The Mammalian Daily

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TMD managing editor schedules press conference Monday morning

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Extra! Extra!BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily’s managing editor Orphea Haas has scheduled a press conference Monday morning to respond to the ongoing criticism of the paper’s policy of hiding the names of its reporters.

In a statement released at eleven o’clock this morning, Haas announced that on Monday morning at nine o’clock she would make a “full response” to the ongoing pressure regarding the matter.

In a separate incident, Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros took to Twitter this morning to begin his campaign of publishing the names of all known Mammalian Daily reporters. A spokesAnimal for Haas’s office said the Tavros tweet was not related in any way to her decision.

Tinamou blames TMD’s Haas for drop in Month Without Metaphor participants

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MonthWMThree’s usually a charm, but it looks as if Park media’s third annual Month Without Metaphor could end up being anything but, unless more media outlets sign on to participate.

The drop in the number of committed participants is “alarming” says Alvin Tinamou, who is one of the organizers of the May event.

“At this time last year, we were going great guns, to use an apt metaphor,” the publisher of The Avian Messenger wrote today in an open letter in his own newspaper.

“Our objective in establishing the annual Month Without Metaphor was to encourage Park media to be introspective. Accepting the challenge of reporting for a month without using metaphors means having to take a very close look at the way we communicate with our readers and how honestly we tell our stories. What Haas has done is to change our focus. Instead of looking at ourselves, many in Park media are looking at The Mammalian Daily and asking why Haas feels justified in holding her paper to a different standard. I challenge Haas to name her journalists and to stop distracting her readers by using tactics such as a ban on Human jokes,” he wrote.

Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP), says he agrees with Tinamou.

“Enough is enough,” he said in a radio interview this morning. “We’ve been calling for this for years and I think the time is right for Haas to make the change. We all [Park media] need to be open and transparent. To use a well-worn metaphor, we all need to be on the same page.”

Month Without Metaphor runs from May 1-May 31. Park media have until the end of April to sign on to participate.

Follow participants on Twitter at sansmetaphore.

Mammalian Daily becomes first Park newspaper to ban Human jokes

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BanDEVELOPING STORY

“A guy walks into a bar on two feet…”

So begins the most popular twenty-minute set at The Howler, The Park’s only comedy club.

The joke was written and is performed weekly by Dalmanik, who is widely considered to be the king of The Park’s “new comedy.” But as of today, Dalmanik will not be able to make that joke on the pages of The Mammalian Daily.

That’s because so-called “Human jokes” have now been officially banned by the newspaper.

In an “urgent memo” sent to all employees of The Mammalian Daily on Friday, managing editor Orphea Haas declared that poking fun at Humans, “our fellow Mammals,” is not appropriate in a modern Park.

“While it would be foolish of me to suggest that we in The Park have no issues with Humans, it would be equally foolish to suggest that making fun of them, denigrating and disparaging them, either in comedy, poetry, prose, or news coverage, is appropriate,” the memo says.

As a result, Haas has banned all of the above from The Mammalian Daily’s news pages, web site, radio, podcasts, and all other enterprises connected to Mammalian Daily Associated News Services.

This is the first time any kind of ban on joking or comedy has occurred in any Park media, according to Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP).

“I don’t believe we’ve seen anything like it since the establishment of zoocracy,” he said in a radio interview this morning. “I thought zoocracy valued a free and open press. I think Haas is moving in a very dangerous direction by closing the paper rather than opening it up. What with refusing to name her journalists and this, she is taking a few steps backward and that is very disturbing.”

Not all media experts agree with Akita, though. Ludwiga Saimiri, UWT Professor of Journalism and former director of the Centre for the Incorporation and Integration of Interspecial Values in Journalism (CIIIVJ), issued a statement this morning in which she said she thought this was a positive move on Haas’s part.

“I support Orphea Haas in her determination to keep the news free of frivolous commentary and damaging and reprehensible jokes. Interspecial values demand that we attempt to understand and accommodate those who are different from ourselves. We have a duty to treat every Animal with respect,” the statement said.

