The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

Focus On: Archons’ Address

By

Annual Archons' Address

Why is the Archons’ address so important?

The observation of Groundhog Day has its roots deep in the Animal tradition of weather prognostication. The Park’s elaborate, all-day celebration of this important day attracts record crowds annually.

But modern Park life has endowed the day with a political significance, as well. Park citizens, eager to discover what the new year has in store for them, await the annual Archons’ address, the first speech given by the 35 newly-selected Archons.

Let’s focus on the Archons’ address.

THE ARCHONS: WHO ARE THEY?
Each cohort of thirty-five Archons constitutes The Park’s government for a period of one year. The individual Archons hail from every species of citizen in The Park and they are chosen each year through the process known as sortition (lottery).

While their names are announced on January 15, they make their first appearance before The Park’s citizenry on January 16, the day on which they are sworn in. After the ceremony, the Archons go into seclusion and are neither seen nor heard from until Groundhog Day on February 2.

HOW DO THEY DECIDE WHAT TO SAY IN THEIR ADDRESS?
During those sixteen days, the Archons have a chance to get to know each other and to discover each other’s attitudes and opinions regarding the direction in which The Park should move. Economic, social, and health-related issues are the subject of robust discussion and it is through this process of discussion and debate that the Archons develop their agenda for the year.

Ideally, this agenda (which literally means “things to be done”) should address Park citizens’ most pressing needs and concerns. When the governing collective has made its final decision on the important issues that it will address during its tenure, it is ready to draft the Groundhog Day speech.

WHY THE SPEECH IS IMPORTANT TO PARK CITIZENS
Park citizens know virtually nothing about the members of their new government, even as they watch them being sworn in. While many may be acquainted with them personally, it is not likely they know with any certainty where these Animals stand on the important issues that face The Park.

As the Chief Archon reads the speech, she or he reveals the concerns and beliefs of the governing collective and lays the groundwork for the changes that it will attempt to make over the coming year.

That is why the Archons’ address, given on Groundhog Day, is so important to Park citizens.

WHAT PARK ANIMALS ARE LISTENING FOR
The Archons’ address does more than simply list a number of items that are of concern to the Archons or that they hope to act on during their tenure. The speech sets the tone for the new administration and for the relationship it will have with Park citizens.

What Park Animals are listening for are indications that the Archons are not only in tune with their concerns but that they will be open to input from the citizenry. Most who reside in The Park would agree that this is what makes good government.

ZEAL calls for full investigation into dispute over Gourami Archonship

By

ZEAL

Singer ZEAL calls for investigation into Gourami Archonship dispute

Popular Park singer ZEAL has called for a full investigation into the dispute over Zafran Gourami’s Archonship.

On January 16, Gourami was sworn in as an Archon after being selected through the usual procedure of sortition. Ten days later, a Form 15C was submitted to the Department of Political Administration (DPA) disputing Gourami’s eligibility to serve.

ZEAL took to TMD Radio this morning to call on all Park Animals to “dispute this dispute.”

“This is an outrage and the reason for this dispute is obvious,” he said. “Gourami is a striped Fish and this is just another example of the subtle ways in which striped and spotted Animals experience prejudice and unequal treatment in The Park.”

To further his cause, ZEAL initiated a petition calling for the DPA to nullify the dispute and to move on with the business of governing The Park. The first to sign the petition was award-winning film director, Douglas Cheetah; the second was Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press.

Cheetah’s signature came as no surprise. Last year, he announced that he had lost faith in sortition altogether and believed that free elections were “the only path to true equality among the species.”

As for Yamaneko, she has become a vocal supporter of striped and spotted Animals and announced in April that her company would be showcasing the work of these writers.

The Department of Political Administration has not responded to ZEAL nor acknowledged the petition. DPA spokesAnimal Antoinette Fourmi confirmed on Tuesday that a panel will review the reasons for the dispute and render a decision by February 1.

Department of Political Administration confirms Gourami Archonship in dispute

By

Form 15C

Form 15C (above), filed yesterday to dispute selection of Zafran Gourami

The Department of Political Administration (DPA) confirmed today that it is reviewing the selection of 2016 Archon Zafran Gourami.

In a statement issued this morning, DPA spokesAnimal Antoinette Fourmi said that one Form 15C was submitted yesterday. The department’s statement did not name the Animal who submitted the form.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XIII, of The Park’s Constitution, Park citizens who wish to contest the selection of any Archon or Archons may do so by submitting a formal contest form (Form 15C) to the Department of Political Administration by January 31.

