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OTD in 2014—Effects of enforced domestication often felt for generations, experts conclude

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Cat familyMAMMALIAN DAILY EXCLUSIVE

The effects of enforced domestication are often felt several generations down the road, say experts who participated in a panel discussion yesterday at the University of West Terrier’s Medical College.

Entitled “Acquired Misery: The Effects of Enforced Domestication on the Offspring of Survivors,” the event marked the first time that such a group has gathered to share their knowledge of the after-effects of enforced domestication and the toll it takes on Animal families.

Panel members included psychotherapist Dr. Berthilidis Strix, author of Shaken But Not Stirred and co-author of The Silent Cluck, Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist and staff member at the Extinction Anxiety Clinic, psychoanalyst Dr. Elinore E. Owl, UWT researcher Dr. Chloris Cougar, known for her work in the area of Feline Unipolar Depressive Disorder (FUDD), and Dr. Simon Crow, director of Avian Medicine at UWT. The panel also included representatives of The Park’s many aid groups, including Home to Roost, Runaway Rovers, and the Tortoise Immigrant Aid and Mentor Programme.

The panel’s honorary guest participant was novelist Hercule Parrot, winner of a 2012 Chitter Radio Literary Award and part-time mentor at BirdBrains, The Park’s first Avian mentoring programme. A domestication survivor himself, Parrot gave a very moving speech at the concluding ceremonies at last year’s Enforced Domestication Awareness Month.

Yesterday’s full-day discussion centred on the psychological and physical effects of enforced domestication on the offspring of survivors.

“This is an area that has rarely been discussed openly, but we see the effects of it every day,” said Angus Deerhound, a representative of Runaway Rovers, an aid group that assists formerly domestic Canines.

“These Canines make a life for themselves in The Park and then they respond to messages that they should reproduce…[they are told] that they can make better lives for their offspring and, somehow, right a wrong. But they can’t do that without our help. They end up just making another wrong,” Deerhound said.

Statistics presented by the UWT’s Medical College, the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, and the Extinction Anxiety Clinic underscored the need for a plan of action to help those born to domestication survivors.

“When more than half of these Animals end up with some kind of anxiety disorder, some of them with debilitating ones, we cannot afford to look the other way. We must recognize the gravity of the situation,” said Inez Gallina, president of Home to Roost.

OTD in 2016—Toe-Hair Contest exacerbates fear of extinction in some Animals: therapist

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Rhino LoserThe Park’s annual Toe-Hair Contest may be having a devastating effect on the vulnerable in our population, according to mental health specialist Victoire Caméléon.

The part-time researcher and psychotherapist, who works at one of The Park’s two Extinction Anxiety Clinics, made the assertion this past weekend.

Speaking at a conference on extinction and mental health at the University of West Terrier, Caméléon said evidence suggests that the annual competition negatively affects those who fear for the survival of their species.

“This is not simply an issue of self esteem; it is an issue of survival and Animals’ sense of self-preservation,” she said.

The annual contest, which has come to signal the beginning of Spring, rewards those who are most able to grow long, thick, healthy toe-hairs over the Winter season.

But, Caméléon said, many in our vulnerable populations are not able to do so, through no fault of their own. Still, the emphasis the contest places on this one aspect has made some Animals feel weaker and less able to survive.

“There are a number of factors that are involved in toe-hair growth, as well as in other aspects of physical health,”  Caméléon said. “Everything from the environment to emotional stress to having the luxury of time and the resources to cultivate oneself can affect toe-hair growth. We should be cognizant of that when we reward Animals for something that they are not in complete control of.”

Yet, even despite these negative effects, Caméléon is not calling for an end to the contest.

“It began as purely a fun event, almost a farcical celebration of the post-Winter season. I think we should preserve that aspect of the contest and place less emphasis on the winning part,” she said.

OTD in 2004—Studies Confirm: Sleeping Dogs Most Likely to Lie

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Sleeping Dogs are likely to lie.

That fact, borne out by a new set of studies at the University of West Terrier, will likely come as no surprise to anyone who has ever awakened a sleeping Canine.

The results of the studies, which will be published later this month in the prestigious journal, Eureka, are the fruit of five years of intensive labour in the Sleep Laboratory of UWT’s School of Medicine.

The studies, say investigators at the University, are the first of their kind to be performed at an accredited research facility in The Park.

Among their findings, the researchers noted that the most surprising was the extent to which Dogs are likely to embellish their life story while under the influence of sleep.

“Everybody embellishes from time to time,” said researcher Nicholas Antelope. “But this was truly amazing. Mixed breeds would give a thorough account of their purebred history, down to the awards and ribbons their sires and dams had won and Retrievers would claim to be vicious guard Dogs”.

The most common subject of the lies, to no one’s astonishment, was food.

“Humans who live with Dogs notice this all the time,” said one clinical assistant. “When they wake up, they say they haven’t eaten. And if someone else comes home, they tell them the same story. The amazing thing is, the Dogs really believe it, themselves — if they’ve been asleep.”