TMD policy could harm Park media’s Month Without Metaphor: Tinamou

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MonthWMThe Mammalian Daily’s longstanding policy of not revealing the names and species of its reporters could jeopardize the success of Park media’s third annual Month Without Metaphor, says Alvin Tinamou.[pullquote]We are living in an age of incredible transparency, yet Haas runs her newspaper from the darkness of a cave. It’s high time The Mammalian Daily let its readers judge its quality and its authority by themselves.—Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger[/pullquote]

In a front page piece that appeared in his newspaper today, Tinamou—the publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the organizers of the May event—called on TMD managing editor Orphea Haas to “modernize” and to “get out ahead of your colleagues’ criticism.”

“We are living in an age of incredible transparency, yet Haas runs her newspaper from the darkness of a cave. Those old ways of wielding authority in that manner have given way. It’s high time The Mammalian Daily let its readers know who is reporting their news so they can judge its quality and its authority by themselves,” he wrote.

Tinamou also accused The Mammalian Daily of being hypocritical by participating in Month Without Metaphor (MWM), saying the annual media event was meant to strip news reporting of its “fiction, obfuscation, and obscurity” and replace it with simplicity and clarity.

“How can this event be taken seriously by other media and grow in to the movement it was meant to be when one of its major participants refuses to stop pulling the wool over its readers’ eyes?” he asks.

Yannis Tavros threatens to reveal names of Mammalian Daily reporters

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YannisTavros BREAKING NEWS

The Mammalian Daily has its lawyers poised to file a cease and desist order if Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros makes good on his promise to reveal the names of all of the newspaper’s journalists.

In a tweet this morning, Tavros said he planned to reveal the name of one journalist per day until he has named them all:

Tavros tweet

In an earlier tweet, the talk show host asked his followers if they agreed that it was time for the newspaper to reveal the names and species of its reporters. Tavros also claimed last week on his radio show that ninety per cent of Park Animals think it’s time for the paper to make the move toward transparency. He claimed the figure of ninety per cent came from a poll that he commissioned in February, just after Groundhog Day.

“The Animals of this Park have spoken and The Mammalian Daily should listen,” Tavros said in closing his show last Thursday.

In a statement issued an hour after the tweet was posted, TMD Managing Editor Orphea Haas said she would not be bullied into changing the paper’s longstanding policy of anonymous reporting.

“The Mammalian Daily will not bow to pressure from outsiders, particularly those who demonstrate a profound lack of journalistic integrity. When and if our editorial team decides to change our longstanding policy of anonymous reporting, it will be as a result of deep thought, full discussion, and conviction, It will not be the result of bullying,” the statement said.

Tavros has thus far not responded to Haas’s statement, nor has he indicated when he intends to begin naming the reporters.

Police, DWBS confirm Humans took photos of Park Animals in hibernation

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Hibernating Animal

The Mammalian Daily publishes this photo with the permission of Park Police

BREAKING NEWS

Park Police and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) confirmed today that a group of Humans was responsible for taking and distributing photos showing Park Animals in various stages of hibernation.

At a joint press briefing this morning, Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations and Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crime Unit (SHCU) revealed the findings of their investigation.

“We are here to confirm that through extensive investigation we have determined that a group of Humans was responsible for the cache of photos in question that was distributed via the internet in January,” Addax said.

The photos, which Police confirmed were taken by cameras installed secretly in hibernators’ burrows, were posted serially, at the rate of approximately one every half-hour, on January 23. They appeared simultaneously on an internet site run by Humans and on The Park’s gossip web site, headsNtales.

Police also confirmed that they had questioned the gossip site’s co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo. They did not say what they learned from Guacamayo, nor whether she and her co-founder would be charged for posting the photos. The name of the Humans’ web site has not been revealed.

Although police took no questions at the briefing, Kakapo was able to confirm rumours that the Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS) had been deployed during the investigation.

Gunnar Rotte, Douglas Cheetah to debate tomorrow on Yannis Tavros show

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YannisTavros Two days before The Park celebrates the Return of the Nut, Gunnar Rotte and Douglas Cheetah will face off against each other on the Yannis Tavros show in a debate on the merits of sortition.