Although this law has existed since the institution of #sortition, very few Form 15Cs have been submitted. In an interview this morning on the Yannis Tavros show, Fourmi said that in the past ten years, the DPA has received only seven Form 15Cs.

“And, of those, only one resulted in a change of Archon,” she said.

Zafran Gourami was sworn in as Archon on January 16, 2016. The reasons for the dispute will be reviewed by a panel that will include members of the DPA, Chief Archon Raymond H. Mink and Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon. The final decision will be rendered by a majority vote. Should a reason be found to replace Gourami, that replacement will be sworn in on February 1.

Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations releases 2016 Groundhog Day Schedule

By

2016 Groundhog Day scheduleThe Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has released the Official Schedule of the 2016 Groundhog Day Celebrations.

At a press conference held early this morning, Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the department, announced plans for the “jam-packed” Groundhog Day celebration.

Those who attend the event annually will be pleased to find their favourites at this year’s festival, Kanariar said. But there will also be a stunning newcomer: between the much-anticipated Archons’ Address and the super-celebratory Groundhog Day Parade, the department has scheduled a dramatic presentation by the Does of Peace.

“We’re making history again with this one,” Kanariar said. “The is the first time that a group such as the Does of Peace has performed during the celebrations.”

She also confirmed that this year’s parade will have a larger contingent of floats.

“Not only will the parade be a fuller one, but some of the floats will be representative of charities and advocacy groups in The Park. They want you to know that although they work with the troubled and dispossessed every day, they also know how to celebrate,” she said.

One of the most important aspects of the Groundhog Day celebrations is the food and for the second year in a row, the department will extend the hours of the food stations. A full five hours have been added, which will take the entire festival into the evening.

“It’s part of our commitment to inclusiveness. It was very successful last year, because some Animals are up and about in the morning and others take a little longer to get going. And some take afternoon naps. We want all Park Animals to be able to enjoy what is one of the most important holidays on The Park’s calendar,” she said.

And, don’t forget: for the third year in a row, the events will be covered live by Mammalian Daily reporters here on Twitter.

Just(ice) what was said: Augustus Dindon presides over his seventeenth swearing-in ceremony

By

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon swore in the 2016 Archons on Saturday

With a nod to the stability that tradition affords, the swearing-in ceremony of the 2016 Archons was presided over by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court. This was the seventeenth consecutive swearing-in ceremony over which Justice Dindon has presided.

Wearing traditional judicial garb, The Park’s most notorious magistrate asked each of the 35 new Archons to swear to “represent to the best of my ability and without prejudice the citizens and residents of The Park,” and to “preserve the tenets of zoocracy as laid out by Jor, the founder of modern zoocracy and The Park’s first leader.”

As each swore to uphold zoocracy in The Park, a member of the Endeka Elephant Band struck a drum. After the final oath was taken, the Archons were paraded in front of the crowd, which was the largest that this event has attracted.

Afterwards, the Archons, along with Mr. Justice Dindon and a host of other dignitaries, including many former Archons and Chief Archons, retired indoors for a celebratory repast.

As usual, the Archons will give their first address on Groundhog Day.

Names of 2016 Archons released

By

The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2016 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.

ARCHONS — 2016
Mink, Raymond H. (Chief Archon)

Aardvark, Merinda Norne; Adder, Drystan; Anaconda, Felicia; Arowana, Odilon; Blenny, Aliza; Caecilian, Delilah; Conure, Enfys; Cuckoo, Clovis; Cuttlefish, Cyril; Frog, Armand Damien; Geoduck, Juan Liu; Goby, Angelina; Gourami, Zafran; Guppy, Petra Milena; Kangaroo, Elanora Gurley; Kilpkonn, Reinhard; Krokodil, Lia Graziana; Newt, Hrodgar; Palaka, Betsog; Pelican, Almeda Tressie; Penguin, Nickolas Quintin; Ragno, Giada Valeria; Rosella, Hiltrude; Rospo, Silvio Federico; Salamander, Percy Granville; Shark, Yardena; Snail, Meghann; Sparrow, Rheba; Tuatara, Tormud; Vuohi, Tapio; Weichtier, Emerick; Worm, Bardulf; Zander, Odile Pierrette; Zebra, Adelbert Jarmo.

