The Mammalian Daily

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By invitation: Feral Four to perform newest song at Feline Fiction Fest

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FelineFictionFest croppedFor the first time in its history, the Feline Fiction Fest will add a musical component to its literary celebration. And the music will be supplied by The Feral Four.

The addition to the programme was announced this morning in this joint statement released by the literary festival’s organizers and by Colony Records, the group’s label:

“The Feline Fiction Fest is pleased to announce that The Feral Four has accepted our invitation to perform at our 2015 festival, which takes place June 16-18. The group has generously offered to perform six concerts in total: afternoon and evening concerts on each of the three days of the festival. They will also be introducing their newest song, TNR, in honour of Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.”

The Park’s Social media sites lit up as soon as the statement was released, in part due to the fact that the group hasn’t performed alone in almost four years.

“The Feral Four performing SIX count ’em concerts at FFF! We’ll be there! #fictionneversoundedsogood” wrote the group’s fan club on gaggle.

Yannis Tavros in hot water again, after “temptsters in the teapot” remark

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YannisTavros It didn’t take long for The Park’s most notorious radio talk show host to find himself at the centre of another controversy.

During the call-in portion of his weekday talk show on Thursday, Tavros interrupted a caller who was talking about Enforced Domestication Awareness Month to put forth a theory that not all his listeners, nor all Park Animals, liked.

“What is happening here seems so simple to figure out,” Tavros opined. “Park life is just too difficult for a lot of Animals. And I think that’s the reason so many who have escaped domestic situations return to them. I call them ‘temptsters’. Tempted by the freedom that Park life offers, but only temporary residents because they are either unable or unwilling to do the work that zoocracy demands. What we have here is a case of temptsters stirring up the teapot,” he said.

When the caller on the other end hung up, Tavros saw it as a green light to continue:

“And I think we need to rethink our immigration policy and put a cap on the resources we use helping the formerly-domesticated to adjust to Park life. It may not be for all Animals,” he concluded.

No sooner had the words exited his mouth than the radio station’s phones lit up, social media went wild, and Tavros found himself involved in yet another imbroglio.

Within ten minutes of his uttering the remark, Toro Talk Radio had taken Tavros off the air and filled the remaining hour with “The Best of Yannis.”

Soon thereafter, an online petition began circulating, calling for both an apology from Tavros and his resignation. The petition was initiated and signed by a number of The Park’s immigrant aid groups and charities, including Runaway Rovers, Cats Care, Home to Roost, the Tortoise Immigrant Aid and Mentor Programme, and LynxLink.

The radio station, thus far, has made no formal statement regarding the incident.

Police confirm early morning break-in at Holstein Fashion’s main factory

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Holstein Fashion

Police confirmed an early morning break-in at the main factory of Holstein Fashion

BREAKING NEWS

Park Police have confirmed that an early morning break-in occurred at the main factory of Holstein Fashion on Monday.

At a press conference held this morning, Inspector Maurice Addax of the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) and Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) confirmed the break-in, saying only that it occurred in the early morning hours of Monday, June 1.

They refused to offer any other details, including whether anything was stolen or destroyed.

“We can’t divulge that information right now,” Inspector Addax told a reporter from The Mammalian Daily. “It would get in the way of the investigation.”

Addax would only say that there were “no injuries to any Animals” as a result of the break-in. For her part, Inspector Fossa said that her unit was called in subsequent to the SHCU’s investigation.

“They were called to the scene after Park Police were alerted to the occurrence of suspicious noises at the factory by a passerby,” Fossa said. “Approximately one hour and forty minutes later, my unit received a call to attend at the scene.”

Also present at the press conference was Cornelius Kakapo, the Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS). While Inspectors Addax and Fossa refused to speculate on the motives of the perpetrator or perpetrators of the crime, Kakapo was quick to assure Park Animals that they are safe and he recommended “going about our business as usual.”

“This is a nuisance crime,” he said. “It is not a crime that implies either a generalized or specific threat.”

Enforced Domestication Awareness Month: The Official Schedule of Events

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The Archons, in conjunction with the Department of Well-Being and Safety and the Department of Holidays, Festivals and Celebrations are pleased to release the following Official Schedule of Events for the June 2015 Enforced Domestication Awareness Month:

