The Mammalian Daily

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Archives for May 2015

Park Finance Office head Valentina Abeja to present 2016 budget in August

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Budget

“There will be no budget before its time.”—PFO head Valentina Abeja

Citing, among other things, the need for more time to consider the input of citizens, the head of the Park Finance Office (PFO) confirmed that she will not be able to present a 2016 budget before mid-August.

At a press conference this afternoon, Abeja attempted to reassure citizens that her first budget would be a well-considered document, responsive to both the present and future needs of The Park.

“There will be no budget before its time,” she told reporters.

“There is much to deliberate upon, especially since there was effectively no budget this year,” said Abeja, who has held the position since mid-February.

Last month, in an interview with Toro Talk Radio host Yannis Tavros, Abeja said it was important for the PFO head to be mindful of the needs and aspirations of all Park citizens, while acknowledging the immense diversity of The Park’s population.

“A budget speaks to every Animal’s priorities and hopes for the future, every Animal’s identification with its own species and our collective desires for all Park citizens,” she said.

The last Park budget was presented on August 30, 2014 by former PFO head Milton Struts. That budget proved so controversial that it was scuttled almost immediately and Struts was relieved of his position shortly thereafter.

Anselm Alpaca, former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist, dies at 19

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Anselm Alpaca

Anselm Alpaca: 1996-2015

BREAKING NEWS

Former Mammalian Daily reporter and columnist Anselm Alpaca has died.

In a statement released this morning, Alpaca’s family confirmed that he died “of natural causes” last night at the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. Alpaca was nineteen years old.

At the time of his death, Alpaca was working for The Equine Echo, but he spent the better part of his career as a reporter and columnist for The Mammalian Daily, where he was known as a “star.”

“He was the gold standard,” said Mammalian Daily managing editor Orphea Haas in a statement this afternoon. “He was extremely thorough, he refused to print anything for which he had fewer than four sources, and he gave everyone a fair hearing. There was no journalist like him at any paper in The Park. We were lucky to have him for so long.”

Even after his departure, Alpaca retained his friendships with journalists and support staff at The Mammalian Daily, many of whom describe him as “a great champion of Animals.”

Hamilton Snowcock of The Canary Courier agrees.

“He was on our side, no matter what species you were from,” he said. “He was just a great Animal who believed, above all, in fairness.”

Alpaca also taught part-time at the University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism, where his students say he was always available for them and happy to give students as much time as they needed.

Alpaca leaves his mate Gillian and two sons, Ronald and Stanley.

Funeral arrangements are pending.

Two rival Park chefs engage in war of words over award-winning artist’s work

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Two fuming chefs

Tribute gone wrong: “A Change of Hugh” by award-winning artist Hugh Biri has sparked a war of words between rival Park chefs

It was meant to be a tribute, but something went terribly wrong.

When award-winning artist Hugh Danlami Biri decided he wanted to add his voice to the cause of equality for striped and spotted Park Animals, he thought it best to use his considerable artistic talents to do so.

Enter his latest masterpiece, or as some are calling it, his “miss-terpiece” entitled, “A Change of Hugh.”

Biri’s tribute—a 76 cm x 51 cm painting in custom watercolours—was meant to highlight the professional similarities of two great (and striped) Park chefs, Tab Tricolore and Mikko Tiikeri, by differentiating them by coat colour.

“They have hair of similar colour and I was trying to pose the question, ‘What if we changed their colour? Would they be any less great in their kitchens? Would their restaurants be any less spectacular?’ Obviously, not,” Biri said in an interview on TMDTV.

“I thought we could then apply that logic to stripes and spots. Would they cook any better if their coats were of a solid colour? You see, when you say it out loud, it’s ridiculous,” he said.

Unfortunately, Biri’s logic was lost on the subjects of the painting, both of whom were quite disturbed by the change of hue.

“I wish they’d come to me right away and said, ‘We don’t like it.’ But they didn’t. They went after each other and, for that, I am very sorry,” said Biri.

Indeed, each chef blamed the other for what both agreed was a travesty.

First, Tab Tricolore accused Mikko Tiikeri of tinkering with the painting and darkening Tricolore’s hair, making him look ridiculous and effectively blackening his reputation. In response, Tiikeri claimed he had video evidence that Tricolore had removed the original painting from the Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA), where it is currently hanging, and replaced it with the darker one.

Biri says that would be next to impossible.

“It was difficult enough for me to do and, with all due respect, Tab Tricolore does not have the training to do that kind of work. I spent two months developing the colours and it took even longer to apply them,” he said.

Biri, who won the first Maple Tree Television (MTTV) Merging Artist Award* in 2012, has worked for years with a number of well-known Park artists developing watercolours. He says that success in the field takes time, patience, know-how, “and a little bit of luck.”

In the meantime, the two chefs, who had previously been on good terms, are not speaking to each other, nor to Biri.

“It’s a sad, sad situation and I don’t know what to do about it,” Biri says.

