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Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen
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Noreen’s commencement address: five phrases and one word for you to grow forward with

June 15, 2015 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

UWT COAT“Students, families, President, Governors: Thank you. If ever there was one word that could hold a lifetime of advice, it is this: Yield.”

I stand here today humbled. Humbled by the invitation to speak to you, the graduating class of 2015. Humbled as a Canine who never attended the University of West Terrier or, indeed, any institution of higher learning. Humbled as a Canine who has, in many ways, lived by her wits and, by doing so, has found a home here among your esteemed educators.

When I first received the invitation from your President and Governors, I was overwhelmed. It seemed like the most daunting of tasks, thinking of something of substance to tell the young as they embark on adult life. While as an advice columnist and researcher, I was used to telling you what I’d observed and experienced in my lifetime, I couldn’t imagine what I could tell you about what you may observe and experience in your lifetime.

Then, after much deliberation, I realized that some of the best advice I could offer was, in fact, no advice at all. Instead, I’ve chosen to give you the gift of “food for thought” and to allow you, yourselves, to ponder your own future.

What I’m going to say to you today may seem simple, even trite, perhaps obvious, or even irrelevant. But as you move through life, I can almost guarantee, you will gain an increasing understanding of its relevance. So, my only piece of advice is this: keep this short list handy and refer to it from time to time. You will be amazed at how these few phrases impart even more wisdom as you age.

What I have to offer you today can be summed up in five phrases—and one word. These are phrases that I have culled from—gasp—the Human world. That is, after all, my area of study.

During my travels and, particularly, during my recent book tour, I had the good fortune to observe the many pieces of advice that Humans post openly in their world. I’ve discovered that Humans are quite clever in the way they plaster their highways and byways with wise sayings. I have selected a few of these to offer you today and I will demonstrate their relevance to your own life.

  1. Always secure your own [oxygen] mask first before assisting others
    I confess, I was confused by this sign before I was able to glean its true meaning. It is not, as it appears, a call to abandon altruism. Rather, it is a warning to all living beings to make sure that they are in a position to follow through on any help they offer others. Make sure your own foundation is strong before you make promises and if it is not, strengthen it first. Don’t abandon a job halfway because you run out of resources. Plan ahead.
  2.  No Parking
    Stagnation is the enemy of all living beings. You must keep moving, physically, mentally, emotionally. Don’t settle for comfort. Yes, enjoy the fruits of your labour and of your luck. But don’t stop there. There is always much work to be done in the world and never enough time for any one generation to do it.
  3.  No Diving Allowed
    This may seem almost the opposite of what I’ve just said, but it is not. And, I admit, the Human fear of failure is evident here. But after a bit more thought, I realized that this was only a warning against precipitous action. Make sure you’ve done your research, have a backup plan and a support system. Make sure the water is deep enough before you dive in.
  4. Yield
    If ever there was one word that could hold a lifetime of advice, it is this: Yield. Particularly in The Park, where the lives of so many different species converge, there is no better piece of advice that one could give than to yield. Step aside. Let others pass. Make sure your fellow citizens get what they need. You will never regret it.
  5. This bag is not a toy
    As I’m sure you can see, this phrase can have a variety of meanings, but none is a warning against play. And while the true meaning of this phrase seemed elusive to me for some time, I have come to understand it more fully in the last year. Play is good—and necessary—but make sure you understand the boundaries of its arena. Some things, though not all, warrant seriousness, even gravity. Be sure you can distinguish one from the other.
  6. The objects in the mirror are closer than they appear
    And now, perhaps the most important of all. Humans have a phrase, “History repeats itself.” The sad fact is that it does. It is incumbent upon us to understand that whatever gains we make—as individuals, as species, or as any large group—may be undone in an instant if we are not vigilant. Look in the rearview mirror often. Understand the past. Understand where you and your ancestors came from and what their lives were like. And never forget it. History is not fiction. The horrors of the past can easily creep back up on us to become the horrors of the present. Be attuned: those footsteps are never very far behind.

And, so, I conclude here, leaving you with a few things to think about as you move forward in your lives.

To you, the class of 2015, I wish everything good: health, happiness, the chance to pursue your goals, and to live as long a life as your species allows. Congratulations!”

This address was delivered by Noreen at the University of West Terrier commencement ceremonies on June 1, 2015.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Noreen, Park Life Tagged With: commencement address, Noreen

Noreen to collaborate with DWBS on guide to “Safety in the Soppy Seasons”

February 27, 2015 By Thaddeus S. Loris, TMD Health and Safety Reporter

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

For even more insight into Humans, buy Noreen’s book! Just click on the image above.

“We’ve all come to understand just how soppy Humans can be, sometimes,” says Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier.

“But what many of us don’t understand is how to cope with that and how to keep ourselves safe in the face of such an onslaught of emotion.”

There is help on the way though, she said, at a press conference held early this morning.

