Satirical fiction in newspaper form
Dorika Pumi, curator at The Park Museum, has produced a simple yet powerful piece entitled, “Pet Project: Monikers of Domestication,” to honour Enforced Domestication Awareness Month in The Park:
Pumi used one whole museum wall at the west side of the main building, as the backdrop for the video.
“There is no voiceover or commentary,” Pumi emphasizes. “The video speaks for itself.”
“The Wall,” as Pumi refers to it, will be on display at the museum until the end of the year.
BREAKING NEWS
Six Park Animals were arrested and are currently in jail awaiting a bail hearing after being charged with stripespotting within the boundaries of The Park.
In a short statement released at noon today, Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) confirmed the arrest early this morning.
“On the morning of June 25, Park Police attended at the site of the Ancient Oak Tree and found six Animals, residents of The Park, engaged in the illegal activity of stripespotting. Following confirmation of these activities, Police arrested all six Animals. The Animals are now at the Park Jail awaiting the assessment of bail charges and the setting of dates for trial,” the statement said.
Legal experts told The Mammalian Daily that the arrested Animals are likely to be waiting in jail for some time.
“They picked a bad day to be arrested, particularly on those charges,” said Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.
Terrier was referring to the fact that Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court is presently hearing opening arguments on the first day of the trial of SplotchWatch owner and operator Raimundo Zorro. In April, Zorro was charged with two counts of “inciting hate” and one count of “inciting discord” by means of operating the SplotchWatch web site, which names Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed.
“I don’t think there’ll be much sympathy for those Animals today, not if they were caught stripespotting,” Terrier said.
The act of stripespotting, which is a form of bullying, involves pointing to and calling out striped Animals as they pass by. The calling out is usually done in a threatening voice. Although some Animals still consider it a harmless prank or even a valid pastime, the act itself was outlawed eleven years ago and, according to Terrier, those few who still practise it can expect harsh punishment from the courts.
The Archons, in conjunction with the Department of Well-Being and Safety and the Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations are pleased to release the following Official Schedule of Events for the June 2015 Enforced Domestication Awareness Month:
[table]
Date,Event,Location
6/1-30, It Could Happen To You: Tools of Domestication Exhibit and Recorded Presentation, Park Museum,
6/1-30, Domestication in the Piscine World: Interactive Exhibit,University of West Terrier Underwater Campus
6/1-30, Collar and Tag Surrender and Exchange, Footpad Heaven
6/2, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/ 6,“Super Goof” comic launch ,New Harmony Theatre
6/8, Experts Live Panel Discussion (participants to be announced), University of West Terrier
6/9, Squeakeasy in the Afternoon: Victims’ Stories Noon-5, The Squeakeasy
6/ 9, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/10,The Psychological Effects of Domestication: Panel Discussion/Q & A, Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm
6/12, Tab Tricolore hosts All You Can Eat Free, The Tabby Club & The Broop ‘n Miaow
6/13, Karaoke Night for The Domesticated Blues hosted by The Cynics, The Pound Gastropub
6/15, Advice for the Formerly Domesticated: Medical Updates plus Q & A, Extinction Anxiety Clinic
6/16, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/18, Dear Noreen: Is All Domestication Enforced?, University of West Terrier
June 19-21, LeTwiggery Avian Event: Come in and get your coupon for a free Ready-to-Feather™ Nest!, LeTwiggery
6/21, Concert of Celebration, The Draft
06/22, Holstein Fashion for EQUALSS: 50% off Spring inventory; lots of free items; get your “I Love My Stripes and Spots” button; coupon for free 3-course meal at The Tabby Club, Footpad Heaven
6/23, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/25-26, Victims’ Stories (register at DWBS to tell your story), Ancient Open-Air Theatre
6/28, Time for Inspiration: Free tour of Imogen Aardeekhoorn’s burrow, The Burrow Theatre
6/30, Concert for Charity (Purchase The Feral Four’s new single TNR. All proceeds go to CatsCare) , Ancient Open-Air Theatre
6/30, Concert After-Party, The PurrBoy Café@The Park Museum
[/table]
Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press
Momoko Yamaneko stifled a nervous laugh as she responded to a reporter’s question at a press conference held at her office this morning.[pullquote]The time has come for us to live up to our responsibility.—Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief, Prionailurus Press[/pullquote]
The question was a simple one: “Why now?”
“You’d have thought by our name that this would have been our mandate all along…our raison d’être, so to speak,” said the Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press, which today became the first publishing house in The Park to respond to the plight of striped and spotted Animals.
But Yamaneko stopped short of apologizing for the company’s seeming neglect of its own community.
