The Mammalian Daily

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Despite thirty-plus years of zoocracy, many Park Animals still yearn to be “King of the Jungle,” new study finds

By

Lion


A new study out of the University of West Terrier reveals that some Park Animals still yearn to “lord it over their fellow citizens.”

A new study out of the University of West Terrier reveals that, despite more than thirty years of anticipatory zoocracy, some Park Animals still yearn to lord it over their fellow citizens.

The study, which was conducted jointly by UWT’s Departments of Political Science and Psychology, involved 35,000 Animals resident in The Park. Over a period of four years, researchers investigated the attitudes of different species toward zoocracy and other forms of Animal self-rule, as well as those Animals’ beliefs regarding the intelligence and abilities of other species. Researchers also logged attitudinal changes that took place as both the Animals in the study and The Park’s political system matured.

The findings will no doubt create controversy, say the study’s lead researchers, psychology professor Dr. Luule Aednik and Magnus P. Marmoset, who holds UWT’s Simian Chair in Political Philosophy.

“Co-operation isn’t necessarily inherent or part of the makeup of some classes of Animals or some species,” says Aednik. “Sometimes, it’s a matter of education to get them to that point and sometimes it takes more than just a gentle nudge.”

For his part, Marmoset expressed a degree of dismay at the findings, even though he says he was not entirely surprised.

“As I have said many times, zoocracy is a new phenomenon and a fragile one. There are bound to be those who are still uncomfortable with it. We must work to ensure that it survives and that it, ultimately, thrives,” he said.

The full results of the study will appear in the April issue of the prestigious Journal of Experimental and Reactive Psychology (JERP).

Groundhog Day organizer on shadow lawsuit: “They’ve brought shame on the POPS and on the celebrations.”

By

Prognostication


Mammalian Daily live coverage of The Park’s 2014 Groundhog Day celebrations: the tweets above show how the controversy over the prognostication began

Of all the things the chief organizer of The Park’s Groundhog Day celebrations has had to worry about over his decade-long career, the validity of the official prognostication has never been one of them. Until now.

“I’m in a state of shock,” said Wyatt Whistlepig, Jr. in a telephone interview this morning.

Roused just before dawn to attend the ceremonies, Whistlepig had every intention of returning to his burrow in the afternoon, as he has done every year. Instead, because of the shadow controversy, he has been awake for three days now.

“If this doesn’t constitute premature awakening, I don’t know what does,” he says. But he’s not complaining:

“Dealing with this and anything else that comes up, that’s just part of my job. And it’s a job I love.”

The controversy began just seconds after Solange Marmotte, 2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS), declared that The Park could expect another six weeks of Winter because she had seen her shadow. A group of disgruntled spectators claimed the shadow that Marmotte had seen was not her own, but one that appeared as a result of a fault in the Prognostication Pad.

Immediately, the organizers brought in experts to rule on the matter. Executives from Simply Structures, the firm that designed and built the Prognostication Pad, checked the structure for faults while artists from the Hani Gajah School of Art traced the shadow. Eventually a team of shadow experts ruled that, given the paw and claw that appeared on the artists’ tracings, the shadow must indeed have been Marmotte’s. Shortly thereafter, Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon signed the Official POPS’ Proclamation.

“At that point, I thought it was over,” said Whistlepig this morning. “We moved on to the other events and I didn’t give it another thought.”

Little did he know, though, as attendees listened to the Archons’ Address and partook of the tasty treats at the food stations, that the disgruntled group of spectators were planning to become litigants in a lawsuit that, in Whistlepig’s words, “is bound to tear The Park apart.”

That lawsuit alleges that the POPS did not in fact see her shadow on Groundhog Day and that, consequently, her prediction should be declared null and void. The suit was filed yesterday, February 3, at noon.

For his part, Whistlepig thinks the whole matter is a sad and, ultimately, silly one.

“To me, it’s a moot point. By the time the suit gets through our court system, Spring will have arrived, whether Marmotte saw her own shadow or not. All they’ve done [in launching the suit] is brought shame on the POPS, shame on the celebrations, and shame on the shadow. It’s a rain of shame, and for what?” he said, sighing.