When asked about the impetus for the study, researchers were quick to credit serendipity.

“The findings themselves were very much a coincidence,” says Simone Gibbon, the study’s chief researcher. “We decided to do a formal study when we noticed a certain pattern emerging among the Dogs we were treating for insomnia in the Sleep Lab.”

While UWT’s team was the first to investigate this phenomenon, it is expected that others will soon follow suit.

“We look forward to seeing our research replicated elsewhere,” Gibbon said.

OTD in 2017—The Park’s new frontier: focus of UWT conference will be population control

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UWT COATSpring has sprung and our thoughts turn naturally toward new growth. But this year, the thoughts of academics at the University of West Terrier, will be turning in the opposite direction.

At an upcoming conference, entitled,  ”Population Control: The Park’s New Frontier,” UWT scholars from a number of departments and faculties will be discussing a subject they admit is controversial: controlling The Park’s population.

“It’s not something that’s popular to talk about,” admits Dr. M. Rosario Morsa, Professor of Statistics and Well-Being at UWT’s School of Medicine. “But, with our rising population and diminishing resources, there is a pressing need.”

Morsa, who is known for his study of population control methods outside The Park, says that after thirty-five years of zoocracy, it’s time for us to plan our future and discussing population growth is part of that.

“In many ways, it’s a sign of our success that we are bringing this issue to the conference table,” he told Mammalian Daily Radio yesterday afternoon.

Morsa says it’s time for the Archons to put together a population plan that balances immigration and reproduction. But he admits that such a plan has never been devised anywhere, including in the Human world.

“That is both a problem and a challenge that I believe we’ll be able to rise to,” he says.

Still, Morsa admits it won’t be easy.

“We realize there will be many who’ll say we’re infringing on their basic rights, but we have no intention of doing that. We’re looking at developing an educational programme that will explain to Park Animals that smaller families are better for them, for the environment, and for The Park,” he says. “We’re hoping that, in the end, it will be their decision to limit their number of young.”

To read the full UWT announcement about the conference, click here.

OTD in 2015—Striped and spotted Animals at risk of psychological illness: new study

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The tiger in the mirrorA new study out of the University of West Terrier suggests that The Park’s striped and spotted Animals are at risk of psychological illness and the consequences thereof.

In a paper scheduled for publication in the May issue of the prestigious Journal of Experimental and Reactive Psychology (JERP), researchers say that striped and spotted Animals are at risk of developing a kind of “self-loathing” that, among other things, does not bode well for the survival of their species.

“Our findings were quite disturbing,” says the study’s lead researcher, psychology professor Dr. Luule Aednik.

“We looked at a number of different behavioural patterns and along with other physical evidence, they suggest that there is an increased incidence of certain types of difficulties in striped and spotted Park residents,” she says.

Those difficulties include depression and its manifestations, anger, low self-esteem, hopelessness, and various kinds of identity issues.

“In addition to these very serious conditions, what we are seeing more of in the [striped and spotted] population is a kind of psychological lethargy, brought on, we believe, by the stress of living among those who do not consider them to be equal.”

It has been well-documented that striped and spotted Animals have more problems securing decent employment than other Animals in The Park. Aednik says that facing that kind discrimination may be leading to an actual drop in the population.

“This psychological lethargy, we believe, is manifesting itself in the area of reproduction,” she says.

“Based on external statistics, we know that the number of striped and spotted Animals attending the annual Mating Dance, for instance, has dropped substantially over the past five years. And our interview subjects expressed a kind of hopelessness with regard to establishing a family. They openly admitted to feelings of unworthiness and lamented their economic insecurity. If this goes unchecked, we believe this could have a dire effect on The Park’s population.”

OTD in 2014—Pop-up clinics for hibernators and estivators to open this year: DWBS

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Pop-up ClinicsThe Park will open a number of pop-up clinics for the benefit of hibernators and estivators, the Department of Well-Being and Safety announced today.

At a press conference held this morning, DWBS Director of Public Relations Cornelius Kakapo confirmed that at least five clinics for estivators will open, beginning on May 15. Although the locations have not yet been established, Kakapo said they will be “strategically placed throughout The Park” in order to allow all Animals to avail themselves of the services the clinics will provide.

“Studies have shown that pre-hibernation and pre-estivation check-ups are of tremendous benefit. We want to encourage all our hibernators and estivators to take advantage of these new state-of-the-art facilities,” Kakapo said.

The clinics will be staffed by professionals from The Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, as well as by private practitioners.

OTD in 2017—2017 POPS in stable condition as Park awaits hospital press conference

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Hermione HippoAs Ditmar Bosmarmot, 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), remains in stable condition after being diagnosed with Premature Awakening from hibernation (PA), a press conference has been called for this afternoon at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.