In a press release issued this morning, Toro Talk Radio, Tavros’s home station, confirmed the debate, which will be broadcast live an hour after his usual call-in show.

In an advertisement that ran in both social and traditional media, the radio station invited listeners to have their say “ahead of time and ahead of the pack,” by calling into the Tavros show tomorrow.

The debate is sure to be a heated one. Rotte will argue for maintaining sortition, the lottery that selects The Park’s government every year. Cheetah, the renowned director and vocal critic of sortition who joined the Coalition Against Sortition in The Park (CASP) last year, will argue not only for the abolition of sortition, but for the establishment of free elections in The Park.

Photos of Park Animals in hibernation “very disturbing,” say police, DWBS

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Animal in hibernation

The Mammalian Daily has published this photo with the permission of Park Police

DEVELOPING STORY

The emergence of a cache of photos that show Park Animals in various stages of hibernation is “very disturbing,” say Park Police and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS).

The photos, which likely were taken by cameras installed secretly—and illegally— in hibernators’ burrows, were posted last night on the gossip web site headsNtales.

PotWatcher, The Park’s foremost web-watching organization says the pictures appeared “without fanfare and without any mention of their provenance or their authenticity.”

“They appeared serially, about one every half-hour,” says Rufus Gordon Gaupe, President and CEO of PotWatcher.

Not surprisingly, the photos have gone viral despite a police order that headsNtales remove them from the site.

Cornelius Kakapo, DWBS Director of Public Relations, confirmed the department was notified after Gaupe reported the postings to police.

“To me, it’s not just a breach of privacy; it’s a breach of trust and a threat to interspecial harmony,” Gaupe told The Mammalian Daily.

Park police agree with Gaupe and are initiated a “full investigation” that includes staff from the Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) and the Interspecial Investigations Unit. They have also set up a special hotline and are appealing to all Animals who think they might have seen anything related to the crimes or who know any Animal who might be involved.

“We want to talk to any Animal who has any ideas about this,” says SHCU Chief Inspector Maurice Addax.

The Park Police Hotline number is: 226-887-4277.

TMD, Avian Messenger snag outgoing Chief Archon’s only exit interview

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Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo (Chief Archon)

Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo’s term ends on January 16, 2016

The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger have secured the only interview that outgoing Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo intends to give.

The joint interview was announced in a statement issued simultaneously by both newspapers and by Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons. It will take place tomorrow morning at ten o’clock in the Chief Archon’s office. The 2016 Archons will be sworn in on Saturday, January 16.

Chief Archon Cuckoo is expected to discuss the changes she has witnessed in The Park, the future of zoocracy, and what she believes her legacy will be. The Mammalian Daily and The Avian Messenger will each send two political reporters to the interview.

Scented TV update: Animals remain hospitalized as investigations continue

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Vertebrate Vision TV

Vertebrate Vision TV’s investigation into viewer illness continues: spokesAnimal

Eighty per cent of Park Animals who were hospitalized after watching a scented television show on December 27 remain in hospital, according to a joint update issued by the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm and the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS),

The Animals were among those who arrived at the hospital roughly a half-hour into the show’s broadcast on Vertebrate Vision Television (VVTV). Their symptoms included dizziness, vomiting, gastrointestinal problems, and hair loss.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like what happened here that night,” said Hermione Hippo, the Park Hospital’s head nurse, at a short press conference last week.

The holiday show was a joint project of VVTV, Chef Tab Tricolore, and gewper, The Park’s only scented social networking site. RhinoTech, Inc. and Enterprises Moufettes, S.A., the companies that supplied the show’s scent, now find themselves under investigation by the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS), while VVTV launched its own investigation on December 28. The findings of that investigation are expected to be made public sometime in March, a VVTV spokesAnimal told The Mammalian Daily.

Meanwhile, the sickly cohort is expected to remain at the hospital at least until the middle of the month, Hippo says.

“They’re just beginning to be able to walk without toppling over, and they’re taking small amounts of food. They’re moving in a positive direction, but very slowly,” she said.

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