer Gustav Hermelin, Slow Artist Fionn-Fionnoula T. Snail, Clementina Araña, and Reekabilly singer and composer Faramund Stinktier.

While Tricolore served as creative director of the project, he was quick to emphasize its collaborative nature.

“We all have the greatest respect, not only for each other and for each other’s work, but for the medium in which each of us expresses ourselves most often,” he said. “There was no competition among us. The competition was to produce the best art installation the PMoCA could ever host.”

This installation will be the first to open at the museum since its announcement last April that it intends to host an annual art installation. The PMoCA’s curator, Aamuun Maroodiga, was not involved with the installation, the museum says, since it was initiated last Autumn and her tenure began in March. It was the museum’s former curator, Dorika Pumi, who signed off on the project.

See also: Tab Tricolore: Working on this art installation has saved me

Park’s journalism failing us all: Dean

By

Don't read that!

“Don’t read that!” says Dean Gertrude C. Owl of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism

“There’s no other way to put it: our  journalism is failing us all in The Park.”

So said Gertrude C. Owl during her guest appearance on Alvin Tinamou’s Month Without Metaphor radio show on Wednesday afternoon.[pullquote] I see a creeping Humanization, not in the selection of stories so much, but in the style of reporting. —Gertrude C. Owl, Dean, Cuthbert School of Journalism[/pullquote]

The Dean of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier went on to launch a scathing attack on Park media. No medium, genre, or publication escaped her criticism, including The Mammalian Daily.

“What are they doing quoting gossip [web] sites, such as headsNTales? What happened to good old investigative journalism? Is it true or is it not true? Are you ready to call it or wait for more confirmation? How does quoting a source at headsNTales substitute for that?” she asked.

Tinamou sounded momentarily stunned, then bounced back to agree with Owl.

“I think we may be pandering to the crowd a bit too much these days. Or, as I say, using overblown language to tell what is an important story,” he said

Owl went further, insinuating that Park media was become “Humanized.”

“I know that reputable publications, such as The Mammalian Daily, cover important Park issues and that they don’t refer to the species of the Animals involved in their stories unless it is of some relevance. But I see a creeping Humanization, not in the selection of stories so much, but in the style of reporting,” she said.

“We have to remember, Humans are very different Animals; we must not emulate them. While Humans seem unable to see the big picture, Park Animals are much more aware of the consequences of actions. We must not always be bringing the story down to one element or one participant. Journalism has a raw power than is diminished by such a tactic.”

Owl, who was a popular guest, will join Tinamou again at the end of the month to discuss what she calls “writing clean.”

Lookin’ good, feelin’ fine, lose those metaphors and your prose will shine…Whoops!

By

Month Without Metaphor

Slice the number of your metaphors in half during the month of May!

The mid-month statistics are in for Park media’s Month Without Metaphor (MWM) and things are looking up.

Whoops!

What we mean is, the numbers are slightly better this year than they were in the event’s inaugural year.

“We are pleased with the results thus far,” says Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of MWM’s organizers.

“For some reason, though, the radio stations are having more trouble than some of the print publications. Maybe it’s due to the spontaneity factor that is an inherent part of radio.”

That could  well be. And the drop in numbers also speaks well of Park media’s editors and the renewed interest in the idea of “writing clean.” Whatever the reason, Tinamou is hoping the mid-month results will encourage Park publications to further restrict their use of metaphors.

“We’re hoping for a record result at month’s end,” he says.

Here are Month Without Metaphor’s mid-month results in full:

[table]
Publication,          Number of Infractions,
Toro Talk Radio,                                171
CLucK Radio,                                125
Chitter Radio,                                112
The Dingo Boomerang,                                 79
Marine Mammal Radio,                                 78
The Mollusk Messenger,                                 77
The Salamander Evening Post,                                 77
Reptile Radio,                                75
The Silvestris Star,                                73
headsNtales,                                73
The Burro Beacon,                                 73
The Noodlefish News,                                 73
The Canary Courier,                                 71
bRaydio 4,                                71
The Halibut Herald,                                 71
Maple Tree Television,                                70
The Eagle Star,                                 70
The Equine Echo,                                 69
The Rodent Commoner,                                67
The Robin Reporter,                                 67
The Galliforme Gazette,                                 63
The Kaluga Register,                                 63
The Cosmopolitan Pest,                                 60
The Bluebird Free Press,                                 58
Vertebrate Vision,                                58
The Insect Intelligencer,                                56
The Panther Post,                                 56
The Polar Bear Post,                                 54
The Avian Messenger,                                 54
PRANCE Magazine,                                 52
The Blackbird Informer,                                 49
The Ornis Interpreter,                                 44
The Mammalian Daily,                                 40
LAULAA Magazine,                                37
The Raccoon Reporter,                                 30
The Simian Spectator,                                 30
The Marsupial Messenger,                                 29

[/table]

Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja to present 2016 budget in August

By

Budget

“There will be no budget before its time.”—PFO head Valentina Abeja

Citing, among other things, the need for more time to consider the input of citizens, the head of the Park Finance Office (PFO) confirmed that she will not be able to present a 2016 budget before mid-August.

At a press conference this afternoon, Abeja attempted to reassure citizens that her first budget would be a well-considered document, responsive to both the present and future needs of The Park.

“There will be no budget before its time,” she told reporters.

“There is much to deliberate upon, especially since there was effectively no budget this year,” said Abeja, who has held the position since mid-February.

Last month, in an interview with Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros, Abeja said it was important for the PFO head to be mindful of the needs and aspirations of all Park citizens, while acknowledging the immense diversity of The Park’s population.

“A budget speaks to every Animal’s priorities and hopes for the future, every Animal’s identification with its own species and our collective desires for all Park citizens,” she said.

The last Park budget was presented on August 30, 2014 by former PFO head Milton Struts. That budget proved so controversial that it was scuttled almost immediately and Struts was relieved of his position shortly thereafter.

Anselm Alpaca, former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist, dies at 19

By

Anselm Alpaca

Anselm Alpaca: 1996-2015

BREAKING NEWS

Former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist Anselm Alpaca has died.

In a statement released this morning, Alpaca’s family confirmed that he died “of natural causes” last night at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. Alpaca was nineteen years old.

At the time of his death, Alpaca was working for The Equine Echo, but he spent the better part of his career as a reporter and columnist for The Mammalian Daily, where he was known as a “star.”

“He was the gold standard,” said Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas in a statement this afternoon. “He was extremely thorough, he refused to print anything for which he had fewer than four sources, and he gave everyone a fair hearing. There was no journalist like him at any paper in The Park. We were lucky to have him for so long.”

Even after his departure, Alpaca retained his friendships with journalists and support staff at The Mammalian Daily, many of whom describe him as “a great champion of Animals.”

Hamilton Snowcock of The Canary Courier agrees.

“He was on our side, no matter what species you were from,” he said. “He was just a great Animal who believed, above all, in fairness.”

Alpaca also taught part-time at the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism, where his students say he was always available for them and happy to give students as much time as they needed.

Alpaca leaves his mate Gillian and two sons, Ronald and Stanley.

Funeral arrangements are pending.

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