POPS 2014: “Six more weeks of Winter”

By

Solange Marmotte


At 8:07 this morning, Solange Marmotte saw her shadow and declared that The Park would experience six more weeks of Winter

BREAKING NEWS

2014 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) Solange Marmotte has seen her shadow. The Park, therefore, can expect six more weeks of Winter.

The prediction, which was made at precisely 8:07 this morning, was not certified until 8:51. The delay in certification was caused by a disagreement over the validity of the shadow, but experts who attended at the scene have verified that the shadow was indeed Marmotte’s.

The 2014 POPS is expected to return to her burrow later this afternoon.

UWT defends new course in Human studies

By

UWT Coat of ArmsMembers of the Department of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier are scrambling to defend a new course offering that has garnered a lot of social media attention in the past few days.

The course, “Living in the Human World,” was developed by Mammalian Daily advice columnist Noreen, who is also an adjunct professor in the department. The course was intended, she says, to enlighten Park Animals on the day-to-day aspects of life in the Human world.

But many believe the object of the course is to teach Animals how to live with Humans.

“What they’re doing, in a covert way, is trying to groom us for lives as pets outside The Park,” said one popular post on GooseBook.

The University strongly denies that.

“We were honoured to have Noreen join our faculty and we wanted to make use of her expertise. After all these years of observing the Human world, it would be a waste of her talents not to allow her to share her knowledge,” said Bibiano Montanaro, spokesAnimal for the UWT president.

Many on The Park’s social media sites, however, are suspicious of that explanation.

“Maybe if paired with a history course or something like that, then maybe,” said one post. Yet another summed up the feelings of many Park Animals: “If it offers a critical view of Human society, then okay. Otherwise, it’s hard to see it as anything but recruitment of us as pets.”

Millicent Hayberry in conversation: My Groundhog Day

By

MillicentHayberry YOUTUBE sizeGroundhog Day has its roots deep in the Animal tradition of weather prognostication. The Park’s celebration of the prediction of the Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) attracts tens of thousands of Animals annually, making it one of our most important occasions.

Today, The Mammalian Daily speaks to actress Millicent Hayberry about her recollections of Groundhog Days past and her feelings about future celebrations. This interview was conducted at the end of November 2013,  just before Millicent Hayberry went into hibernation.

***************************************

TMD: Millicent, how important was, or is, Groundhog Day to you and your family?

MH:  Groundhog Day has always been a special event in my family. It’s always had a special meaning to us.

We’re hibernators, of course, but we’ve always made a point of getting up and out on the second day of February to greet the celebrants and to hear the Groundhog’s prediction. I can’t recall a year that we didn’t do so and I can’t imagine a year that I wouldn’t do so.

TMD: How is Groundhog Day different now? Or, is it?

MH: In some ways, it’s tremendously different, in the way that we celebrate it, although it still keeps to its basic function and idea, which is to predict the future and to celebrate our survival.

In the old days, there wasn’t nearly as much fuss about the day as there is, today. Now, almost all of us hibernators decorate our burrows before we settle in. My next-door neighbour hangs ribbons and flags outside his burrow. Every year, I choose a different colour to decorate with and then I add splashes of that colour on my door, on the floor of my burrow, even on my bedding. When I finally settle down for a good Winter’s sleep, I drift off while thinking about all the delectable food that they’ll have ready for us on Groundhog Day. And that is one of the differences.

TMD: How so?

MH: When I first started attending the celebrations, there was no fancy food and there were no food tables. We had what they called a “food exchange.” Everybody brought something they’d made and they shared it with the others. It was wonderful. And enlightening. And it was a way of getting to know about your neighbours and about other species. There’s nothing like food to bring Animals together. Or to rip them apart, of course. But the wonderful thing, in those first years of zoocracy, was that we were really trying to get to know each other and to make zoocracy work. We had a lot invested in it.

TMD: Do you miss the celebrations of those bygone days?

