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Cynics to open Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

May 4, 2015 By Elspeth Duper, TMD Social Events Reporter

eatyourfoodBREAKING NEWS

It’s official: The Cynics (Philosopher Dogs) will open The Park’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee on Saturday, May 23.

In a brief announcement this morning, the band’s manager, Damien Skyle, confirmed what some have called an open secret: that the band plans to reignite its career, starting with the Jubilee.

The reignition plan that has been revealed so far includes the release this month of a new version of their wildly successful collection Take the A Frame, followed closely by the opening of one of The Park’s largest and most popular festivals.

“We thought it was an appropriate opportunity to mark our new beginning,” Skyle wrote in the announcement.

“As the Agrarian Jubilee signals the beginning of The Park’s growing season, so it is fitting that it should mark a new beginning for the band.”

The Cynics have performed very little over the past few years, save for a few concerts at The Pound, the gastropub of which they are part-owners. They have also been actively involved in Enforced Domestication Awareness and last year they donated the proceeds of their song Diamond in the Ruff to that cause.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: agrarian jubilee, growing season, Spring

The Barkettes at the Wishing Well: tickets go on sale today!

May 1, 2015 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

Barkettes at The Wishing Well

NEWS FLASH!
Tickets for the second concert in Thisbe and the Barkettes’ ” Bring Your Own Bone,” tour go on sale this morning at both the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre and the Wishing Well.

In a text sent early this morning, the band’s manager Hilde Blaft confirmed that tickets will be available for purchase at two locations as of this morning.

“Happy to announce tix for 2nd concert on May12@WishingWell. Tix on sale@AOAT+WW@10:00,” the text read.

Tickets for the first concert, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre on May 8, sold out within two days, according to the event’s promoter, Iglu Entertainment.

The tour includes four concerts in The Park: two at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, one at the Wishing Well and one at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond. The Tartan Crab Memorial Pond concert will be free of charge.

Dates for the remaining two concerts have not yet been announced.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture, Thisbe and the Barkettes

On your mark, get set, go! Drop your metaphors at the door and join MWM!

May 1, 2015 By Juho Morsk, TMD Media Reporter

Month Without MetaphorPark media’s second annual Month Without Metaphor (MWM) begins today!

The initiative aims to gauge the effectiveness of reporting the news “without embellishments, comparisons, and the painting of pictures for the reading public,” according to its organizers.

You can follow Park media as they tweet through the month at Month Without Metaphor (MWM).

Filed Under: Breaking News, Media, Month Without Metaphor, Park Life Tagged With: media, Month Without Metaphor

Park Historical Society calls for new, mandatory census within two years

April 29, 2015 By Sigrún Maur, TMD Political Affairs Reporter

CensusposterThe Park Historical Society is calling on the 2015 Archons and the Park Census Office (PCO) to institute a new census by the end of 2017.[pullquote]All mature societies have some idea of who makes up their population, who needs what, where, when, and why. We are well behind in this respect.—Clark Cascanueces, Park Historical Society president [/pullquote]

In an interview this morning on Toro Talk Radio, PHS president Clark Cascanueces told host Yannis Tavros that The Park is “way overdue” on an official count.

“Our last census was held in 2007, the year we knew as 25 AZ, because calendar harmonization hadn’t even been discussed yet,” he said.

“And that voluntary count was all but useless, in my opinion. There was too much ignorance surrounding the process and Animals over-reacted to the idea of a head count.”

Cascanueces says the idea has support from some former as well as current Archons and from faculty members at the University of West Terrier. He also counts The Park’s healthcare providers as avid supporters of a new census.

“They’ve told me we have to get a grip on what our needs are, not even just in their own area, but in every area. At this point, we’re flying without a net, providing ad hoc assistance and hoping that will suffice. Well, it won’t,” he said.

The PHS president said he has a meeting scheduled with the Archons for mid-May and that he intends to tell them that a new, mandatory census is as urgent as a new budget.

“All mature societies have some idea of who makes up their population, who needs what, where, when, and why. We are well behind in this respect,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: census, head cont

Stereotype Sundays go bold: “Hello, my name is Filthy Pig, Stupid Sheep…”

April 27, 2015 By Marikit Kuneho, TMD Park Life Reporter

Stereotype SundaysAre you a Dirty Rat?[

While you may not view yourself that way, apparently that is how many others see you.