Standing beside Cornelius Kakapo, director of public relations for The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety, Noreen announced her collaboration with the department on what she called “the definitive guide to staying safe in the soppy seasons.”

“Animals need to acquire the skill sets to cope with the ‘two-legged Lions,'” she said. “Especially when they try to give us Bear hugs.”

Kakapo concurred.

“Several times a year, we [the DWBS] issue a safety alert, telling Animals to beware of Humans looking for temporary—or even permanent—Animal companionship. And The Park has devoted the entire month of June to spreading awareness of enforced domestication,” he said.

“But, clearly, that hasn’t been enough. The number of Animal kidnappings has increased dramatically over the past few years. We’re now even seeing cases of Animals being returned to The Park after these events. They are often in very bad shape, both physically and mentally. Some of them are altered for life. We have to put a stop to this. And we feel the first step is to arm Park Animals with the information they need to keep themselves and their loved ones safe.”

The printed guide will be published this Autumn, Kakapo said, and will be available free of charge through the DWBS offices, the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, and the Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic. A pdf copy will also be posted on this web site.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Noreen, Park Life Tagged With: animal safety, kidnapping, safety, TNR

Noreen: TMD’s Animal of the Year

December 31, 2014 By TMD Reporters

lovely-to-look-at-back-coverBREAKING NEWS
The Mammalian Daily has chosen Noreen as its 2014 Animal of the Year.

In a press announcement this morning, TMD managing editor Orphea Haas said the newspaper’s staff chose to honour the advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies because of her “tireless efforts” on behalf of zoocracy and her commitment to achieving harmony among the species.

“Noreen has been at the forefront in the struggle to achieve harmony among the species. She has been committed to interspecial understanding from the beginning of her career. She has worked tirelessly in an effort to help other Animals achieve awareness, understanding, and acceptance of our differences, thereby upholding one of the most important tenets of zoocracy. Her recent book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans, is just another example of her endeavours in this regard. Noreen is a true champion of zoocracy and an upstanding Park citizen and we are pleased to honour her as our 2014 Animal of the Year,” said Haas.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Noreen, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

Park Animals may be predisposed to eating Human food: Noreen

October 31, 2014 By Keelin Gabhar, TMD Health and Science Reporter

Official Noreen

Park Animals may be predisposed to eating Human food: Noreen

We shouldn’t judge Park Finance Officer Milton Struts too harshly if, in fact, he did accept an offer of food from Humans.[pullquote]The prolonged exposure to Humans experienced by Park Animals has had a profound effect on our senses, most notably our senses of smell and taste. — Noreen [/pullquote]

So writes Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier, who begins a leave of absence tomorrow to promote her new book, Lovely To Look At.

In an open letter to be published this weekend on The Mammalian Daily web site, Noreen encourages Park citizens to be “tolerant of the effects that proximity to Humans has had on our population.”

“There is scientific evidence that has come to us from experiments performed at the University of West Terrier that indicates very strongly that the prolonged exposure to Humans experienced by Park Animals has had a profound effect on our senses, most notably our senses of smell and taste,” she writes.

It is not surprising, then, that we have developed a taste for Human food, despite its inferior quality and our limited ability to digest it.

“Time was, no Park Animal would even consider eating something a Human eats. But times have changed. Not only do we consider it, but many more of us than we realize actually do it. It is the ‘dirty little secret’ that many Animals will not speak about. Whether or not Mr. Struts did eat the food as has been reported, it opens up a dialogue that we should have had a long time ago.” she writes.


lovely-to-look-at-front-coverNoreen’s book, Lovely To Look At, will be published in early November.
Copies will be available for purchase at the Toronto International Book Fair (November 13-16) and on the publisher’s web site thereafter.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Health and Medicine, Noreen, Park Life Tagged With: book, Lovely To Look At, Noreen

One last assignment: Noreen to cover Frankfurt Book Fair before leave starts

October 2, 2014 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

Noreen official badge portraitNoreen will be taking a short break from her work here at The Mammalian Daily in order to promote her book, Lovely To Look At.

But before her leave starts on November 1, she has accepted one last Mammalian Daily assignment: covering the Frankfurt Book Fair in early October.

In a press release dated today, Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas confirmed both Noreen’s six-month leave from the paper and her last assignment:

It is with great pleasure that we announce today that our advice columnist Noreen will be taking a six-month leave of absence commencing November 1. She will be spending that time promoting her book, Lovely To Look At.

Before she leaves us, though, Noreen has accepted one last assignment. She will be covering the Frankfurt Book Fair (http://buchmesse.de/en/) between October 8 and October 12. We take pride in being the only Park newspaper to be sending a correspondent to the largest book fair in the world.

Although we will miss her come November, all of us at The Mammalian Daily wish her great success in this and in her future endeavours.” 