MH: Do I miss them? Sometimes, I must say, I miss the simplicity of them. Groundhog Day was a small celebration, then. There weren’t such large numbers of Animals attending in those days. You can’t have that kind of simplicity with so many Animals in attendance. But, these days, members of all species attend the celebration and I think that’s a wonderful thing. And, so, Groundhog Day has become one of the high points in The Park’s social calendar and I wouldn’t trade that for all the simplicity in the world.

TMD: Getting back to food for a minute, do you feel we’ve lost something by having the event catered and not providing the food ourselves?

I do not. We are so fortunate in The Park to have such an abundance of comestibles, even with a relatively short growing season. And this fantastically large celebration gives our many great chefs the chance to showcase their skills. It’s a wonderful opportunity for everybody! And, I have to say, that nutritious and innovative cuisine they serve fuels my dreams throughout hibernation.

TMD: When you were young, how did you prepare for hibernation?

MH: When I was a young Chipmunk, hibernation preparation was the most exciting time of the year. Now, it’s Groundhog Day that’s become the focus, but preparing for hibernation is still exciting and I still think about those early years with great joy.

Around the middle of October, my littermates and I would begin our daily food-gathering excursions with Mother. We’d hunt for acorns and nuts and seeds and any other delicious food we could find that would fit in the food storage chambers of our burrows. We’d gather everything up in a big basket, which Mom would carry for us. Every night, when we got home, Mom would divvy up the supplies and we’d scurry off to our own burrows to fill the storage chambers. What fun it was! There were five of us and we were very competitive with each other. Each one of us wanted to have the fullest chamber. Mom knew that desire would motivate us, so she never discouraged it. But, after the food gathering was over, she made sure we all had the same amount of food in our burrows.

TMD: Do your litter mates still live in The Park? Will they be attending the festivities this year?

MH: Three of my litter mates live in The Park. One moved east, but she visits regularly. The four of us here will, indeed, be attending as a group this year. And I look forward to seeing Mammalian Daily reporters there, too.

TMD: And we look forward to celebrating with you and your family, Millicent. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with us. 

MH: It was my pleasure.

2014 Groundhog Day Celebrations spark controversy

By

Screen Shot 2014-01-23 at 9.43.47 AMWe may be ten days away from the POPS prediction and related celebrations, but this year’s Groundhog Day program is already proving to be controversial.

The decision made by the 2013 Archons to substitute a “musical interlude” for the Park Historical Society’s Tribute to Zoocracy has sparked some heated discussion, particularly on talk radio stations.

Yesterday morning, Park Historical Society President Clark Cascanueces admitted he was “blindsided” by the exclusion of his organization’s short film on zoocracy. He and University of West Terrier history professor Beatrice Zilonis were guests of talk show host Yannis Tavros on Toro Talk Radio.

“I was gobsmacked, truly,” Zilonis said. They went on to characterize the 2013 Archons as “the most ignorant, anti-education group of Animals” they had ever seen.

While Cascanueces and Zilonis are not alone in their opinions, many in The Park support the Archons’ decision. Citing Hieronymous Hedgehog’s criticism of the film last year as “a touch Human,” Mammalian Daily advice columnist and UWT adjunct professor of Human Studies reiterated her opinion of the tribute on a Canine Communications Radio (CCR) call-in show.

“There is something almost Human about our celebrating ourselves,” she said.

“It’s not the Animal way. I think we’ve imbibed this sort of ‘Rah Rah’ attitude from the Humans around us and I’m not sure it’s such a good idea. In any case, I don’t think it’s quite appropriate for Groundhog Day and I’m behind the Archons on this. I think their decision to remove it from the program was a sound one,” she said.

Schedule of events for Groundhog Day celebrations released

By

Groundhog Day Schedule 2014The Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations has released the Official Schedule of the 2014 Groundhog Day Celebrations.

At a press conference held this morning, Aintza Kanariar, Director of Public Relations for the department, announced plans for what some commentators have dubbed the “most musical” Groundhog Day celebrations ever.

“Those who attend the celebrations annually will note one particular change in this year’s festival. We are very proud to announce the addition of a musical interlude between the Archons’ address and the Groundhog Day Parade,” she said.

Kanariar also hinted that this year’s parade would be noticeably different, but refused to elaborate any further.