“A constellation of factors influence publishing decisions,” she explained, “and often we are forced, by the markets and by our readers, to put our survival ahead of even our most heartfelt desires. But we called you here today to announce that the time has come for us to live up to our responsibility in this regard. We will be putting striped and spotted writers at the forefront. That part of our agenda is set for the next three years, at least.”
The publishing house, she said, has committed a sizeable amount of currency and all its other resources to finding and publishing emerging writers from the striped and spotted community.
“We want to welcome them to the Prionailurus family,” she said. “We want hear and read their stories of the challenges they’ve faced in the past and those they face now. We want to strengthen our own community at the same time as we work to foster understanding among all species.”
The publishing house’s new mandate begins “now,” the Editor-in-Chief said emphatically, as the press conference drew to a close.
“We have a host of new and exciting initiatives in development. You will be hearing from us very soon in this regard,” she said.
Free elections are the only way to combat inequality in The Park: Douglas Cheetah
The Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP) now has an ally in the person of award-winning film director, Douglas Cheetah.
In a statement released this morning by Cheetah himself, he says that he has come to the “sad conclusion” that the only path to true equality among the species is the establishment of free elections to choose the members of The Park’s governing body (the 35 Archons who serve a one-year term).
“I had always hoped otherwise, but it appears that we have let tensions among the different species interfere with our good sense. The only way that I can see to stop the ongoing erosion of the principles of zoocracy is to establish a system in which we choose our leaders directly,” he says.
Although CASP president Antoine Lézard claims he was “stunned” by Cheetah’s announcement, media-watchers say they saw it coming, after Cheetah sat down for an interview last month with Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros. In that interview, they say, Cheetah hinted at his change of allegiance.
“Speaking on behalf of a beleaguered group, that is striped and spotted Animals,” Cheetah said to Tavros, “I believe there are political solutions to the problems that, in the past, we have been too timid to consider,” he said.
Although he refused to elaborate on his thoughts during that interview, many believed that Cheetah was advocating the end of sortition.
CASP’s Lézard, who is himself a striped Animal, says he believes that Cheetah’s “realization” will influence many Park Animals to seriously consider the issue.
“We all understand what a very difficult situation we are in, since sortition was the method of governing that our founder, Jor, established. But we may have reached the point at which we have to consider other options. The Park has matured in the many years since zoocracy was established, but our political system has not kept pace,” he says.
Raimundo Zorro, SplotchWatch owner
BREAKING NEWS
Raimundo Zorro, the owner and operator of the controversial web site, “SplotchWatch,” appeared before Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon this afternoon in The Park’s Superior Court, where he was formally charged with two counts of “inciting hate” and one count of “inciting discord.”
According to his lawyer, Pernilla Varghund, the former charges refer to the intent of his web site; the latter charge refers to its effect.
The SplotchWatch web site names Animals who have had their spots or stripes removed. Zorro claims he provides this service in the interest of openness and honesty.
Varghund, a junior partner in The Park’s oldest law firm, Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd, spoke on behalf of her client during the proceedings. Zorro pleaded not guilty to all charges. A court date has been set for June 25.
Outside the courtroom, in the middle of the media frenzy, Zorro stopped to greet a few Animals whom he said were his supporters. Not long after, he was whisked away by his lawyer, who told attending media that he was unlikely to appear again in public before his trial.
The 2015 Archons have enacted legislation designating the month of March each year as “Museum Month” in The Park.
At a press conference held early this morning in front of the soon-to-be-opened Park Museum, Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo made the announcement. Flanked by all 34 Archons, the Cuckoo spoke on behalf of her colleagues:
“On behalf of my fellow Archons, I proclaim the month of March as annual Museum Month in The Park.
In making this proclamation, we are recognizing the importance of documenting and understanding our history and celebrating our triumphs. At the same time, however, we must acknowledge our ongoing struggles. We hope the formal establishment of a Museum Month will facilitate just that and that the month of March will be a time for us each year to take an honest look at ourselves as a Park, to assess our accomplishments, and to rethink our goals as they relate to The Park as a whole and to each other as fellow citizens.
To that end, in conjunction with the Park Finance Office, we have made a change to The Park budget and set aside funds so that all Park museums will be able to welcome guests free of charge throughout the month of March each year. We hope this will help present and future generations to understand the history of The Park and the rôle that they themselves may play in its future.”
The legislation to which the Chief Archon referred goes by the formal name of “The Museum Month Designation Act” (“An Act to designate the month of March as annual Museum Month in The Park”). The legislation was signed February 23, 2015 and takes effect on February 26, 2015.
Opening ceremonies at The Park Museum will begin at 10:00 a.m. on Sunday, March 1, 2015.
Nesthetics designer Romulus Bowerbird has come under fire for a comment he made during an interview with Mammalian Daily reporters on Groundhog Day.