TMD, Avian Messenger snag outgoing Chief Archon’s only exit interview

By

Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo (Chief Archon)

Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo’s term ends on January 16, 2016

The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger have secured the only interview that outgoing Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo intends to give.

The joint interview was announced in a statement issued simultaneously by both newspapers and by Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons. It will take place tomorrow morning at ten o’clock in the Chief Archon’s office. The 2016 Archons will be sworn in on Saturday, January 16.

Chief Archon Cuckoo is expected to discuss the changes she has witnessed in The Park, the future of zoocracy, and what she believes her legacy will be. The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger will each send two political reporters to the interview.

Countdown to our next government: 2016 Archons to be announced Friday

By

Jan 15The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2016 government will be released on Friday.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts in the early hours of January 15, exactly an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The Mammalian Daily will publish the list on its web site as soon as it is made public.

Zoocracy still unpopular with Animals outside The Park: book

By

In Spite (1)A new book authored by three distinguished professors at the University of West Terrier suggests that zoocracy is still a hard sell outside The Park.[pullquote]The main difficulty is persuading them that the hard work will pay off when even we, ourselves, are not sure of that. It is a slow process that takes several generations to come to fruition [and] a commitment that some Animals are simply not willing to make.—Dr. Luule Aednik[/pullquote]

The book, entitled, “In Spite of Ourselves: Animal Attitudes Toward Zoocracy Outside The Park,” has caused quite a stir here and has garnered both positive and negative reviews, as citizens and media attempt to digest the authors’ conclusions.

“I admit that it’s difficult to understand their [Animals outside The Park] perspective, but I don’t think that difficulty should negate the significance of our findings,” says Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds the UWT’s Simian Chair in Political Philosophy.

Those findings suggest that Animals who live outside The Park, and particularly those who live either in a domestic situation or in close contact with Humans, are reluctant to give up what they believe to be their “perks” for what they perceive to be a much more difficult life.

“In some cases, it is a misperception, while in other cases, we would have to agree that some Animals who live with Humans have a much easier life, at least in terms of food security and housing,” says Fionnula L. Fox, a UWT professor law who specializes in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park).

Still, as psychology professor Luule Aednik points out, much of that so-called security is tenuous.

“When we look—just even at our immigration and refugee statistics here in The Park—we see that Animals who had thought they would be safe and well-cared for indefinitely have had to face abandonment and worse. That is how they’ve come to be Park citizens in the first place,” she says.

All three authors admit, however, that it is difficult to persuade Animals who believe they are living “the good life” to trade that in for total responsibility, not just for themselves, but for their fellow citizens.

“The main difficulty is persuading them that the hard work will pay off when even we, ourselves, are not sure of that. What we do know for certain is that it is a slow process that takes several generations to come to fruition. It’s a commitment that some Animals are simply not willing to make. In many cases, they simply are not willing to sacrifice short-term comfort for long-term gain,” Aednik says.

DWBS to deliver first “State of Hate in The Park” report early in the new year

By

3 binders

DWBS will deliver the “State of Hate” report early in the new year

The Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) announced today that it will deliver its report on the state of hate in The Park early in January 2016.[pullquote]We wish to address these problems as soon as possible and to restore The Park’s reputation as a safe haven for all Animals.—2015 Archons, DWBS[/pullquote]

DWBS director of public relations Cornelius Kakapo addressed the issue at a press conference this morning.

“It is our duty to report that, as requested by the Archons, the members of our department have completed the task of analyzing the number and severity of incidents of a hateful and/or specist nature that occurred in The Park over the past three years. We will be presenting this report to the Archons before their term ends on January 16,” he said.

The report has been divided into three parts, Kakapo said. The first part will offer a “full analysis” of the incidents that occurred. The second part will focus on the reasons for these acts of hate, while the third part of the report will offer what Kakapo called a “range” of recommendations for reducing—and eventually eliminating—these kinds of incidents.

In their original mandate, the Archons emphasized that the perpetrators of these incidents were a “small minority.” Kakapo said the department had come to the same conclusion, but he acknowledged that The Park had seen its worst year ever in this regard and he cited the arrest of six Animals for stripespotting and the establishment of the SplotchWatch web site as evidence of that.

He concluded the press event by echoing the Archons’ words:

“We wish to address these problems as soon as possible and to restore The Park’s reputation as a safe haven for all Animals.”

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

Join TMD on Facebook

Join TMD on Facebook

Click below to see what others say about us

CATCH UP HERE!

December 2025
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031