As well, the public relations director confirmed that for the first time, the events would be covered live on Twitter by Mammalian Daily reporters.

To follow The Mammalian Daily’s live coverage of the 2014 Groundhog Day celebrations, click here.

Names of 2014 Archons announced this morning

By

Blue dice


The list of the 2014 Archons, who were chosen through sortition, has been released.

The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2014 government have been released.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons was posted at the Law Courts early this morning, an hour after the selection was certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The list will remain posted at the Law Courts until the end of the week so that Park citizens and residents may review the names, Archon Transition Team spokesAnimal N.V. Hoatzin told The Mammalian Daily.

Readers of this newspaper need look no further than the bottom of this article, however. The Mammalian Daily is the only Park newspaper given permission to publish the list of names.

The 35 Animals, who were selected to be Archons through the process of sortition, will be sworn in at a ceremony that will take place tomorrow morning at 10:00. Tens of thousands of Park citizens are expected to attend the swearing-in ceremony, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre. As well, many thousands more will be able to watch the event on television. The Park Broadcasting Corporation (PBC), which holds exclusive rights to the swearing-in ceremony, will once again dedicate its entire morning programming schedule to the event.

 ______________________________

ARCHONS – 2014
Moose, Buckminster Addison Carlisle Harris  (Chief Archon)
Angelshark, Horst; Anchovy, Leopold Anton; Black Toad, Duncan; Bluegill, Morley Hammond; Caecilian Ethan William; Chickadee, Norma Dakota; Colugo, Channary Am; Crapaud, Jean François; Dab, Halldora; Elephant, Anastasia Ludmila Margarita; Gavial, Ophelia; Gombessa, Sanjay; Groda, Edvin Theodor; Hornet, Xenophon; Hydra, Zephron; Isopod, Agamemnon; Junco; Elpidio Domingo; Kangaroo, Donald Liam; Locust, Abigail Chantal; Lory, Alfred Tobago; Matamata, Evelyn Isabel; Newfoundlander, Xanthippe; Nursehound, Amalfried; Panda, Astra Liliana; Pig Frog, Nelson; Rana de Cuernos, Arturo; Salamander, Leonidas; Shrew, Socrates Yorgos; Squid, Enzo Louis Raphaël; Sterlet, Florian; Swan, Ingrid Mathilde; Tuatara, Atarata; Weta, Rhinehart; Wren, Lucas Brayden

Countdown to a new government: 2014 Archons to be announced tomorrow

By

Jan 15The names of the 35 Animals who will form The Park’s 2014 government will be released tomorrow.

In accordance with Section 127, subsection XII, of The Park’s Constitution, the list of new Archons will be posted at the Law Courts early tomorrow morning, an hour after the selection is certified by Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court.

The Mammalian Daily will publish the list on its web site as soon as it is made public.

Majority of citizens believe 2013 Archons ineffective: survey

By

Park citizens not impressed by 2013 Archons


Park citizens have not been impressed by the effectiveness of the 2013 Archons

If  Park Animals’ farewell message to their outgoing government could be summed up in two words, those words might well be, “Good riddance.”

So say the results of a survey conducted last month by the Livingstone School of Economics and Social Science at the University of West Terrier.

The survey, which asked Park Animals thirty questions regarding the effectiveness of this year’s Archons, netted some surprising results, says Dr. Anneliese Cissa, the Livingstone School’s head.

“We asked a representative sample of Park citizens questions about the 2013 Archons’ policies and visions, and about their success in following through on the promises they made on Groundhog Day. Few of the respondents could name one policy the Archons had even enunciated, let alone brought to fruition,” she said.

The overwhelming feeling of the respondents was one of acute disappointment.

“Our respondents were quick to characterize the 2013 government as not only lacking in action, but in vision. And vision is the very thing we look to the Archons for,” she said.

The survey respondents were also forthright in their criticism of Chief Archon Dewi Merpatee Rhinoceros.

“It appears that Park Animals had higher expectations of her because she is a Rhinoceros. Unfortunately, her performance did not meet those expectations,” said Cissa.

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