Satirical fiction in newspaper form
The President and Governors of the University of West Terrier announced today that Herman Stoat will speak at this year’s annual Open House.
According to a post on the university’s web site, the renowned dancer, choreographer, and UWT alumnus will talk about his UWT experience and the rôle of higher education in the arts.
The full announcement appears on the University’s web site.
C. Astrid H. Ant, Head of The Park’s Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS), will replace Chief Archon Raymond H. Mink as speaker at the 2016 University of West Terrier Open House on January 29, it was announced today.
Mink bowed out of the speaking engagement on January 17, a day after he was sworn in as 2016 Chief Archon, explaining that he felt his focus should be on governing at this time.
In a brief statement that appeared on the university’s web site, the UWT President and Governors thanked Ant for accepting the invitation “on such short notice.”
The ASIS head, who is perhaps best known for her leadership of the brilliant team that prevented the destruction of an entire Ant colony, will be speaking about the rôle that higher education plays in investigative police work and in the maintenance of interspecial harmony in general.
The university’s full announcement about the Open House appears on its web site.
Popular columnist Noreen may not be dispensing advice at The Mammalian Daily for much longer, if a popular Park gossipmonger’s sources are correct.
According to headsNtales, The Park’s “most-watched” gossip site, Noreen is currently in talks with several Park newspapers to expand her rôle beyond that of counselling Animals on how to live happily with Humans.
In keeping with her present position as adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier, Noreen is said to be keen on bringing her academic credentials to her newspaper writing.
“Noreen would like to share the knowledge of Humans that she has acquired over her lifetime with more of the general public,” says a source close to the columnist.
“Rather than answering Animals’ questions, she would like to offer something more substantial in a regular column or essay. She believes that many Animals are lacking knowledge of Human history, for example, and she would like to fill that gap so that Animals can better understand the world around them and make better-informed choices.”
If these are indeed Noreen’s wishes, they may well fall in line with the intentions of the University of West Terrier. While there has been no final word on the subject from the UWT Board of Governors, rumours have suggested the school is considering a major expansion of its Department of Human Studies.
Meanwhile, Noreen remains silent on her plans for the future and has declined to comment on any rumours.
The Department of Human Studies at The University of West Terrier has green-lit a new course that will use footage of Human television shows to teach students about Human motivation.
In a brief announcement posted on the university’s web site yesterday, the President and the Board of Governors of the university confirmed the addition of the new course to the undergraduate curriculum.
“The President and Governors of the University of West Terrier and the head of the Department of Human Studies are pleased to announce the expansion of the Department’s curriculum in 2015,” the announcement reads.
As of September 2015, the announcement says, students who are attending the University and have completed at least one full year of study will be eligible to enrol in the new course, which is listed as HS 207.
Although the course description has not been finalized, the head of the Human Studies Department confirmed that learning materials will include footage of television shows that are made by and watched by Humans.
“Thanks to an agreement signed last January between the University of West Terrier and the Avian Messenger’s ‘Birds on the Wire,’® service, we have been able to obtain footage of some Human television programming. This material has proven to be extremely valuable in the understanding of Human motivation and the Human value system and we feel fortunate to be able to offer this to our students,” she said.
The announcement did not include any information regarding the course instructor, but many believe the department will appoint Noreen, since she has expertise in the field. The adjunct professor is currently on leave to promote her book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans and will return to her teaching duties in the Autumn.
The full announcement from the University can be read here.
Dr. Jagger Zebu, Professor of Mammalian Medicine at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine has been awarded the prestigious Eureka Prize, it was announced today.
The announcement came in a statement issued this morning by the editorial board of the scientific journal Eureka. The board, which awards the prize annually for “pioneering research and innovative experimentation,” called Dr. Zebu a “a meticulous scientist and a pioneer in harrumphocyte research.”
Dr. Zebu, whose name appeared earlier this month on Eureka’s “Seventeen to Watch in 2017” list, led a team of researchers who were the first to pinpoint the location of harrumphocytes in Mammals. Harrumphocytes are the cells that are believed to be responsible for producing feelings of primary apathy and secondary negativity in Mammals.
When the research was published in March of this year, Dr. Zebu said he believed the breakthrough would offer a “much-improved” life to Mammals who suffer from harrumphocyte imbalance.
Although Dr. Zebu has not commented on the award, the Board of Governors of the University of West Terrier posted a congratulatory message on the university’s web site this morning.
The University of West Terrier announced today that it has secured the services of award-winning author, Pieter N. Paard, to write the definitive history of The Park’s oldest institution of higher learning.
In a statement released to all Park media, the President of UWT, Angus Abhag, said that this will be “a no-holds barred, complete history of the institution, from its foundation to the present day.”
The statement also said that UWT hoped all present and past faculty and staff members, as well as the university’s students, friends, and benefactors, would cooperate with Paard and be “completely honest about their experiences at the University of West Terrier.”