While discussing his aesthetic choices for the 2015 prognostication pad, which he and his company designed and constructed, Bowerbird referred disparagingly to the previous pads made by Simply Structures.
Asked about the range of colours Nesthetics used in the 2015 pad, Bowerbird replied, “It’s much brighter, and we used a range of colours, as you saw. Not just green.”
As soon as he’d uttered it, Bowerbird appeared to realize that his comment was offensive, but his attempts to clarify if only made things worse.
“Green is good,” he said. “Many of my best friends are green.”
Although The Mammalian Daily reporter tried to gloss over the remark by segueing to the “decoration” of the pad, Bowerbird continued to stumble. When Hieronymous Hedgehog joined the conversation, he tried to make light of Bowerbird’s remark, saying that he, too, had many friends who were green. After that. Bowerbird hurriedly left the interview.
Nothing more was made of the incident until two days ago, when The Reptile Register ran an editorial criticizing Bowerbird for expressing views that went against the ideals of zoocracy.
Editor Sherwin Gecko parsed every remark Bowerbird made, finding fault with his cadence as well as his sentiments and concluded that Bowerbird “had a serious problem with other species” and would benefit from having “friends of all colours.”
The issue took on a life of its own after that, with many representatives of The Park’s citizen aid and action associations calling for an apology from Bowerbird.
“It was a thoughtless comment that hurt a large segment of our population,” said Mason L. Tortoise, head of the Small Animal Reform Group (SARG). “Bowerbird should make a formal apology to all of us.”
Antoine Lézard, president of the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP) agreed.
“He didn’t have to say it. He was talking about colour in terms of design. If he didn’t think less of green Animals, it wouldn’t have come to his mind in the first place. We all deserve some sort of explanation of his thought processes, as well as an apology,” he said.
But Carlisle Chameleon sees it differently. One of Bowerbird’s few supporters, the president of Lizards for Liberty believes the designer was “well within his rights” to say what he did.
“He was just stating a fact,” says Chameleon. “He likes green—in Animals as well as prognostication pads—but he likes other colours, too. What I think we’re forgetting because of all the fuss is that while Bowerbird himself is blue, his mate is green, as are many of his relatives and friends. He doesn’t think less of them; he just wants more.”
For the fourth year in a row, Yannis Tavros will host his “Pundits’ Parlour” on Tuesday, February 3.
Toro Talk Radio programming director Manfred Stier confirmed today that The Park’s best known political pundits will again express their views on our incoming government on Tavros’s popular show.
“Yannis [Tavros] will once again relinquish his usual talk show format to moderate what has become a very popular annual forum,” Stier said.
This year’s guests include Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the Simian Chair in Political Philosophy at the University of West Terrier, historian and author Pieter Paard, Professor Ludwiga Saimiri of the Cuthbert School of Journalism, UWT Law Professor Fionnula L. Fox, Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces, UWT Professor of History Beatrice Zilonis, and Gertrude C. Owl, Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent and Dean of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism. Also invited back are Ronald Grouse, chief political analyst at The Avian Messenger, Yuri Sturgeon of The Kaluga Register, Camlin “Cayuga” Newt of The Salamander Evening Post, and Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct Professor of Human Studies.
Tavros also reached out to beleaguered Rodent Commoner reporter Gunnar Rotte to join the group, Stier said, but thus far has had no response. Rotte has agreed to speak about his recent experiences on Tavros’s show, but no date has yet been set.
Click on the image above to read the entire schedule
The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has released the Official Schedule of the 2015 Groundhog Day Celebrations.
At a press conference held early this morning, Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the department, announced plans for what the department has dubbed the “most jam-packed” Groundhog Day celebrations ever.
“We’re making history this year with a new, expanded version,” Kanariar said, beaming.
Those who attend the celebrations annually will note several additions to this year’s festival. Between the much-anticipated Archons’ Address and the super-celebratory Groundhog Day Parade, the department has scheduled a dance performance by the Herman Stoat Dance Company and a short play performed by the Working Wounded Performing Arts Company.
“We are extremely proud that these companies accepted our invitation to perform at the celebrations. We think these additions will make for a much more inclusive festival,” Kanariar said.
She also hinted that this year’s parade will have not only a larger number of floats, but that some groups have “updated or expanded” their presentations.
One of the most important aspects of the Groundhog Day celebrations is the food and this year, Kanariar said, the department decided to extend the hours that the food stations will be open. Five full hours have been added, which will take the entire festival into the evening for the first time.
“It’s part of our commitment to inclusiveness. Some Animals are up and about in the morning and others take a little longer to get going. And some take afternoon naps. We want all Park Animals to be able to enjoy what is one of the most important holidays on The Park’s calendar,” she said.
And, for the second year in a row, the events will be covered live by Mammalian Daily reporters on Twitter. The live coverage can be followed here.