That much was made clear yesterday, when The Park’s Stereotype Sundays took a bold turn and encouraged Animals to participate in what many were calling a “grand experiment.”

“We handed out name tags and told the attendees…go bold…write down the vilest thing that you have ever heard about yourself or your species. Don’t think about it too much. Just write it down and wear it around and see what happens,” said one of the event’s organizers.

The experiment, or “initiative,” as organizers prefer to call it, was the idea of Dewi Rhinoceros, whose tenure as Chief Archon in 2013 included establishing the weekly event in order to foster interspecial harmony.

Rhinoceros, now Chair of the Board of Directors of the Centre for Interspecial Harmony (CIH), says she was moved to intervene in the weekly project when she realized it had stalled and was no longer serving its purpose.

“We established Stereotype Sundays to foster interspecial harmony through honest discussion. It worked very well for the first year and a half. And, then, the honest approach seemed to lose its meaning and almost disappear. All of a sudden, we were just nodding our heads…as Hieronynous [Hedgehog] says, in active self-agreement. We were admitting our problems, but not moving forward. It was as if we’d accepted prejudice, intolerance, misinformation and stereotyping as necessary elements of life.”

The new approach won’t be a weekly component of the event, though, organizers say.

“We asked those who participated to come back next week and discuss the results. If it appears that it was successful, we’ll continue it, perhaps, on a monthly basis. In any case, it was well worth the effort. Everybody is talking about it today.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: intolerance, prejudice, stereotyping

Cynics to re-release Take the A Frame

April 25, 2015 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

A Frame (1)BREAKING NEWS

The Cynics (Philosopher Dogs) will release a new version of their wildly successful collection Take the A Frame next month, according to an announcement issued yesterday.

A late afternoon press release signed by the group’s founder and lead singer, Luther “Droop” Dachshund, said the group will release a digital version of the collection at the end of May. The announcement said the collection will include a brand new version of the title song as well as the digitally re-mastered original.

The release date is meant to coincide with The Park’s observation of Enforced Domestication Awareness month in June, Dachshund said in the announcement.

“Our group has been supportive of that initiative from its inception and we want to reinforce our relationship with it again this year,” he wrote.

Last year, The Cynics donated the proceeds of their song Diamond in the Ruff to the cause.

“We’ve been fighting enforced domestication for years, but there hasn’t been much movement on the issue until recently…We want to do as much as we can to further awareness of domestication’s harsh reality,” he said at the time.

Since then, The Cynics have performed very little, save for a few concerts at The Pound, the gastropub of which they are part-owners. And, although the press release did not mention any upcoming concert dates, a spokesAnimal for Rotunda Records, the group’s label since its founding, said he thought there might be something in the works.

“They’ve been working very hard in the studio and not just on the re-release,” the spokesAnimal said. “We all think it’s about time they went on tour again.”

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: A-frame, digitally remastered, Enforced Domestication Awareness Month, music, The Cynics

Police launch early morning raid on Sneak-a-Snuggle outside Park

April 23, 2015 By TMD Crime Reporters

Sneak-a-Snuggle

Park Police’s undercover unit launched an early morning raid on a Sneak-a-Snuggle

BREAKING NEWS

At a press conference held this morning, Chief Inspector Maurice Addax of the Park Police’s Specist and Hate Crimes Unit (SHCU) took to the podium to confirm reports of an early morning raid on a Sneak-a-Snuggle that recently opened outside The Park.

Flanked by Inspector Antonia T. Fossa of the Interspecial Investigations Unit (IIU) and C. Astrid H. Ant, Head of The Park’s Ant Security and Intelligence Service (ASIS), Inspector Addax revealed details of the raid, in which more than one hundred Animals were liberated.

“Under cover of darkness, members of the ASIS Select Undercover Brigade (SUB) were deployed in a covert action that involved infiltrating the Sneak-a-Snuggle and liberating the Animals held therein,” he said.

The crack team of more than a thousand received assistance from other members of the police force in the execution of the raid, Inspector Addax told reporters.

“All went as planned. The operation went smoothly and we do not anticipate having to return to that location,” he said.

The Animals who were liberated come from “a variety of different species” and, Addax told reporters, they will be spending a few days at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm before they are released and able to function on their own.

“They will receive counselling from a number of The Park’s refugee and immigrant aid groups and they are welcome to establish a life here, should they so desire,” he said.