Stay connected to Noreen by following her on Instagram and Twitter:

Noreen reporting from the Frankfurt Book Fair: http://twitter.com/NoreenatTheFair

Instagram: http://instagram.com/officialnoreen/

Talks with Noreen on Twitter: http://twitter.com/talkswithnoreen

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Noreen, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: books, Frankfurt Book Fair, Noreen, publishing

Data Tree hacking was likely the result of “Human error,” says Noreen

September 19, 2014 By TMD Reporters

Official Noreen

April’s Tree hacking was likely “human error,” says Noreen

The hacking in April of one of The Park’s largest data Trees was likely the result of “Human error,” rather than malicious intent, Noreen says.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and University of West Terrier adjunct professor of Human Studies was participating in a panel discussion on Toro Talk Radio when she made the comment.

“Humans act as much out of ignorance as they do out of self-interest,” she said.

“And, often, the two go hand-in-hand. It wouldn’t surprise me at all to discover that the Humans who did the hacking had no idea whatsoever that the Tree was being used to store precious data.”

In fact, the Tree had been used for years by Sierpinski Squirrel, Chief Financial Officer of A. Corn and Partners. The company’s long-term lease allowed the Squirrel to store his raw data in the Tree. Much of that data was recovered during the investigation into the hacking, but a significant amount was lost.

“I would bet the Humans thought that the Tree was ill or interfering with other vegetation,” she said. “I can’t imagine any other reason that they would deliberately hack the Tree.”

Noreen also cautioned the panel to remember the limitations of Humans’ senses.

“There are many things that Humans are not able to see and often they misinterpret the things they do see. And we shouldn’t forget, either, that the majority of them lean toward taking a negative view of things they do not understand,” she said.


 

lovely-to-look-at-front-coverNoreen’s book, Lovely To Look At, will be published in October.
For more information or to place a pre-publication order, please use this email address: lovelytolookatbook@trojanhorsepress.net

 

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Noreen, Park Life Tagged With: data, hacking, trees

Follow Noreen wherever she goes!

August 12, 2014 By TMD Reporters

Official Noreen

Noreen is on the move!

The longtime Mammalian Daily advice columnist and Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier will take to the road this Autumn to promote her book as well as the causes she’s passionate about.

Don’t miss a moment of her journey!

Follow her on Twitter at twitter.com/talkswithnoreen and join our email list at lovelytolookatbook@trojanhorsepress.net for updates on her book. And keep your eyes open for contests, draws, auctions and more.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Noreen, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture

The more things change, the more Humans stay the same: Noreen

August 11, 2014 By TMD Reporters

Noreen

“Humans are unable to incorporate lessons from previous generations.” – Noreen

The more things change, the more Humans stay the same.

[pullquote]While Human tenacity is admirable, in the end we had to conclude that it is a barrier to necessary change. — Noreen [/pullquote]

So concludes Noreen in her second academic article due to be published in the November issue of the prestigious Journal of Human Behaviour (JHB).

In the article, which is entitled, How Dubious Wisdom Leads to Human Folly, the Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier and Mammalian Daily advice columnist shares new insights into “what makes the Human world go around.”

“Around is the key word here, my research showed me,” says Noreen.

“After spending the better part of two years studying Human history, I had to conclude that their [Humans’] tendency to end up where they started is the fault of their inability to learn from their predecessors. They cannot seem to incorporate lessons from previous generations,” she says.

“They are a tenacious species and there is much to be admired in that. But they appear to be true catalysts. They change the world, but they remain unchanged. And, as we have seen, that can lead to long-term problems for all species.”

Noreen said she found the research very difficult to do, “because there were so many places along the way that cried out for a change of course, but that change of course was never taken.”


 

lovely-to-look-at-front-coverBuy Noreen’s book, Lovely to Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans here.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Noreen, Park Life

“Human values” not an oxymoronic term: Noreen

March 5, 2014 By Nienke Varken, TMD Education Reporter

Official Noreen

Noreen

“Human values” is not an oxymoronic term.

[pullquote]Many of the values and mores that in the past we have attributed only to ourselves have been shown to exist in Humans as well. — Noreen[/pullquote]So says Noreen in her first academic article, due to be published in the May issue of the prestigious Journal of Human Behaviour (JHB).

In the article, which is entitled, “Not Just Skin Deep: On Human Belief Systems and Motivations,” the Adjunct Professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier and Mammalian Daily advice columnist shares new insights into Humans’ belief systems and the determinants of Human behaviour.

“Some of what I have learned will surprise Park Animals,” she says. “Many of the values and mores that in the past we have attributed only to ourselves have been shown to exist in Humans as well.”

For example, Noreen contends, while Human behaviour may appear random to us, it is more often than not the result of ideas and beliefs that are widely held among members of the species. 

“And these ideas and beliefs are often founded in a kind of morality. We may not recognize it, but very often Humans are trying to do what they believe is the best thing,” she writes.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Education, Noreen, Park Life

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