*Merging artists are artists who work in only one field of the arts and who collaborate with one or more other artists who work in another, distinct field.

Alvin Tinamou to offer Month Without Metaphor advice daily on radio show

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MonthWMAttention all participants in May’s Month Without Metaphor (and all those interested in the practice of journalism): Set your dial to AVN Radio (Radio 286.7) at 4:00 every day from now until June 1.

Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger and one of the organizers of May’s annual Month Without Metaphor (MWM) will be offering free advice on how to tell news stories without embellishing them with “unnecessary metaphors.”

Tinamou’s newspaper made the announcement this morning in this short press release:

“Following yesterday’s successful trial run, we are pleased to announce that Alvin Tinamou, publisher of The Avian Messenger, will be hosting a daily radio show at 4:00 p.m. on AVN Radio (Radio 286.7).

The subject of the show will be ‘Journalism: Telling It Like It Is.’ Tinamou will discuss the various methods of reporting news and will offer tips on how to engage readers without using metaphors and other types of embellishments.”

AVN Radio is a wholly-owned subsidiary of AVN Media, a Park-based media corporation whose holdings also include CLucK Radio, AVN Television, and The Avian Messenger.

As this year’s MWM approaches its midway point, members of The Park’s media establishments as well as those engaged in teaching journalism have spoken out in favour of the event.

“I believe this is the single most important event in The Park media’s year,” said Gertrude C. Owl, Mammalian Daily senior political correspondent and Dean of University of West Terrier’s Cuthbert School of Journalism in a recent interview.

“We stand to gain more insight into ourselves and the reading public in this one month than in the other eleven months combined,” she said.

Barkettes’ set list disappears from theatre moments after concert ends

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Set List

Facsimile of set list for May 8, 2015

BREAKING NEWS

The set list for the May 8 concert of Thisbe and the Barkettes, held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, has gone missing.

According to theatre security, the list was affixed to the stage throughout the concert and it was security’s job to remove it after the band packed up.

“We were given specific instructions about its removal,” said a spokesAnimal for the theatre.

“We were told to keep it safe and secure, because Thisbe wanted to donate it to The Park Museum.”

Hilde Blaft, the group’s manager, told TMD Radio she is “incensed” by the occurrence.

“It must have been ripped from the stage moments after the concert ended,” she said in a brief radio interview this morning.

She said she had no idea who would do such a thing, and she made an emotional appeal to have the set list returned.

“Please, if you are the one who took it, please, please return it to the theatre. We will ask no questions and press no charges. It is of emotional value to all of us involved with Thisbe and the Barkettes and we only want to see it safely returned so that we can have it preserved at The Park Museum,” she said.

Barkettes triumph at sold-out concert

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Dancing in the aisles

Dancing in the aisles: Thisbe and the Barkettes triumphed at Friday’s concert, reviewer says

REVIEW
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Thisbe and the Barkettes
Bring Your Own Bone Tour
At the Ancient Open-Air Theatre
Friday, May 8

They were dancing in the aisles. And that is no metaphor.

By the time Friday’s concert by Thisbe and the Barkettes wrapped up—two hours later than scheduled—there was no Animal left who was lying, sitting, or standing still.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. Not even at the Beasts of Burden concert ten years ago,” said music aficionada and longtime Barkettes fan Miriam Wapiti. “It was overwhelming.”

That feeling was unanimous. And mutual, as well.

The first Park concert of the group’s Bring Your Own Bone tour delivered on its promise both musically and emotionally and as Thisbe said just before the encores began, “We will never forget this feeling. You don’t know what you’ve given us.”

The evening opened with a very short video of highlights of the group’s career, including a few snippets from I Love a Man in a Collar, Rauf Wiedersehen Shepherd’s documentary about the group that opened the 2012 Park Interspecial Film Festival (PIFF).

Then, The Barkettes ascended the stage, not together as expected, but one by one: first, Estelle, then, Lorraine, Carmen and, finally, Mercedes. By this time, the crowd was clamouring for Thisbe. Screaming, howling and banging their own home-made instruments, they kept up a steady call for the singer until suddenly all fell silent. From stage left, they could see just the tip of Thisbe’s nose. Then, after a quick shake, she bounded onto the stage to join her Barkettes.

Wearing a bespoke collar in raspberry, she acknowledged the crowd with a quick shake of the paw before launching into a solo version of Goin’ to the Groomer. Then, the Barkettes joined her for Four Strong Paws, Halcyon Days, Puppy Love, I Will Follow Her, Perrito, Perrito, Sto Spiti Mou/At My House, It’s My Bone and I’ll Chew It If I Want To, and a jazzed-up version of Papa’s Got a Brand New Ball.

But the evening wasn’t just a nostalgic trip through the group’s greatest hits. Rumours that their recent studio work has included new music were confirmed in the second half of the show when they introduced three new songs: You Should Know By Now, Working Dog/Sporting Life, and Again.