The Inspector also confirmed that Park Police have no intention of laying charges against the Human owners of the Sneak-a-Snuggle.

“It does not lie within our jurisdiction to prosecute Humans who reside outside The Park,” he said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life Tagged With: animals, petting zoo, sneak-a-snuggle

KwikLiks: The Park’s first “flash groomer” opens its doors

April 21, 2015 By Bergrún Íkorna, TMD Business Reporter

KwikLiks

Park’s first flash groomer: KwikLiks

The Park’s newest grooming house has opened in a flash and that’s not just a metaphor.

As its name suggests, KwikLiks offers quick grooming or, as its proprietress Maitea Behi says, “Flash grooming for the fast set.”

At the grand opening yesterday, Behi beamed as she offered treats to the steady stream of new customers.

“In our business, we like to say, ‘A treat is worth a thousand licks,'” she joked, as she directed Animals of every species toward the house’s bank of groomers.

With five full-time and eight part-time groomers, Behi says she can service over five hundred Animals an hour.

“A few licks should do it for most Animals. Larger Animals, of course, will take a bit more time. And for important occasions, we’re happy to take those extra few seconds to make you look your absolute best.”

While Behi’s establishment is the first of its kind in The Park, she says that flash grooming has taken off elsewhere.

“We scoped out a few venues outside The Park and even considered opening there,” she said. “But my heart belongs here. My loyalty is to The Park.”

KwikLiks’s opening at this time of year is no coincidence, either. While Behi hopes to cash in on The Park’s upcoming social season, she understands that this year the established houses may win out.

“I’m going to need to gain the trust of Animals in a flash,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: flash grooming, grooming houses, social season

Prionailurus Press to promote the literature of the striped and spotted

April 20, 2015 By Aednat Eilifint, TMD Arts and Entertainment Reporter

Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press

Momoko Yamaneko stifled a nervous laugh as she responded to a reporter’s question at a press conference held at her office this morning.[pullquote]The time has come for us to live up to our responsibility.—Momoko Yamaneko, Editor-in-Chief, Prionailurus Press[/pullquote]

The question was a simple one: “Why now?”

“You’d have thought by our name that this would have been our mandate all along…our raison d’être, so to speak,” said the Editor-in-Chief of Prionailurus Press, which today became the first publishing house in The Park to respond to the plight of striped and spotted Animals.

But Yamaneko stopped short of apologizing for the company’s seeming neglect of its own community.

“A constellation of factors influence publishing decisions,” she explained, “and often we are forced, by the markets and by our readers, to put our survival ahead of even our most heartfelt desires. But we called you here today to announce that the time has come for us to live up to our responsibility in this regard. We will be putting striped and spotted writers at the forefront. That part of our agenda is set for the next three years, at least.”

The  publishing house, she said, has committed a sizeable amount of currency and all its other resources to finding and publishing emerging writers from the striped and spotted community.

“We want to welcome them to the Prionailurus family,” she said. “We want hear and read their stories of the challenges they’ve faced in the past and those they face now. We want to strengthen our own community at the same time as we work to foster understanding among all species.”

The publishing house’s new mandate begins “now,” the Editor-in-Chief said emphatically, as the press conference drew to a close.

“We have a host of new and exciting initiatives in development. You will be hearing from us very soon in this regard,” she said.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Park Life, Politics/Law/Crime, The Arts, Entertainment, and Culture Tagged With: minorities, publishing, striped and spotted Animals

New date announced for Park’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

April 19, 2015 By Fiona Lupu, TMD Events Reporter

May 23

The Anixi Agrarian Jubilee will take place on Saturday May 23

The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has changed the date of this year’s Anixi Agrarian Jubilee.

In a brief statement released this afternoon, Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the department, announced the change from Wednesday, May 20 to Saturday, May 23.

“The official date of the Jubilee has always been May 20, which falls on a Wednesday this year. The Department felt that a weekend celebration would be more fitting for the occasion and as a result, we have changed the date to Saturday, May 23. No other changes are anticipated,” the announcement said.

Last month, the organizers of the Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic changed the day of its annual event, as well. After deciding to hold the Picnic on a Sunday they announced they would make a formal request to designate the third Sunday of March as the Picnic day. The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has not announced any plans to do the same for the Anixi Agrarian Jubilee.

Filed Under: Breaking News, Economy and Business, Park Life Tagged With: agrarian jubilee, Spring

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