Hospital spokesAnimal Aurélie Brebis confirmed the press conference in a short communiqué this morning:

“The hospital’s head nurse, Hermione Hippo, will deliver a statement on the condition of Ditmar Bosmarmot and afterwards will take questions from the press this afternoon at three o’clock in the main conference room of the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm.”

Bismarmot, who was elected POPS in November, was roused from his burrow at approximately seven o’clock on Groundhog Day morning. He appeared groggy and after losing his footing along the way, he was helped to the prognostication pad by two aides. While there were concerns that he would not be able to fulfill his duties, he was able to stand on the prognostication pad unaided for a sufficient length of time to make the prognostication. According to a spokesAnimal for Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon, who certified the prediction, the judge had “no hesitation whatsoever in doing so” and certified the prediction “with complete certainty as to its validity.”

Immediately thereafter, Bosmarmot was taken off the pad by members of the Emergency Elephant Brigade (EEB), who helped him onto a stretcher and delivered him to the Park Hospital.

A diagnosis of Premature Awakening from hibernation was made at the scene and confirmed later that day. Until this morning, however, doctors had made no comment on Bosmarmot’s condition other than to say it was “stable.”

The Mammalian Daily will keep its readers apprised of the condition of the POPS via Twitter and Facebook.

OTD in 2016—UWT receives funds for new study of premature awakening from hibernation

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UWT COATThanks to an anonymous donor, the University of West Terrier will be able to fund a third study into the causes of premature awakening from hibernation.

In an announcement on the University’s web site, the President and Governors thanked the “anonymous donor whose generosity and empathy knows no bounds.”

“The University is deeply grateful for the funding and wishes to thank the anonymous donor whose generosity and empathy knows no bounds. We are confident that your generous donation will save countless lives and your effort on behalf of hibernators will become a shining example of the power of interspecial caring,” the announcement said.

The donation, which came via the Foundation for the Study of Premature Awakening will fund a thirty-six-month project. The project leaders and venues have yet to be announced, but it is believed that the bulk of the research will be done at the University’s School of Medicine.

The University’s full announcement can be read here.

OTD in 2016—Scented TV update: Animals remain hospitalized as investigations continue

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Vertebrate Vision TVEighty per cent of Park Animals who were hospitalized after watching a scented television show on December 27 remain in hospital, according to a joint update issued by the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS),

The Animals were among those who arrived at the hospital roughly a half-hour into the show’s broadcast on Vertebrate Vision Television (VVTV). Their symptoms included dizziness, vomiting, gastrointestinal problems, and hair loss.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like what happened here that night,” said Hermione Hippo, the Park Hospital’s head nurse, at a short press conference last week.

The holiday show was a joint project of VVTV, Chef Tab Tricolore, and gewper, The Park’s only scented social networking site. RhinoTech, Inc. and Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., the companies that supplied the show’s scent, now find themselves under investigation by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), while VVTV launched its own investigation on December 28. The findings of that investigation are expected to be made public sometime in March, a VVTV spokesAnimal told The Mammalian Daily.

Meanwhile, the sickly cohort is expected to remain at the hospital at least until the middle of the month, Hippo says.

“They’re just beginning to be able to walk without toppling over, and they’re taking small amounts of food. They’re moving in a positive direction, but very slowly,” she said.

On This Day—December 6, 2015: DWBS, UWT, Extinction Anxiety Clinic team up to fight Non-Hibernators’ Guilt

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Non-Hibernators' GuiltThe Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), the University of West Terrier School of Medicine, and The Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic are teaming up to add might to the fight against Non-Hibernators’ Guilt (NHG).

At a small ceremony this afternoon, representatives of all three will be on hand to open the first of five pop-up clinics that will appear around The Park throughout the Winter. The clinics will serve NHG sufferers and will host information sessions to raise awareness of a condition that experts say has become “the scourge of the Winter season.”

“I think our hibernating population has been so successful in its awareness and outreach programmes over the last few years that, in a way, the result has been an increase in the number of NHG cases,” explains Dr. Gudrun L. Gibbon, a Park psychotherapist and staff member at the Extinction Anxiety Clinic.

“We’ve become so aware—hyper-aware, I would say–of the difficulties and perils of hibernation that we’ve come to believe, somehow, that we’re undeserving of the ease of our own lives,” she says.

Dr. Chloris Cougar, a researcher at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine, agrees.

“Not to take anything away from our hibernators, whose bodies and psyches withstand so much, but I think the story has gotten a bit skewed. Just because your species doesn’t hibernate or estivate doesn’t mean that your life is in any way easy. The goal is not to feel guilty, but to maintain respect for ourselves and our own way of life, while empathizing as much as we can with others. That’s the message we’ve tried to impart at our public information sessions in the past. Now, we’ll be able to do it one-on-one with NHG sufferers and their friends and families,” she says.

The first pop-up clinic will open this afternoon at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. It will operate seven days a week, from noon until nine o’clock, until January 15, 2016.

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