Of course, one of the great highlights of the night occurred just before the concert’s end when Noreen joined the group onstage for a rousing rendition of Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed. Though she’d planned to sing only one song with her idols, the crowd called for encores and Noreen ended up singing her heart out all the way through Mud Season and Paws Across The Water.

One last surprise awaited the audience at the end of the night: after the group’s bows and thanks and encores and final exit, Thisbe returned for one last solo and sang I’ll Never Walk Alone to her adoring fans. When she was done, she had only two words left for the screaming crowd: “With gratitude,” she said.

Ditto.

Thisbe and the Barkettes return tonight to sing at The Wishing Well at 8:00 p.m.

Noreen to be Barkettes’ special guest at opening concert in The Park on May 8

By

Noreen

Noreen

BREAKING NEWS

Noreen will be the special guest of The Barkettes tonight at their opening concert in The Park, it was announced this morning.

The longtime fan and supporter of the singers will appear onstage in the second half of the performance, according to a press release issued this morning by the group’s manager Hilde Blaft. The release did not say whether or not Noreen will join in the singing.

The Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier was the first journalist to land a sit-down interview with the group more than ten years ago. Since then, Noreen has given up her own dreams of becoming a Barkette in favour of her journalistic and academic career.

Last year, Noreen published her first book, Lovely To Look At: What Animals Should Know About Humans. She dedicated the book “To Thisbe and the Barkettes. For everything.”

Tonight’s concert begins at 8:00 p.m. at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

Click on the image to buy Noreen’s book.

 

Gecko credits “stick–to–itiveness” for victory in 2015 Toe-Hair Contest

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TH contest winner

S. Irving Gecko stands with prize from Friday’s Toe-Hair Contest

Not all of us have what it takes to win first prize in the annual Toe-Hair Contest.

But according to this year’s winner, it takes more than just long toe hairs.

S. Irving Gecko, who took first prize in The Park’s 20th annual Toe-Hair Contest on Friday shared his “winning formula” with a radio audience the night after his victory.

“Winning the prize is 90% stick-to-itiveness and 10% toe hairs,” Gecko said in an interview on Reptile Radio.

Gecko confessed this was not his first attempt to win the contest.

“It’s not easy,” he said. “I can scale a vertical wall and even hang upside down, but to get to the top of the toe hair pile, it takes what I call stick-to-itiveness,” he said.

Seymour K. Worthington Polar Bear would agree. The first prize winner in 2012, the Bear had lost five times before the prize was his. “But it was all worth it in the end,” he said later.

Past judges of the annual event confirm that it’s not unusual for a winner to have entered many times before.

“It happens more than you think,” says Oskar Sloth, who was one of the judges of the 2012 contest.

Gecko thinks that may not be such a bad thing.

“I don’t know how other winners feel, but I think maybe it’s a bit sweeter for me because I had to try that much harder,” he said.

The second and third prize winners in Friday’s contest were Bruno T. Orso and Francesca Leone.

Cynics to open Anixi Agrarian Jubilee

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eatyourfoodBREAKING NEWS

It’s official: The Cynics (Philosopher Dogs) will open The Park’s annual Anixi Agrarian Jubilee on Saturday, May 23.

In a brief announcement this morning, the band’s manager, Damien Skyle, confirmed what some have called an open secret: that the band plans to reignite its career, starting with the Jubilee.

The reignition plan that has been revealed so far includes the release this month of a new version of their wildly successful collection Take the A Frame, followed closely by the opening of one of The Park’s largest and most popular festivals.

“We thought it was an appropriate opportunity to mark our new beginning,” Skyle wrote in the announcement.

“As the Agrarian Jubilee signals the beginning of The Park’s growing season, so it is fitting that it should mark a new beginning for the band.”

The Cynics have performed very little over the past few years, save for a few concerts at The Pound, the gastropub of which they are part-owners. They have also been actively involved in Enforced Domestication Awareness and last year they donated the proceeds of their song Diamond in the Ruff to that cause.

The Barkettes at the Wishing Well: tickets go on sale today!

By

Barkettes at The Wishing Well

NEWS FLASH!
Tickets for the second concert in Thisbe and the Barkettes’ ” Bring Your Own Bone,” tour go on sale this morning at both the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre and the Wishing Well.

In a text sent early this morning, the band’s manager Hilde Blaft confirmed that tickets will be available for purchase at two locations as of this morning.

“Happy to announce tix for 2nd concert on May12@WishingWell. Tix on sale@AOAT+WW@10:00,” the text read.

Tickets for the first concert, which will be held at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre on May 8, sold out within two days, according to the event’s promoter, Iglu Entertainment.

The tour includes four concerts in The Park: two at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre, one at the Wishing Well and one at the Tartan Crab Memorial Pond. The Tartan Crab Memorial Pond concert will be free of charge.

Dates for the remaining two concerts have not yet been announced.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

New eBook edition cover

Margaret Atwood tweets Noreen

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