Pieter Paard is best known for his book, From Slavery to Freedom: A History of Pack Animals. A five-part television series, based on the book, aired on PBC Television this Autumn.
This updated edition includes information on the most recent decisions made by the current set of Archons, including those involving calendar harmonization. A separate section on the currency amalgamation debate will prove valuable to newcomers as well as to those who have not followed the debate closely over the last several years.
Several copies of the guide, which sells for 13.50 Ftoo per copy, will be made available in The Park Library, said a spokesAnimal for the publishers, Birch Bark Books. In addition, the publishers have committed to providing copies to the libraries of The Park’s institutions of higher learning.
The Park Historical Society announced today that it has begun production on a series of historical vignettes that it intends to screen at venues throughout The Park, as well as on major television stations.
At a press conference held this morning, PHS President Clark Cascanueces said the series of vignettes, which are called “Long Story Shorts”, will cover important events in Park history from “the very beginnings of a community here, to the establishment of zoocracy and beyond.”
Asked about the impetus for the endeavour, Cascanueces admitted the PHS has been remiss in its educational duties of late.
“We do acknowledge that part of our mandate in preserving and protecting Park history is to educate future generations about their past,” he said. “And, I admit, that that part of our duty has been neglected, in part due to our involvement with The Park Museum. But, it’s come to our attention in recent months that young Animals do not appear to be as aware of The Park’s beginnings as we would have them be and, as a result of this, we decided to take immediate action. We formed an outreach committee and we have engaged the services of a number of well-known Park filmmakers, who generously offered their services to us, free of charge.”
The vignettes, which are expected to be ten to twenty seconds in length, will begin airing within the calendar year, Cascanueces said.
The fur was flying this past weekend as The University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism hosted the largest print media conference in Park history.
Virtually all print media organizations and associations were represented at the conference, which was jointly chaired by the Cuthbert School’s dean, Gertrude C. Owl, and journalism professor Ludwiga Saimiri, the former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ).
Attendees pinpointed a baker’s dozen of hot button issues, ranging from ensuring fair coverage, recognizing equality of species, maintaining journalistic integrity, and finding new tools for recruiting the young, to financial issues, opening up new revenue streams, and more. But most agreed that the number one issue at this year’s conference was transparency. And, in that respect, The Mammalian Daily came in for some heavy criticism, particularly from the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN).
Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and the Association’s Executive Director, spoke at length about the need for Park newspapers to be transparent in their coverage and asserted that certain major outlets had failed miserably in that regard. As an example, he cited The Mammalian Daily, whose reporters have been working, as he called it, “undercover in plain sight.”
“The era of anonymous reporting is over,” DiPressa declared. “If you are hiding your journalists’ identities, you are hiding their biases, and you are not being forthright with your readers. We can smell your fear [of transparency] and it is turning us off reading your newspaper,” he declared.
Priscilla Weevil, Editor-in-Chief of The Serangga Star Adviser, not only agreed with DiPressa, but went further by issuing a challenge to The Mammalian Daily:
“We call on you to open up and start including the names of your reporters in your bylines by the beginning of 2016. We can think of no valid reason to obscure them.”
Although Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas was in attendance, she declined to comment on the accusations, nor has she given any indication that she will consider adding names to TMD bylines.
The conference wrapped up late Sunday night with a celebratory dinner at which both Owl and Saimiri spoke candidly about the practice of journalism in The Park.
“This has never been an easy profession and it is not an easy one now, but I know no journalist who would not say that the rewards far outweigh the challenges,” said Saimiri.
Gunnar Rotte has never backed away from a fight.
Indeed, he rose to prominence almost two years ago, when he published a controversial editorial in The Rodent Commoner comparing the plight of his own species to that of The Park’s striped and spotted citizens.
Now, the beleaguered journalist and part-time counsellor at The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic is doubling down on his mission to make all Park citizens understand the real life challenges of Rodents and, in particular, Rats.
After taking to Twitter yesterday to react to the announcement that this year’s Park ART Walk will celebrate the work of our striped and spotted citizens and to complain that no Park event honours Rodents, Rotte has begun a campaign to pressure the Archons into establishing just such an event.
Calling for an annual , “Rotter Day,” Rotte says he plans to march in front of the law courts and all government buildings until the Archons and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations agree to his plan.
And he just might be successful.
“I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he got it done,” says Rosbritt Piggsvin, President of Rodents at Risk, a Park charity that aids The Park’s at-risk Rodent community.
“Gunnar is nothing if not persistent,” says Piggsvin, who has known Rotte since his birth.
“He gnaws at things and doesn’t let them go. And on this particular subject, I can tell you, he won’t rest until all Park Animals understand and acknowledge the pain and suffering of Rats and many other Rodents.”
Still, many say it will be an uphill battle for Rotte to get the Archons to agree to add an event to The Park’s calendar so late in their term.
“Yes, he may have to march in the snow, but I’ll bet he’s already put together a plan to confront the new Archons on the day of their swearing-in,” says Piggsvin.