[table]
Date,Event,Location
6/1-30, It Could Happen To You: Tools of Domestication Exhibit and Recorded Presentation, Park Museum,
6/1-30, Domestication in the Piscine World: Interactive Exhibit,University of West Terrier Underwater Campus
6/1-30, Collar and Tag Surrender and Exchange, Footpad Heaven
6/2, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/ 6,“Super Goof” comic launch ,New Harmony Theatre
6/8, Experts Live Panel Discussion (participants to be announced), University of West Terrier
6/9, Squeakeasy in the Afternoon: Victims’ Stories Noon-5, The Squeakeasy
6/ 9, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/10,The Psychological Effects of Domestication: Panel Discussion/Q & A, Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm
6/12, Tab Tricolore hosts All You Can Eat Free, The Tabby Club & The Broop ‘n Miaow
6/13, Karaoke Night for The Domesticated Blues hosted by The Cynics, The Pound Gastropub
6/15, Advice for the Formerly Domesticated: Medical Updates plus Q & A, Extinction Anxiety Clinic
6/16, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/18, Dear Noreen: Is All Domestication Enforced?, University of West Terrier
June 19-21, LeTwiggery Avian Event: Come in and get your coupon for a free Ready-to-Feather™ Nest!, LeTwiggery
6/21, Concert of Celebration, The Draft
06/22, Holstein Fashion for EQUALSS: 50% off Spring inventory; lots of free items; get your “I Love My Stripes and Spots” button; coupon for free 3-course meal at The Tabby Club, Footpad Heaven
6/23, Domestic Poetry Reading, The Squeakeasy
6/25-26, Victims’ Stories (register at DWBS to tell your story), Ancient Open-Air Theatre
6/28, Time for Inspiration: Free tour of Imogen Aardeekhoorn’s burrow, The Burrow Theatre
6/30, Concert for Charity (Purchase The Feral Four’s new single TNR. All proceeds go to CatsCare) , Ancient Open-Air Theatre
6/30, Concert After-Party, The PurrBoy Café@The Park Museum

[/table]

Enforced Domestication Awareness Month: Schedule of Events released

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Enforced Domestication 1The 2015 Archons, in conjunction with the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) and the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, have released the official schedule of events for Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.[pullquote]I hereby declare the June 2015 Enforced Domestication Awareness Month open. Let the talking, the listening, and the understanding begin.—Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo [/pullquote]

In a short speech this morning during which she declared the event open, Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo seemed visibly moved as she spoke of her pride in the growth of the month-long event.

“This is only our third Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, yet we have seen such an increase not only in our awareness, but in our willingness to talk about this issue. I take great pride in my involvement and I want to say that I am proud and humbled by our formerly domesticated citizens, whose bravery in discussing the reality of their lives inspires me every day of every month.

I hereby declare the June 2015 Enforced Domestication Awareness Month open. Let the talking, the listening, and the understanding begin,” she said.

This year’s events have expanded in number and location to include several Park art galleries, The Park Museum, the University of West Terrier, and most Park shops and grooming houses.

The official schedule of events will be posted at the law courts, the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, The Park Museum, the University of West Terrier, and at all Park shops. The Mammalian Daily will also issue a pullout printed version, as well as posting the schedule online.

In case you missed it: May wrap-up

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Month Without MetaphorMay 1-15

The Barkettes at the Wishing Well: Tickets go on sale today!

Cynics to open Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

Gecko credits “stick-to-itiveness” for victory in 2015 Toe-Hair Contest

Noreen to be Barkettes’ special guest at opening concert in The Park on May 8

Barkettes triumph at sold-out concert

Barkettes’ set list disappears from theatre moments after concert ends

Alvin Tinamou to offer Month Without Metaphor advice daily on radio show

Month-Without-Metaphor-1024x810

May 16-31

Two rival Park chefs engage in war of words over award-winning artist’s work

Anselm Alpaca, former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist, dies at 19

Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja to present 2016 budget in August

Lookin’ good feelin’ fine, lost those metaphors and your prose will shine. Whoops!

Park’s journalism failing us all: Dean

Delay over, Tab Tricolore’s “La Langue au Repos” to open at PMoCA June 6

Park Weather Makers make impassioned plea at Agrarian Jubilee 

Noreen to deliver commencement address at University of West Terrier

Fowl Ball face-off: Police to be stationed outside grooming houses this Sunday

Tinamou: “We’re ready to call it. Month Without Metaphor is a roaring success.

No rest for the judiciary: ruling to come on grooming house call for injunction

Does of Peace to attend at grooming houses, no ruling on matter yet: Dindon

Does of Peace to attend at grooming houses, no ruling on matter yet: Dindon

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The Does of Peace will be at grooming houses until 6:30 p.m. tonight

BREAKING NEWS

Calling the issue “too important and too complex for a hasty weekend ruling,” Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon has stayed the proceedings involving the request for an injunction against police presence at The Park’s grooming houses today and, instead, has requested that the Does of Peace take their place.

The Justice of The Park’s Superior Court made a brief statement late last night in which he explained that the matter under consideration was worthy of a great deal more “sober” thought than he could give it this weekend.

“I could not deliver a fair and balanced ruling in the little time afforded me before the Fowl Ball,” he said, as he read from a short, prepared speech.

“For this reason, I have called on the Does of Peace for assistance in the matter. Given the involvement of the Doves of Peace in Sunday’s Ball, I thought it better to make the request of the Does,” he said.

Speaking on behalf of The Park’s grooming houses, Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS), applauded the decision.

“I think the Justice has done brilliantly and, on behalf of The Park’s grooming houses, I applaud his decision. Let the Fowl Ball begin!” he said.

The Does of Peace agreed to the Justice’s request and will be outside The Park’s grooming houses from 8:00 a.m. until 6:30 this evening.

No rest for the judiciary: ruling to come on grooming house call for injunction

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Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon will rule on injunction request later today

Sometimes, there’s just no rest for the judiciary.

Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon arrived at The Park’s Superior Court this morning at 7:00 a.m. He is expected to rule later today on the request for an injunction against the police that was brought by The Park’s grooming houses late yesterday afternoon.[pullquote]It is not the rôle of the police to guard against crime; it is their place to be ready to attend when laws are broken. This may seem as if it’s a very fine line, but it is not. It is a very thick line and attempting to thin it is menacing.—Fionnula L. Fox, professor of law, University of West Terrier [/pullquote]

In its petition for an injunction against the stationing of officers outside their businesses, the grooming houses appealed to the Justice on a number of issues including harm to customer relations, disruption of business, loss of income, and loss of reputation.

But the one issue that stands out among them and that will give the Justice pause, say legal experts, is the issue of destabilizing The Park and threatening zoocracy.

“The stationing of police on private property where no crime has taken place is a very serious matter. It may look at first, as if it is about the issue of peacekeeping, but if you delve more deeply into it, you see that such an aggressive act is indeed a threat to our very zoocracy,” says Delwyn Terrier, founding partner of Terrier, Terrier, Wolfhound and Shepherd.

Fionnula L. Fox, professor of law at the University of West Terrier and a specialist in extra-hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park) agrees.

“Our zoocracy was founded on the right to free expression and free assembly. The Animals who caused the stampede last year did not break the law by complaining; they broke the law by acting in a violent fashion and by hurting each other. But it is not the rôle of the police to guard against crime; it is their place to be ready to attend when laws are broken. This may seem as if it’s a very fine line, but it is not. It is a very thick line and attempting to thin it is menacing,” she says.

Mr. Justice Dindon will hear presentations from both sides this morning and he is expected to rule on the matter late in the day.

Tinamou: “We’re ready to call it. Month Without Metaphor is a roaring success.”

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MonthWMAlvin Tinamou has never been one to shy away from anything, be it controversy or, as in this case, success.

In fact, the publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the organizers of May’s annual Month Without Metaphor (MWM) admits that he happily “goes where other species fear to tread.”

And so it was last year, when Tinamou trod into the minefield of Park journalism and had the audacity to suggest that its descriptions were “overblown” and that our journalism overused metaphors to explain simple concepts.

“I was vilified, of course,” he said yesterday, at the conclusion of his radio show on AVN Radio (286.7).

“But then, something happened. In the silence that followed all the calls for me to apologize, it appeared that some actual thought occurred on the part of editors and reporters. And much to my surprise, many of The Park’s media signed on to my ‘great experiment’ to see if we could leave behind many of the standard metaphors that have become the hallmark of Park media and tell our stories in a much cleaner way. Not simpler in terms of concept, but in terms of language. And, I have to say, it’s been a roaring success, if you’ll excuse the metaphor. We have learned a tremendous amount in the two years the experiment has been going,” he said.

Tinamou’s radio show wraps up on Sunday and he says the challenge now is to keep the momentum going.

“We’ll have to work hard not to slip back into mindless metaphors and similes…to do the work we need to do rather than to be formulaic,” he says.

As for the rumours that he will be joining the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier this Autumn, Tinamou will say only that he’s “flattered.”

“They’ve not asked me and even if they had, I wouldn’t leave my present position [at The Avian Messenger], even for a part-time faculty appointment,” he says.

Fowl Ball face-off: Police to be stationed outside grooming houses this Sunday

By

FCSW President Gareth Shepherd

Grooming houses to have police stationed outside on Sunday

Park Police have decided to station at least one officer outside each of The Park’s grooming houses on Sunday, May 31, the day of the second annual Fowl Ball.

The decision was announced this afternoon in the following communiqué:

“In an effort to prevent a repeat of last year’s difficulties, and after consultation with the Archons and with the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), Park Police have taken the decision to station at least one officer outside each grooming house during the hours of 6:00 a.m. and 6:30 p.m.”

Grooming house owners were swift to react to the communiqué.

“This is outrageous,” said Tano Pagun, co-owner of The Pluming Room.

“I don’t understand why they consulted with the Archons and the DWBS, but they didn’t consult with us,” said Tallulah, owner of Tallulah’s Toilettage, the grooming house at which 68 Animals were injured in last Spring’s “stampede.”

“We don’t want police at our door,” she said. “We have businesses to run and our clients are not going to feel comfortable with this situation.”

Amoltrud Poedel, owner of Amoltrud’s Aesthetics, echoed that sentiment and went even further:

“We dealt with this ourselves, subsequent to the disaster last year, in an open and honest fashion. We worked with PASS [Park Asssociation of Shops and Services), held public consultations, and announced our findings along with our report. We had no problems during the Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF) and, up until now, we considered the matter closed,” she said.

Wellington Whistlepig, current PASS President, agrees.

“We worked with the grooming houses, before and after the report was released, to make sure they had adequate resources and employees for big events such as this. I see no reason to involve the police ahead of time and, quite frankly, as an Animal in business, I am offended by this aggressive move,” he said.

See also: Grooming house stampede “logical outcome” of changing times: PASS

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